Is your worst fear of fear itself?
Hi Everyone, welcome to Fiestyfem's "Conquering Fear" Home Page:
If you looking for support to work through problems with anxiety, panic, and depression then you are in the right place! Check out my various links for on-line support and information for Anxiety Disorders.
You can also email me at [email protected] for more personal support or post messages at my [email protected].
A Bit About My Story:
Agoraphobia started suddenly,
with a panic attack, while I was downtown waiting for a bus on Douglas
Street in Victoria, B.C. I was nineteen years old and living
completely on my own for the first time. Over a short period of
a few months, my world got smaller and smaller, as I became more and more
immobilized with fear of the next panic attack, avoiding the places of
every previous panic attack, until I became housebound. This lasted
for a 9-month period. Out of desperation, I checked myself into the
hospital, hoping for a immediate cure, they diagnosed me with anxiety neurosis.
Soon after my hospital trip, I learned about Agoraphobia and/or Generalized
Anxiety Disorder while listening to a radio program and knew that's what
I had. It was after this that my healing journey started.
Today, I'm in my 40's and have just moved back to Victoria, on Vancouver Island, the place where my anxiety all started. This is after reaching a point in my recovery of being able to work full time in an office job, and drive myself to work and back in Calgary, AB, a city of almost a million. I still have limitations, but I am working on them. Today I try not to let my fears stop me from living my life. I'm able to try things outside my comfort zone, even though it's scary at the time. Like driving alone on the highway, going into malls by myself and most recently I've faced my greatest fear, which was flying.
West Coast Trail on Vancouver Island
Moving back home, to Victoria, B.C. was a dream come true. When I left the city at 25 years old, I had planned to get enough work experience to come back and get a good job. I never thought it would take so long to return and at times I was afraid I'd never make it back. For so long Victoria was like an elusive dream in my mind. Over the years I buried my hearts desire of returning to the Island, it just never seemed to be the right time. Then I got a roommate, who was 25 and from Nanimo on Vancouver Island. Both of us being in the Children Services field and from Vancouver Island, we had lots in common, which lead to several great conversations together. Finally she said to me, "All I hear about it how much you want to move back to Victoria. Why don't you just do it...you can pay rent there as easily as you can here." I thought about that. At 47 I'm not getting any younger and I decided I better get back there while I can still obtain a job that uses the experience I've gained. I once read somewhere, "Do what you love and the money will follow." Now I'm here, in Victoria, settled in an apartment and facing the ghosts of the old me that couldn't walk downtown alone. Today I need my recovery skills more then ever so not slip back into old behavior patterns.
Funny how my agoraphobia starting in Victoria has never destroyed my love of this coastal city, which I still consider the jewel of Canada. It's wonderful to be able to smell the ocean and see the waves rolling up onto shore. It's springtime in Victoria and I feel like I've got a whole new lease on life.
Over the last 20 years I have read numerous books on anxiety/panic disorder, agoraphobia etc. and by now qualify as an expert in my own right on this topic. I've also purchased 2 tape programs from the states: The CHAANGE Program and Attacking Anxiety & Depression Program, both are 16 weeks programs and have had an incredible impact on my thinking and understanding of agoraphobia. The principles is these tape programs have given me the courage to face my fears and realize my dreams, as well as a life that's worth living and not just existing as a prisoner of my fear.
I’ve learnt people with panic disorder tend to have certain personality characteristics (perfectionistic, emotionally sensitive, intelligent, negative, analytical thinkers, chronic-obsessive worriers, and they have a need to be in control), these, when combined with traumatic events can lead to agoraphobia and/or Anxiety Disorder and Depression.
A series of crisis and not listening to our body's signals that we need to relax, seem to bring on the first panic attack. People with Agoraphobia connect the panic attack to external places and try to prevent another panic attack by avoiding the places where the panic attacks occurred. As a result, we become prisoners of our own fear, our worst fear being of fear itself.
Can you relate to any of
these questions or symptoms?
1)
Do you find yourself uncomfortable or panicky anywhere outside the comfort
and safety of your home?
STRESSFUL LIFE EVENT HAPPENS:
- Externally generated (justifiable
anxiety)
- Chemical releases
- Body symptoms
2 paths to take
Agoraphobia
Life without Agoraphobia
- Fear of body symptoms
- Acceptance
- Internally generated anxiety
- "What's really bothering
me?"
- "Why do I feel this way?"
- compassionate self-talk>
- more chemical releases
- positive distraction
- more body symptoms
- CALM
- fear of symptoms worsening
- no fatique or depression
- bewiderment and confusion
- No chronic anxiety<
- more chemical releases
- NO pain
- PANIC ATTACK
- bewiderment, fatique and
depression
Which way you going to go?
It's up to you.
We can
recover together!
Breathing techniques do help, so do meditation/relaxation tapes, monitoring and becoming aware of our negative self-talk and changing it to positive self-talk, etc. The Attacking Anxiety & Depression Program covers all these techniques and includes coaching video's, 16 tapes and a workbook.
Beyond the Relaxation Response books
and tapes are also excellent for teaching meditation techniques to de-stress
ourselves and stop the body signals, anxiety depression cycle. Dr.
Claire Weeks, who was a pioneer in this field, wrote a series of books
on Anxiety Disorder that teach techniques such as the accepting the feelings
and floating through them. Techniques that are now used commonly
in most anxiety programs.
You
are not alone
We can recover from this together, using on-line support groups, education and courage to unlearn theseirrational fears through, relaxation and mediation techniques, changing our self talk, and learning how thiscondition comes about. Severe anxiety is a learned behavior that can be unlearned without medication in70% of cases. One in 4 people will suffer from Anxiety Disorder at some point in their lifetime.
~ Rules To Live By With Anxiety
& Panic ~
1) Except, Allow and Accept That Fear Will Arise.
~ If you have panic disorder, expect that you will have to deal with it ~
2) When Fear Comes, Stop, Wait and Let It Be.
~ Our urge is to Run From The Fear. Running only re-sensitizes you.
Stay with it and allow the feeling to be there.
3) Focus on the present. ~ Use your senses to get grounded.
~ Touch; Smell; Notice the Colors and Sounds Around You.
4) Label your Level of Fear from Zero to 10. ~ A Level of 0 is calm; 10 is pure Panic.
~ When you reach a 10; you can't do anything but "Ride The Wave." ~
~ There is Peace on the other Side of the Panic! ~
5) Ask Yourself; "What Am I Really Afraid Of?"
~ Work your way through every "What If" scenario.
6) Ask Yourself; "What Is Actually Happening?"
~ Compare Reality to Your Fear.
7) Function with Fear ~ Be Proud Of Achievement.
~ Even if you are doing everyday things;
~ It's an advancement.
~ Feel Good about each Step you've taken!
8) Expect, Allow and Accept That Fear Will Reappear!
Please
sign my Guest Book and let me know how you like my site at the below link.
Conquering
Fear Guest Book
On-Line links Worth Checking:
http://www.hits4me.com/156799/award.asp
My Attacking Anxiety Support Group at Yahoo
the Anxiety Panic internet resource (tAPir)
Home of Attacking Anxiety & Depression Tapes
Home of The CHAANGE Program Tapes
A great site to Meditate on
Canadians Largest Site for Medical Issues
Soul's Self-Help Central
BOOKS TO READ:
Don’t Panic by Dr. Reid Wilson,
Dancing With Fear by Paul Foxman,
From Panic to Power by Lucinda Basset,
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnequie,
Your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne Dyer,
Overcoming Panic, Anxiety & Phobias by Babior & Goldman,
Free From Fears by Seagrave and Covington,
Hope and Help for your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes,
Peace from Nervous Suffering by Dr. Clair Weekes,
The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by E. Bourne
Feel the Fear and do it anyway by Susan Forward
Pain To Power\\\
From the Book: "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyways" by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
"If
everybody feels fear when approaching something totally new in
life,
yet so many are out there 'doing it' despite the fear, then we
must
conclude that:
FEAR IS NOT THE PROBLEM
"Obviously,
the real issue has nothing to do with fear itself, but,
rather,
how we hold fear. For some, the fear is totally irrelevant.
For
others, it creates a state of paralysis. The former hold their
fear
from a position of power (choice, energy, action), and the
latter
hold if from a position of pain (helplessness, depression, and
paralysis).
HOW WE HOLD FEAR
Pain_______________________________Power
Helplessness ------------------------ Choice
|
|
Depression -------------------------- Excitement
|
|
Paralysis -------------------------- Action
From
this it can be seen that the secret in handling fear is to move
yourself
from a position of pain to a position of power. The fact that
you
have the fear then becomes irrelevant...
The
kind of power I am talking about here is a type of power that
makes
you less manipulative of those around you [and less wrapped up
in
trying to control others and or your environment] I am talking about
a
power within the self. This means power over your perceptions of the
world,
power over how you react to situations in your life, power to
do
what is necessary for your own self-growth, power to create joy and
satisfaction
in your life, power to act and power to love.
This
kind of power has nothing to do with anyone else. It is not egomania,
but
a healthy self-love. In fact, egomaniacs have absolutely no feeling
of
power--thus their compelling need to control those around them. Their
lack
of power leaves them perpetually in a state of fear, since their
survival
depends on the outside world. No one is more unloving than a
person
who can't own his or her own power. Such people spend their lives
trying
to pull it out of everyone else. Their need creates all sorts of
manipulative
behaviour.
The
kind of power I am talking about leaves you free, since you don't
expect
the rest of the world to fill you up. It's not the ability to get
someone
else to do what you want them to do. It's the ability to get
yourself
to do what you want to do. If you do not own this kind of power,
[personal
power] you lose your sense of peace. You are in a very vulnerable
place.
[A vulnerable place that can be the breeding ground of much unwanted
defensive
behaviour I would add]
...The
truth is that love and power go together. With power, one can
really
begin to open up the heart. With no power, love is distorted.
...To
help you on your Pain to Power path, it's important that you
begin
to develop a Pain-to-Power Vocabulary. The way you use words has
a
tremendous impact on the quality of your life. [Words after all come
from
our thoughts] Certain words are destructive; others are empowering.
Choose
to move to a Pain-to-Power Vocabulary as follows:
Pain - - - - - - - - - - - - - Power
_______________________________________________________
I can't -------------------------------- I won't
I should ------------------------------- I could
It's not my fault ---------------------- I'm totally responsible
It's a problem ------------------------- It's an opportunity
Life's a struggle ---------------------- Life's an adventure
I'm never satisfied -------------------- I want to learn and grow
I hope --------------------------------- I know
If only -------------------------------- Next time
What will I do? ------------------------ I know I can handle it
It's terrible -------------------------- It's a learning experience
'I
can't' implies you have no control over your life, whereas 'I won't',
puts
a situation in the realm of choice. From this moment on, strike
'I
can't' from your vocabulary. When you give your subconscious the
message
'I can't' your subconscious really believes you and registers
on
its computer: WEAK...WEAK...WEAK. Your subconscious believes only
what
it hears, not what is true. You might be saying 'I can't' simply
to
get out of a dinner invitation--The fact is that you could go to
dinner--but,
you are in fact choosing not to do so.
New Comfort Zone
___________________
<-
<- <- Risk Four -
- -
___________________
<-
<- <- Risk Three - - -
___________________
<-
<- <- Risk Two
- - -
___________________
<-
<- <- Risk One
- - -
___________________
Original Zone of
Comfort
___________________
<-
<- <- Risk Four -
- -
___________________
<-
<- <- Risk Three - - -
___________________
<-
<- <- Risk Two
- - -
___________________
<-
<- <- Risk One
- - -
___________________
New Comfort Zone
___________________
With
each risk you take, each time you move out of what feels comfortable,
you
become more powerful. [Feel more competent] Your whole life expands
to
take in more of what there is in the world to experience. As your power
builds,
so does your confidence, so that stretching your comfort zone
becomes
easier and easier, despite any fear you may be experiencing. The
magnitude
of the risks you take also expands.
...So
take only those risks each day that build your sense of self-worth.
These
are the risks that enhance your ability to deal with your fears.
EXPAND!
EXPAND! EXPAND!
Whether
it feels like it or not, you already have more power than you
could
ever have imagined. We all have. When I speak of going from pain
to
power, I am not talking about pulling the power in from any outside
source.
Inside of you, just waiting to emerge, is an incredible source
of
energy, which is more than sufficient for you to create a joyful
and
satisfying life. It isn't magic. It is only a process of tapping
the
energy already there, though you are not aware of it.
...You
are innately designed to use your personal power. When you
don't,
you experience *helplessness*, *paralysis*, and *depression*--
which
is your clue that something is not working as it could. You,
like
all of us, deserve everything that is wonderful and exciting in
life.
And those feelings emerge only when you get in touch with your
powerful
self."
Thank you for visiting my web site and I hope you will join me through postings at my support group.
Fiestyfem
signing off
