what is this world coming to?

today 5 innocent people were murdered in cold blood, targets of random shooting, in the county where I was born, raised, and where I went to school...

the last victim was shot down the street from where my brother lives, and in the opposite direction is my hematologist's office.

this is just way too close to home. I'm very sad today...

in the meantime, I've got all sorts of OTHER problems. surprisingly nothing related to my health, except I'm recovering from a flu bug that has been bothering me all week, giving me an on and off fever. I bet if I go see the doctor soon something else will be wrong...

I don't know why I got the good fortune of being listed on the Devils official site. I mean...I'm grateful for the attention, but suddenly I'm thrust under the microscope. I'm scared of failing Nick and Stephen, two people I have nothing but the utmost respect for, and I don't think this feeling of inadequacy is going away anytime soon.

I would love it if they wrote me and said, "hey, nice job" or something simple like that. but until I get something like that...I really don't know what they think.

meanwhile, people have suddenly gotten weird on me...

oh yes. and I won a poster off eBay this week! only problem is the seller's got to fold it (and in my mind, ruin it) to get it mailed to the US...

*sobs in the corner*

the planets are probably aligned wrong...