There was no answer.
“Hello?” he said louder and waved his hand in front of Chris’s face.
“Huh? What?” Chris turned quickly and faced Justin.
“You’re like staring into space. What’s the deal?”
Joey looked in Chris’s direction and immediately stated, “Get with it J. Check out the chic. That is so what he is looking at.”
Justin looked out the glass window and saw the girl sitting on the bench with two other girls. “Ah the one you always are looking at eh Chris. What don’t you ever talk to her?”
“What are you talking about?” Chris tried to play it off. He got off the stool and walked to the other side of the room. “You guys can gawk all you want, but don’t blame it on me.”
“Blame it on you?” Justin repeated. “I’d like to set the record straight by letting you know that you were totally staring. You were the one gawking and practically drooling.”
“I have to agree,” JC said.
“Me too,” Lance added.
“Whatever y’all wanna think,” Chris said and then couldn’t help but look for another brief second at the beautiful creature in the other room.
Baby you're so beautiful
And when I'm near you
I can't breathe... I can't breathe
“Chris, for real. Go talk to her. She’s been here for like a week and none of us have talked to her. We don’t even know her name. She’s been hanging out with Christina and Jessica all week. Maybe they are related or whatever.”
Chris turned around and picked up the lyric sheet that was laying on one of the tables. “I know who she is already,” Chris said almost to himself.
“What?” Joey said. “I can’t hear ya.”
“I said I already know who she is,” Chris said a little louder and with a bit of irritation to the statement.
“Well then why the heck aren’t you conversing with her! She’s hot man.”
“I know, I know.”
“Man I dunno if I want to claim you as one of my friends anymore,” Joey joked. “I mean, I see a hot girl I am all up on it. You see a hot girl, know her name and all that jazz and yet you still don’t talk to her.”
Chris put the papers down. “Her name is Casandra. She is twenty-five. She lives in Cali and is visiting Christina for the month.”
“Whoa, back up. How you know this stuff?” JC asked.
“JC she was at the show that we went to. When you met up with that chic Keily. Casandra was off in the wing and then went to the after party deal with Christina. You don‘t remember her?” Chris asked.
“No, I don’t. Did you talk to her then?”
“Yeah I did a little when we were introduced. And then we ran into each other a few other times when we in Cali.”
“Well then what’s the big deal?”
“She’s not my type. Or at least I’m not hers,” Chris said slowly and then picked up the papers again. “Can we please do this so we can go?” he asked and waited for the guys to get back to their microphones.
A girl like you gets what she wants
When she wants it
You're so out of my league... out of my league
Joey and JC looked at each other and both shrugged their shoulders. “Yeah, let’s finish this up,” JC said. “I have a date tonight.”
“Who’s the lady this time?” Justin asked.
“You say ’this time’ like it is someone different every week. I’m not Joey!”
“Ah yes, I seem to have forgotten,” Justin laughed and corrected himself.
“Anyway, it’s with Kcie.”
“She’s a nice girl,” Lance said.
“Yeah she is,” JC agreed and then opened the door into the room that Chris had entered just a minute before.
About and hour had passed and the guys finished up all the stuff they had been working on. They would have finished sooner, but Justin had a frog in his throat and they had to wait ten minutes before he could clear it.
A cell phone rang and all five of them had to briefly think on who’s ring tone it was. Finally JC realized that it was his. “Hello?”
“Hey JC. You guys done working yet?”
“Yeah, who is this?” he asked and raised an eyebrow.
“Christina,” she replied. I’m in the next room.”
JC walked out of the studio room and saw Christina standing against the wall in the next room. He walked over to the window and tapped on it. Christina turned around and smiled. She clicked off her phone and went to the door.
“Hey,” JC said as she opened the door.
“Hey,” she said and flipped her hair. “We were just wondering what you and the guys were doing for dinner.”
“Well I have a date tonight with Kcie. But I don’t know what the other guys are doing. Want me to ask? They are still in the other room,” JC said and pointed to the other door.
“Yeah, please.”
“Hang on,” he held up a finger and then went into the studio room. The guys were flipping through some papers and listening to the track they had just laid. “Hey, Christina and Jessica and, uh, Casandra I think is her name...” JC began. Chris’s head rose quickly. “Well they want to know what y’all are doing for dinner. I already told her I had a date but that I would check with you guys.”
“I’m free,” Justin said.
“So am I,” Joey filed in.
“I don’t have to do anything till ten. I am supposed to call Rachel by then,” Lance said.
Chris just looked at JC. Finally he said, “Uh I guess I’m free too.”
JC smiled and wanted to laugh at the shy demeanor that Chris seemed to have just had. “K, well I’ll go tell her while you all finish up in here.” JC walked back into the room and found all three girls waiting for him. “The rest of the guys are all up for it.” Just as he said that, the other guys all walked in.
“Hey Chris,” Justin said and walked up to her. “Hey Jess,” he also said to the blonde next to Christina. “I don’t think we’ve met,” he said to the other girl and held his hand out to her.
“I’m Casandra. How are ya?” she answered.
“I’m good. Uh this is Joey, Lance and I’ve heard ya have met Chris already.”
Casandra raised her head a little in some what of a nod, and then said, “Yeah.”
“Hey,” all the guys seemed to say at the same time. Chris stood somewhat behind the other guys and tried not to let it known that he was staring at Casandra.
I show you no emotion
Don't let you see what you're doin' to me
Casandra looked over at Chris and smiled. He smiled back and then turned his attention else where.
I imagine the two of us together
But I've been living in reality
“So, do you guys wanna go to Planet Hollywood or what?” Jessica asked.
“Sounds good,” Joey immediately said and rubbed his stomach. “I’m starving.”
“Like that’s something new,” Justin teased and hit him in the arm.
“Just because you’re a beam pole doesn’t mean I have to be,” Joey retorted back.
The girls just laughed. “Well let’s go then,” Jessica said.
“Have fun on your date,” Christina told JC and patted him on the back of his shoulder.
“Thanks,” he gave a cheesy smile. “Don’t y’all go getting in trouble. Ya hear?” he laughed a little bit.
“Yeah Yeah,” they all said back with a smirk on their faces.
JC walked over by Chris and whispered, “You better lose your childish ways and talk to the girl.”
Chris just looked at him and nodded. “Let’s go y’all,” he said and led the way to the door.
Fear of rejection,
Kept my love inside,
But time is running out,
So damn my foolish pride,
They had been at the restaurant for about an hour when things started to lighten up. The guys were joking around and Chris actually started being a bit more social with Casandra. The whole time he had been speaking to everyone else, but he always managed to avoid conversations that involved Casandra.
“I can’t keep doin this to myself,” Chris said to himself. He grabbed a new straw and put it in his mouth. It still had the paper on it, so of course everyone would have known what he was going to do, had they seen him.
His head was down and then quickly went up long enough for him to blow on the straw and get the paper to fly across the table. As soon as it made contact, he again put his head down and tried to act like he had done nothing.
“Ah,” Casandra yelled as the paper hit her dead in the forehead. “Chris I know that was you,” she accused. She picked up a chip off of her plate and launched it right at him.
Finally Chris had started to open up and all the other guys realized it.
I don't care if you think I'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I don't care
I've got no fear of losing you
You can't lose what you never had
“Well, you guys we had a great time,” Christina said to the guys.
“So did we, of course,” Justin added.
“And the large food fight we had just added tons to the excitement,” Jessica laughed.
“You’re telling me,” Casandra laughed too.
“So where are you ladies off to now?” Joey asked as he picked his teeth with a toothpick. Such a ladies man.
“We were just gonna go out. Maybe hit a club or two. Do you guys want to come along or do you have other plans?”
“I don’t,” Justin said. He was always up for going to a club.
“Well come on with us,” Christina said and tugged on his arm.
“I think I’ll come too,” Joey said.
“Me too,” Lance smiled at Jessica. Maybe there was a little something sparking between them? Their eye contact for sure showed the chance of it.
“Chris?” Casandra raised her brows. “You coming too?”
Chris put off half a smile and said, “Yeah.”
“Jeez Justin,” Joey laughed.
“Wha?!” Justin tried to act innocent.
“Do you think you were dancing close enough to that chic over there?” he pointed at the girl leaning over the bar with her butt cheeks hanging half way out of her shorts.
“And you think the bimbo you were dancing with was any better?” Justin pointed at the red head on the other side of the dance floor. She was all over some other guy at the moment.
“Well neither really matters if you ask my opinion,” Joey was never shy on casting his own opinions on things. “But hey, did you notice that LanceyPoo over there has been spending lots of time with Jessica?”
“Yeah I saw that,” he laughed. “And Chris and Casandra are talking a lot too.”
“Yeah, I noticed that as well. I wonder what they are talking about.
“So, you never called me,” she told Chris as she danced close to him.
Chris lowered his head a little. “Yeah. Sorry about that,” he said in a low sullen voice.
“Well can I maybe ask why?” she put her fingers under his chin and raised his head.
Chris shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I didn’t want to fall for you... anymore than I already had.”
“You fell for me?” she looked at him very surprised.
“I did. And I have again. Actually I just don’t think it has ever disappeared,” he finally confessed.
Now I'm gonna confess,
That I love you
I've been keeping it inside
Feelin’ I could die
“I...I don’t know what to say,” she said with her eyes partially closed.
“I don’t know what to say either really. That’s why I have been so distant. I haven’t made any effort to talk to you when you were with Christina. I just didn’t know what to say to you. You just didn’t seem like the type of girl that would want me.”
“Chris how would you have known if you didn’t ask?” she looked at him very seriously.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged again.
“Well I just don’t know Chris. I mean we’re both really busy.”
“I know and that’s why I’ll understand if you say no. If you don’t want to try to make anything work.”
“Chris I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t know,” she shook her head.
“I understand that. I just wanted you to know how I felt.”
But if you turn away,
Caby that's okay,
At least we’ll have a moment,
Before you say goodbye
“You were never mine to start with so I totally understand if you just want to act like this never happened.”
“I don’t know what I want.”
You can’t lose what you never had
“There are just things that I said I wouldn’t do,” she admitted. “I said that I couldn’t date someone who had a career that is as involved as yours is. I don’t know if I am strong enough to make something work when it isn’t really around me much.”
“I know where you’re coming from. I’ve been in this situation for years. When something is supposed to work though, it will.”
“I know,” she said and sighed.
“Sometimes a person has to break their original rules or choices and try new things. Take a chance in life.” Chris had no clue where all these words were coming from, but he hoped that they made sense after they left his mouth. It wasn’t like it was a speech he had prepared for.
Rules are made for breaking
Nothing ventured nothing gained
I'll be no worse off
Than I am right now
And I might never get that chance again baby
“And there was another reason why I didn’t call you.”
“Why?” she asked.
“I was afraid to hear you tell me that you didn’t feel the same way.”
“Why did you have the courage now. I could have told you no straight out. Or I could have jumped up and down saying yes. Why now?”
“I don’t know. I was lying to myself the whole time and it just hit me that I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m still afraid though,” he chuckled. “But I still will understand this time. I don’t think I would have before.”
Fear of rejection
Kept my love inside
Told my heart I didn't want you
But I lied
“It’s just so weird hearing it from you now.” She smiled over at Christina as she gave her the thumbs up.
“I know. It’s weird timing. But I had to get it out. I don’t really care what anyone else thinks right now.
I don't care if you think I’m crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you
You can't lose what you never had
“It’s all just something I had to do. Kind of like a new years resolution,” he laughed.
She laughed too.
“It’s just one that I held in for too long.”
Now I’m gonna confess that I love you
I've been keeping it inside
Feelin I could die
Chris held her arms, “But like I said. Casandra, this is all up to you. This is something that I have delt with, but you haven’t. I know that it would be harder on you. So, here it is all out in the open. Just so you know.”
But if you turn away
Baby that's okay
At least we'll have a moment before
You say good-bye
“Thanks Chris,” she leaned in to give him a hug. “I’ll need time to think.”
“That’s fine. No time walls around either of us,” he smirked. He also notice Joey and Justin about five feet from him macking on a few girls. They each had two to be exact.
“Well I’m kind of getting a headache from the smoke in here. Do you think you could drive me to my hotel?”
“Yeah sure. Just let me go tell the guys.”
“Yeah I should go tell Christina.” Casandra looked around the dance floor and then finally found Christina off in the corner talking to a few people. She walked over to her and told her that she wasn’t feeling well and that Chris said he would drop her off. Christina nodded and said that she would call her later to check on her.
On the other side of the club Chris was telling the guys that he was gonna drop Casandra off because she had a headache from the smoke. Of course the guys didn’t think that was the only reason they were leaving together.
“Is Chris gonna get his groove on?” Joey laughed and poked Chris over and over again in the arm.
“Joey it isn’t like that. I swear. I’ll be back in like twenty minutes, tops.” Chris tried to defend himself, but he knew that it wouldn’t change the preconceived thoughts the guys had already.
“If you say so. Check ya later,” Joey said and put his arm behind the girl sitting next to him.
Chris sighed and then met back up with Casandra in the middle of the dance floor. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” she said and then led the way out of the building.
“Thanks for dropping me off,” she said as she sat next to him in the car.
“Not a problem. So, when you figure things out, will you call me?” he asked.
Casandra didn’t say anything. She just looked at him and then nodded. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek and then got out of the car. She shut the door and just looked at him for a minute. Then she turned and was on her way.
Chris stayed parked to make sure that she got in okay. Not long after she walked in the hotel doors, a light on the second floor turned on. Casandra walked to the window and waved again at Chris. With that, he turned on the car and took one last look at her before driving off.
Here on the outside looking in
Don't wanna stay dreaming bout
What could have been
Need to hear you speak my name
Even if you shoot me down in flames
Chris got back to the club in the twenty minutes that he said it would take. He nodded to the bouncers at the entrance and then eyed the place until he saw Justin. With his head neither high or low, he walked towards him and then took the empty seat next to him.
Justin checked his watch, “Joe will be surprised when he sees that you are actually back before the club closed.”
“Said I would be.” Chris flagged the bartender and said, “Can I get a Beer?”
“Here ya go,” he said and then took the money that Chris laid on the counter.
“Sooooo,” Justin started. “What happened?”
Chris knew it was coming. “It went like this............” and then he began to tell Justin the whole story.
I don't care if you think I'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you
You can't lose what you never had
Chris flipped the calendar. It had been a week and a half and he still hadn’t heard from Casandra. It seems that she actually left town two days later. Chris found out from Christina when they were at the studio. All she told him though was that she said she had to go back home.
Chris finally decided that he needed to take things into his own hands. He searched through his daily planner and flipped to the back of it when he finally found it. “Casandra Sumners,” he said and ran his finger over her number. He picked up the phone and dialed. The phone rang four times and then the machine picked up.
“Casandra, I know I said that you could call when you were ready, but you haven’t called. I guess I know what that means, but I just had to try once more.” Chris bit his lower lip and ended the conversation with, “I guess I’ll hear from you when you’re ready or when you‘ve come to a decision. Take care,” and then the phone clicked as he hung up.
I wanna confess that I love you
I've been keepin’ it inside
Feelin’ I could die
Another week went by.
“Don’t worry about it man. She wasn‘t worth it,” JC said with a serious tone.
“I guess I did tell her I would understand if it wasn’t what she wanted,” he lowered his head.
But if you turn away
Baby that's okay
At least we have a moment before
You say good-bye
Chris closed his eyes. “Life will go on because I can’t lose something I never had to begin with.”
You can't loose what you never had
You can't loose what you never had
You can't loose what you never had