Chapter Nine
Empathy
**Author's Note: This chapter is rated R for language. There has been language through the rest of the story, but this is a little bit more of it... Read at your own discretion!**
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�Man trouble?�
�I�m sorry?� Kelly asked as she crawled into the cab that had pulled up at Orlando�s house with rapid speed.
�Are you having some trouble with your fellow?� Kelly finally realized it was the cabbie that was speaking to her. He was a large man with a thick accent, and he, for some reason, was not pulling away from the house. Maybe because Kelly hadn�t told him where to go. But she answered his question first.
�Yeah. Well, he�s not mine. Not yet, I don�t think. And I don�t know if he�s ever been, because we didn�t talk for eight months. It�s really confusing, because there�s a girl, too�no, not like that, she�s my best friend. And I don�t know what she feels about the whole thing, so I had to leave him to go talk to her, and I think I made a mistake because I love him, but I love her, and my God, now I�m just dizzy. If you could imagine the most jumbled situation in the world, you�d be imagining my situation. It sucks. Oh, and I need to go to Oxford University.�
The cabbie stared blankly at her for a minute, the look of caring on his face replaced with one of great confusion. �Right,� he said finally. �Oxford I can do. This situation, though, I�m not sure about. Do you want me to put a hit on the guy?�
Kelly laughed, but she noticed some ominous-looking scars on his face and wondered if he really was kidding� �No, that�s very kind of you, though. If anyone needs a hit, it would be my current boyfriend. I forgot to mention him, didn�t I?�
�Yes. But thankfully we�ve got a long ride, missy, so get to talking.� The cab finally pulled away from Orlando�s well-manicured lawn. And Kelly, not having anyone else to open up to at this moment in time, began pouring out the story for the sympathetic (and somewhat scary) cab driver. The tale of Orjean and Katalina (she had changed the names for their protection) was a long one, but Kelly managed to get it all out before the ride was over.
�So what do you think? If you were me, what would you do?� she asked, and she desperately wanted his answer to make sense, because none of hers did.
The cabbie swore. �That�s a tough one, missy. Is this Orjean bloke really worth it? Is he worth anything and everything?�
Kelly nodded emphatically. �He is. He so is. I really think� I don�t know, it�s like we�re two halves of the same whole. To quote Jerry Maguire, though I know it�s the ultimate of cheesy, he completes me. No�we complete each other, I�m pretty sure.�
�Well then, you�ve gotta do whatever it takes to win him! Haven�t you seen any romantic comedies? You have to fight your way through hell and high water. You�ve got to confess your love in the pouring rain. You�ve got to fly across three continents. You�ve got to ride up in a white limo and climb up a fire escape�� the cabbie trailed off.
Kelly sighed. �Yeah, if only it were that easy. I�m willing to do any of that, but how do I keep him and the best friend?�
�Do you even know she objects to the romance?�
Kelly stared blankly at his reflection in the rear view mirror. �Oh my God,� she exclaimed suddenly. �No! I haven�t talked to her at all! I just assumed that she wouldn�t approve. You genius taxi man! There�s still some hope, isn�t there? I mean, she could just say �Well jolly good, old girl, I was waiting for you two to shag!��
The cabbie laughed. �That was a nice attempt at British slang�a valiant effort, but I would stick to American English, if I were you. And just tell this girl what you feel. If she really is your friend, she�ll understand. And if not, well, there are other fish in the sea, as they say.�
�Yeah, you�re right. You�re definitely right. I just have to talk to her.�
�Well, I�m glad I could be of service. And speaking of service, here we are. Time to face the music with the Greek boyfriend, I guess.�
�Oh crap, I forgot about him. Damn it. Well, thank you so much for the ride and for this little therapy session. I feel like I should pay you extra!� she said, pulling out her wallet.
�No, the therapy was free,� he said as Kelly paid the fare. �Good luck, missy. I hope everything works out for you. And here�s my card if you want this cab to take you back to the Orjean guy, ok?� He winked and handed her the card.
�Oh, thank you so much. You helped more than you could possibly imagine.� She waved as he pulled away from the curb. She tightened her coat around her in the frigid wind and headed back to the dorm.
Maybe Kate won�t be angry! Maybe she�ll understand! Maybe she�ll encourage the relationship! And maybe I�m a complete idiot for actually hoping these things� Kelly thought as she tramped up the stairs to her room. She fumbled with the key and finally swung open the door, only to be greeted with a most unusual sight. Nikos was in her room, just as she�d expected, but he was sitting on her bed with a scantily clad blonde, which was not what Kelly had expected. Apparently she had caught them in the middle of a serious make-out session. Kelly blinked a few times as she stood in the threshold of the room. The blonde looked embarrassed and Nikos looked worried. Kelly, however, just started laughing.
�You know what?� she said. �It�s about time I washed those sheets anyway, so I thank you both for that.�
Nikos stood up and walked over to her. �Kelly, it�s not what you think. She�s my friend from Oxford�the one you wanted me to see. I swear, we were just talking.�
�Well, I�m sure your tongues were wagging somehow, be it talking or� otherwise,� she said with a wry smile. �Nikos, what you don�t know is that this is the best thing that could happen to me right now. You are solving one of my biggest problems, and I�m eternally grateful for it.� She looked over his shoulder to the blonde clutching the sheets. �Now honey,� she said, �here�s your sweater.� Kelly tossed it to her. �It�s quite cold outside�you�ll want that when you leave. Which should be right about now.�
As the blonde moved sheepishly out the door, Nikos stood before Kelly. �Kelly, I�m so sorry, I��
�Stop apologizing, seriously. I forgive you. Thank you so much for showing me around Greece. Thank you for getting me drunk on ouzo on my 21st birthday. But most of all, thanks for kissing this little chick here. I�m sure you two will have beautiful, tan babies.�
She pulled him into a big hug, planted a kiss on both his cheeks, and then pushed him out the door. The entire time he stood as if in shock, muttering here and then and looking thoroughly confused.
As soon as she had shut the door, Kelly collapsed on her bed. �God, what a prick!� she said out loud, though her walls made no response. �Well, at least he�s out of the way. Too bad it had to go down like that. That wasn�t really the way I thought I�d leave him, but it made my job so much easier! I�m still talking out loud to myself. Goodness, I always do this. Come on, Kelly, no matter how much you talk, the walls still won�t listen. Just reach over to the desk and pick up the phone!� But despite Kelly�s self-pep talk, her cell phone still lay threateningly on the desk, as if aware of all the problems a phone call to Kate could cause.
Because truly, that phone call was all that prevented her from calling Cabbie Freud and hopping back into Orlando�s arms. One, tiny, small phone call between roommates. One casual, warm, uplifting phone call between two friends. �Yeah right,� she continued to herself. �More like one catastrophic, life-changing, Earth-stopping phone call between the ex-girlfriend and the new flame. DAMN IT! I don�t want to do this!�
But you have to, Kelly. You have to if you want to be with Orlando. As always, her voice of reason kicked in. Kelly sat up on the bed, resigned to her task. She reached for the phone. It was in her hands. She dialed the number. It was connecting. After all, what if Kate is OK with the whole thing? Remember, that�s always a possibility. Her conscience tried to comfort her, but it didn�t seem to be able to control the shakes that racked her body. Now the phone was ringing on Kate�s end. Don�t pick up, don�t pick up, Kelly thought. But of course, there was a little click and Kelly heard her roommate�s voice.
�Hello?� said Kate.
Kelly paused. She was certain her mouth was open, but absolutely no words were coming out. She cleared her throat and tried again. Still nothing.
�Kelly, I know it�s you,� said Kate in a slightly menacing tone.
Finally, Kelly choked something out. �Yeah, hi. It�s me. How are you?� she said in a cheery voice.
�Fine.� Kate�s voice was stony and cold on the other end.
�Oh, well that�s good! I�m glad!� Craptastic. This is going to be fun. �Well,� she continued, �I was just calling to say hi. I�m still here at Oxford, obvisously, and it�s really great.� There was a long pause where neither spoke. Kelly decided to continue. �Um, how are your classes going?�
�Fine.�
�Oh, that�s great.� All hopes of Kate being fine with the situation were flying rapidly out the window. Now that she knew that some sort of argument was inevitable, Kelly was trying to figure out the best way to broach the topic. Perhaps a little sympathy�or empathy, rather�was in order. �So, Nikos and I broke up.�
�Oh, well that makes two of us, I guess.�
Kelly didn�t know whether that was better or worse than �Fine.� And she had absolutely no idea how to continue the conversation. Did Kate know that she knew about the breakup? Or was Kelly supposed to be clueless at this point?
Thankfully, Kate saved her by asking, �I suppose you�ve been to his house, then?�
There was no doubt she was talking about Orlando, and no way Kelly could dodge this bullet. �Yeah. Yeah, Kate, I was there just a few hours ago, actually.�
�Well goodness, you two waited longer than I thought!� Kate responded with icy sarcasm.
Kelly hadn�t really mentally prepped herself for this conversation, but she assumed she would mainly be consoling Kate, and then perhaps sneaking in the topic of her own relationship for Orlando. Naively, perhaps, she had ignored the possibility of a full-frontal attack by Kate, so this statement caught her completely off guard.
�I�m sorry, what the hell is that supposed to mean?� Kelly responded with indignity.
�Oh, I think you know exactly what that means, Kelly. I figured you�d hop into bed together the very day we split up�Monday, I guess it was. But you had the decency to wait until�what is today? Thursday? Wow, I guess our friendship really meant something to you.�
This comment stung Kelly so deeply; it took her a long time to recover. Kate�s words were so penetrating�so harmful. Had she really expected that of Kelly and Orlando? But what made Kate think she could accuse Kelly of that? True, she and Orlando had had a very serious conversation, and had basically confessed their love to each other, but in no way had they done anything physical. In no way had Kelly betrayed Kate�s trust in any way! In fact, didn�t I leave Orlando�s house out of respect for Kate? Where the hell does she come off thinking she can just slander me like this? Kelly thought.
�Actually, no, Kate. Our friendship still means something to me,� said Kelly with an equally icy tone. �And I am honestly offended that you would think I would �hop into bed� with Orlando like that! What the hell kind of person do you think I am?�
�Oh come on, Kelly. I�m not stupid, you know.�
�What the fuck does that mean?� Kelly demanded.
�You think I don�t know he�s been cheating on me this whole time? With you?�
Kelly�s face flushed red with anger, but Kate didn�t give her a chance to respond. When Kate continued, she spoke in a softer tone, as if to herself: �God, you both must have just thought me the most na�ve person in the world. And it�s true, I didn�t really notice at the beginning. Last December, when I kind of blew up at you, that was just an isolated incident, right? After that, I thought to myself, I thought, �Kate, there�s no way Kelly would go behind your back like that. It�s OK that she and Orlando are friends.� And so I didn�t even talk to him about it. I just took it all in. I trusted him. And I trusted you even more. And everything was great for a while. But then March came, and we had that split, and I thought it was all over. But we got back together again�at your urging, I might add. Was that some sort of cover up? A diversion? Real clever, Kelly. But I just kept forging ahead.�
Kate paused, but Kelly decided it was best to let her continue. In any event Kelly couldn�t even think of how to respond yet. And as Kate continued, her voice got shakier and shakier. �It wasn�t until this summer that I really began to suspect you two. I had noticed before that when he was happy, you were happy, but I didn�t think there was any way you two could be connected like that. But then, this summer, you were both so different. Do you think I could ignore the fact that you were both moody and depressed the entire summer? Could you really not stand being apart from each other the whole summer? Is that why you both were so bitchy all the time?� She paused again, and Kelly thought she heard a sniffle on the other end of the line. Kelly felt a knot forming in her own throat, but again couldn�t manage anything to say. So Kate continued.
�And then, miraculously, as soon as you left for Greece, he was happy again. He was happier than he�d been in a long time. And right around mid-November, when you were arriving in his country, he was happier than I�d ever seen him. But none of that happiness was ever directed at me. The more cheerful he got, the more depressed I got. Because I�m not stupid, Kelly. I know how to put two and two together.� Her voice was angry again. �So please, please, for the sake of our friendship, just answer me one question: How long? How long have you two been together?�
Kelly was at a complete loss for words. All the accusations that had just been levied at her, all the things Kate had said�she had no idea how to respond to any of it. Where to begin? Kelly inhaled slowly as a tear ran down her cheek�she hadn�t even noticed she was crying. But everything Kate had said� It just hurt her so much. But she hadn�t come all this way to lose Kate. And there was no way she could just let all those allegations hang in the air.
And so Kelly began her defense, her voice shakier than she had ever heard it. �First of all, Kate, almost everything you just said was untrue. Completely.�
�Yeah right,� Kate interrupted sarcastically. �Just answer the damn question.�
�No!� Kelly replied, her voice growing stronger. �I won�t answer it until you listen to my explanation!�
�What is there to explain?� demanded Kate.
Well, if you would shut your fucking mouth and listen, Kelly desperately wanted to yell, but anger probably wasn�t the best course of action.
�Kate, I love you so much. Let�s get this across first. I would never even dream of hurting you. And yes, I have a special relationship with Orlando. I won�t deny that. I can�t really say whether or not our emotions are always the same, but I know that I became very close to him last winter and into the spring. We talked. A lot. But it was only talking. Up until this afternoon, I had seen him once since last December. I swear to God. And I hadn�t talked to him on the phone since March�since you two got back together after the break. Which brings me to my next point,� Kelly said, her voice becoming more passionate. �Throughout the entire course of your relationship, I took your side. On everything. If you�ll think back, there is not a single time where I manipulated the situation to my favor. Not a single time. Like you said, I was the one who convinced you two to get back together. Do you know why, Kate? Do you? Because you meant more to me than he did. It would have been easy to throw a wrench into the whole thing and claim him for my own last March. But did I? No. Because you and Orlando were together. Because I�m not some heartless homewrecker. And most importantly, because I didn�t want to lose your friendship. I didn�t call him at all during the summer, because I thought that would be betraying you in some way. A simple phone call!� Kelly was fully aware that she was shouting now, but the time of apologetic whispers had passed. She continued, her eyes now completely dry. �Yes, I went to his house today. I went because I felt I owed it to him. He is my friend, after all, and there would be no harm in paying him a visit. And I had no idea that you two had broken up. I hadn�t talked to you since last week, so how was I to know? So for you to think that I just �hopped into bed� with him really hurts me, Kate, because I thought you trusted me! And I have never done anything with him that would betray that trust at all.� She finished with a simple statement: �So, to answer your question: we are not now, nor have we ever been, together.�
There was silence on the other end. For a second, Kelly thought the cell phone had gone out, but she could hear Kate breathing faintly. She could tell her roommate was letting everything sink in. And, in truth, Kelly felt sorry for Kate. Kelly could not imagine being in this situation. It would be so hard for Kate to trust Kelly�s word, especially considering what Orlando had said to Kelly today�that Orlando had actually fallen in love with Kelly during his relationship with Kate. But neither of them had acted upon their mutual love, so Kelly was sure she had committed no wrongdoing. Still, it was a delicate situation.
�Do you love him?� Kate asked suddenly.
�What?� Kelly asked, though she had clearly heard the question.
�Do you love him?�
Kelly was trapped. She couldn�t lie to Kate, not after everything that had just been said. But to admit her love for Orlando would be treacherous. Kate might be less apt to trust her word. And then the cabbie�s words repeated themselves in Kelly�s head: If she really is your friend, she�ll understand� �Yes,� she stated. �Yes, I do love him.�
�Since when.� It wasn�t a question. It was a demand.
�I don�t know. I honestly don�t know. But I never told him that I loved him. And I don�t know what he feels about me.� Well, Kelly, that last part was a lie�
Kate, however, seemed to believe this. �Do you want to be with him?� she asked.
�Yes. But even if he confessed his love to me right here, right now, I would walk away from it unless I had your blessing, Kate. And I mean that.� Well that�s true, Kelly, but you neglected to mention that it had already happened�
�You really mean that?� Kate asked. Kelly could tell there was hesitation in her voice, but not anger. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance Kate could accept the situation�
�I really do�� Kelly started, but Kate interrupted.
��Because I think he�s in love with you,� Kate said. Even though Kelly had already heard it firsthand, the thought still sent butterflies swarming in her stomach. But she had to ignore that brief moment of bliss, because now she was in another conundrum. Kate continued: �And I�m not sure if that�s the reason we broke up. I mean, I�m sure it was part of the reason, but there were just too many complications for us. And I can�t pretend I didn�t see it coming, but it still hurts. We were together almost two years, you know? But how can you love someone when he doesn�t love you back?�
Kelly felt tears well up in her eyes again, but this time it was out of sympathy for Kate. Empathy, actually. She knew the feeling all too well. �Kate,� she soothed, �he loved you. He told me that many, many times this past year. You were everything to him. And I know he still loves you. There�s no way he can forget the time you two spent together. And I truly am sorry that it�s over between you two, but�� Kelly trailed off. She had wanted to finish that sentence with �but can you give us your blessing?� Fortunately, she judged this to be the wrong time for such a question.
�But what?� Kate asked through her sobs.
�But nothing, Kate. I�m here for you. I�m always here for you,� Kelly responded. Like she had done so many times during the past year, she put aside her own feelings and offered the perpetual shoulder to cry on for Kate.
�But you want to know if you can date him now, right?� Kate asked.
Kelly sighed. �To be perfectly honest, Kate, yes, but we don�t have to talk about that right now.�
�No, I think we should. And I just want to tell you that I believe you. I believe everything you said. And you have been the best friend for me this year. I can�t imagine my life without you,� Kate said. Kelly felt the pit of her stomach lurch as she waited for the inevitable caveat. �But,� Kate continued, as Kelly�s stomach lurched more, �I don�t know how I would handle you and Orlando together. I don�t think I would be able to handle it. Because I still love him so much, and to know that he was with you now, and not me, would just be more than I could bear. And I know that�s the most selfish thing I could ever say, because you deserve every happiness in the world for all that you�ve given me. But I just�I just can�t�� she finished.
Kelly nodded silently, though she knew Kate could not see her. In truth, she had expected this. How could she have actually believed Kate would sanction the relationship? �OK,� she whispered. �I understand.�
�Kelly, I�m so sorry��
�No, it�s alright. As I said before, I�d rather have your friendship than his romance. You mean more to me��
But as they said their goodbyes, Kelly knew her last statement was a lie. Orlando meant the world to her. How could she give that up? Why did she have to give that up? Why couldn�t everything have worked out perfectly, like it did so often in her dreams?
It seemed, however, that things were to remain the same. As it had always been, as it always would be, Kelly was denied the one thing she desired.