-THE EVENT THAT CHANGED MY LIFE-

It was during the summer of 1984.  For some unknown reason, I had become obsessed with the idea of hatching some baby chicks. I purchased a cheap, plastic incubator from a magazine using money that I had saved. I persuaded my parents to agree to let me hatch and raise my own baby chickens, after which I bought a few fertilized eggs from a local farm. The hardest part was getting my parents to approve and say, "yes"--which was anything BUT an easy task! 

I didn't realize everything that would be required to tend and take care of those little chicken eggs. It was my job to make sure that the temperature inside of my incubator stayed regulated at ALL times. It was a difficult task considering the fact that I was only using a small, plastic incubator and a cheap thermometer that came with it. I had to turn each of the three eggs, three separate times each day. I had to be very careful and gentle with the eggs. I did this faithfully every day, for 30 days straight. The time for incubation was supposed to be between 28-30 days. After 30 days had passed without any 'sign of life'...I just HAD TO KNOW!!!! 

There I was, so impatient and curious. I was dying to find out if there was anything growing inside my eggs. So, instead of simply waiting another day or two to see what would happen, I decided to move things along myself. Against all of my family’s advice, I took the eggs and went out into my backyard to crack them open one by one into a plastic dish.

I walked to the edge of our backyard, near the field carrying the three eggs I had been working so hard to take care of along with an old, small, plastic dish. The first egg I cracked open had nothing inside of it except a dark colored yolk. I only remember it smelling VERY bad, as it had been incubating under a heated lamp for 30 days straight! Pheee-eeew! The second egg I cracked open contained a small embryo that had apparently stopped growing while still at an early stage of its development. It was about the size of a small grape. Then I moved on to the last of my three eggs. I methodically cracked open this last egg, expecting to find nothing.... and suddenly, I was faced with a shocking and unfortunate surprise. I stood there and gazed down at the half-broken egg that I held there in my hands. As I did, I could see the form of a fully developed baby chick inside. It was obviously not yet quite ready to hatch. I viewed this all with an overwhelming sense of shock and feeling of horror as I continued to look at the innocent, little baby bird that was lying there so helplessly in my hands. This poor little creature was now prematurely exposed to a world it would never live to see. It was then that realized what a big mistake I had made. MY impatience and selfishness had cost me more than I was willing to pay this time. Here this was, something that really mattered to me, and I wasn’t able to put it back together and, I couldn’t ‘fix it’ no matter what I did.

Pride prevented me from wanting to face anyone who had advised me against cracking those eggs open. I could vividly remembered the sound of my Mother voice only about an hour earlier telling me, “don’t rush things". "Give it a little more time”. “You’re too impatient!" She said all of that knowing that I would do what I pleased anyways. I usually did. I realize now that the Lord must’ve been preparing my heart through all of the things that had happened in my life leading up to this particular time. I look back on it now and wonder why it seemed like such a tragic and devastating ordeal, but I know that at that time, to me, it certainly was! Only God would’ve known the way that all these events would turn out. I don’t know how else to describe the way I felt except to say that there was an uncomfortable inward feeling of an incredible ache that was in the very pit of my stomach. It was like a dull knife had twisted its way through the core of my soul as I knelt there holding the lifeless form of the baby chicken that I had wanted so much to live. I watched as the blood from the yolk sac was dripping through my fingers, and I was flooded with tears and emotions that I could not contain. I was so overcome that I ran inside the house to try to tell my family what had happened. I was looking to find some comfort and consolation in my obvious state of distress. However, I did not find any sympathy, because as I was told, it was 'my own fault' for not listening. 

At that point, I don’t think there was anything in the world that could have comforted me or made me feel any better. I felt so TERRIBLE inside!!! I was devastated and heartbroken. I began sobbing so heavily, that I had to get away where no one could hear me crying. I went into our darkened garage, shut the door behind me, and sat down there in a lawn chair with my face in my hands. …Emotionally, I had hit 'rock bottom'. I was miserable and completely unsatisfied with my life. Up until this time, I really had no idea who God was. I was familiar with His name, but I had never experienced the strong convicting power of the Holy Spirit before. To me, it had all been just talk and Bible stories. Something I grew up being taught. I suppose that I believed the stories were true, but it had never seemed REAL to me--just like old stories. I was completely incapable of helping myself. I experienced such a deep heart-felt sorrow, and I wept bitter tears of regret. I loathed my life. I felt in my heart the utter wickedness of everything I had done and been up until that point. I had done a pretty good job of destroying things in my life and hurting the people that I loved. I had become emotionally exhausted and tired of fighting what seemed to be such an obvious losing battle. Now, in my own heart and mind, I was more than just a 'bad kid'....I was an "animal murderer" too! I didn’t even really know much at all about praying, but in my desperation, that is what I did--I prayed. My prayer came from my heart and went something like this: 

That was all I said. It was just a simple, heartfelt, childlike prayer. The tears continued to stream down my face for a couple minutes afterwards until the sobbing slowly subsided. I sat there quietly for a few more minutes and allowed myself to finish crying. 

As the dam of tears that broke earlier slowed to barely a trickle, I could feel such a calm and peaceful feeling begin to envelop me. When I was finally finished crying and composed enough to go back into our house, I decided to go upstairs and tell my mother what I had done. Within the first hour of leaving the garage, saying that prayer, and then telling someone else what I had done, I was beginning to really feel different! I felt FREE for the first time in my life. The heavy weight of guilt and shame I had carried for the past 14 years of my life had been lifted. My heart was light and I felt so CLEAN inside! I experienced the “peace that passes all understanding”. No joke! I didn't fully realize what had happened to me at the time, but there was no doubt about it--it was something REAL! That was my first encounter with Jesus Christ in a real and personal way. I didn't see Him, but the presence of His Holy Spirit was very real. It's kind of like the wind. You don't see it, but you can still see and feel its effects. Where I once felt dead inside , I now felt alive. Everything even seemed to look different to me. Things appeared more beautiful and brighter. It was like I had been given new eyes to see things I'd never seen before, but that were always there. I was surrounded with a strong sense of love and had peace that came from deep within. I had never felt that before. It was the first time in my entire life that I felt truly loved. It was that LOVE that changed me and turned my whole life upside down! Because of that love, I am now able to receive love from others and give love like I was never able to before

Think of the irony of it all! A baby chick lost its life, and I gained eternal life. Life came through death, and just like that baby chick, a part of me died that day as well. I died to my old way of life and was born again to a new life. My life is now lived through Christ. Just as Jesus died once for all, He rose again to a new life. I have a new life in Him now, and its better than anything I had before I became aware of Him or His unfathomable Love.

Of course other people remained the the same, but I had changed. It took a long time to get rid of the reputation I had made for myself. The old habits didn’t disappear overnight—far from it! But, God slowly began to change my heart and desires, and I found a new hope in life. He is still changing me to this very day.

When you feel the wonderful grace of God operating in your life for the first time, it’s difficult if not impossible to NOT feel more love for people. All I know is that God changed my life dramatically on 8-10-84 in that little garage at the BLUE house on 14 E. Park Drive. I've never been the same person since, and I wouldn't trade that day for anything! Gradually things in my life began to change for the better after I gave my heart over to God. I had a lot to learn about what it was to be a “Christian” and I'm still learning. I found out that it doesn’t stop at being saved. God slowly brought me out of the old ways I had been so used to. He is still working in my life today. He frequently points out actions and attitudes that aren’t right in my life and gives me the power and grace to overcome them with His help. There are many stories that I could recount and recall for you that have taken place since I first gave my heart to Christ. My life has been a series of ups and downs-kind of like everyone else I suppose. I’ve had my share of struggles, and it hasn’t always been easy to serve the Lord. I’ve even backslidden a few times. I accepted Him as Savior, but I am only now beginning to truly understand what it means to make Him LORD of my life. It has been this process of learning over the past 18 years that helped me to recognize the “roller coaster” scenario operating in my life. So many times I have struggled for control, instead of letting God be God and trusting Him at all times. I know what it means to be on top of the mountain, and I know what it is to be deep in the valley. I’ve been the faithful servant and the prodigal daughter (not both at the same time of course!). I’ve still got plenty to learn, but I love the process of getting to know my Father and Creator. I’m so thankful that He’s not a respecter of persons and that He offered me the same thing He offers to us all--SALVATION through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus. J The longer I live, the more I realize that life is an adventure. It’s precious, and it’s a gift from God. I believe that the heart that seeks God finds Him. As for me, I am only concerned about pleasing ONE person… and that is Jesus. Jesus is my only hope and I offer this HOPE to you!

“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and I will give you rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”   -Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

If you have been moved by my testimony or if, while you were reading, something has stirred inside of you that's made you aware of your need for a Savior, I encourage you to get to know Jesus for yourself. Please don't wait. You don't have to wait until something drastic happens to you. Pray right now and invite Him into your life. It's a decision that you'll NEVER regret!

"The Sinner's Prayer"

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