filmsgraded.com:

Ghosts of the Abyss (2003)

Grade: 46/100

Director: James Cameron
Stars: Bill Paxton, James Cameron

What it's about. Apparently bored with making traditional Hollywood movies, director James Cameron returns to the theme of his greatest commercial success, Titanic. This time, however, the movie is a documentary about modern exploration of the disintegrating wreck on the bottom of the North Atlantic. Cameron explores the ship remotely via two expensive robots, nicknamed Jake and Elwood (of Blues Brothers infamy). Bill Paxton comes along to narrate, star, and appear humbly enthusiastic.

How others will see it. The original version of this movie was IMAX, with 3-D visuals and a widescreen presentation. This was undoubtedly more impressive than the 2-D pan-and-zoom version I watched.

Presumably, however, the IMAX version also suffers from raised expectations. The long-awaited robot camera perusal of the wreck reveals a scum-covered steel hulk that might as well have been a sunken Holiday Inn for all we can tell.

Attempts to pretend Paxton is in physical danger during a deep descent in one of the three-man submarines culminates in a moment of real drama: Paxton has to urinate, and has no place to go. A plastic bedpan to the rescue! Paxton is saved!

How I felt about it. More humor, probably less intentional, is provided by Cameron's transformation from film director to expedition leader. A team of Russian naval technicians do the real work, while Carville pretends to be a tech gizmo with the expensive robots.

Okay, possibly I am being overly harsh. The Americans do some work, I suppose, and Cameron may know something about how to use the robots. With that disclaimer past, now I can slam the film some more.

A few interesting anecdotes are told about the Titanic's final hours and the fates of some of its famous guests. These are depicted by fleeting ghostly appearances of dispassionate actors.

These anecdotes work better than the real purpose of the trip, which is to exhibit the glory of the wrecked Titanic. There are two major problems: the lighting is terrible, and the passage of ninety years has diminished the wreck. These problems are most apparent when a pile of something is presented as a possible vintage automobile. Even if it is in fact was a car, which is dubious, it more closely resembles a metal factory's scrap.

Obviously, there is scientific knowledge to be gained by exploring the hulk of the Titanic. It just doesn't make good cinema, not even when the robots malfunction under Cameron's risky prodding, and require a rescue, which is gripping only if you own them. Alas, they're 90 years too late to save any passengers.


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