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| NOT A THUMB PUMP ~ NO WAXES, STRINGS, MAGNETS, MIRRORS, PUMPS, CREAMS, OR STERIODS ~ NO WEIGHTS OR VACUUMES ~ NO LIGAMENT TRANSPLANTS ~ NO GENETIC DNA MANIPULATION ~ GENUINE FLESH AND BONE ~ PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL ~ SAFE AFTER INITIAL APPLICATION ~ GUARANTEED FOR LIFE OR YOUR MONEY BACK (but not your thumb) |
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| ADD INCHES IN MINUTES!!! |
| PERFORM WITH CONFIDENCE!!! ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO DO CUTS FROM JERRY'S BOOK!!! FIND THE G SPOT BLINDFOLDED!!! NEVER BE ASHAMED AGAIN!!! |
| Sometimes an inch or two can mean everything. But for some of us, being under endowed can lead to problems in performance and self esteem. But fear not, there is hope for men with small thumbs and it is Doctor tested and proven to work. So, get ready to throw your bridge cards away and get ready to move on to a whole new world that you can finally reach! |
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| All Yours for Only 72 Monthly Installments of $49.99 plus Shipping and Handling |
| BUY ONE FOR THE PRICE OF TWO AND GET THE SECOND ONE FREE!!! |
| FINALLY SOMEONE DID IT!!! |
| "I used to have to stick a carrot wedge into my gloves when I went to magic conventions, but now I'm not afraid to let 'em hang out." - Martin Stuttbacher, Card Manipulator |
| "Amazing invention! I bought four just in case of bodily rejection!" - Glenn Gibford, Professional Hitchhiker |
| "Before I couldn't even do a charlier cut, now I'm doing L-X Interpolations with Jumbo cards!" - Miguel Mussini, closet magician who secretly wanted to be flourisher but didn't have the thumbs |
| "I highly recommend the Thumbulator 2000. It gave me the size I always dreamed about." - Johnny Holmes, Film actor |
| "It hurt like hell but was well worth it, the chicks dig it!" - Lonnie Dilan, Pasteboard Pimp |
| "Finally, I can do the Butterfly cut and it doesn't look like total crap!"- Jeff McBride, talented Magic Doofus |
| " " - Teller of Penn and Teller |
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| WHERE YOUR DREAMS CAN FINALLY BE REACHED |
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| The THUMBANATOR 2000 was developed by FRANKENSTEIN LABORATORIES. All Rights Reserved. Thumb appendage may decay or cause serious side effects such as nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, sleeplessness, excessive itching , flaking and death. Use only as directed. Not for persons who wish to write or play videogames ever again. Do not use this product on other bodily appendages. Tests on Laboratory animals have shown to cause abnormal mutations. Use product at own risk. |
| LOOK WHAT OTHERS SMARTER THAN YOU HAVE TO SAY |
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| MADE IN THE |
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| PERMANENT MODUS DIGITALUS OPERANDUS |
| Specify white, black, yellow or red |
| Thumb Enlargement That Works! |