(After Buk)
Objective: get intoxicated.
To sit down by the pool sunning myself
with a pack of cigarettes- Marlboros-
and a cooler full of Budweiser beer;
to be waited on by some sweet young thing
who would try to trick me into sex.
They say that the greatest thing is sex.
Well, I�d rather be intoxicated.
Now there is a really magical thing:
To wake up in the bed all by myself,
reeking of smoke and piss, vomit and beer,
needing water, and more Marlboros.
I am fond of the Marlboros.
They last a lot longer than the sex.
No tossing out bottles (unlike the beer),
and they don�t make me intoxicated,
waking up to not remember a thing-
what the hell did I do to myself?
The girl will beg me to play; that�s her thing.
All right Babe, pass me my Marlboros
while I get a condom put on myself.
It�s way too much trouble, all of this sex.
I�d much rather be intoxicated.
The cheaper the better; beer is beer.
If anything, I�ll line up the beer
cans and lay on the bed and beat that thing,
keep going until intoxicated,
then sit back and have a Marlboro.
Now that�s the way to enjoy some good sex:
with the one I love best- that�s myself.
It�s not like I�m in love with myself.
You can cut me and my veins won�t spout beer.
While I am a man who practices sex,
I do not need practice at other things:
the art of stoking up Marlboros,
and yes, getting intoxicated.
I do enjoy the sex, but here�s the thing:
Steal my beer, but not my Marlboros.
Kill you myself. I�m intoxicated.