A bright day in Los Angeles, with a warm but nice breeze, and I was going to meet Nick Rhodes for lunch. I had only brough two really nice outfits. One for the record release party. And one for daytime - a mid-length lilac floral print skirt, a lime silk blouse, sandals, accented with a straw bonnet. On my neck I wore a plain silver chain with a very special charm on it - Christmases before John had sent it to me to remind me of my favorite city in the world - it was of a San Francisco cable car.

I sighed, thinking how although things had not turned out the way I wanted with him and me, I still considered myself very lucky that I had been able to relocate to the Bay Area. It was beautiful, filled with art and culture. Exciting enough to be when you wanted it to be, but simple enough to be perfect for a lazy afternoon of reading.

A waiter led me to a corner table on the verandah. Nick had mentioned Spago's, but I told him I wanted something simpler after the previous night's gorgefest. Upon my approach, Nick put down a stack of newspaper - the L.A. Times I assumed - nervously. He wore a simple but never dull (for Nick Rhodes anyway) gray suit, no tie. I liked what he had done with his hair - I had always disapproved of that purple fluff he transformed his hair into for the "Too Much Information" video!

"Hi Nicky," I smiled, slipping the sunglasses off my nose, and replacing them with my normal spectacles, sitting down across from him. "I'm glad you could make time out of your busy schedule to have lunch with me!"

"For you, Gracie - I'd *make* the time," he said quickly. I ordered a Coke, he asked for another packet of Earl Grey. Then I flipped through the menu, though I could tell he was looking at me intently. So when the waitress returned with our drinks, I swiftly ordered for lunch a mixed wild green salad with seared tuna, with Nick ordering the shrimp and mango salad.

"We're ordering *so* Californian," he joked. "Seared tuna sounds good, actually."

I smiled, taking a sip of my soda. "Thanks. I love raw fish and Japanese. Just like..."

"...John," we both said at the same time. The two of us laughed.

"So..." he looked down at his hands, always immaculately manicured.

"So..."

"Well, what's up? I mean, you said in not so many words that you wanted to have lunch with me...well, what gives?"

Nick turned to study the green tablecloth. "You make it sound like you don't want to be here," he replied, shifting in his chair.

I shook my head. "No, Nick - I'm just taken aback, that's all. It's been quite a long time since we've ever had a conversation alone."

"Yes, I know," he said, taking a sip of his tea, and dropping a slice of lemon into his cup. "But maybe I should just get down to business. First, I'd like to start out by saying that I am so glad you came to the album release party, I can say that it made me a lot less apprehensive having an old friend there."

"I was so surprised to be even invited!" I joked. "I had a great time, thanks for inviting me."

He grinned. "It was my idea."

"Nicky, you shouldn't have," I said, grinning back.

"I had to, you were always so good to us through the years. Besides, I wanted you to share in this moment with us. But honestly, I had a hidden agenda, which will now be revealed..."

I couldn't help but giggle, Nick did tend to be the drama queen sometimes! "Do we need a drumroll?" I kidded.

"A-ha, no. I just need to tell you something, and it's rather difficult to just *tell* you something..." He looked down again nervously, almost looking like he didn't know what to say next. I didn't say anything in response, whatever he had to say was obviously hard to put into words.

The next couple moments, the worst possible things floated through my mind. Simon had a terminal illness. Or Warren. Or worse, *he* was the one with the terminal illness. Or maybe it was his daughter. Or someone close to them, like Katy or Wes. Oh god, was it John? Or Roger or Andy? I couldn't take it anymore. What was going on?

I was almost about to burst into frustration when Nick began to speak.

"I tried for the last 19, 20 odd years to rub out these feelings, but I've finally come to the realization that I can't. The feelings are just too strong to be forgotten. God, this is difficult to say Grace, but I've had this terrible crush on you ever since we've met..." He turned away from looking at me, as if he was back in grade school, afraid to see my reaction that would crush him to bits.

"Nick..." I said, slightly shocked, but tried to hold it together.

Nick turned back to face me. "Okay, go ahead. Laugh. I know you want to, just get it over with."

I sighed. "Nick, I would *never* laugh at anything you told me in confidence. Nick, I think I'm just surprised, that's all."

"Why? Why would you be surprised?"

"Nick, we've always been friends, why didn't you tell me earlier? You've had this crush on me for..."

"...since, well, '81."

"Okay, since '81, why didn't you *say* anything? I can't imagine you living with that and not *saying* anything to anyone."

"You can't imagine what it was like, seeing John everyday and hearing him going on and on about you, how wonderful you were to him, it almost made me sick!"

"You mean, all this time, even John didn't know?"

Nick shook his head, almost sadly. "Nope."

"Simon? Warren?"

Nick shook his head again, resolutely.

"How could you live like that? For that long? With an evil secret?"

He shrugged. "I remember the Bayou, and being enchanted about being the States, and liking what I saw in you. You had this exotic beauty that I had never encountered the likes of in England."

"Nick, you have got to be kidding. Me? Grace Huang? Social un-butterfly? Exotic?"

Nick smiled, nodding. "Don't sell yourself so short. You were a pretty hot commodity. Only problem was, John got to you first."

Uh-oh. I began to have an idea why this was such a problem for him. "Let me guess, John had something to do with this, didn't he?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Why didn't you say anything to him, if it made you so uncomfortable?"

Nick gasped, "are you kidding me? Me and John were best mates. I would never even consider crossing him. Besides..."

"Yeah?"

"...when you guys were together, I really thought he loved you. I expected he was going to ask you to marry him. I didn't want to say anything, because I knew he was so possessive, so egotistical. If I said anything, I was going to find the end of a Fender in the back of my head one morning."

I snorted a laugh. "Yeah, I thought he was going to propose too. Too bad John Taylor himself didn't fall into our ideal plans." Our food arrived then, but neither of us were much in the mood to eat. I picked at my salad with chopsticks.

"Tell me about it. And I met Julie-Anne at a party, and decided then and there that I had to forget the idea of Nick and Grace, it wasn't going to happen. You were supposed to be with John, and not with me, so I should just stop dreaming." He sighed.

"Oh Nicky, I know what it's like to have dreams and then have them quickly dashed..."

"And then after me and Julie-Anne started having problems, I came back to the thought of you. I just thought it was too weird to bring it up then, because the only person who really had contact with you was John. And I felt that you were his trump card, who he would go to if the relationship with Renee failed. He knew you wouldn't fail him. And I knew you wouldn't turn him away. I knew you still loved him."

"You were right - remember when he showed up in D.C. wanting to stay with me, when you guys were on hiatus after the 'Notorious' sessions?"

Nick cleared his throat. "Well, actually, that little incident was sort of courtesy of yours truly."

Scoffing, I answered, "how? How could it have been your fault that John would come lumbering over, half sober, to the States to see me?"

"Well...we all knew John was a mess. Emotionally, along with his drug and drinking problems. I think it was Simon who convinced me that John had a real problem. I had been denying it for years. Then I realized he would have wanted to see you...and..."

"What?"

"This is really horrible of me..."

"I'd rather us be completely honest than have secrets."

He nodded. "Completely understandable. Well...I thought if you *saw* John in that way, completely wasted, maybe you'd stop seeing him as that knight in shining armor. That maybe the image of John Taylor would be tarnished in your mind forever."

"WHAT?!?" I exploded. "You mean to say that you *wanted* to sabotage your friend?"

"Well, in a matter of speaking, yes," Nick said slowly, but evenly. "But I knew I never had a chance with you as long as John was being his charming self. You know as well as I do that no woman can resist his charms. And so I thought maybe if I sent John to you, in a rather comprimising way - maybe he wouldn't seem so wonderful to you anymore. I know it all sounds so diabolical..."

"But Nick...why didn't you just tell me?"

Nick sighed loudly, regretfully. "I know, Grace..."