My puppy is sick, very sick. I hate that she doesn't know what is going on. You see, Molly, my German Shepherd, my very very very best friend, has epilepsy. Normally her medication helps to control her seizures, but for the past week, it hasn't been doing its job. Its the most horrific thing to watch. *sighs* Am I being cruel by keeping her alive? I don't know. She is my baby!!! Maybe I am wrong...maybe I am completely wrong. *sighs* Why aren't things simple??? I would just like things to...well to be simple, steady and straightforward.
Do you miss being a child? I know that I do. I think things were a lot simpler then. Then again, I think I was a lot more mature when I was a child. I'm the girl who at 4 sent HER OWN BABYSITTER home because it was past the babysitter's bedtime...this wouldn't be too odd, excpet the babysitter LISTENED!!! *smiles softly* That babysitter is now in her 30's and my long time friend living in Australia...no kids of her own yet, but maybe that is a good thing! *grins* Sorry, I got sidetracked. Yes, to be a child again. The littlest things were the biggest things back then...going to the park...taking an afternoon drive...getting excited over a new year at school. Now the park means I have lawn to mow and flowers to weed...the afternoon drive is too expensive and usually only happens because there is an errand to run for someone else...and school is a big heartbreak because it costs you more than you know and leaves you wondering what am I doing with my life?! Okay, okay, maybe I am a pessimist. *sighs* I don't know. Perhaps I would be filled more with...well...my name!...HOPE...if things would start to be more hopeful!
I know, I have many thing to be happy about, that I have been blessed with. My health, the love I have experienced and is deep within me, my friends and family...somedays though, I wonder if that is enough. What am I doing here?? I've been on this planet for 20 years, two decades...and what do I have to show for it? Not a thing. Did I fail?? What was there for me to succeed at? Have I even tried? God, there are so many things I would go back and change...so many moments to re-live again. But unfortunately, we can't...we can't go back and fix our mistakes...say the things we wish we had...change the things we did or do the things we didn't. So this is what growing up is, eh? Why does it have to hurt so?
Alright, I'm going to shush again, take my measley self out of this page and back into the day. Take care everyone...*glances at the heavens*...everyone...
As Always,
Rora
