It's hard to believe it's been 3 months already...seems like yesterday..so much pain to deal with, so many different feelings about Dawud..loved him,hated him,felt sorry for him and the way his life was going..he hadn't seen Kaila in almost a year when he died. In a way it was good- but bad too....so many mixed emotions. Kaila and I are still dealing with them. Kaila has her dad's picture in her room, and a crucifix that was his near her bed. She goes to therapy every week and it honestly seems to be working great for her.I look through pictures from time to time of when he and I were together- I was so young...seems like another lifetime ago.
Absolutely have no respect for the effin police. Slackers..that what they are. What ever happened to "Serve and Protect" ??? So sad what this country is coming to...the land of the proud? HA. I don't think so, not with these disgusting displays of "authority" figures..whatever..what goes around comes around, and everyone gets what's coming to them eventually.
--Clare
<mailto:[email protected]>

I agree totally, these guys are still out there and may get away with killing Dawud. Why? what the fuck. I keep having dreams about the whole thing. I had a dream last nigth that I was so upset that he doesn't have a head stone and I was fighting with someone about it, but I don't know who. And the fact that I cannot do anything about it monetarily sucks too. that was the opitomy of my life with him as well.

I still hurt. My son started school today and I can see the void in his eyes. Hopefully Dawud is watching always.

Sandoura Salim
--Sandra Salim

I had a dream about him recently too...the first one that I can remember..I was in a house (don't know who's)and Kaila and Dawud were there too- and some other faceless people. For some reason we had to leave the house- very quickly-it was something that had to be done immediately(don't ask me why). So I told Dawud we had to leave, but he wouldn't leave. He kept saying I can't go , but wouldn't tell me why. I woke up very upset. I spoke to a couple close friends and they suggested that maybe this was my subconcious saying goodbye..letting go...i don't know for sure what it meant, but everytime I think about the dream i feel anxious and sad and miss him more....I hope this therapy helps. I can't carry this heavy feeling around-just writing this I want to cry-just want to curl up w/Kaila and cry.
I heard a really nice song over the weekend about daddy's little girl and realized Kaila doesn't have a daddy anymore...what do I do??? So much confusion. God protect us all.
--Clare
<mailto:[email protected]>

When I open this site,I look and I want to scream....this is my kids' father and he is gone, fucking gone, just like that. That part of my life is a memory and it's so hard to deal with. So many things come to my mind evry day that I wouldn't have thought of if he was alive. Like, for instance, I was watching this movie and there was a club scene and all of a sudden, I reversed back to when I would be at the club with him or in any crowd with the music bumpin' and he would start to yell over the crowd, 'HEY, HEY, HEY', and repeated 'HEY, HEY, HEY' and his voice is so clear in my head ever since I remembered that. I will never hear his voice again OTHER THAN IN MY HEAD, his laugh, his bitching, his crying, his begging. Except for what I have captured on video. Everyday I try to make sense of this. Yesterday, I dropped my son off at school and we always say good morning and good night to Dawud and I was listening to the radio and Macey Gray came on. a song that Dawud had dedicated to me while he was locked up.....maybe just his way of saying good morning to me. I looked up at the sky and it's weird, but I thought to myself, the kind of person Dawud is, even if he is in Heaven, he would find a way to reveal himself to us. Only the people who really know him, know what I mean. Dawud always found a way to do things, his way. I will teach my children these things as they grow.

Sandra Salim

Hi Wu, I miss you. Keep visiting me when I'm sleeping. Sandoura
--Sandra Salim

Hi Wu, I miss you. Keep visiting me when I'm sleeping. Sandoura
--Sandra Salim

Had a dream the other night..don't remember much, but Dawud was there. Been feeling very angry lately, taking each day as it comes. They are getting better. I was looking through pictures Juillilah sent me years ago..made me happy to know she is there for him. . pictured them both smiling, both at peace...
--Clare

I usually get angry at the thought. Although, at this point feeling helpless is more like it. Obviously, one has to go on living and knowing that we are giving his children all that they will need in this life is comforting as well. He always visits me in my dreams. I wake up in a kind of stupor. It feels like something went wrong and then I try to shake it off. It still hurts, of course, it will always hurt. Maybe we will see him when we die.
Mini, the other day, I don;t know if it just hit him or what? But, the other day he went crazy, more than normal. Months after. He started saying why did they have to stab my dad? I want to die so I can see him again. Scared me so much. I don't know how to deal with it. So much pain for him and all of us. I would kill myself if something happened to my son. These mother fuckers are still out there. One day their Judgment will come and Dawud will be waiting for them, those who took his life and who took him away from his kids. For nothing. For what? is what I want to know before I die.
Sandoura Salim

Last night I had a dream. I was driving around with David looking for where Mini had his Karate class changed to? We were calling and trying to find the location as to where our son is. David was driving, but was silent. He was trying to use an old cell phone that wasn't working very well, the buttons were chewed up. I was getting so frustrated. I called my friend Brenda who was reluctant to help me because she was so tired. She gave me a number to a girl named Lacey who might be able to help me find Mini where Mini's class was. It was crazy, we couldn't find our son. I don't know exactly what that means, but it was very strange. Again, I woke up to find everything was alright, however, I was foggy and upset.

Sandra

Hi Wu, we miss you. Your family

Kaila came into my room last night crying...I had said she could sleep in the living room b/c we put up the Christmas decorations...guess it made her think of her dad..I asked why the tears? She said.."I miss daddy" All I could do was hold her-didn't know what to say that would make her feel better..she asked about her brother and sister and when will she get to see them....then she asked if we could visit him..at his grave..of course, I said.
--Clare

Does anyone know if there is a headstone at David's grave? The thought of bare grass and no indication that David is there is bothering me.

There wasn't enough money for a headstone from what I know..but my daughter and I put some angel staues there until something can be done for him...it is so sad really.
--Clare

Well, at least there is something. Thank you. I don't have the money either, for what he wanted, maybe someday before I die I will fulfull his wish (having a headstones with a carving of our faces so that 'we can look up at the world') Maybe we can talk to Martina for something after the holidays........
Sandoura

Dawud......Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Birthday to your baby girl. Hope you are looking down on all of us, you may have no choice I don't know, but I hope so. If nothing but to see your beautiful children....
--Sandra

Dawud......Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Birthday to your baby girl. Hope you are looking down on all of us, you may have no choice I don't know, but I hope so. If nothing but to see your beautiful children....
--Sandra

Dawud......Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Birthday to your baby girl. Hope you are looking down on all of us, you may have no choice I don't know, but I hope so. If nothing but to see your beautiful children....
--Sandra

Well you proved it last night. Thanks for scaring the shit out of me, I was shaken because I truly saw a ghost. I saw you as you stood in my living room with your hands on your hips. You were wearing white gloves, is that a sign that you are in heaven (making you and have faith paid off I hope)plain as day, I saw you. My heart almost stopped, my mouth wide open and the tears began. I kept looking around for you to come back, stunned with my eyes wide open. Please reveal yourself again.

Well you proved it last night. Thanks for scaring the shit out of me, I was shaken because I truly saw a ghost. I saw you as you stood in my living room with your hands on your hips. You were wearing white gloves, is that a sign that you are in heaven (making you and have faith paid off I hope)plain as day, I saw you. My heart almost stopped, my mouth wide open and the tears began. I kept looking around for you to come back, stunned with my eyes wide open. Please reveal yourself again.

Well you proved it last night. Thanks for scaring the shit out of me, I was shaken because I truly saw a ghost. I saw you as you stood in my livingroom with your hands on your hips. You were wearing white gloves, is that a sign that you are in heaven (making you pray and have faith paid off I hope)plain as day, I saw you. My heart almost stopped, my mouth wide open and the tears began. I kept looking around for you to come back, stunned with my eyes wide open. Please reveal yourself again. Sandoura

So this might sound a little silly,but yesterday i noticed that my car had been making a weird noise and i though maybe i needed some antifreeze, but wasn't able to buy any..then I remembered David teeling me that if I'm ever in a jam, I could use washer fluid temporarily b/c it doesn't freeze...so thanks David...there are lots of little things you taught me and I will always be thankful for that.
--Clare

He taught me that too, of course, we couldn't afford antifreeze and I think for the last 10 years we use WASHER FLUID. All of these little things I notice pop up from time to time. I try to write them down as I remember them for the kids to know where I got this shit from. I don't think that I would have put any weight on these things if he were still alive. Well he is still alive, in the little things that come up in our lives and remind us of him. Thanks Wu, we love you. Sandoura

ROCKA ROCKA -

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAWUD!!!!! LOVE, YOUR FAMILY.

FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT THOUGHT YOU KNEW AND/OR CARED ABOUT DAWUD, FYI, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN 38 TODAY!!! HIS KIDS WILL SING TO HIM AND BLOW OUT A CANDLE FOR HIM TODAY!!! FOR HIS CHILDREN, WE TOOK CARE OF HIM THE BEST IN HIS LIFE AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO, IN DEATH. WE MISS YOU. IT'S HARD ON US ALWAYS!!!

SANDOURA, CLARE AND THE KIDS.....

I am at work listening to Moby and remembering your love of house, trance, drum n bass, your dancing, feeling free, clearing and going off on the dance floor...hope you are dancing over us in Heaven. SanDRA

Yeah...loved that effing music- we all did, didn't we?..crazy life..Sandoura, me, you and Bob....crazy fun....what a combo...what a life..seems like forever ago...miss you Dawud
--Clare

Dawud, missing you so much. Remembering last year when you were supposed to have Mini at this time, and I decided to wait until Summer break. Then it was too late. I'm sorry, I think, however, maybe it was for the better.

HAPPY 4-20 WU and all y'all!!!

Dawud...everytime I walk into your daughter's room, I see you..I see the altar that she has built in your honor-i see yo u everytime I look at her- she is a spitting image of us both. I still haven't revealed the terrible details of your death to her- I am scared it will hurt her more, yet I know she deserves to know the truth. How do you tell an innocent little 9 year old that her daddy was stabbed and beaten to death? I don't know...we hope to visit her brother and sister and Auntie very soon, so they can all be together again..will be a year in a month- just so hard to believe still...we all miss you.
--Clare

I find it kind of odd that none of Dawud's siblings try to reach their brother's kids, help with the funeral expenses, or even offer mental support to children, just see how they are doing. It bothers me a great deal, but then again, I shouldn't be surprised. In life, they hardly spoke to him, or helped him with much either.
I have been tring to reach them for months, with no response.
Figures

I find it kind of odd that none of Dawud's siblings try to reach their brother's kids, help with the funeral expenses, or even offer mental support to children, just see how they are doing. It bothers me a great deal, but then again, I shouldn't be surprised. In life, they hardly spoke to him, or helped him with much either.
I have been tring to reach them for months, with no response.
Figures

I find it kind of odd that none of Dawud's siblings try to reach their brother's kids, help with the funeral expenses, or even offer mental support to children, just see how they are doing. It bothers me a great deal, but then again, I shouldn't be surprised. In life, they hardly spoke to him, or helped him with much either.
I have been tring to reach them for months, with no response.
Figures

It was the first time I saw someone cry on his birthday. The wish before he blew out his candles was, "I wish I can see my Daddy". My heart breaks every day.

Happy Birthday to Dawud's first beautiful child, I know Daddy Wu is looking down on you and blowing butterfly kisses for you sweety...

All of our love, your family

Habeebi no one has forgotten about you!!!

Hello Wu, Love your family

I cannot believe it has been so long. I have been thinking about Dawud, and Sondra and their children alot the last few months. I pray that you are all well and things are good for you......
--Lizz
<mailto:[email protected]>

Dawud, you are in my thoughts everyday and I hope you are smiling down upon us for Christmas
--Sandoura

Merry Christmas Dawud
Your family

Dave,
I can't get you off of my mind. I don't just think of you on the holidays, but every single day. Julie, I left other messages on this blog about 3 weeks ago. I wondered if you saw them. Many of the entries were pretty dated. I have something for you and your family, the photo's I took at the service. Believe it or not I just got them developed about a month ago. It took me this long to do it, I guess I was scared the reality of seeing them would just be to much. I loved your brother more than anyone could ever know and we had a great 20 years, all good stuff. I can't believe it, now 18 months since this happened. It feels like yesterday to me. He gave he the best day of my life on the last day of his life and I was so happy we were going to live together. I live that day over and over and over and my hearts still heavy, but he was and still is my happy place in my mind now and the best thing that ever happened to me. There was so much he still had to do. On thursday night that week, he told me he was on a mission. I think I understand now what that was. He wanted to change his life and he was ready to settle down. We talked about getting older and for us thats a strange idea since we are so spirited & youthful. The perpetual peter pans / we'll never grow up, but who says we had to anyway. Dave (dawud) was my soulmate, my karmic twin in every way. We understood each other in ways that on lookers only wonder about. Everybody should have that one person they can trust, be themselves with and never be questioned or judged as most do of us by nature. He was that one for me and his lack of physical presense is eating away at my heart & soul. I've had many losses of family & friends, but it never felt like this and I don't think any amount of time will make the hurt fade away. I will always love you Dave (that's what I called him)and he knows the depth of that love and our bond is eternal and this chapter as it was written had no ending. I got your message the first time, it astonished me, it was beyond reason and expectation, yet you kept surprising me for 20 years. I never would have dreamed that it would continue even now. I do not know how your doing it, but don't stop. My friends say you must have loved me to do that and I say (I know). I can hold on now, it's not easy, but strangly comforting to know you know. I bet your reading this now, I can feel it, I don't understand how, but I can. Did you finally figure that thing out you told me in the dream, I'm still waiting to see. Well see you in my dreams, forever your gal.
Tena
--Tena
<mailto:[email protected]>

New Year's Eve, Could't get you off of my mind.
I tried to call julie and her number was changed. If anyone sees this, please have Julie contact me by phone or e-mail. I have information, questions, maybe something that can help you with Dave's case. People at the bar (Highland Square Tavern) seem to know what he was up to, and one person said he wasn't suppose to come back from Colorado, so that tells me that he knew somebody was after him.
From what I've been told, he was dealing big time according to bartenders and the owner. I'm the only one that seemed to be clueless & oblivious to this activity, that everyone else seems to know about. He was also suppose to be working for a girl name Amanda according to Melinda (who works at Diana's) waitressing on west 117th. Melinda is the girlfriend of a guy name Mike who worked as a cook at the Highland Square Tavern. They only knew him for a short time, but bought from Dave and this Amanda was upset that her friend Dave got killed according to Melinda. She may be key in this somehow. My best friend was visiting me from out of town, we talked about this and her asked me if this was drug related and I said according to things I've been hearing, it may very well have been. People don't just randomly come up to a car in the middle of the street and pull them out and try to kill them and not take their car or money, something dosen't add up. This had to be premeditated or a set up if he was asked to give a girl or somebody a ride home. They had to be following him or knew where he would be. I pray that David will reveal something to me or his family (julie) in a dream or something. This whole thing is just a little to mysterious, but things do happen for a reason. These guys were obviously very angery over something he did, but the question is what and how long did it happen. I didn't understand the suddeness or reason for Dave wanting to move. he had so many people here that loved him, I know I was one of them. My emotions are so raw and its been 19 months now. This hurts so bad and I can't take the mystery anymore, I need answers and closure. My heart is heavy with grief and I just need to do something. Julie or anyone who can get a hold of her please contact me asap please. ([email protected])

It's January 14th 2008 I can't believe so much time has passed. Something good happened this week, my job gave me a trip to the bahamas, a cruise and it's on Febuary 22nd. I couldn't help
but to think if you were here we could have gone together and celebrated my success and your Birthday Dave. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about you, I feel like you have moved into my head somehow and refuse to leave, but that's ok because I love you and
don't want you away from me. I got a hold of your sister in Colorado, she's so cool and we have some things in common. She's on my friends list on the net, I feel this is a great connect-
ion, but I only wish you were around for it.
I met your mother 20 years go, but it would have been nice to know your sisters, their good
people as you would say. I can't help thinking you had something to do with this trip, you know
I like the water and we loved the beach and I was just wishing I could take a vacation, now it
is gonna happen. Are you taking to God on my behalf up there. Things are turning around for me, but it's bitter sweet,you not here to share it with me. The apartment is starting to look great,as we had many plans to work on it together as we lived together. I know it would have been the best time as it always was with us. God. please wake me up from this nightmare cause I just know you can't be gone. I sit and think and run senarios in my head all the time and I wonder what I missed and if I could have saved you.
I wish I knew what you were hiding, I want to solve this case and get clarity, maybe closure.
I had a dream about you, that I was walking down a long hall and at the end, you were submerged in water or a liquid, what was that all about. I know that my subscious mind is trying to piece things together and give me clues, but I need your help Dave. Don't stop the
visits in my dreams and I wrote to a medium to see if he could help me with this. He's in the big apple (New York) of all places and I have his number. I can only imagine what he charges,
but answers are priceless to me. Well till later
keep giving me signs, I'm getting the messages,
we are in tune and I'm not surprised, we were like that when you were here and it's stonger now because we have to pay attention and work alot harder to see things on this paranormal level. I love you, always Tena
--Tena
<mailto:[email protected]>

Sounds like someone has been Wued
As in DaWud.

Rocka Rocka

Dawud loved his wife and children more than anything. On his last days he was begging me to reconsider and move back to Colorado with him, like we did before. I am sorry, but that is the truth. I somehow wish I would have. Maybe he would be alive, or maybe we would all be dead. Anyone that honestly knew Dawud, knows that Dawud's heart belonged to his family and when we were not around, I thank anyone who comforted him or cooked him a hot meal. We would not be around because of his actions. Then he would do something to try to get us back together. Every time he called me he would say, this is your husband, eventhough I divorced him a few months before he died. He said, 'now we can get married in Church'. He truely believed that we would come back to him. Despite what he allowed the world to think, of course, he wouldn't let on that his ego was destroyed and he lost his family from his drug use, he called us almost every day. From anyone's phone, using anyone to get to us blocking the number, to get through the rough times, to get by. He would call me and play Sade songs on my voicemail, crying on the messages. And this was just before he died. I saved the messages and dates. So I am puzzled, but am I. Not really, I know Dawud. I was in another State, with another man going on happily, and taking care of our kids, away from the bullshit.

Whoever Tena is, I am glad that he made you happy and continues to do so. I hope that you are able to reach him somehow. I am not trying to upset you, however, he visits my dreams almost evey night too. Explain that? Maybe some good will come out of this. If you know so much about the "other side" what does this mean? That in Heaven he is still the same old Dawud. Playing everyone around us. Why not?

I want closure too, many of us do. I go crazy thinking what if? or who the fuck did this him. It consumes me. I truely loved him. I married him. Had children with him. But, I feel that my hands are tied. I leave it to God and pray everyday. I talk to him everyday, I ask his for signs. His presence is everywhere. We say Goddo Mornign and Good night to him.

It's funny how you disregard that he has children. You only mention yourself. You don't know how they ache to see their father. It's so hard. I'm sorry but you seem kind of selfish. You are not with them when they cry. I can only comfort them with videos of him, pictures of him, letters, poems, and songs he wrote to me and them that I treasure. I wear the ring I bought him when we met (that he was wearing when he was killed, always on his thumb)
I kept all of the jewelry that he bough me throughout our lives that when he gave to me he would say, 'this screamed your name'. I found the drawing of the tatoo he had on his back 'Sandoura the light of my life' in arabic in a tribal sun. When I came across it, I fell to my knees & cried.

His son is going through his confirmation and I pray that Dawud is watching over him. Them.

His oldest daughter is in therapy. But you do not seem to care that she is torn apart. We all are, this hurts is eternal and it is the same as when it first happened. It is not going away. I resent the fact that you dismiss all of this and put yourself on top. Who are you?


Dawud, in the Church, I felt you were next to me as our son approached the Altar. I started to cry uncontrolably. I couldn't even enjoy the moment. You are supposed to be here. Through their milestones in their life.
Our daughter is beautiful, and Kaila is beautiful, they look just like you.
Maybe if I didn't leave you, you would still be alive. I used to take care of you. But you would never leave that life alone, I had to get away from it.

I know you understand, seeing how my life is now. I am thankful for our children. Thankful for your watching, listening, and helping us do better. You had promised to take care of us, I know you are now.

See you again tonight.
Sandoura
--Sandoura
<mailto:[email protected]>

To Tena: I also have to say how dare you begin insinuate that our entries are dated and we only think of him on holidays. I think something is wrong with you to think that anyone cared that you took a 'cab that day' with everything that happened, the tragic loss of our father, brother, love, husband, and friend. We were all devistated. People came from all over. How very ignorant. I don't think Dawud would be with someone who is 50 and still rides a bus. If you really knew him, that is not his style. Maybe that is why he was crying on the phone to me just days before he died, saying, 'I can't do this', 'I can't believe this' I play his voice and messages all the time, over and over. Filling myself with guilt. opening the e-mails he sent over and over and reading them. I am astonished by the fact that you single yourself out when we are all grieving. I am sorry but I had to say all of this. I don't want to create any hostility, but you need to be more sensative to those who actually feel the greatest loss and if it's with you, or without you then fine, we morn together. I just think you need to be aware.

I don't mean any harm, you have to know every day I feel his loss with my kids.

I am the greatest friend anyone can have. My best friend, as a matter of fact, is Dawud's oldest daughter's mother. I am sure she feels the same as I do.

Sandra Salim

Dawud,
I just bought a new car this weekend and when I got my plates, to my surprise the plates read 2-22 on them. My heart skipped a beat mouth wide open - both me and your son, started laughing. Thanks Wu, With God always keeping us safe and watching over us I'm sure.
Happy early birthday
with our love, and in our prayers always
your family
and of course, Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!
We love you Wu

Sandoura and the kids

I can't believe someone posted a message to me &
they don't even know who I am. You have your pictures and kids and stuff and I have 20 years of great memories. We were very close and our
relationships was just thats (ours). This is a blog for people people who knew and loved him post by his sister. What is this crazy attack,
talking about not caring about kids or peoples
feels. We didn't have kids and it is a terrible
thing to lose someone, weather your a mother who
lost a child or a child who lost a father, your
upset, well guess what we all are and we are all
dealing with it in our own way, As far as dated,
this blog has multiple sections and it is dated.
I wanted to contect julie and because she has not visited this site since July 2006 (that is
dated)so how in the world did you get in my blog
entry as part of my life experiences with Dave,
oh wait, you were not there. I wasn't the wife,
I didn't have the rocky marriage, but I sure had
the fun as I'm sure did the others he was involved with like kathy and the last one who he
was gonna take to Colorado before they split.
To had a marriage it failed, and you got the kids and went your own way, ok that was your deal and it had nothing to do with me, so I don't understand how you think it's ok to insult
me, when we have never even met. It's clear you
don't much, I'm not 50, I have a car and I ride
the bus when I want to, not that anyone should
care about that. That's so petty and over a guy
who's gone that everyone writting about all cared for in there own way and had there own
experiences with. I would have NEVER commented on anything you or anyone else had to say on this blog reguardless of the nature of their
relationship with David and his kids I truely
feel for and if he were alive to see what you
wrote he would be shocked and apauled, so how
dare you for being highly inappropriate and
intrusive, cause your comments about me were not
solicited or called for and its sad to see a
person sink so low over a stranger no doubt, I
mean really what is this residual jealousy. Well
I guess the divorce wasn't enough or you really
don't know what you've got til it's gone. Julie,
dosen't seem to be visiting her site anymore so
that was a waisted effort on my part, but I felt
this was a place I could commune with Dave and
get my feels out in a positive way, I guess I
was wrong, people think RESPECT is a one way street. Anyone who has kids should try to lead
by example and trashing other peoples personal
entrys, feeling, character etc. is not the way.
I generally wouldn't give this kind of thing another thought, because carelessness of others
rarely faze me, its laughable, but this is really and truely sad. It's been a year and a
half and time puts a different perspective on
things, I have a BA degree in psychology so
perhaps my coping skills are better, but don't
think my heart isn't have and I don't feel bad for his kids, because I do, but seeing as I don't know you people, where in your mind would it have even been my place to talk about the kids. I know of their existence, but I don't know them any more than they know me or you know me. My advice to you is learn and know your place in the skeem of things as other people do, cause where I come from, that is just
considered rude, presumptous and plain tacky.
Being tactful mean approaching people in a way
thats civil an in character, simply put have
mannors and dignity about yourself. Dave had alot of layers and he was many things to many people, but this is unbelieveable on so many levels. You speak of god, well maybe it's time to turn to him for guidence or seek counsel to learn how to deal with your emotions. I'm not the enemy, I don't do drama and I never thought I'd have to deal this odd jealousy especially now. Dreams are subconscious manifestations of things people are trying to resolve in their waking life, but apparitions are believed to be visitations of departed spirits.
--Tena (20 years of great memories

I'm very sure that he has or will be visiting each and evryone of us in his own way because he
does care. Dave had issues and he was doing things he had no business doing, if he weren't he would still be here. Nobody's perfect and people make bad choices in life. I loved Dave
like U wouldn't believe, two people couldn't be
closer or understand each other better and I'm
sure I know him in a completely different way.
I accept people as they are, my friends know I'm
loyal to a fault, but one thing I insist on is a
person being honest, their true authentic self,
not the pretty pleaser (with the face mask) that
people always ware cause they want them to only see their good side. We were honest with each other from day one, he didn't try to hide his age, but he didn't want to spill it until I insisted, especially if he wanted to hang with me. It was only seven years which was a little gap in the early years but faded away as we both
matured. We were both spirited, playful & grown
up activities were more fun than actually being grown up and partying was simply our mutual way
of enjoy life. To people like us, love and happiness comes from good times, socializing and
having leisure time. Most people get caught up in the routines of everyday living and the drugery of it all. I personally shutter at the
thought of have to sit at home an be domestic,
I'd be bored with that in a heartbeat, so Dave &
I understood each other to the point of not having to explain, we just new and that is great
when someone gets you. We all need that from time to time and we should all have a person like that in our lives to be content, it soothes
the soul. God i'm writing a book, just cause I
caught this note. Anyway, you hurting, I get that, but that's no excuse to go jumping to ill
founded conclusions about people, or try an go as far to dictate to another person (stranger)to
you, who they are, how they feel, what they will
or should be blogging about and making it all about you. Nobody owned Dave, he was human, not a trophy, he had flaws, but was basically good,
but he also had secrets and didn't really lie, but had a way of getting around the truth to protect his own interest like how he made his money after his jail time. I really knew him
well, but in my blogs I chose to talk about the
good times as for me, there were no bad times.
I can't speak for other people, wouldn't dream of doing it and it's just not wise. But, in my
experience and infinate wisdom, I have learned that everyhting does happen for a reason, but some good can come from anything, even unsolicited attacks on my character. Well it's been a learning experience and I see some wool has been pulled over a few eyes, but it is what it is. I'm NOT suprised by Dave, but I'm very suprised by this, but my voice & intuition lead me here tonight and as usual Dave, never a dull
moment. You've caused a commotion even now, wow.
Well miss, I hope you get it together, your kids
need your time and attention, much more than I do, so focus on them & don't worry about me, I'm
not a threat, I'm just handling my business as should you be doing for your own sake. Ignore my
blogs as I have yours, I don't stick my nose in others business, don't get jealous, don't do the
drama thing it's not my style and I have a very
full life, with worthy persuits & many personal
interest. I'm not selfish, but I do care about
my well being (mentally & physically)and writing
is a great way to get things out. Blogging is not a personal diary or journal, but when the heart wants to get something off it's chest, it will choose it's time and place and that's why
people are doing it cause there's so much crazy
things happening in the world today. Two years ago I never would have imagined myself doing this, but here I am and here it is, go figure.
Well, good luck to you and your kids, may you find some peace of mind in the midst of this one
day. Focus on the good times, that's all we have
now.
--Tena

Just remembered the girls name who was going to Colorado with Dawud, her name was Kym and then they broke up. She was staying at Dave's sisters house with him, so your not the one
then and she and I were always around each other
cause Dawud (Dave) brought her to the place I hung out in everyday. We talked finally and Kym
said she didn't understand why Dave had not introduced us to each other, yet she noticed he
was always running to me everytime he saw me.
Often forgetting she was there also. She was a
very young girl in her early twenties. So I told
her we had known each other for twenty years and
guys generally choose to keep girlfriends apart,
cause it's akward and they don't want drama or fallout. Which I can understand in light of these recent events. Kym was cool and she gave me her number and we talked and road home together after the candle light vigil that night
Such maturity from such a young girl, she was very gracious and didn't trip and I can respect
her and how she handled herself, that's the way
classy women do things. But the point really is
that, he moved on and wasn't looking back and the thing he couldn't take anymore was not having a place of his own, or a car of his own or always
having to look over his shoulder, cause he knew that somebody was after him. Another girl Jenn,
told me point blank that he wasn't suppose to come back from Colorado in the first place, so I
get from this that he was running and hiding from these guys for quite some time and when things got hot, meaning he saw them or vice-versa, Dawud knew he had to get out of town before they caught up to him. I know he didn't
want to leave, he told me he was gonna hold off
till December, but we know what happened next.
We just don't know who these guys were and why they were angery enough to kill him. People were
saying it was a deal gone bad, but him suddenly
needing to run to Colorado, and the timing, then
the delays and the different scenarios Dawud was
giving to everyone really made you think. He was
definately into something deep & dangerous and the rest we may never know! It may come out one
day if the right people start talking, but one
thing is evident in all of this, Dawud was most
definately leading a double life, with secrets
that got bigger by the day and more hard for him
to handle. The sad part is, the rest of us are
left behind to speculate, question everything we
ever new and thought to be true and wonder why
he thought he couldn't do things a different way.
Secrets are hard to keep hidden when your gone &
all the ties that bind to one suddenly begin to
find each other and a new tread is formed, new
insight is gained, hearts are broken even more
than could be imagined and all ILLUSIONS are finally schattered. I'm schocked, not quite speechless, yet dumb founded by the webs of confusion this has created. May we all find a way to make peace with this, till the day comes
when he will answer us. I believe we all get the
truth about our life and the people in them when we pass on, so it may be much later these answers finally come and in the mean time God will get us through it. An finally know this,
my loss is no less than yours, I loved him the way blood does UNCONDITIONALLY, even though I
knew who he really was authentically, no painted on faces, illusions, or pretence. I was
always there for him, even when he was doing the wrong things and he knew he had my trust, love, and undying loyality. I Don't believe in the fair weather relationship, I do believe in
for better or worst and you can't disminish my
pain or dare think its less than yours. I don't choose to ware it on my sleeve day in & day out.
He wouldn't want that anyway, he was an optimist
that's why people loved his smile so much, it was heart warming and now we see that underneath
it all he was very troubled, yet he didn't show
it either! Live and learn ladies, other people have feelings just like you, so don't prejudge.


--Tena

First, let me start my saying this is a MURDER investigation of my kids' father. Obviously, you have some information, don't be careless contact Detective Everett @ 216-623-5464 don't just carelessly speak or begin to obstruct. Please be smart about it. Withholding information in a murder investigation is a crime. If you do not call, I will demand you be found and interrogated. So will his family. I have printed all of the entries evidencing your presumed knowledge.

There appears to have been a mistake - I don't care to know you nor will I waste anymore of my time. This is not what this blog is about. What you don't understand is Dawud had many one-sided relationships. Some just caught on sooner than others. He used a lot of people and he used a lot of shit and couldn't stay away from it....Ergo, the rocky marraige, he kept coming back to. Trying to clean up. As the many layers flaked away, his 'heart of hearts' as he used to say, revealed his core, his true feelings, and true love. The only relationship he put forth an effort towards and expended his energy and tears on, is ours -Everyone knows that. He wrote it forever on his body. It is evidenced in his last days, his last communications. I was just smart enough to see through it all. That is what challenged him to mke things right. When you open this site, I am the one standing next to him in the picture, the picture found in his belongings. The picture perfect relationship he wanted to get back to so badly...that wasn't always clouded by bullshit.

So you go ahead and pretend whatever in your own head. Do not diminish the fact that he loved his home and his kids. It was his only stability. Underneath it all, that is what he wanted. If it wasn't for the drugs, he would still be alive. There is no jealousy, just pain

I will not attempt to dignify any more communications to any more of his "passtimes"

Dawud
Still grieving......
Still painful as your birthday approaches again. You will be 39 tomorrow Wu. We will sing to you and it'll hurt like hell....My heart heavy....
Love, your family

Happy Birthday Wu -

'Ya shok einy la eaynak' - so true - I can hear you say that - I mean, mess it up - but you always tried to speak my language....I still have the e-mail you had someone translate to me when I left. I have to smile when I read it, you never stopped trying- it hurts. Please help me let this guilt go, it consumes me - it weighs on my heart. I am the King of Sorrow, (Sade)remembering the concerts, so many, got us back togther though. You were still playing her music a on my phone a few days before you died. Knowing you weren't happy hurts so badly. Knowing you ate Rally's as your last meal - kills me- no one took care of you like us. Let me stop, I can't do this to myself anymore.

Always pray for you -

Your children are beautiful and love you so much. I keep your memory going within their lives. Sometimes it's weird but I can see you looking at me through their eyes. They are the same. Their actions sometimes depict that of their father. Just to make me happy I guess. You did that a lot. Birds of Paradise. Never a dull moment whether good or bad.

Last night, the Incredibles was on (you took us to see) and they were watching and remembering that day and the drive inn days. I try to make them laugh with the things that you used to do. the butt dance, I'm glad I have that on video (ha ha)

If you could see your son's eyes as the tears fill them. He does that everytime we do something we used to do together. He misses you so much. I hope on his birthday this year he doesn't cry and scream while blowing out his candles wishing for you. Please make it easier for him somehow.
Never gets easier. Signs all around of your presence. Thanks for that - keep them coming. Especially the Eagle that has been coming around since you left, and seems to hover and follow us everywhere. You always said that you will come back as an Eagle. Your son looks up and says, Hi Daddy! and it makes him feel better. You always protected us. I love how he acknowledges the signs with me. Sometimes before I do.
I know you listen to us as we privately speak to you. I believe you are - I feel it. I would rather do it that way from now on. Our family life was something you held sacred and I should keep it that way. Nobody's business.
I should have never left you alone and you had to settle for whatever. The guilt never goes away.

We love you Daddy ---Sugar Daddiyo

Sandra Salim

Happy Birthday Wu -

'Ya shok einy la eaynak' - so true - I can hear you say that - I mean, mess it up - but you always tried to speak my language....I still have the e-mail you had someone translate to me when I left. I have to smile when I read it, you never stopped trying- it hurts. Please help me let this guilt go, it consumes me - it weighs on my heart. I am the King of Sorrow, (Sade)remembering the concerts, so many, got us back togther though. You were still playing her music a on my phone a few days before you died. Knowing you weren't happy hurts so badly. Knowing you ate Rally's as your last meal - kills me- no one took care of you like us. Let me stop, I can't do this to myself anymore.

Always pray for you -

Your children are beautiful and love you so much. I keep your memory going within their lives. Sometimes it's weird but I can see you looking at me through their eyes. They are the same. Their actions sometimes depict that of their father. Just to make me happy I guess. You did that a lot. Birds of Paradise. Never a dull moment whether good or bad.

Last night, the Incredibles was on (you took us to see) and they were watching and remembering that day and the drive inn days. I try to make them laugh with the things that you used to do. the butt dance, I'm glad I have that on video (ha ha)

If you could see your son's eyes as the tears fill them. He does that everytime we do something we used to do together. He misses you so much. I hope on his birthday this year he doesn't cry and scream while blowing out his candles wishing for you. Please make it easier for him somehow.
Never gets easier. Signs all around of your presence. Thanks for that - keep them coming. Especially the Eagle that has been coming around since you left, and seems to hover and follow us everywhere. You always said that you will come back as an Eagle. Your son looks up and says, Hi Daddy! and it makes him feel better. You always protected us. I love how he acknowledges the signs with me. Sometimes before I do.
I know you listen to us as we privately speak to you. I believe you are - I feel it. I would rather do it that way from now on. Our family life was something you held sacred and I should keep it that way. Nobody's business.
I should have never left you alone and you had to settle for whatever. The guilt never goes away.

We love you Daddy ---Sugar Daddiyo

Sandra Salim

Happy Birthday Wu -

'Ya shok einy la eaynak' - so true - I can hear you say that - I mean, mess it up - but you always tried to speak my language....I still have the e-mail you had someone translate to me when I left. I have to smile when I read it, you never stopped trying- it hurts. Please help me let this guilt go, it consumes me - it weighs on my heart. I am the King of Sorrow, (Sade)remembering the concerts, so many, got us back togther though. You were still playing her music a on my phone a few days before you died. Knowing you weren't happy hurts so badly. Knowing you ate Rally's as your last meal - kills me- no one took care of you like us. Let me stop, I can't do this to myself anymore.

Always pray for you -

Your children are beautiful and love you so much. I keep your memory going within their lives. Sometimes it's weird but I can see you looking at me through their eyes. They are the same. Their actions sometimes depict that of their father. Just to make me happy I guess. You did that a lot. Birds of Paradise. Never a dull moment whether good or bad.

Last night, the Incredibles was on (you took us to see) and they were watching and remembering that day and the drive inn days. I try to make them laugh with the things that you used to do. the butt dance, I'm glad I have that on video (ha ha)

If you could see your son's eyes as the tears fill them. He does that everytime we do something we used to do together. He misses you so much. I hope on his birthday this year he doesn't cry and scream while blowing out his candles wishing for you. Please make it easier for him somehow.
Never gets easier. Signs all around of your presence. Thanks for that - keep them coming. Especially the Eagle that has been coming around since you left, and seems to hover and follow us everywhere. You always said that you will come back as an Eagle. Your son looks up and says, Hi Daddy! and it makes him feel better. You always protected us. I love how he acknowledges the signs with me. Sometimes before I do.
I know you listen to us as we privately speak to you. I believe you are - I feel it. I would rather do it that way from now on. Our family life was something you held sacred and I should keep it that way. Nobody's business.
I should have never left you alone and you had to settle for whatever. The guilt never goes away.

We love you Daddy ---Sugar Daddiyo

Sandra Salim

Your baby daughter started school today and I spent the entire morning with her. She is brave, of course and loves it. What was crazy though was I really felt your presence today more than usual. Outside an Eagle flew as if circling the building, that was instant, because I'm used to that. However, as we walked into the class, while I was shaking the teacher's hand during our introduction, in five different places, my eyes were drawn...... there was "David". The kid right next to her cubby, is David, a library book with "David" in the title was sitting off to the side and not only that the illustration on the from, the way it was written is exactly in your handwriting. I was stunned and smiled. I looked at her (a little female replica of you)and whispered, "you're going to be just fine when I leave, Daddy's here"

What a morning. I'm at ease now, because I was nervous as ever. My baby girl.

L8R
Love,
Sandoura

Good Morning Wu
That was cool. Hated to wake up from that. Wow, so real....C U L8R
Sandra Salim

Your daughter and my best friend came to visit on the 22nd - there's that number again - a true instance of the occurance - All your kids happy together, hopefully many more reunions to come. Your daughters together are so cute and love each other so much - your son is happy too! I know saw it - you were there. We all had so much fun, especially on the beach, it was a break from the snow for them. They loved it!!! The kites were close to you, did you see? It's amazing how much Kaila looks like you, it's like you are right there, but with long hair. I wish you can be a part of their life, as they become adults. So cool to watch them interact and grow together. They really love each other. The meaning of life - the ultimate high. Nothing compares to that. If you were alive, you would have gotten sick of being almost 40 and in the clubs like you were saying - a pothetic way of life after a certain age - remember we used to make fun of those old people at the Spy and Grid - you know who - you always said those days were numbered because you wouldn't want to be on the other side of that. Procreation is a wonder and a need.....you did it well and don't worry, although we laughed, we cried too, but know that I'm there to carry it through as long as God makes it possible!!

Love, Sandoura and the kids

Just when I get too busy and involved ....a sign appears to let me know you are there - it's very clear and stops me in my tracks and my thoughts dwell on whatever it is. And it's always something distinctive of our lives together - my heart hurts so much - it always will - it's not fair - sad - no body knows this pain - the deepest pain I feel.

Love, Sandoura

I will be visiting you tomorrow. Those of us who really loved you are working on getting your marker. Hard to do from the coast - but I didn't realize it - I haven't been there - everyone around you over there sucks anyway - just a bunch of talk - no action - except for Clare and your daughter.

I wish I burried you here next to us. Sounds like a plan - I'm sure no one will object

Another true occurance of meaningful dates in our loves together. Our son received the his First Communion on our anniversary. When I realized this, a feeling of disbelief went through me--you were there--I know. I cried uncontrolably when the parents were asked to stand - when his Baptism was mentioned, I closed my eyes and remembered you holding him. it hurts so much......still.
Love,
us

2 years - I play back the messages leading up to this day and I still can't give up the guilt - to hear you crying, the music, your trying to speak in my language - if only I had listened to you pleading to me to start over, to move - It would have gotten you out of there - out of harms way - away from the losers - if only I gave in and said yes one more time - if only....maybe you would be here now.

I just woke this morning once again, as you are with us every night - so vivid - there was a girl (she looked like a crackhead - blond and disgusting with sores all over her) she was fighting with me b/c I was trying to take you out of there - you wanted to go and be with us, but she was holding you back and screaming at me - you said,'this is my wife' and we left her there hand in hand. She was wearing a red shirt and really short shorts, she was dirty, and you could see the bones protruding from her legs - but she was too screwed up to follow us. It was so real, then I woke up.
The other dreams are similar - I am taking you from a place you don't want to be and as you leave you are so happy to see us- every day - you're right in my face -kissing me, whispering to me.... I open my eyes and you're gone.

But you're not really are you.. ??
You'll never let us go and I am o.k. with that so long are it comforts you - the signs are so apparent....

We love you Wu,
Sandoura and your kids
Keep watching over us!

2 years - I play back the messages leading up to this day and I still can't give up the guilt - to hear you crying, the music, your trying to speak in my language - if only I had listened to you pleading to me to start over, to move - It would have gotten you out of there - out of harms way - away from the losers - if only I gave in and said yes one more time - if only....maybe you would be here now.

I just woke this morning once again, as you are with us every night - so vivid - there was a girl (she looked like a crackhead - blond and disgusting with sores all over her) she was fighting with me b/c I was trying to take you out of there - you wanted to go and be with us, but she was holding you back and screaming at me - you said,'this is my wife' and we left her there hand in hand. She was wearing a red shirt and really short shorts, she was dirty, and you could see the bones protruding from her legs - but she was too screwed up to follow us. It was so real, then I woke up.
The other dreams are similar - I am taking you from a place you don't want to be and as you leave you are so happy to see us- every day - you're right in my face -kissing me, whispering to me.... I open my eyes and you're gone.

But you're not really are you.. ??
You'll never let us go and I am o.k. with that so long are it comforts you - the signs are so apparent....

We love you Wu,
Sandoura and your kids
Keep watching over us!

Wow!! that was crazy, and hot - every time! you never cease to amaze me

CRYING, READING YOUR SANDOURA'S WORDS OF OUR CHILDREN...THEY STILL HURT, THEY STILL CRY...IT'S SEEMS TO GET EASIER, AND THEN DOWN COMES THE PAIN AGAIN. WE ALL LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I KNOW WISHING WON'T EVER BRING YOU BACK..AND GOD ONLY KNOWS IF YOU SEE THESE WORDS WE WRITE, BUT I DO KNOW YOU ARE LOOKING OUT AND PROTECTING US WHEN WE ARE ALONE AND NEED YOU. FOREVER LOVED AND IN OUR HEARTS.
--CLARE AND KAILA

yes, thanks for protecting your baby girl the other day, I took her to emergency in my arms, scared crying and praying that she'll be alright. Thankfully she is going to be just fine. Thank God
I was terrified, I could smell her blood everywhere and I thought about you - were you there with us? Give me some kind of sign.

What do you think of my new baby? Gorgeous right? thanx-keep watching over us.
Love, Sandoura