Renfield:
My Under-Appreciated Lackey
I call this car Renfield (used to call it Moaneek, but it just didn't fit) because it is my daily driver, and frankly, it has taken a whole bunch of abuse with little appreciation from me. I want to change that.
Make: Cadillac Commercial Chassis (production numbers unknown at this time)
Model: Landau End loading HEARSE (not Hurst, herse, herst, hearst) (MSRP unknown)
Coachbuilder: Hess & Eisenhart (S&S)
This is probably one of the most common hearses of it's day, and right now the most available in the secondary market. So why would I want it? Well, simply, I found it on the side of the road. It was on the side of a major highway just outside of Dallas, and was spotted by several people who know the Dallas Trocars exist. Word was passed along that there was a hearse sitting out and many people asked whether it belonged to one of us. I decided to investigate. After getting out to the car, I wrote down the VIN, tags, inspection certificate number and the ID number of the station that did it. It took a day or two to track down the owner, a local funeral home. Once I called them, the story got interesting (like finding an abandoned hearse wasn't interesting enough). It turned out that the hearse had been STOLEN from them about 10 days earlier. After letting them know I was not in posession, but rather I was interested in buying it, they were much more friendly. After two months of not hearing anything back, I decided to call them, and it turned out that they would rather sell it to me instead of dealing with it getting stolen again. So after laying down the cash (less than market value) Alex and I put gas in it (which is why the car was abandoned in the first place) and jumping the battery, it drove back to my house without a problem! Here ends the tale of the aquisition.
After getting it home, I decided that being a single father warranted having a car that was safe for my kids to ride in. My 1961 did not come with seatbelts, nor is it air conditioned. The 1981 has both. I put some thought into it and decided that this would also be my travel car for going out of town and to renniassance faires. I needed more seating. With all of that room in the back, it was perfect for a limo-style setup. I just needed to remove the casket table floor. Out came the sawzall, rip saw, hammer, hatchet and whatever else was handy to remove the formica top, plywood table and steel angle-iron frame. I'll try to find my pics of that process sometime soon. So, what to do for seating? Turns out, the rear seat in conversion vans is the perfect length to go accross the back, AND converted into a bed for overnight excursions. Lara and I went to the wrecking yard and perused the vans, looking for seats that did just that. We found more than we needed, and ended up getting one just a bit too long. After cutting it down to size and placing it in the car, I have decided that the seat sits up too high on the driver's side, but removing the bottom of the frame will make the bed feature useless. Since I am not an engineer, looks like I will need to give up on that little luxury. The pics on the lower half of the thumbnails reflect where the project has stalled. Once I get inspired again, and rich, I will finish it off. Look below for details on the ideal results.
So, what do I want to do with him? Normally I wouldn't get into it, but you asked!
Re-chrome everything that had it in the first place. I'm not really a fan of chrome, but this car would not be what it is without it.
Strip the lower body to the metal, fix every bit of rust, ding, driver's rear quarter that was parked (for more than an hour) in the path of an S-10 pickup (earlier quoted at $800) and the right rear corner that UPS tried to remove for me while it sat in front of my house. Seal the body in 2 coats of primer, wet sand, another coat of primer and a guide coat, wet sand again, another guide coat, wet sand yet again, basecoat in basic, boring, simple BLACK! Then, one more coat of basecoat, clear the hood 2 coats, lay in a flaming skull or flaming jack-o'lantern with flames running off the fenders and down the sides (colors to be determined) (I'll post the design later later) painted in a blue, purple, green or orange pearl, clear the entire car twice more (that's 4 coats on the hood), color sand to glass-smooth finish. That's a friggin' mouthful.... but wait.... there's more. The top is trashed underneath the vinyl, so I am going to strip it, salvage the steel as best I can and coat it extra thick with rhinoliner. Generally I see this as a cop-out, but just about any alternative to the cancer-causing vinyl tops is better, especially with a roof that will be a little too hard to fix with bondo alone. I don't own a welder to practice with. Besides, having it apart to that extent might give me a chance to replace the windshield and fix the leak at the top...
In the front, I want to get the seat re-upholstered in BLACK or dark grey cloth with no pattern. The carpet could use a redo in black (doesn't stain visibly). The headliner and sun visors are in good shape, just need a good cleaning. As for the tunes, I'm looking to install a single CD/MP3/AM/FM player head, and maybe a changer too.... The speakers need to be replaced all the way around, and maybe something in the way of a subwoofer... While I'm dreaming, maybe a frige and TV/VCP/DVD for the rear. I'd love to light it from the inside and out with LED tubes in the back and undercarriage, to match the paintjob of course, but all of this would require a second alternator, and I have not got the know-how for this... I will want to put some A/C in the back too.... Texas is not nice to people in black cars, especially when the back windows don't roll down (or open from the inside for that matter... gotta do that too).
The rear interior is going to get: Re-upholstered to match the front, as well as carpet to match. Fiberboard or thin plywood (upholstered) to cover the cavities where the bolsters used to be and the rear wheel tubs. Seats cut down to fit for better ride and legroom (the long seat sits too far into the middle). Might check into using bedliner on the floorpans first to cut down on road noise, as well as putting it on the undercarriage IF I ever take it that far apart.
As for the running gear and suspension, well, other than some larger brakes (maybe some bigger discs in front) and wide-whites (or some really killer 18"-20" wheels & tires, but who has the money?), I would do a direct replacement of everything. It's a 23-year old procar that has had some things replaced on it, but this car used to be part of a rental fleet so things are pretty well worn out. Since I may have up to 6 adults in the back at some point, I may also look into an airbag assist for the suspension to take the 1600lb passenger load. If I can find the kits, I want to change the headlights to HID bulbs with the plastic lenses... Driving at night requires good lighting, especially when you have to have a longer stopping distance. While I am at it, I will probably replace all of the other bulbs with the LED equivalent to increase my visibility to others.
Lastly, if I can afford it, I'll rebuild the engine with a full Balance and Blueprint, replace the running accessories (ps pump is going out as we speak), clean up the wire harness with corregated wraping tube, boost the cooling capacity, lube coolers and a 700r4 transmission (overdrive and durability being REALLY important.)
JUST found this one, and I think the concept of closing off the back window works great, so long as you have a camera and video screen to back up. It would be a better place for the graphics I had in mind too....The back door could use a new skin anyway....
Okay, I don't think I have ever said these words out loud, but this gargoyle paintjob is HELLA COOL! I don't think I would want to copy it, but something like this incorporating a full skeleton or a wicked jack'olantern-headed creature would be excellent... Maybe a winged skeleton??? Opinions welcome...
So what do you think of my plan? Email me and let me know! [email protected]
