DID U KNOW WHO IS SANTA AND BANTA IF NOT THEN READ IT AND THEN KNOW ABOUT THEM
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*********************** Santa Banta find a bomb *********************** Santa and Banta find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the police station. "What if one of them explodes before we get there?" asks Banta. "Don't worry about it," says Santa. "We'll just lie and tell them we only found two." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ***************** FIGHTING WITH USA ***************** Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *************** Gadha aur gadha *************** Santa Singh ji the english lecturer Sardar Santa Singh ji is the english teacher in a school. He is very well renowned for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the inspector decided to visit the english class. This is what transpires : Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA " Students (in chorous) : "GADHA " Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA " Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA " Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN" Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MEIN" Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN, MERE PECHE SAARA DESH " Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH" By this time the inspector is furious . He confronts the principal and shouts at him "What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an english class and what he is saying is GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH . The principle too is shocked , Santa Singh the famous english teacher doing this. He immediately sends for for Santa Singh. Principal : " Santa singh ji what nonsense are you telling these students " GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH ". Santa Singh : " Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students the spellings of ASSASSINATION . " ASS - ASS - I - NATION (GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ******** Obituary ******** Santa and Banta were very good friends. Unfortunately Banta dies and Santa in extreme grief goes to a newspaper office to release a obituary in his name. Santa ends up writing almost a biography of his friend. The clerk at the counter informs him that it would cost him a lot of dollars and therefore he should make it short. Santa edits the content and reduces the size to only twenty words. This, again, is turned down by the clerk. Santa in extreme confusion reduces it to just two words--"BANTA DEAD". This was too precise and short for the clerk to accept. In rage, Santa adds another three-- "BANTA DEAD. MARUTI FOR SALE". And the obituary is accepted this time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ********** PHONE CALL ********** Banta Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone. I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ************************** Santa Singh knows everyone.... ************************** Santa was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone,anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called him bluff, "OK, Santa how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old frienock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Santa! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Santa's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Santa that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no,just name anyone else," Santa says. "President Bush,"his bossquickly retorts. "Yes, I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, George W. spots Santa on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Santa, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Santa, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Santa. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Santa and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Santa says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And Santa disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Santa emerges with the Pope on the balcony. By the time Santa returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Santa asks, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Santa Singh?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ****************** Santa's photograph ****************** Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket. When Santa tried to pick it up the photograph slipped under a woman's saree. He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph" The rest is history................ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ************************ Of TV and Hidden Cameras ************************ Jasmeet Kaur watched her husband Santa Singh searching high and low, all over the living room. She asked him: "What are you so frantically searching?" Santa: "Hidden cameras!" Jasmeet: "And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?" Santa: "Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on television saying ...'You are watching the Star World channel'? "How can he know what I am watching?" ************ Stupid wives ************ Santa Singh says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought Rs.5,000 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in." Banta Singh says, "That's nothing! My wife just spent Rs.20,000 on ski equipment, and she can't even ski!" Ghanta Singh nods and agrees that these two women sound like they are pretty stupid but he thinks his wife is dumber. The others ask him why. "Ah, you wouldn't believe how stupid my wife is!" chuckles Ghanta Singh. "She left to go on a trip to Goa. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there, and she doesn't even have a penis!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
