Eventually though, the tears stopped falling.

Why couldn't anyone stop John Taylor from killing himself?

Or maybe the operative question was...

Why couldn't John Taylor see that he was killing himself?

When I finally gained my composure, I reached over and blew my nose on a couple Kleenex.

I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. You're a wreck, Grace Huang. A complete and utter wreck.

Walking over to my desk, I shuffled the items on it to find my leather address book.

Schmidt...Sidwell...Slade...Smith...

I needed to talk to Helena about this.

Since working with me at Tower, Helena had finally decided to batten down the hatches and pick a university. I helped her study for her SATs, and the good recommendations she had gotten from her teachers in the UK had helped immensely. As a result, she was studying the history of Britain at St. Andrews in Scotland.

When she had decided on a school, and I realized she was going to be across the Atlantic, I was heartbroken. But I knew I had to let go. I knew it was going to be the perfect university for Helena. It was like going home for her. But I missed her tons the second she set off for St. Andrews.

I was almost worried I wouldn't get a hold of her, it being the middle of the afternoon, and I knew she was busy all the time. Helena was the president of the film club that she had founded when she entered as a freshman, and film took up a lot of her time. Although she told me she loved Simon, I knew her heart belonged with someone else. I was just waiting to see who that was.

She didn't like dating because, in her words, "boys were dorks." And I could understand why she thought of things that way. She was graduating soon, and I had visited her once during her junior year. Helena, being the free spirit she always was, had dyed her hair multiple times (much to the disdain of her teachers, that much I knew). And when I visited, she was sometimes dating a boy from Ireland, Matt McCarthy. He was nice enough, but had punk sensibilities that Helena could relate to. I tolerated the Sex Pistols for Helena's sake but here was a guy that not only accepted Johnny Rotten, but took him as a role model.

I sometimes wondered if this was the kind of influence Helena needed in her life, but when I met Matt McCarthy in person, I knew he was genuine. When Helena had to drop an assignment with her British monarchy prof, Matt offered to take me on a tour of the gorgeous campus.

"So, what are you studying here, Matt?" I asked.

"Well, I'm studying art generally - but I like history too." He brushed his brown hair out of his eyes, which were so blue they were piercing.

"Is that how you and Helena met? She never did tell me where she dug up a nice boy like you."

Matt chuckled. "No, we were at the bookstore at the same time one day. And we both reached for a book on the Sex Pistols."

"Oh no, the Sex Pistols..." I said jokingly, brushing the hair out of my eyes.

"Yes, the Sex Pistols," Matt smiled. "And she noticed I had a Ramones patch on my backpack...and we got to talking about music. But I think what really got her interested about me was my band."

"Oh, you're in a band? How exciting!"

He nodded. "Yep, I've been with Rampage for, oh, 2 years now. I'm the chief lyricist, which I think Helena likes 'cos I write her love poems..." He turned away, I assumed because he was turning red.

I smiled at him. "That's so sweet. I'm glad Helena found such a great guy."

He shrugged. "Thanks. The relationship would have been better if not for that Simon LeBon..."

It was my turn to laugh. "Helena will always love Simon. But her heart belongs to someone else. And whatever you do, if you really love her - don't let her go. Got that, McCarthy?"

"Yes. I love her with all my heart, I do...can you keep a secret, Grace?"

"Of course. You have my utmost confidence. What is it?"

"Methinks I am going to propose to her on the day of graduation."

"Really?" I gasped.

"Straight on." He grinned.

"Only one thing..."

Matt's eyes danced. "Yeah?"

"I am going to be invited to the wedding, right?"

"Without a doubt."

Months passed. After I visited her, I kept in touch with Helena mainly through e-mail and sometimes the occasional phone call. She would send me pics of her at a dance or another with Matt. Although I knew in her heart there was a special place for Simon, I could tell by the grins on these pictures that Matt was for keeps. I hoped. I wished for a long time that I would have a relationship that remotely approached theirs.

I had once dreamed of meeting my prince. I think every litle girl wishes that the day will come. That her prince will come charging through the forest on his white horse and know that he has found his princess.

But that dream had all but evaporated after me and John broke up. Mostly because I had realized that there was no one specially made for me, and I had tired of waiting for him. I had always needed somebody, and for a time, John filled that need of mine. But as time waned on, I knew that the relationship was NOT going to work. So now it was senior year for her and I wondered if Matt was building up the courage, because the time was a-tickin'.

So I phoned Helena.

"Hello?"

"Huggybear, it's me!" Don't laugh, Huggybear was my nickname for her. Helena Huggybear...

"Gracie Huang! Whaddup with you?"

I couldn't help laughing a little. "How are you, Hugs?"

"Oh, okay I suppose. You know I graduate soon. You know what that means!"

"Wot? Wot does it mean?"

Helena chuckled. "Graduation presents of course!"

"Oh." I laughed again. I wondered if she had any clue what kind of graduation present was heading her direction from Matt.

I doubted it.

"Okay, I need to pencil that in...buy Huggybear's graduation present..."

"Good girl," she replied, as if I was a little puppy dog.

"Hahaha."

"So..."

"So..."

"What's up? Like...how are the fellas? How are you doing? Any new guys in your life?" Leave it to Helena to bring up the subject of boys!

My thoughts wandered back to Duran Duran...and John...and then I ended up crying all over the phone. All over again.

"Oh Grace, what is it? Wot's wrong?"

I sighed loudly between bouts of sobbing. "Helena, it's just horrible..."

"Wot? Are you sick? Are the guys sick? Wot? Don't leave me hanging!" she screeched.

I blew my nose. "No, it's John. It's...he's killing himself. With drugs. With booze. He was just here, and I'm really worried about him. He doesn't eat and he's filling himself up with coke. I am beside myself, I can't do anything about it! Nick and Simon knowingly send him over here and figure that I have the best answers for him, because they think they can't do anything about it. Oh, I don't know if I should be angry or sad. I hate to see John like this!" That got me crying all over again. "Grace," Helena sighed, "I hate to see you like this. I can only imagine what it was like to see John in such a state. I know how much he means to you."

I told her about how Nick told me that Renee had broken up with him and that he was despondent. And how I had given him an ultimatum - that he had to clean up his act or I wouldn't be his friend anymore.

"Do you think that was too harsh?"

Helena answered, "maybe. But you really care for him. That's the important part. You were doing it in your love for him. I don't mean love like you're falling in love with him again. Love for him as a friend and as a human being. I think that's stronger."

I sighed, depressed. "Sometimes I wish I could love him like I once did. Maybe I'd be able to get to him and really have an effect on him. Otherwise it's like talking to a brick wall. He doesn't want to listen to me, because I remind him of the past that he doesn't want to re-live. Or something like that. It's hard."

"I know..." Helena replied regretfully. "But honestly, I think you did the right thing. The ultimatum might be what he needs. John needs to realize that what he's doing to himself - it could kill him. And instead of standing there and saying that nothing's wrong - you made a stand and I think he'll come to realize that someday."

"I hope so."

We talked a little while longer, but Helena needed to meet Matt for dinner and she needed to hang up. "Let me know what happens. Call me if you need anything."

"Okay. Thanks for listening, Helena." I sighed again.

"Hey, don't be so blue. I'm here for you. Like you're here for me."

And we hung up.