Hotaru no Jitsu means "The Art of the Fireflies." This is an ancient form of Ninjitsu, who's skills have long lost been forgotten for centuries...except for a special few who have received these skills written on ancient scrolls from their ancestors. I am forsakening my ancestors by telling you the forbidden secrets of the Hotaru no Jitsu clan, and eliminating our element of surprise.
There are 20 members of this clan, who are are shown in the above picture, but only my face is seen, as I wish to submit proof to you that I am a member of the ancient art of Hotaru no Jitsu. A few others are also willing to be mentioned. The art method is very simple, in which we hide and surround our victims. We hide in the forest, and light up cigarrettes, and move quitely in the shadows, so we are disguised as fireflies. Then, as these harmless fireflies move closer and closer to the targeted village, a huge cloud of smoke fills the village, which we blow out of our own mouths. Thus, we are able to move into the village unseen, and begin the attack. When the smoke clears, all the villagers are dead before they could even sound the alarm.
We also use the smoke for other purposes. We use it as a smog effect in concerts when we wail on our guitars after a victorious ninja ambush. When we wail it is so sweet, because it sounds like 50 billion Eddie Van Halens wailing on their guitars at the same time, and there's only 20 of us.
Now, I will teach you the sacred training of our technique. We use models and mathematic measurements on an intricate scale to measure the distance between a ninja and an opponent. We do the calculations in a split second in our head, because we're so good at math, and calculate the distance and velocity to the point of impact. I have an easy step method of for you to learn our ninja style.
Step 1: Find a camera person. Example
Step 2: Look at the model and calculate the distance between the model opponents. Figure out the distance so you can calculate the perfect combination of speed and balance in order to deliver an effective blow. Don't worry, thinking is hard at first, but soon it will become natural. Then, measure the distance between YOU and your opponent. Do the same calculations as you did on the model, just convert the distance as appropriately scale wise as possible. Example
Step 3 HAIIII YAAAAA!!!!!! Make sure you scream this upon delivery of the ninja attack. It makes you seem so much cooler when you do. Example
So there you have it. These are the ancient skills of Hotaru no Jitsu. Use them wisely and carefully. These fighting arts are most effective on household pets, old people square dancing at country clubs, and the infant in the apartment nextdoor who cries at 3:00 in the damn morning. Remember, with great power comes great responsibilty, so be responsible: Don't drink and drive.