Even I Can Say Goodbye

by:

Sailor Seraphim

 

Relena Peacecraft Darlian wandered through the Winner Estate. Though Rashid had assured her that she was free to move through the mansion, she still felt a bit of hesitation at wandering through someone else's home. In Cinq she was always surrounded by servants or petitioners or advisors, so her current solitude was welcome, though strange. She had not meant to arrive at Quatre's home unannounced. She was sure that she would be swamped by meetings the whole day, but her last meeting and a conference had been pushed back to a later date, and Relena had found herself with an unexpectedly free afternoon. Rather at odds with having nothing to do, Relena decided to find Quatre and talk to him. The two of them had struck up a rather odd friendship over the past two years. His position as President of Winner Enterprises, Incorporated had put him in as public a position as herself. In fact, they both had the same social circles since the efforts of WEI often had on impact on the society at large, besides the economy. At the moment they were both members on a committee dealing with the effects of expanded space industry, and Relena wanted to discuss the issue with the Arabian.

"Hold it!"

Relena jerked at the yell and whirled around, looking for the source of the noise. The room and the hallway beyond the door were empty, so she stepped out onto the sunny balcony and looked over the sprawling grassy yard.

"Hold still, Trowa!"

Cornflower blue eyes searched and soon Relena picked out the figures of Trowa Barton and Chang Wufei. The Chinese man was stripped to the waist, bronzed skin shining in the sunlight, hunched over on his knees, hands moving expertly over the machine between the brunette's legs. Trowa was sitting on a motorcycle, holding the vehicle steady as Wufei worked on the engine. He watched Wufei's tinkering with trained eyes, and only the top of his shirt was unbuttoned to evidence the warmth of the day. Another motorcycle was parked nearby and parts, tools, and rags were littered across the grass. Something clunked and Wufei yelped, dropping his wrench and shaking his hand.

"Why am I doing this again, Trowa?"

"Because you bet Duo that you would win the last hand of strip poker and you lost your pants to him? Literally?"

Wufei huffed and glared at the taller boy. "Have you used up your word limit for today, Barton?"

"..."

"I thought so."

Wufei crouched over the engine again with the wrench but hardly a minute had passed before there was another clunk and a curse. He scowled at the motorcycle engine.

"What's wrong with Duo's engine?! I know that he built it himself, but this is like fixing a Gundam!"

One green eye looked at the engine thoughtfully. "Didn't Duo say that he scavenged parts from DeathScythe?"

"KISAMA!" Wufei twisted his hands through a greasy rag and threw it to the ground in disgust. "This is injustice! I'm going to get Duo for this! Not only do I have to tune his bike, I have to do Heero's too. This is not fair!"

Trowa's lips twitched into a smile at his friend's ranting. "You were the one who didn't want to take off your pants. We were already in our boxers anyway. If you had just taken off your pants, you wouldn't have had to do this."

Wufei ducked his head and poked through the toolbox, muttering something that Relena couldn't hear from her place on the balcony. But Trowa heard and from his reaction, it was highly amusing.

"What was that, Wufei? I didn't quite hear you. Why didn't you want to take off your pants like the rest of us?"

Wufei's face flushed darkly from embarrassment and a touch of anger. "Because I don't wear underwear!" he snapped out. Trowa struggled but his quaking shoulders belied the laughter that was bubbling in him. Wufei rattled through the toolbox, saying nothing.

"Well," Trowa said once he had fully contained his amusement. "It's a fair exchange then -- getting your hands dirty in return for your dignity." Wufei spat out something in Chinese that made a slim brow arch over Trowa's visible eye. "Only if that's a promise and not a threat," he replied.

Wufei *stared* at Trowa, then shook his head. "I knew it... being friends with Duo has addled your mind."

Trowa shrugged. "Heero hasn't gone insane yet, so I should be okay. Speaking of him, are you sure it's safe to touch Heero's motorcycle?"

"Duo said it was all right."

"Heero is very possessive."

"About his bike or Duo?"

"Both."

A half smile crossed Wufei's lips. "It's a pity," he said lightly. "Some people should learn the meaning of sharing."

"I agree."

Wufei and Trowa shared a Look and then the ebony-haired boy snorted. "Well, if Heero doesn't like the tune up, that braided baka can deal with him. Where is he anyway? It's been too quiet."

"Heero came back from his mission last night... this morning really," Trowa said as an answer. Relena's heart leapt in her chest. Heero? Heero was here too?

"Oh?" Wufei said in a distracted tone. He had a hammer in his hand and looked like he was contemplating beating the engine into submission. Trowa rolled his eyes, pulled the hammer from the tanned hand and replaced it with a screwdriver. Relena would have giggled at the downcast look on Wufei's face when the hammer was removed if her thoughts had not been so focused on Heero being somewhere in the house.

"Aa. He was almost dead on his feet. I laid him down in the library to sleep."

Jackpot! The blonde girl thought. Now I know where I can find him. All thoughts of meeting with Quatre to discuss expanded space industry were gone from her head.

"The couch is comfortable," was the absent-minded answer from Wufei. "Explains where Duo is. Heero pushes himself too hard." He lapsed into silence as he poked at the engine, then: "What were you doing up so late?"

Trowa frowned. "I couldn't sleep."

Relena would have taken the terse answer at face value, but Wufei caught some hidden nuance. Coal black eyes on the engine, he said, "Quatre pushes himself too hard as well."

There was a slightly tense silence, broken only by the sound of Wufei working on the engine. Finally, Trowa sighed.

"I worry about Quatre."

"Why don't you say something to him then?"

"Why don't you?"

"I'm not sleeping with him."

Wufei stood up and focused on Trowa. "Look, it's disgusting to see you simpering after Quatre like some silly onna. All of us are worried about him... but only you have a right to say anything to him. He'll listen to you more readily than he would us."

Trowa nodded. Wufei "hn-ed" and crouched over the engine again.

"I never knew you were so full of good relationship advice."

"Shut up, Trowa."

"I mean, really, with your wealth of knowledge, you should have your pick of partners."

"Leave me alone. It's bad enough that Quatre and Duo keep trying to set me up. How weak would I be if I complained about not having someone to warm my bed at night? I'm perfectly happy being a bachelor!"

"So sayeth Chang Wufei, Sex God."

"Shut UP, Barton!"

Trowa smiled and snatched the socket wrench Wufei was waving at him out of his hands. He knelt down, gave a few sharp twists, then rose gracefully. He turned the key and the motorcycle jumped to life, the engine purring perfectly. Wufei gaped at Trowa, then he kept sweeping his eyes back and forth between the motorcycle and the taller boy. Trowa turned the engine off and shrugged.

"Let's work on Heero's now."

Relena moved back into the mansion, her cheeks burning as she realized that she had just eavesdropped on a private conversation. While finding out that Quatre and Trowa were lovers was not unexpected -- the Winner heir could be obvious at times -- it was surprising. Relena never thought of boys, especially ones like the former Gundam pilots, as having such conversations. And she had never heard Trowa speak that much in her acquaintance with him. Relena tossed her hair back; it was time to move onto more important things -- specifically, Heero. The Japanese boy was in the house somewhere. All she had to do was find the library.

Mission accepted, Relena thought with a little smile.

The blonde Vice Foreign Minister searched through all of the open rooms on the ground floor for fifteen minutes with no success. Finally, she came to the end of the hallway, where a set of French doors stood partly opened. Relena crept to the door, cautiously peering into the room from the crack.

The first thing she saw was a far wall, books lining the shelves up to the ceiling. Yes! She thought triumphantly. I found the library! The second thing she saw was a huge gap in the wall, bare of books. Instead of shelves, a large gilt mirror reflected the other side of the room, which Relena could not see from her vantage point. And there, reflected in the mirror, was Heero Yuy.

The dark-haired boy was sprawled across the large couch, just as Trowa had said. Relena could see that he was only wearing a crumpled green tank top and dark boxers, his jeans lying in a pile on the floor. The blanket which had covered him had been kicked off in his sleep, half of it covering a funny lump near the sofa. Just as she was wondering what exactly the odd-shaped lump was, it moved and Relena had to smother a gasp. The lump shifted, blanket falling to the floor, and Relena realized that the lump was Duo Maxwell. Duo was curled up against the couch, his head resting against the cushions in a way that Relena was sure wasn't comfortable. Duo's movement did its job though, disturbing Heero enough to wake him. Prussian blue eyes blinked open slowly, trying to focus. Heero stretched like a cat, flashing a quick glimpse of a pale belly, before he ran a hand through his hair, messing up the already tousled bangs even more. Finally awake, Heero's gaze snapped down to Duo, who had apparently decided that throwing his arm out across Heero's chest was more comfortable.

Relena watched as a small smile lifted Heero's lips. He gently fingered Duo's bangs, pushing them away from the sleeping face. Searching for a moment with his free hand, Heero caught hold of Duo's long braid. The smile now had a touch of mischief and Heero pulled the tie off of the braid, tossing the piece of elastic negligently aside. With painstaking care, Heero unraveled Duo's braid inch by inch until he was covered in a waterfall of chestnut hair. Relena couldn't help but admire Duo's hair. She had never seen the American boy with his hair down before and wondered why. Duo's hair was beautiful. Apparently, Heero thought the same thing because he started to finger comb the long tresses, running his hands sensuously through that soft mane.

Relena frowned. She didn't like the look on Heero's face as he played with Duo's hair.

As Heero's hands continued to work through Duo's hair, the boy purred in his sleep, incoherent mumbling that evidenced that he was enjoying the feeling greatly. A frown crossed Duo's face as he moved from the realm of dreams to the one of reality. Violet eyes snapped open and Duo jerked his head toward Heero in shock.

"Heero?!" the boy yelped in surprise, confused by the fact that Heero was awake and covered by chestnut strands. Duo shook his head, freeing his hair from Heero's grip and eyeing his long hair with dismay. "You are such a *freak*."

"Is that all you can say to me?" Heero replied, arms crossed over his chest as he watched the American sitting on the floor.

"Well, what do ya want me to say? I'm not even awake yet and you're already playing with my hair. How long have you had this hair fetish? You didn't even ask for permission first."

Heero smirked as he watched Duo stretch and rub the sleep out of his eyes, then bat ineffectually at the hair that got in his way. "I couldn't ask for your permission. You were asleep."

Duo stuck his tongue out at the Japanese boy. "Ha ha ha. Yeah. Funny. Where'd you put my hair thingy?" Duo's fingers flew, rapidly braiding down his hair again.

"Your hair thingy?"

"Yes! My hair thingy! That little piece of elastic that I use to keep my hair back! Jeeze, I should know not to argue with you in the morning by now." Duo scowled at Heero and held tightly to the end of his newly braided hair.

"Oh. *That* hair thingy. It's... somewhere. I didn't see where it landed."

Duo muttered something and let go of his braid, allowing the whole mass to unravel again. Heero's hands shot out, grasping the smooth strands and fingering them loose.

"Good. I like it when your hair is down." Duo didn't bother complaining and Heero continued to smirk as the other boy started to purr under his hands. "Duo? Why were you sleeping on the floor?"

Duo looked up at Heero, a faint blush across his cheeks. "Well, when I found out from Trowa that you were here, I hightailed it down. But, you were already asleep and I didn't want to wake you."

"You could have slept on the couch, too."

"It wasn't that bad, Heero. I've slept in worse places. I'm just glad Quatre has carpet down here and not tiles. Besides, like I said, I didn't want to bother you."

Heero frowned. "You never bother me, Duo." Without warning, Heero grabbed Duo by the arms and pulled him onto the sofa. Duo yelped in an undignified way and landed sprawled across Heero. The other boy compensated immediately, cradling Duo's body with his own, arms locking like iron around the slim waist. "Anyway, isn't this a more comfortable position than laying on the floor?"

Duo laughed, his arms sliding up Heero's chest and around his shoulders. He bent his face low, so that his violet eyes could stare into Heero's Prussian ones, their noses brushing. "Yeah, much better. But it doesn't make up for you playing with my hair without my permission."

Relena didn't like the way things were going one bit.

"Oh really?" Heero asked, his voice dropping a noticeable octave. "And what can I do to earn your favor again?" He shifted beneath Duo, his hips lifting slightly, one leg sliding easily between Duo's. His hands skimmed Duo's sides before wrapping around his waist again.

Pale hands toyed with the material of Heero's tank top. "Hhhhmmmm... I don't know what you could do. Playing with my hair is a severe offense. And you were gone for such a long time, too." Duo buried his face against Heero's neck, breathing in the scent of his boyfriend.

"Duo..." Heero's voice had changed, serious once again. "You know I couldn't help it."

"Yeah. Yeah. I know. It was a mission. Well, you can't blame me for missing you just a tiny little bit."

"A tiny little bit?"

Duo grinned and lifted his head so he could look Heero in the face again. "Of course! Though, if you had stayed away any longer, I probably would have had to take Wufei into my bed."

Relena resisted the urge to swallow her tongue. This conversation couldn't be happening! It couldn't! Was Duo...? Was Heero...? Were they...? No! No! No! They couldn't be! It was a sick sort of torture, but Relena continued to eavesdrop on the two boys entwined on the sofa.

"Duo," Heero growled, his arms tightening.

The American was unfazed. "Oh? Is someone getting jealous?"

"You belong to me, Duo."

"Wrong, Heero Yuy. I don't belong to anyone."

Making a sound between a snarl and a moan, Heero's head darted up, catching Duo's lips in a fiery kiss. His hands trailed up, one keeping Duo's head in place, the other searching and roaming over Duo's body, tugging impatiently at his clothes. Duo for his part remained unfazed; he had expected Heero's reaction and relished in the taste of his lover after so long. One of his hands speared through Heero's dark hair and one worked down under the green tank top. The two boys on the couch writhed against each other, switching positions without breaking the kiss. Heero now straddled the smaller boy, grinding his hips against Duo's, even as his tongue repeatedly dipped and plundered the American's mouth. Heero broke the kiss roughly, panting as he stared down at Duo's flushed face and bruised lips. "You're *mine,*" he repeated.

His declaration was met with a sassy grin. "I'll let you believe that for now." Duo's arms twined up, wrapping around Heero's shoulders comfortably.

Cornflower blue eyes stared in utter fascination. There was no way that Relena could be persuaded to leave her position at the door now.

Heero gave a long sigh and collapsed against Duo, running his hands through those long chestnut strands once again. "How the hell do you do this to me, Duo?" he asked, an exasperated note in his voice.

"It's called ‘love,' Heero. And nobody understands it."

"But what is love?" Heero asked after a minute.

"Getting philosophical in the mornings, huh?"

There was another brief silence as Heero struggled to gather his thoughts and put them in some semblance of order. "Odin..." he began haltingly. "Odin Lowe taught me to follow my emotions. He said it made people human."

"Follow your emotions?" Duo repeated incredulously. "Hell, Heero. You were running in Perfect Soldier mode for so long that I was worried you'd go nuts once the war ended."

"Exactly. Doctor J taught me that emotions didn't matter. Just the mission. How do I know what's right?"

"Heero..."

"Relena..." At the door, Relena jumped, thinking that she had been found eavesdropping. But, Heero continued and she realized that he was just talking about her. "When I decided to protect Relena, instead of kill her, it was the first time I acted from emotion. The first time since..." Heero broke off.

"Since the girl and her puppy?"

Surprised Prussian eyes bore down on violet. "You know about...?"

"Yeah. Wu told me."

Heero grunted. "Hn. What I felt for Relena, my emotions, I followed them. Is that love?"

Relena's breath caught in her throat. Was she finally going to hear those words she had only heard in dreams? Maybe what she was seeing was wrong. Maybe she was missing something. If Heero loved her... there was the tiniest bit of hope in her heart.

Duo was frowning, trying to answer Heero's precariously worded question. "I... I can't tell you if it's love, Heero. Only you can say whether you love someone... or not. All I know is that love is different, and there's different kinds of love. I loved Sister Helen and Father Maxwell and Solo. They were the family I never had. I love Quatre and Trowa and Wufei. They're my best friends." Duo paused, then looked directly into Heero's eyes, one hand moving to run down Heero's cheek. "And you. I love you."

"Love me how?" Heero asked without pause.

Duo pondered for a moment. "I don't love you the way I love Sister Helen and Father Maxwell. I used to love you the way I love Quatre and the guys. But that changed. The way I love you... it goes beyond that. Not necessarily better, but different. I love you, Heero. I don't want you to go away. That's all."

The Japanese boy's brow furrowed in thought, his arms wrapping tighter around Duo's body almost instinctively. "I... guess I love Trowa and Quatre and Wufei. The same way you do. They were our allies during the war. But I don't love you the way I love Relena."

"Love me how?" Duo asked with a grin, turning Heero's question against himself.

"I... want to be with you. Relena, I only wanted to protect. She would bring peace. Maybe that's what my emotions were telling me. That's why I saved her. I had to make sure she stayed alive so that the war would end. Now she's brought the peace. I don't have anything left to do." Here, Heero stopped to raise himself on his arms so he could look down onto Duo's face. He tilted his head to the side, apparently appraising the boy pinned beneath him. "But... I don't need to protect you. I don't want... I don't want you to go away."

"Heero..." Duo murmured. He reached up, pulling Heero closer to him and burying his face into Heero's unruly dark hair. "Thank you."

Confused, Heero spoke up again. "Why are you thanking me?"

"Baka," Duo laughed.

"But what if my emotions, or yours, are wrong? What if we don't love each other, really?"

"Then, Heero... I hope that if that ever happens, I'll love you enough to let you go. I want you to be happy. But right now... right now is a very, very good place to be."

"Ryoukai."

Duo sighed, tightening his hold on Heero. "Life isn't a fairytale, koi. If it was, the hero--" Duo paused to grin at the Japanese boy, "-- the dashing prince would fall in love with the beautiful princess and they would live happily ever after."

"The prince always ends up with the princess?"

"That's what happens in fairytales."

"What if the prince wants to fuck his trusted squire through the floor?"

"Ah... now *that* is where the fairytales leave off."

Relena turned from the doorway, moving slowly down the hallway. She didn't need to hear witness anymore, but Duo's voice drifted behind her anyway.

"... I'm just a squire?!"

"I could have made you a jester."

"Oh, I'll show you *jester*!"

Relena struggled to contain her emotions, not wholly conscious of the fact that she was wandering down Quatre's hallway in a daze. The image of Heero and Duo embraced on the sofa would not leave her mind, taunting her like a disease.

Heero.

And Duo.

*Together.*

The dull ache in her chest overcame her and somehow Relena managed to collapse onto a chair in a secluded parlor. Burying her face in her hands, the blonde struggled to compose herself. She couldn't ignore what she had just seen and heard. The way the two young men had looked at each other... spoken to each other... touched each other... Relena felt ill.

"I've been such a fool," Relena whispered bitterly.

As her mind ran across her memories, Relena had to admit that for all the Heero and Duo were passionate with each other, they were very discrete in public. She had no clue that the two Preventers were involved with anyone, let alone the fact that they were involved with each other! Duo flirted with everyone and Heero ignored everyone. How was *she* supposed to know that they were lovers?

Still, Relena recalled Trowa and Wufei's conversation, and their mention of Heero's possessiveness. It was obvious that the other ex-pilots knew of Heero and Duo's relationship. Struck by self-consciousness, Relena wondered just how many people knew. How many people did *she* know had knowledge of the lovers, then laughed as Relena made a fool of herself over Heero? The young woman shook her head in denial. It couldn't be. Her friends and associates couldn't have known. They would have told her -- warned her about the futility of loving Heero because Heero loved someone else. But, how many times had she ignored another's advice to stay away from the Japanese boy because he was dangerous?

Relena choked, forcing away the tears burning behind her eyes. Shouldn't she be happy that Heero had regained his lost humanity? Shouldn't she be rejoicing the fact that the object of her affections was happy and content? But she couldn't. Relena could not be happy for Heero's happiness. She was not that kind of person. Yes, she wanted Heero to be happy, but Relena wanted him to be happy with her!

Relena's only comfort was the fact that Heero did *love* her, but he was not *in love* with her. But that was a bitter consolation at best. Her eyes were now open to the truth. What she had thought of as devotion and even love from Heero had merely been his own stumbling attempts to deal with his emotions and protect the one ideal of peace he had. Heero had even said so himself. He had rejected the world Relena had to offer and found his comfort in Duo Maxwell's arms instead.

And what of her? Relena worried her bottom lip as she went over her own emotions. She loved Heero. She did. When she had met Heero on that fateful afternoon, Relena had known somehow that her life would be changed forever. Heero was untamed, unrestrained, utterly free of the boundaries and fetters that made up the then-Vice Foreign Minister's daughter's world. Perhaps that was what made Heero so attractive to her. The Japanese boy had embodied all those things that Relena had been sheltered from. His mere presence promised a wild and unpredictable break in her otherwise monotonous life.

That was one of the reasons she loved Heero Yuy.

Going over it now, Relena realized what a shallow reason it was. Loving someone just because he broke the daily routine of your life? Bah. That was almost as shallow as loving someone because he was good looking. And while Heero *was* possessed of a compactly muscled frame, unruly hair she longed to run her fingers through, an ass that looked perfect in spandex, and steely blue eyes that pierced her soul, Relena was not attracted to Heero *just because* of his looks.

She envied and admired his strength of will and character. Heero was a man who was not afraid to fight for his ideals -- even if the world stood in his way. Behind his mysterious and stern demeanor, Relena could catch glimpses of his hidden pain and often wished that Heero would share his secrets with her.

Maybe... just maybe... she had been chasing after Heero for so long that even though the game was over, she did not want to stop playing. What would happen if she gave up? If she admitted that Duo had defeated her and won the prize?

With these thoughts Relena disgusted herself. Heero was *not* an *object,* a prize to be won. When had she begun to think of Heero in that way? And she was not rivals with Duo Maxwell! She hadn't even known that the two were interested in each other! While in the past she had always wondered why the braided boy insisted on tagging along with the taciturn pilot, and even envied his ability to be so close to Heero, Relena did not hate him. Indeed, Relena did not even *dislike* Duo. The American was always so open and free, quick to laugh and look at the brighter side of life. And he was cute, too. Maybe if she had not been so fixated on Heero, she would have loved the self-proclaimed Shinigami instead.

"Ah, Relena," she said wryly. "You're going to drive yourself crazy if you continue like this. The only thing to do now is accept the truth, no matter how much it hurts."

Resolved, the blond wiped her eyes absently (perversely proud that she hadn't *really* cried) and slipped out of Quatre's parlor. As she walked through the long hallway, her steps seemed to feel lighter.

"I can leave you behind, Heero," the Vice Foreign Minister told herself. "I can say goodbye. I can live my own life, too." She stepped through the open door and out into the sunny yard. Throwing her arms out, Relena closed her cornflower blues eyes and took a deep breath of the fresh air. She felt better now, standing there on the front step in the sunshine. Everything was going to get better.

Trowa and Wufei were lying on their backs on the grass, absorbing the sun which shone brightly down on them. The Latin boy had even stripped down to his pants like the Chinese boy, and they were both getting impromptu tans.

Wufei's head snapped up and he sat up in the grass. Trowa, turning to where the Chinese boy was looking, pulled himself out of his lounging position as well. There, standing at the edge of the grassy lawn out of the shade of the mansion was Relena Peacecraft Darlian. The Vice Foreign Minister had her arms spread and on her face was a serene smile.

"Miss Relena?" Trowa called out.

The blonde swung around, arms dropping back down to her sides. Relena blinked in the strong sunshine and just smiled.

"Were you looking for Quatre?" Trowa asked, remembering Quatre mentioning something about his meeting with the girl. Wufei was just watching Relena with a wary expression, inky eyebrows arched as he followed Relena's movements with his eyes.

Relena shook her head. "I was, but something unexpected came up. I have to go now."

Trowa nodded. "I'll tell Quatre you were looking for him."

"Thank you, Trowa, and have a good afternoon. You too, Wufei." The blonde smiled yet again before practically bouncing off the front step, walking lightly to where Pargan was waiting for her.

Wufei shook his head and collapsed on the grass again. "Unbelievable."

Trowa leaned back on his elbows and stared up into the blue sky. "What is?"

"The Peacecraft girl came all the way here and she didn't even ask us where Heero was. I never thought I'd see the day."

The brunette laughed quietly and continued to watch white clouds roll idly through the blue sky. There was the sound of a muffled yell which carried through the yard. Wufei snorted in response. "It looks like Duo and Heero are awake. For now, at least. I wish they were quieter."

"Jealous, Chang?"

"Never, Barton. When is Quatre going to arrive?"

"If he wasn't held up by the meeting, he should be home soon. Why?"

"Let's just say that Duo and Heero's antics are giving me an idea."

"A mission for the Sex God?"

"You're going to regret that, Trowa."

"I hope so."

 

 

 

-- Owari --