new york, new york

chapter 67

I just wanted to march into the store and buy the magazine but that would have felt stupid. I looked around if people would already recognize me. Of course they didn�t. If they read the headlines, they�d probably think: �Well, good for her. Now all we have to know is who is Anna�. So instead of taking tram I walked to the dance studio to the classes. It was windy winter day. It made me walk fast. On my way I called to friend of mine and told her to get the paper for me.

She did as told and when I got to the studio, there was hubbub. All my so-called friends (can you really know someone after having few classes with them?) wanted to know if it was true. Because I hadn�t read the article, I couldn�t say anything. I just grabbed the magazine and got out again.

In the elevator I stuck the paper to my bag. I decided not to read it until I was home. How strange it would look if you�d be sitting in a train reading a piece of yourself? No thank you, not for me.

It took half an hour until I was home. I didn�t even take my clothes off. I just went to the kitchen, took some coffee my sister had made and sat down. Luckily my sister or her boyfriend weren�t home because while sitting there I remembered that they ordered the very same magazine.

I took a sip of my coffee, it was half cold and I didn�t have any milk on it, but it didn�t really matter. With shivering hands I opened the magazine and started to read.

Text itself was short, like in that kind of stories usually:
�Anna Green, who just published well sold book �Singlity� has been in States for over an year. During her time there she has made acquaintance with some very famous people. It has been reported that she has been spending time with Backstreet Boys themselves! Last spring Anna was seen going into Tabu escorted by Howie Dorough. But soon Anna left the place. After that she has been seen with them regularly, for example in New York. Gossips about Boys not being single are strong, only one who clearly tells that he�s single is Nick. So is he the one who made Anna come back to Finland? Or is one of them waiting her there?�

It was just hearsay. But pictures were pretty bad. There was one I had already seen in the net. But then there were pictures from Nick�s boat (though the caption said that it wasn�t sure if the lady was me), few from the club we went to and even one of Oliver and me in the streets of NYC. From all the pictures that one really stopped me. I caressed us with fingers. It must have been one of our long walks in the Central Park, because I was looking awful in (actually AJ�s) oversized pants. I was explaining something, according to my hands, which were painting big images to the air. Oliver was just about to burst into laugh. I missed him. I lived and loved with him six months. Why couldn�t I just be happy with him?

But that was my sign to go. I took my phone (9 new calls, didn�t return any) and called Jacob.
-I�m sorry I did that, I said. -It�s just that someone has made enquiring journalism. They have a story about boys and me. Some pictures too.
-But nothing sure?
-No, just gossips. Few pictures I haven�t seen.
-I have. But in here they don�t care about you.
-So you mean these have been published in US too?
-Sure. But you�re not the important part of that world. That�s why they�ve left you in peace. At least for now.
-Oh. Wonder why no one told me?
-Who counts every picture there is about boys?
-You seem to.
-No, I have a friend who does. I can show you all pictures when you get here. So when are you coming?
-As soon as possible.
-When does the next flight leave?
-Haha, I laughed. -I�m not in that hurry. Give me two days. So will that woman... What was her name?
-Tina.
-Yeah, will Tina take me there earlier?
-Sure, no problem. I�ll e-mail you her number and address, you can contact straight to her.
-Good. So I�ll see you in couple of days.
-That�s true. And don�t take any panic because of those pictures. There will be new things soon.
-Oh yeah, I forgot to tell, Helen�s pregnant.
I heard Jacob taking deep breath but I wanted to be little mean. So I hang up and didn�t answer when phone started to ring again. Anyway I couldn�t tell him anything more. He would have to confirm it in his own way. And I was sure he�d do that, because it was too good to miss.

My mom was again sad as I left.
-I know, it�s not that hard when you�re away. But you�ve only been here for three weeks.
-Don�t worry mom. I�ll be back in two months. I promise. In the March I�ll get back at the latest and the end of the summer you�ll be sick with me.
-No we won�t, we love you, my dad said.
-I know. And it means a lot to me. But this time I really have to go.
-This time too, mom sighed.
-Yeah, but now it�s about business. I have to finish my job there. You know that. Then I�ll come to write my next book.
That was partly joke. I wished I would have something to publish, but didn�t know what it would be. After finishing the first one I had worked on few ideas but nothing had carried that long. I reminded me to read those trough, maybe now something would work.

When the airplane�s wheels touched ground in Kennedy Airport, I felt too much like home. It frightened me. And as the cab got to the streets of town celebrating New Year I just leaned back and watched the scenes passing by. To the out I was calm but inside of me a little flame of restlessness was getting bigger again.

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