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Day 3 - Part 18

Again her hands play with spoon like it would be a cigarette.
-He told me about Aaron later.
-Who, Nick?
-Who else? she grins. -I think it was too much for him for a long time.
-So something happened between you in Stockholm?
-Not really. If you don�t count that. It was hell of a ride though. Things were pretty hectic already, they were in hurry, Kristin still slept in other room, AJ and Helen had trouble and then reporters came along.
-Cameras and everything?
-Yeah. And it kind of... drove things crazy.

-I don�t want to be on the camera! she cried. He held her close to him.
-It�s just my life, he said, trying to comfort her even if he knew it was worst excuse ever.
-It�s just... You fans don�t know that I�m pregant and now they show these pictures all around. What is that going to do for you?
-It doesn�t matter. It�s my life.
-You can�t deny that it wouldn�t matter! This is crusial time for you. And us getting engaged wasn�t as positive as you thought.
-Look at us, he said softly. -Here we are, sitting in our room. We shouldn�t be talking about my career.
-But it�s such a big part of you. You are and you will be Backstreet Boy.
-Not forever.
-But you are now! And this is just too much. These three days... I can�t have gone anywhere, all I do is sit around here and wait for you to show up. And when you do, you just go to bed. We never talk!
-Now that�s my fault? he asked standing up.
-What? Have I done something?
-You don�t want to sleep with me. And I�m not talking about sex. I�ve been wanting to be around you and you�re shutting me out all the time. It�s my child too!
She stared the floor, they were quiet for a long time. Something had came to the air, it was all electric, full of power. He needed cigarette more than he could admit. In fact, he would have gone to hell for glass of scotch but he was over it. He kneeled in front of her, saw tears on her cheeks but her eyes dry and glassy.
-Helen, what is it? Is there something wrong with the baby?
-Yes. And no.
-What? Tell me what is it? Is he healthy? You know I don�t care if it wasn�t. I want this child more than anything.
-But you�re not gonna have it.
-What are you saying. Helen? Are you going to leave me?
Her eyes met his. Both were full of pain, different kind though. She opened her mouth but couldn�t say the words. AJ started to shake her. But all she could do was to rush to the bathroom and throw up.
-Helen! What is it? You have to tell me! AJ yelled behind her.

Howie turned his computer off and leaned back. He stared black screen and sighed. He had been waiting for it. But he had hoped it wouldn�t happen. When he saw who that e-mail was from, flash of optimism had run trough him.
With drowsy moves he stood up. On his way to the living room he praised the fact they had decided to get their own place in Stockholm. It was actually first home he shared with Alicia. Not that they spent much time there together but at least they had their privacy.
-Guess what? he yelped from the hall. -I just got e-mail from Anna...
He cut his sentence right after opening the door. Alicia was sitting on the sofa as AJ sat next to her.
-You what? he asked.
-Nothing is something wrong? he asked without breathing in the middle.
Alicia stood up. -I think you need your privacy.
She came to Howie, kissed him on her way out. Howie looked at AJ. He was a mess. And it was late. Something was definitely wrong.
-Hey, man, how are you?
He looked up. -Did you say you got e-mail from her?
Howie couldn�t lie.
-So you�ve been in contact with her? AJ asked.
-Not really. Just sending her some messages from time to time. She hasn�t replied until now.
-So what did she say?
-She actually asked me not to write anymore. That she�s finally going back to Finland and she needs to be without us.
-When is she coming?
-I haven�t checked my mail for few days. I guess it was... yesterday.
AJ looked at him. -What�s wrong? Howie asked again.
-I�m not gonna have a baby.
-Oh my god. Did something happen to Helen?
-Yeah, something did. She�s on her way to the airport. Can I use your phone, I left mine to the hotel.
-What�s with her? She didn�t get sick or anything? Howie tried to ask while handing phone over AJ. He didn�t asnwer, just typed a number.
-Yeah, can I get to the airport? Hello, this is Mr. McLean, AJ McLean. I need private plane ready in twenty minutes for me. Destination will be Helsinki. OK? No, I don�t want wait. I have to get there right now. Do what you have to. I�ll be there in twenty minutes. Or lets say fifteen.
-No, AJ, no. Don�t do this. Not now. You can�t do this to her. Or to yourself. Or to your child.
-Didn�t you hear me? AJ asked with angry voice. He looked like a maniac. -There is no baby. I�ve gotta go.
Before Howie could realize he had left the room. Howie heard voice behind him. He turned and saw Alicia.
-She was never pregnant.

He heard how key turned in a lock. But he didn't react. He was still in shock. Howie had called him and explained the situation.
-Don't make too much out of this now, he had said. -It's going to be hard for him. I just want you to know.
Woman came to the room.
-Hey, she said. -Did you hear?
-He called you too?
Kevin turned to see Kristin.
-No. Leighanne came over and told.
It was early morning, half past seven. Sun was slowly rising, there was no other light in a room.
-Why does he have to suffer so much? Kevin asked. -Why do we have to suffer so much?
Kristin didn't answer but came sit next to him.
-I've been thinking. AJ's over there somewhere trying to find her. And we thought he's fine. That he's finally found what he has been looking for so long. And how wrong were we.
-I should have said no. I knew how much he loved Anna. And Helen obviously wasn't worth his love.
-You don't know her reasons.
-What kind of woman would lie about pregnancy?
-She wanted to be with him.
-It's no excuse.
-It is. A bad one, but it's still an excuse. Better than you ever gave me.
-So suddenly this is all about me now? Kevin asked standing up. Kristin sat still, looking to her hands, seeing those shivering a little, trying to hold herself together.
-It's about us, Kevin. Are we still we?
-You tell me. I'm not the one wanting separate rooms.
-No. You have to talk to me. You're not going to the studio. So we have all day. Kevin, you have to tell me. You have to make me understand.
-What if I can't?
-Then I guess we're over.

In car AJ cried like a baby.
-You know you can't act like this, Tom said. AJ shook his head with disbelief. He wanted to see her. He wanted to talk to her. He needed to be with her. But she wasn't there.
-I hope that Anna's parents are wise enough not to turn this into a scandal. But you soon will.
-Then why did you bother to come? AJ asked hostile.
-Because you needed someone to be here. And how could I have ever explained to Samuel that I just let you take off on your own?
-Thank you, Tom. Thank you.
AJ's voice was full of pain but sincere.
-It's OK. It's what I do.
-I know. Still.
Tom smiled slightly, touched his shoulder in order to comfort, but AJ couldn't realize it. He was in the middle of something he never wanted to be. And he was all alone.

She's looking very sad, lost in her memories.
-So much had to happen to get Kristin and Kevin back together.
-So did he find her?
-Who, AJ? No. She wasn't there. No one knew where she was. And he was complete wreck. He could barely sing. Luckily most of his parts were already recorded.
-You had only week left in Stockholm?
-Pretty much. Being under public eye was hard. Of course it made headline news, AJ being single again. He never gave statements about that. It was wise because he held a whole lot of anger in him. Helen called, wrote, even I spoke with her, she wanted to explain but he wouldn't listen. Why he would have?
-You always ask me questions I can't answer, I mark. She slowly yawns.
-It's late, I continue. -Maybe we should continue tomorrow.
-No.
She completely surprises me. -What? You're not gonna tell me more?
-There's nothing more to tell for now. Rest of the Stockholm was just being in studio and trying to avoid uncomfortable questions. Early in May we flew to Portugal.
-So I'm finally going to see videos?
-Bag is under your bed. There's a lot of material so I guess it's gonna take your whole night. Or whole day, depending on when you're going to sleep.
-You're not coming?
She shakes her head, her earrings slightly jingle. -It could be too much.
Veil of sorrow fall into her eyes.
-I'll call you day after tomorrow. We have to go somewhere.
-We do?
-So pack your bags. It's time to leave this dusty little city.

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