Here is my very first hatemail:

From: http://www.myspace.com/cleverescape

Date: Aug 23, 2004 10:49 AM

Subject: No Subject

Finger, you are the biggest little faggot I have ever met. The reason you like japanese girls is because they can enjoy your small dick. You have beef with me? Come to me, I will kick your skinny, dumbfuck, community college, minimum wage peice of shit ass. Take my picture down or Im gonna come find you. You better stay in japan you little fuck, cause the second you step on American soil, I will push you over, kick your ass and make you eat shit.

But please, enjoy that tight asian pussy while you can.

I'm sorry if this one is long. Do you guys remember Jerry Palooza? Then surely you remember this guitar player who caused quite a fit. This was his message to me, 2 months ago, which I finally read today on My Space, something I signed up for and never went to, but built a profile. So, I will pick this apart sentence by sentence.

#1: I find it quite an accomplishment to be the "biggest little" anything. That's quite a choice of words. I'm flattered.

#2: So, Japanese girls enjoy my small dick. I can't figure out if that was thwarted at me or Japanese girls. Or, it could just be a comment thwarted out of your ass, a less than intelligible and senseless thing to say. I would also appreciate it if you would leave my genitalia out of this. There's nothing that disturbs me more than you picturing me in the nude.

#3: Skinny? yes. Dumbfuck? no (i'm a jackass). Community College? yup (more to come on that note). Minimum Wage? I'm happy to announce that I am 12 cents above minimum wage, but other than that, I also would like to say that I'm looking forward to the $7/hour raise in a nationwide effort to get every employee onto one fair pay plan. Now, back to Community College. I am very happy to be going to Community College, accept for one thing...anime nerds. But, on that note, if I had to choose between anime nerds or frat boys, I would take my chances with the anime nerds. The nice thing about Community College is not having to put up with frat boys, with the exception of the one I'm puting up with by writing this article. And we all know that going to Community College is such a lower level of education than a University, but after reading your letter, I've come to the assertion that I am receiving a better education than you. Remind me never to go to the University of Washington if that's the quality they produce.

#4: Now, as far as tracking me down and kicking my ass the second I've stepped on to U.S. soil, you've kind of missed your mark. (yes, the number is a counter that goes up everyday). So, that seems a little bit empty to me. On the other note though, I did take the picture down from My Space, I just decided to add it here so everyone else can see who didn't see it on My Space. And I do reserve the right to post it here. This is Finger's Domain after all. As for making me eat shit, I can't even describe what that sounds like. In fact, this whole letter seemed somewhat primitive. Someone who writes like that, I can pretty easily picture them masturbating with 2 hands, whether it be necessary or not. There's always asking nicely, but I wouldn't expect that from you. If you were looking for an apology, I sure didn't catch wind of one from you post-Jerry Palooza. And so now you wanna take shots at me for exposing to the world what you were like. Tough. I could sit here and say things like "Come find me" or "bring it on," but I'd much rather you didn't.

And yeah, I will enjoy that tight asian pussy, since her and I will be around for awhile, and not having sex on dirty club floors. Ring a bell?

This is a message from my friend Joe, whom I showed the letter to, and he decided to send a reply to [email protected]

hey you dumb mother fucker~~ i am finger's friend~ i saw your childish e mail for one of the most stupid things i have ever seen in my life!!! you are a disgrace to UW! i can't believe i am goiing to go to the same school you are!! anyway! i am a skinny ass too!! but i bet i can kick your mother fucking ass!!! anyway i want to apologize for my inappropriate language using... but i think that's like te only way you wil understand it consdier what a dumb prick you are! you know what i am going for you my friend? i am going to send your "priceless" picture to ALL my friends!!! so they would know what to expect when they see Mr. Prick!!

P.S i don't know how small finger's dick is~(since i am not gay like you, and no offence to the homesexual people.) but i sure know how small your brain is!!! i am willing to bet you are going to drop out of UW with in 2 years~!!

Joe

Oh yeah, one more thing about my friend Joseph, he is a foreign student from Taiwan, who's been studying English at a Community College for 4 years. I can see quite a similar style of writing, or maybe not so similar, because Joe's made more sense. Joe's parents aren't paying for his schooling in contrary to our friend "Stevvooe," who is probably still breast feeding. I looked into the UW Premed program, which Stevvooe is attending, and only 2 quarters of English are required for the entire program. Could this explain your critical grammatical errors? Or how about a Doctor's incompetence in prescribing medications? You hear about it so often that a Doctor prescribes the wrong medication to a patient because it started with the same letter. Just to let you know, I signed the petition to expose Doctor's malpractice records, which will appear on the ballot, and likely be enacted into law. I feel sorry for the very first patient who you prescribe Zelnorm for, but what you really meant to write was Zoloft. Wow, and you were so close to getting it right! That's too bad... and it will go on your record too. So beware Stevvooe, you're your own worst enemy. Everyone else, feel free to send an email to "Stevvooe," that's his address posted, and let him know what you think.

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