...DOES IT EVEN MATTER?

Part One

Day is gray and Peter next to me curses.
-We're never gonna get any decent shots, he says glancing from the window as car keeps getting closer to the hotel.
-Don't be so sure, I comfort him. -I think weather goes pretty well with his current mood.
-Still.
Peter has his artistic ego he has to look after. But I'm sure he does excellent job and I get pictures that I want. If I'd get an interview I'm looking for.

Car stops in front of the hotel.
-How long should I wait, sir? driver asks me and I feel bad not remembering his name.
-You don't have to wait for me. I'll take cab.
Peter punches me.
-But my photographer here, Peter, I continue. -It should take only half an hour with him. So if you could wait 'til that?
-As you wish, sir.
I slam the door and mention that Peter still crumbles his face even if he just received free ride back home, which normally isn't his privilege.

We walk to the lobby and I go to the reception.
-Hi, I say to girl who looks only 16 years old and I wonder how she's got a place like that to work for. -I'm Jack Valletta.
-Yes?
Girl seems really questioning and I have to give her a little, descending smile.
-I have an appointment. That man over there�
I turn and point out to Peter.
-He is Peter Greenleaf, my photographer.
-Yes?
Girl is still smiling like an idiot and I just wait when she's going to get it. I hate situations like these. I don't want to pop out the name that I came to interview. Sure it makes me feel important when they get hints with a little effort but this is just too much. So I keep leaning on the desk and waiting.
-Oh, she finally says. -Oh yeah, Mr. Valletta, you're waited on 16th floor. Just take an elevator up. Here's your pass. Have a nice visit in here.
Now her smile reaches her both ears and I grin back at her. Older woman comes to desk and lift my eyebrow to her as I take pass handed to me. When I turn around I'm sure that girl will be given a speech just because she didn't know how to act in a situation no one told her how to handle. But it's not my problem.
I call for Peter and we go to the elevator. Busboy pushes the buttons for us and I remind Peter to keep his mouth shut. This target is something I don't want to freak out.

But as we get upstairs, it's obvious we'd have to wait.
-You should have chosen another day, Peter murmurs. -When he gets out of there, he's going to be tired and pissed off. He's not gonna do any co-operation with us.
I don't want to tell Peter that I took that time with purpose. Sure, he'd be tired after every one all day asking stupid questions, but we wouldn't have any time limit. After few pictures I'd take him out to dinner, which he would accept with gratitude since food in hotel sucks, they always do when delivered up and you try to eat while keeping your mind clear so that you don't drop your shield at any time.

We sit down and accept titbits brought to us. Peter wants to take a drink but I deny him. He's starting to get way too cranky and is only reason why I want waiting to be over soon. Seeing every colleague coming out of the room with a slight of disappointment on their face caresses my self-esteem. They all smile when they see me and greet with gladness, but I can see trough them. I would be in wrong business if I wouldn't know things like that. I know it, they know it and yet we keep pretending.

Finally, when Peter has almost streamed to the floor, we are invited in. He's already getting his jacket on, he's anxious to get out of that room. It's always a good sign. He turns to me.
-Hey Jack. Hell of a day, he sighs and flashes a smile that looks more than learned.
-Hey. Meet Peter Greenleaf. I don't think you've worked together?
-No, we haven't, he says and reaches out to Peter's hand. They shake and seem satisfied with each other.
-Peter Greenleaf, Nick Carter and other way around. You're ready to go? I ask.
Nick nods. -Let's just get the hell out of here.

It takes me ten minutes to get used to the presence of a bodyguard, so the elevator up is little uncomfortable. Nick doesn't do anything to ease the mood, rather talks with "Buddy" about the day and stupid questions he's been asked. He gives me valuable information though and I know that he wouldn't open up until it's just two of us. Or Buddy's at least two feet away and pretends that he can't hear every word we say.

We get up to the roof and wind instantly starts to wrench his jacket. He's wearing all black and even if there's almost rain in the air, he's wearing sunglasses.
-Don't make him to take those off, I whisper Peter who gives me a questioning look but is professional enough not to argue with me in presence of a client.
-So Nick, would you just go stand over there, Peter says and starts to unpack his bag. He quickly takes everything he needs, adds some lights but not too much.
-These are gonna be pretty dark shots, Peter swishes to me but I don't comment. For me it's looking good. Buddy stands next to the door although I doubt that anyone would want to come up to the roof on a day like this. Nick leans to the railing and seems a bit uncomfortable.
-So Nick, how have you been?
-You just saw me down there, he says with a grin. -Busy, being sooo famous.
That's an attitude I want to get rid of but it isn't time for that yet, so I play along.
-Had a pretty hot concert last night, ha?
-Sure. Never seen anyone throwing that much underwear to the stage.
-You mean when you toured as a group?
Annoyance runs over his face but he nods.
-You're becoming new Tom Jones, I say quickly to repair the damage. He smiles and shrugs.
-So it feels good to be on stage?
-It's amazing, he says and stretches out. -Nothing compares to that.
-Not even sex?
He grins again and lowers his glasses. I see his eyes just for a second and curse the darkness. I can't tell anything by that. He pushes glasses back with his finger, looks at the camera, tilts his head and asks:
-Could we start already? I'm starving.
Peter starts to give orders to him, some he obeys, some he doesn't, but I let them work together. I need some time to go over my strategy.

Later we are sitting in the restaurant. I had to pull every possible string to get us table from it, because it wasn't only Nick's favorite place and interview had been confirmed later than usual. We didn't take a cab, Buddy drove us but for my amazement stayed in the car and told Nick to call whenever he was ready to leave. That kid is starting to trust me. Nice. Makes my work so much easier.
I'm not mean. I'm not vicious. It's just my work. And I want to do it the best way. I've never published anything I haven't heard from person itself. They could have denied it later, but somewhere there has been a moment when those words have been said. I despise paparazzi and always respect my target and his private life. Others questioned my ways to work but they couldn't face the fact that I was just too good. Of course I had to be careful all the time, one wrong movement could have thrown me to perdition. My career was based on trust. And I have to honor it.

Nick orders a steak and I take the same even if I'd rather be eating something lighter. My stomach is still upside down because of the flight previous day. Mr. Carter is one of those stars that think that you respect their taste best when choosing the same as they do. And it wasn't that much. I could take some medicine for the heartburn later. Much later.

I wait until our food is brought to the table until I start to break the ice. Nick has taken his glasses away few minutes earlier and I have to catch my breath not to show my shock. His eyes are very light blue, pupils are small and edges are red.
-We partied last night quite hard, he explains and I nod.
-So Nick. How are you?
-I'm fine.
-No, I mean really. How are you?
He carefully chews his steak and takes a sip of wine before answering.
-Why do you ask that?
-You know why I wanted to do this interview. I don't ask same questions they did and I expect different answers.
I'm sure he knew that but I have to set the basic rules. He can't think he'd get away from this easily.
-Jack, my man, I've always been able to talk to you. You've been so good to us.
-To you, I correct. -There's no more group, it's just you.
-Right.
He concentrates on eating again. I give him some time.
-Nick?
-Yeah.
He doesn't look at me and I know we're at the point where I have to convince him that I'm his friend.
-If you don't want to talk, it's OK. But then I can go home right now. So what will it be?
He lifts his head and I shiver inside when I see look in his eyes.
-Please, stay. I've heard they have great desert menu in here.
I smile at him, trying not to seem too contempt. I'll get what I came for. Now I'm sure of it.

He's very sincere when he thanks waiter for our food. He refused my offer to pay. I've let him eat in peace, just asking some common questions, those stupid ones. He's now aware that we will get to other matters sooner or later. Actually just now.
-Have you been sleeping well?
-No, he answers straight up. -I have nightmares.
-About that night?
-Yes. Every time I close my eyes I have to go over it again. Every time. If I get trough that, then I sleep. But most of the times I just� I just can't.
-Do you miss other Boys?
-Not all the time. But then there are moments when you want to share something and they're not here. I can call to AJ and try to explain but it's not the same. They're all doing different things, being busy and everything.
-Have you been in touch with Leighanne?
He shakes his head. -How could I?
I can't answer to that.
-If we're done here, I'd like to take you somewhere, I say. -Ready to go?
-Sure. Just let me call Buddy�
-I thought we'd go without him, I speak calmly.
Nick is confused.
-You can trust me, can't you? I ask. -Besides you want to break free.
-I do.
-So?
I leave issue hanging in the air though I know he'll agree with me.


Part Two

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