<<<Merrick and Rosso Challenges>>>

A country song, man child, frog jelly and Dabros

Martin the man-child was a simple man.

A very very very very very simple man.

He was a man in the body of a child in the body of a man.

In the body of a child.

And he was in love, with a woman…child.

Which worked out quite well.

Martin and his woman child bride

Whose name we have not yet specified

They had a simple life without modern things like telly

On a farm whose principal produce was milk from cows who were fed on grass which needed to be harvested using special machines that were lubricated by a particular kind of oil that was the derivative of pond scum which generated by a particular species of frog jelly.

 He was in love with a woman, and a particular species of frog jelly.

One sunny afternoon, he was wading through the dam.

Collecting pond scum in his special pond scum can

And from beneath the murky waters he heard "EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE"

And as it cleared the surafe of the water he then heard

"exterminate exterminate"

which wasn’t as threatening as it first had been

but to a simple man it was still sufficiently threatening.

He was in love with a woman

But right now that was the furthest thing from his mind.

Darlinks were never noted for their brains

And if you know your Sci fi you'll know they get around on wheels.

(Right Rosso? Yes mate)

They sank into the mud and rusted, broke apart and died.

And the frog jelly feasted on their polysterene insides

Cause they were in love with Dabros

When you think about it, Dabros sounds suspiciously like Tim Ross

And the

Fact that you never see the two of them in the same room together

Suggests to me that they are either the same person, or hate each others guts.

Jamie Oliver/Sultanas/Posted Sandwich song.

My girlfriend don't love me no more

I'm trying my best but she wants more

She says 'Why cant you be like that guy on TV?

He calls himself naked but wears a skivvy'

I decided to make her some food.

I shot up the stove in the nude

But then I find out, why he's not tackle out

Why his not in the buff when his cooking his stuff.

I discover a whole new meaning to fat fire

I'm trying so hard to impress her

But in the kitchen I'm making a mess-a

My pasta's a huge disaster

She's not in a hurry to eat my curry

And my soup spelt backward is puos

I've got a new recipe

Maybe if she uses it, she'll love me

Oh postie please deliver

My sandwich to Jamie Oliver

That would be the best gift I could give her

If my sultana sandwich made it on the Naked Chef

I can just see it now on his show

In between washing his car and riding his mote

In his beautiful flat, and his trendy speech impediment

Does he ever have time to cook?

"Yes, we've a got a new recipe posted in from Merrick, yeah Merrick. It's a sultana sandwich, bit weird. Bit like me, cause I'm a bit weird, bit on the edge, I'm a bit cool you know? I'm young- old people just don't get me cause I'm a bit weird. I'm fantastic, I'm just bloody great"

Oh postie please deliver

My sandwich to Jamie Oliver

That would be the best gift I could give her

If my sultana sandwich made it on the Naked Chef

What a jip

Girls get Jamie Oliver

We get Two Fat Ladies

Anna Kornakova/Tightarse Tuesday/Mandigan song

Life’s a balancing act when you’re a man. On the one hand you’ve gotta make your way in the world, and in the other hand you’ve got one of those coloured umbrellas.

(Yon…)

Is that too literal?

(yeah)

Oh ok. Well there’s no safety net in life either, especially if youre an actual, well except if you’re an actual tightrope walker, or trapese artist.

We’ve all got dreams. For some it’s Anna Kornakova, for others it might be Anna Kornakova, and for me? Yeah…its Anna Kornakova.

Every now and again you get an opportunity to help out your fellow man. Well I think I know a few things about tennis players and how they think. My first girlfriend was vice captain for the Under 16’s V2’s at Sacred Heart. Let me tell you, it was love all. But it didn’t come easy, cause you know what boys?

Tightarse Tuesday aint the way to impress a tennis star

She only likes first class.

And if you take her to that souvlaki place on Brunswick Street

Boy, your love will never last.

There’s something about hitting a ball

That makes you expect it all.

People that jump over a net

Are the hardest kind of people to get

If you don’t splash out for Kornakova

She wont get bowled over

Tightarse Tuesday aint the way to impress a tennis star

She only likes first class.

And if you make her catch the train to see a footy game

Boy, your love will never last.

Things are changing now there’s no iron curtain

Those Russian tennis stars just don’t go flirting

With any badly dressed bogan

With a haircut like ___ Hogan

And why do they keep their tennis balls in their undies? Why don’t they have pockets?

Cause it ruins the line of the garment!

You know what guys? Ive got a bit of a story to tell. I once did actually go on a date with Anna Kornakova. I tried everything to impress her. First I thoughti’d try to impress her by wearing one of her sports bras. You know, cause I wanted to show I was interested in what she does. Thing is, all of my skivvies covered it up, I couldn’t find anything to wear. So I went, Yes! A mandigan. I wore a mandigan. I wore it all the way unbuttoned, all the way down. I even waxed my snail trail too.

Scod: Oh! Did it work?

Yon: Well actually..

Wearing a mandigan aint the way to impress a tennis star

You’d think it is….but it isnt.

Meg Ryan/Russell Crowe/ride on lawnmower

The first time I was your face I was set off into space

Thought it would always be like this

Just like Kurt and Goldie, or Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker

A feature of Hollywood wedded bliss

But it was not to be, you left me for a dirty stinking Aussie

That skinheaded Gladiator fool

10000 odd foot of tool

Now I’m mowing lawns on a ride on lawnmower

While you ride on Russell Crowe

Meg Ryan, I’m crying over you

You built your empire out of romantic comedies

Sleepless in Seattle, Courage under fire, and When Harry met Sally

You got famous in thatrestaurant scene, buti didn’t see you come in

But tell me baby, why you faking it with me?

Now I’m mowing lawns on a ride on lawnmower

While you ride on Russell Crowe

Meg Ryan, I’m crying over you

What was it baby?

Was it because he was in Virtuosity?

That shouldn’t be a selling point, you can take it from me, take it from me, yeah

How is he baby, when he gets on in the bed?

Oh, reports are, that he’s quick and the dead

Now I’m mowing lawns on a ride on lawnmower

While you ride on Russell Crowe

Meg Ryan, I’m crying over you

(I’d like to bury him up to his head

In the grass and make him dead

Teach him a lesson that he’ll never forget

I’m gonna get him with a triton and a net)

Woewodin

Woewodin , Woewodin

I got my neck shaved, especially for today

And Coodefedi will be defeated (Woewodin)

I got the Brownlow medal (Woewodin)

And if I don’t take my girlfriend (Woewodin)

I’ll be sleeping alone

At least I didn’t hire her from an agency, like the others

Scod: Congratulations Shane, well done

Yon: Thanks Bruce, thanks a lot

Scod: No worries. Now I actually heard a rumour that you model all your football techniques on Patrick Swayze from DirtyDancing- is that true?

Yon: That is actually true- can I just explain that in song?

He likes to win, in all his movies

And he never has surgery on his knees

If I imagine the ball, as Jennifer Grey

And I’m taking the mark, the mark of the day

And Demi Moore is the goal, the ball’s the pottery

If Patrick Swayze played footy, he’d be out of my league

Just a fool to believe I have anything he needs

Scod: He’s a bit over cme with emotion- it’s a rags to riches story, rags to rihes story. Fans=tastic story for young Shane- rags to riches in fact

Gatesy: Bruce, can you stop saying rags to riches?

Scod: Can I just say it one more time?

Gatesy: Yeah sure

Scod: Rags to riches

I want to party, but I drink café latte

You see the game"s this Saturday and I can’t play crappy

Yon: I’ve actually got a few more people to thank

I’ve had the night of my life, I’ve never played this way before

But I swear, it’s the truth

Fourteen years I was ignored

It’s the passion and the glory, it’s a rags to riches story

Shut up Bruce

I’ve had the night of my life

it came down to me and Scotty West

But I won, it’s the truth

I’m the fairest and the best

I’ve had the night of my life

it came down to me and Scotty West

But I won, it’s the truth

I’m the fairest and the best

Woewodin! Woewodin!