new york, new york

chapter 29

Howie had left an hour earlier. I was sitting on my balcony with one of books I had bought during my day. Leighanne came into my room. It was all tidy now, I had cleaned away all the evidence of my nightly walking.
-What are you reading?
-Moomins.
-Ain�t those Swedish?
-No, actually the writer was Finnish, thou that she wrote her books in Swedish.
-All right.
I put my book down.
-Was there something you wanted to talk about? I asked.
-Umm... We�re going to Nick�s. Care to join us?
Nick�s. Would AJ be there?
-No thanks. I�ll have a nice, quiet evening with this book and your fridge.
-That does sound like a good plan, but we would really love if you�d come.
-Why? What�s going on?
-Nothing�s going on.
Said those words too many times to believe in them.
-Well, I could stop by. When are you leaving?
-Right about now.
-Sure. I can�t go like this!
-Just change your clothes. Or do you want to be pretty for Nick?
-No, I laughed. -OK. I�ll change. I bought a nice shirt today, I�ll put that on.
-Sounds good. Come down when you�re ready.

I didn�t change my jeans. On my feet I put sandals, not the dance ones, I hadn�t had time to clean them. My top was sleeveless white shirt with a generous cleavage. Did I have some kind of obsession of showing myself? I don�t think so, because I put the sweater on it feeling sure that I wouldn�t need to take that off. Nights weren�t that warm. But they have a tend of turning sweaty.

-Surprise!
And for the first time I was really shocked. They were all in the living room shouting for me.
-Look, she doesn�t even believe it, Nick said.
-Anna, Howie peeked a kiss on my cheek. -Party wouldn�t be same without you. We felt so awful when we thought that you we wouldn�t party together. So here we go.
I looked around. Everyone was there. Boys, of course, AJ too, standing in the doorway. Kristin, Leighanne behind me laughing at me and my amazement, Maddy, some people I didn�t recognize. But no 2Mad, or Alicia.
-Let�s take a tour, Nick said. -There�s some people I want you to meet.

In next ten minutes I heard more names I could ever remember. But then came someone special.
-Anna, this is Denise, AJ�s mom. Denise, meet Anna.
-How do you do, Mrs. McLean, I said being as polite as I could.
-Oh please, call me Denise. I�m so happy to finally meet you. AJ has told a lot about you.
-He has? How nice of him.
AJ was standing behind her with a slight grin on his face. So slight that without knowing him you could take it as a smile.
But I was happy talking with Denise. She told me all about her trip she had had.
-I get to be with the boys on the road enough, so I decided I needed some time for myself.
That�s why I hadn�t met her before. Thou I wasn�t sure if AJ would have introduced me to her anyway.
-So you�re staying at Brian�s now? That�s a shame, Alex could use some company. He�s becoming isolated.
-Well, I�m sure he has a life he doesn�t tell you about.
-They always do.
I could sense that AJ was a little annoyed that we got along so well. I knew how much he loved his mother, I had sometimes accidentally walked in when he was on the phone with her.

Night was success. I felt so happy seeing all of them around me at once. Last few weeks they had been so busy that I had seen them just one at the time. And now I could also hear them sing as they gathered together and sang a little serenade for me. How sweet was that!

-Of course we wanted to give you something. But what could you give to girl who travels around with her whole life? But then I remembered the first thing that I saw her carrying with her, Nick smiled, obviously being proud of his clever mind. -They were shoes. But not just any shoes. They were tap shoes.
I was worried about what was coming.
-And very much used tap shoes. So this is what we got for you.
Nick gave me a box and I opened it, already knowing what was in it. And yes, there were brand new tap shoes.
-It took us some private detecting to get a closer look of your shoes but here you go, same label, same size, exactly the same except that these are new.
I got up and hugged Nick.
-Thank you, this is the best gift ever!
Shoes were expensive. I knew that because I had got first ones from the manufacturer with a lot cheaper price. But I couldn�t complain. I saw the joy on their face, turning that down would have been cruel. Well, AJ wasn�t smiling.

-So, dance for us, someone said.
-No. No no no.
-Oh yes! Nick said. -I have never seen you dancing.
-No no. I don�t have any music with me.
Leighanne came to us with a CD.
-What about this?
She gave it to me. It was my training CD. I had to give up.
-OK. But just one piece.
I put the shoes on.
-These feel good. My old ones are better thou, until these ones softens out. So don�t mind if I don�t get it all right. Play number five, I said to Howie who was putting the CD on player.

Shoes were amazing. So light, so mine already. I moved around the room, from one person to another. Frank Sinatra sang New York, New York.

�These vagabond shoes are longing to stray
Right through the very heart of it -- New York, New York!
I want to wake up in a city that doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill top of the heap.
These little town blues are melting away
I'm gonna make a brand new start of it -- in old New York.
If I can make it there I'll make it anywhere --
It's up to you: New York, New York! �

I felt the idea behind the lyrics. I wasn�t going to New York, but soon I would be traveling from town to town and always having a chance to take a brand new start.
And my shirt off, because I was sweating. Applauds were great.

-Group picture! Nick yelled when the midnight was just a sweet memory.
-Oh no! everyone said but Nick was determined.
What else could we have done except take our pose and the picture?

-Little closer! Hey, why is Anna down there, come in the middle.
I didn�t want to steal the show so I had stayed little at the side.
-Girl, come on over here, Howie exclaimed.
So I went there. And ended up beside AJ.
-You�re like two wooden dolls. Put your arm around her, man.
I saw Howie glancing at me, but I guess that AJ didn�t want to make anyone more suspicious so he took me into a half hug.
-OK, here we go, now everyone smile!
Nick put the timer on and ran into the picture. Seconds before the flashlight felt like eternity. AJ was holding me little too close than the situation needed, but I couldn�t resist that, I just smiled like an idiot.

Flash! And the picture was taken.
-Oh no, hold on, I want to see if it became all right.
-Nick! You took 10 pictures. One of them can do, someone yelled. People started to spread all over the house continuing doing whatever they were doing before.
But AJ didn�t let me go. He hugged me a little more, I leaned my forehead to his chest. He gave me a little kiss on my hair, I held his hand and then I let it go. I moved away a little, I couldn�t look into his eyes, because there were tears on mine. I just walked away.

I was breathing a fresh air outside when I heard the door. I quickly wiped one tear off my face and turned to see who came. It was Kevin. I lighted a cigarette.
-You really should quit.
-I know.
-So, are you having fun?
-I guess so.
-You guess? You know that smoking kills but you don�t know if you�re having fun?
I turned to see in.
-I love this. I love you all. You have been so kind to me and I can�t ever figure out a way to thank you all.
I looked at Kevin.
-But I don�t belong here. And that feeling follows me all the time in here. I�m having fun, on your terms.
-That sounds serious.
-Well, maybe it is.
I saw that Kevin was observing me so I turned away.
-You�re already gone.
-What?
-I know that you�re leaving.
-Everyone does.
-But you�re half gone.
I swallowed my tears.
-You could be right.
Kevin came beside me but didn�t touch me. I was happy of that because one more hug would have made me to bawl my eyes out.
-Anna, thank you. I know we haven�t become as close as you and others. But I want you to know that I�m very happy that I had a chance to know you.
-You make it sound like I�m not gonna see you again.
-So are you?
I didn�t say anything.

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