Disclaimer – I don’t own Buffy, Angel, Willow, or any of the other characters, “although I wish I did” but I don’t, they all belong to Joss Weldon.

Authors Note – Angel did not go to hell but rather, he was killed by Spike and Drusilla. He did not that’s DID NOT loss his soul because that’s just crap, in my universe he’s aloud to have sex. This really doesn’t have a season time frame. It’s about a year after the Wish. Fourth story in my ‘Puppy Love’ series.

Special Thanx – Special thanks to my “Anime girl” she’s the one that got me started on fanfic and Anime, so I basically owe all my pieces of fanfic “Especially the smut ones” to her. And I know she’ll one day own the biggest and most famous Anime studio in the world, and make about 50 grand a week, so never to early to start sucken up.

Personal Pain

By; Fire_Star6 and Demon Cat3

It hurt. There was no other way to describe it, it just bloody hurt. He tried so hard not to cry or scream out, he knew that that would only make it worse, but each time the whip struck his body he just couldn’t help it. *Oh Gods make it stop! Please make it stop!* He screamed in agony on the outside while mentally pleading for help, for someone to relieve him of the horrid tortures he was being put through. For the pain to stop, even if for just a moment. For his slayer, his savior, his Buffy to come and save him. But it never happened, and she never came. His tormentors smiled at him reviling in their victims suffering. *Buffy.. Gods please Buffy…… save me….*

The sheets had become a tangled mess as a result of his constant struggling, and he now whimpered painfully as he sub-concisely continued to try to remove himself from the entrapment. *Poor thing.* The vampires protector watched sadly as Puppy once again howled in distress. *It’s better to just let him sleep for now…… Once he wakes up I can help him……. Yeah just keep tellen yourself that.* Deeply upset, Puppy’s savior went into the living room to watch TV and wait. It had been one month since she had saved him and brought him back to her world. One month since he had moved in to the house with Buffy and Willow. One month of trying to help him adjust. One month of trying to help him through his nightmares and memories of everything that had happened to him. One, very, long, month. Settling on the couch she impatiently flipped through the channels and waited.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*No! Please no more.* “No!” The vampire was jerked painfully back into conciseness as the images of his nightmare still hung vividly in his mind… Hurt and frightened he as quickly as possible pulled himself out of bed and went to find his protector. Cautiously entering the living room of the spacious house he found whom he needed. His companion perhaps sensing him quickly rose from the recliner and turned to face him. “Puppy, you shouldn’t be out of bed. Not after the way you fainted on me yesterday.” Puppy looked at her clearly upset by the hard tone in her voice. “I’m sorry Buffy.” Not being able to stay mad at the half-starved, hurt looking vampire in front of her the Slayer immediately softened her tone. “It’s okay, let’s just get you back to bed.” Taking his hand she started to lead him out of the room but was immediately stopped when Puppy gave her a pleading look and began to whimper. ”What? What’s wrong?” But even as she said it she already knew the answer. *He’s afraid to go back to sleep, the nightmares are just to much for him.* Not wanting to further upset him Buffy gave in, and with a sigh of defeat gently lead her guest to the oversized couch in front of the TV. Sitting Puppy down she suddenly noticed how badly he was trembling, then realizing that he was only clad in a pair of boxers, got why. “Sigh, okay, just stay put while I go get something to cover you up with.” The frightened vampire nodded in response. A minute later she returned with a warm blanket only to find that Puppy had curled up and fallen back asleep at the end of the couch. “Hhhh. Demons.” She gently wrapped the exhausted vampire in the quilt and went back to her movie.

Willow slammed him down, face first onto the icy concrete floor, her laughing overriding his groans of pain. *Gods no, please no. Not again.* The dark haired vampire watched intently as his mate had her fun with their pet. Flipping Puppy over she ravenously plunged her tongue in to his sore mouth, biting and scouring his already bleeding lips and tongue with her fangs. He tried desperately to push her off him, as she promptly dug her claws into his hips and thighs ripping and tearing him to pieces. Suddenly Willow released him, gasping with horror, Puppy soon realized what had happened. Xander had grown tiered of watching his lover play, now it was his turn. Delighting in Puppys fear and pain, he slowly straddled him, loving his growing terror. He struggled desperately to escape, but Xander had already started to play and was not about to stop. Puppys fruitless struggling was rapidly replaced by loud pained cries and whimpers, while his master did as he wished.

Buffy quickly ran back to her friend as he let out another scream. *How much longer are these nightmares going to last. Well I’m not going to listen to the poor thing whimper and scream for another hour.* Making up her mind, Buffy gently started to shack Puppy awake. Not quit reaching full conciseness he howled in distress and shied away from the concerned slayer. “Puppy. Puppy, it’s me. Look at me baby.” Cautiously he opened his eyes and tried to push the last bit of his nightmare away. Unable to do so though he trembled slightly and closed his eyes again. “ You okay?" Taking a deep breath Puppy slowly reopened his eyes. "I'm never going to be okay," He whispered, trying to shake away the horrid memories of his reality. She took his hand, trying to offer some kind of support and comfort. “Sure you are. You just need a little more time.” “No. It’s never going to stop.” She could see by the look in his eyes that he was serious. He truly believed that he was never going to be better after what had happened. “Let me help. We all care about you. Why won’t you let any of us help you? Why won’t you let me help you?” “Because…… I’m afraid.” “Of me?” He shook his head no. “Of being hurt again?” Again no “Of eternal damnation?” Another no “Of the Teletubies getting their own movie deal?!” That got at least a small smile out of him. “I think everyone with any sanity is afraid of that.” “Then what Beloved? Tell me so I can help.” She saw the tears start to sparkle in his eyes. “I can’t.” He threw himself into her arms and cried desperately, she held and lovingly stoked his back as he shivered and sobbed. "Puppy, it's okay. Everything will be all right. I promise. Nothing is going to hurt you.” He was so scared and pathetic, just like he had been the night she had saved him. "You’re safe Puppy, every things okay. Let me help you please, beloved.” He whimpered and clutched on to her tighter in response. “It’s gonna be all right honey. Please tell me what’s wrong.” “I… can’t.” He gasped out between sobs.

After he had calmed down somewhat Buffy gently wiped the tears from his face as he stared up at her, a confused and frightened look in his eyes. “I don’t know what to do Buffy.” He had stopped crying now, but still whimpered softly “Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong, what happened to you?” “Because….. Ilvyo..” Buffy was sure she had miss heard him. “What?” He looked at her longingly. “I love you…. I.. I just…” She gently lifted his head so that their eyes meet. “Puppy…if you love me tell me what’s wrong.” “I can’t.” “Why?’ “Because.. you’ll send me back.” “Baby I’ll never send you back.” She gave him that Buffy smile that always made his heart melt. “Kiss me.” “I … I want to.. kiss you... but I.” But she didn’t let him finish, deciding it was past time to take control of the situation she softly kissed him on the mouth. Having never been kissed so gently before he slowly gave in, closing his eyes and opening his mouth he allowed himself to relax and Buffys tongue to enter. *This is so good, Gods, don’t ever let me go. Oh Buffy, Buffy, love me, please Buffy I need you. This is so right, this is right……… no. This isn’t right this isn’t fair to her… no I can’t let her do this.* She felt him tense as she ran her hand down his thigh. * Relax Puppy. Relax and let me love you.* Deciding he had to stop now before things went any further he quickly ended the kiss and pushed him self to the other side of the couch, tears slowly streaming down his face. “What? What is?!” “You shouldn’t touch me.” He said it so quietly she barley heard him “Why?” “Because… I’m disgusting I.. you shouldn’t have to touch me” Buffy instantly felt her heart ripe in half. “Puppy I know that you’re a vampire. I don’t care, I know that aside from the fangs and dietary habits you’re a good person.” “No… that’s not why…” Again Buffy was taken aback, she recalled how that had always been what worried her Angel. And figured that that was what was wrong with him. “If that’s not it then what?” He hung his head in pure shame. “They.. I tried to stop them… But they, raped me.” It hit her like a sharp smack in the face. “What?.. Who?” Even though she had a repulsive feeling she already knew. “Willow and her mate…. Some times the master…” *Oh gods I never even considered that they had done anything besides beat and torture him. Idiot! Why didn’t I think of that. Oh Puppy, I’m so sorry!?* “Oh, Puppy.” Once again he threw himself into her arms, and sobbed and once again, she held him in her arms and comforted him till he calmed. “Tell me. Tell me what happened baby.” He considered it for a minute, then decided he had nothing left to loss, he curled up against her and began in a trembling voice. “It was so cold. I was in my cell…… they held me to the ground and ripped my clothes off. I tried to get away… but they were to strong…” He choked back a sob. “They beat and clawed at me for hours at a time, some times my bones broke or they’d lick the blood off me with their slimy tongues.” He stopped for a minute trying to keep from bursting into tears again “But then they got bored so they ‘played’ with me. Willow would hold me down and touch or lick me while her ma… Xander had his why with me. It hurt so much, and I couldn’t do any thing but scream and cry.”

Puppy rested his head on her shoulder and allowed the tears to come. “Puppy, I’m not them. I’m not going to hurt you. And neither are Will or Xander.” “I’m not afraid of you hurting me, that’s not why…… How can you possibly want to touch me after finding that out?” She gently pulled him away from her so she could look him in the eyes. “Is that what this is about? Is that why you think I don’t want to touch you?” He looked away with shame filled eyes and her heart again nearly broke in half. “Look at me. I love you.” He saw the sincerity in her face as she said this. *Gods, she really means it.* “I love you, Buffy.” “I love you Puppy.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~

Every muscle every instinct screamed at her to take him, that this is what he needs, to help him she needed to love him. Putting her warm hands to his tear streaked face, she slowly kissed him again. Thankfully he didn’t struggle or pull away this time, but let out a quiet moan and allowed Buffy to lye him back onto the soft couch. Taking a moment away she quickly pulled off her tank top, tossing it on the ground, followed by her skirt, as Puppy watched intently. He took a moment to simply admire his saviors beauty before pulling her long blonde hair back from her shoulders. Careful as not to hurt him she lovingly put soft kisses on each of the scars that still remained on his body. “Mhmmm, Buffy.”

“Shhhh. I love you.” Deciding that now was the time to prove it. She let him come. “I love you, Puppy.”

Climax finally came and they both went over, clinging to one another. Happier then he had been in what seemed like an eternity, Buffy heard Puppy start to growl, *no not growl, but almost…… purr, that’s what it was, it was a mix between a soft growl and a low purr.* She couldn’t help but smile at that while she gently stroked the vampires silky black hair as he shifted slightly to lay his head on her stomach. Left with not much else to do she decided to sing him to sleep, going with the song from B*Witched he liked so much.

Eight o’clock on the morning that you left

The day was dark, I sat in my room

They walked in and told me that you’d gone

That moment on I knew you’d be our angel

Knew you’d be our angel

That day I spent

Was the hardest day ever

Trying to paint a picture for you

Before my eyes

There’s so many colors

Just for today they all seem blue

Heaven, heaven was calling you

Heaven, heaven needed you

We’ll join our hands again some day

And trade kisses before night

And talk of times we had

We’ll be together oh someday

And watch over the stars at night

And laugh at fun we had

It was our day

I’ll lay a rose

Beside you forever

And light a candle to remind me of you

Here in my heart

You’ll be on my journey

Where ever I go, what ever I do