“Hello?”

“Hey angel.”

“Orli! Hey hon, what’s up? Late over there isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I glanced at the clock. 3AM. Sure, it was late. “It’s not easy trying to catch you between work and going out.”

“You make it sound like I’m a social butterfly.” Torrie laughed. I’d missed her voice.

I’d been in England the past six weeks filming a new movie. Fiona had cautioned me against the project, saying that now that I was in demand I needed to be a little more careful in my choices. I didn’t agree. I wanted to keep people guessing. So this one was about a serial killer and yours truly was playing the serial killer. The role was a little fucked up, definitely not a movie for the mainstream moviegoer. And getting into my character’s head each day was really getting to me. I had been having fucked up nightmares the past few weeks and everything around me always seemed just a little out of focus. I had tried to explain it to Julie while she was visiting but she just couldn’t get it. She told me to stop taking my work home with me. Whatever. I knew Torrie would understand but I couldn’t explain it over the phone. So I had to wait until it was all over. Only a few more days.

“Well I have seen more pics of you in the magazines lately than I have myself,” I commented, trying not to let that remark sound as bitter to her as it did to me.

“The paparazzi are bored with you out of town, sweetie. They always need something to make money off of.” She paused. I heard clothing rustling and realized she was getting ready to go out. “Is Julie still there?”

“No. She left a few days ago.”

“Ah ha.”

“Ah ha what?’

“I knew there had to be a reason you decided to call me. You were feeling lonely and had no one else,” she accused. And though I could hear her smile in her tone, I knew there was likely more hurt behind that comment then she would let on.

“I’m a shit. I know,” I replied. “I would have called more but between shooting and press shit and visiting mum and Sam occasionally and then Julie was here and – “

“Whoa, boy!” Torrie laughed. “I’m not trying to lay on the guilt here. I’ve just missed you is all.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

“So when are you coming home?”

“Four days.”

A sigh. “Figures.”

“What?”

“I am flying out on Wednesday to Alaska. There’s been a recent outbreak of illness among the seal population and the team up there wants some help.”

“Oh.” I thoughtfully gnawed on a fingernail. “I’ll just have Lij pick me up then. How long will you be gone?”

“Only through Saturday. Then I’ll be home.”

“Seems like its been forever.” I was whining like a spoilt brat and I knew it. I couldn’t help that I had gotten used to having Torrie there whenever I needed her. The past few months though, it was like we never saw each other. Not that a good portion of that wasn’t my fault.

“That’s because it has!” She exclaimed. Then, “Oh shit. Hate to cut this short, hon, but Sean just got here. Guess I’ll see you this weekend?”

“Yeah.” I dropped onto the edge of my bed and tried not to whine anymore. “Have fun. Say hi to Sean for me.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Dial tone. I stared at the receiver a long time before finally hanging it up and then stretched out across the bed on my stomach, my head on my arms, staring at the open copy of Hello magazine that lay beside me. The title at the top of the page read “Bean’s Babe” and below it was a picture of Sean and Torrie at the LA premiere of his latest flick, Equilibrium.

That right there was all my doing.

A few months ago Torrie had a fundraising benefit for the Center to go to and originally I was going with her but had to back out when Julie’s grandfather had died and she wanted me with her at the Wake. Elijah was on location filming and Torrie refused to go alone, claiming to do so at such a function was to open yourself to all of the old lechers that attended such gatherings. I would have called Viggo for her but they would have bored the hell out of each other – talk about two people with nothing in common! Then I remembered that Sean Bean was in town for some movie negotiations and after convincing Torrie that she would enjoy his company, I called and asked him for her. Sure enough, Sean was game as he had nothing else to do that night and I sent Torrie off to pick him up at his hotel.

She didn’t come home that night. Being as naïve as I am when it comes to Torrie, I called Sean the next morning in a panic, wondering if he knew where she was. When he hesitated on the other end of the line, the Duh! factor hit me and I stammered some sort of apology before hanging up. Torrie showed up later that morning, changed her clothes and took off again, claiming that the two of them were off to the beach. They’d been dating steadily ever since. I tried to come up with any reason possible as to why it wasn’t a good match and I really couldn’t think of anything. Nothing plausible at least. I tried to tell myself he was too old for her but was never really able to convince myself. And Sean adored her, that much was obvious. He sent her flowers everyday when he was back in England and even sent me a thank you note for setting the two of them up. Like I had done it on purpose or something. And from what I understood Sean’s daughters really liked Torrie, too. He had brought her to England with him a few weeks after they had started dating. Her first trip to England. (She was so excited and all I could do was kick myself for not bringing her earlier.) Oh yeah, it seemed like some fucking match made in Heaven. I couldn’t help but worry though. The man didn’t exactly have a stellar track record when it came to relationships.

And Torrie seemed happy and I guess that was all that mattered. The last time I talked to Elijah he said that Sean was probably one of the best things to ever happen to her. Wow. That hurt a hell of a lot more than I would like to admit. I was still having issues getting over the fact that Torrie wasn’t mine exclusively and I knew I had to do it soon or I would end up pushing her away. It wasn’t fair to her the way I behaved, the way I always wanted her there for me, like I was her only obligation, and I knew it. Last week Julie said to me I was eventually going to have to make a choice – her or Torrie. And that sounded so ridiculous to me because they were both completely different and played different roles in my life. Julie was my girlfriend and Torrie was my best friend and how the hell did Julie expect me to choose between that? God, sometimes women just frustrated the hell out of me. Maybe Ian had it right. Tell them all to go to hell. At least men were easier to understand. We were simple. Keep us fed and provide us with sex and we’re quite happy. Fuck Julie and Torrie and Joanne and --

Dammit. Maybe this film was getting to me worse than I thought.

Elijah picked me up when I got back in to LA and hung out with me that night in the apartment where we had a few drinks and talked. Elijah had been dating this girl named Rebecca and he talked about her for almost an hour. Obviously completely enamored. It was cute. I can’t remember the last time I talked about a girl with that much excitement. Well, except Torrie but she wasn’t a girlfriend so it was different.

After that morning that I had found Elijah coming out of Torrie’s room and I had reacted rather badly, I had found the courage to apologize to him for my behavior. He had shrugged it off like it was nothing. Beyond the fact that it seemed the three of us steered clear of hanging out together any longer, it hadn’t seemed to affect their relationship at all. They still giggled like children when they were together and seemed to know a lot about what was happening in each other’s lives. I guess two people could sleep together and still be friends. Then again, maybe only Elijah and Torrie could do that.

“So Becca and I went out with Sean and Torrie the other night before she left for Alaska,” Elijah commented, taking a drag of his clove cigarette.

He was eyeing me as he said that and I wondered why. He always did that, watched me in a weird way whenever Torrie’s name came up. It always made me itch to smack him. “Oh?”

“They make a cute couple, don’t ya think?”

I shrugged, drank my scotch.

“Sean seems fairly serious about her. You should see the bracelet he gave her. Fucking dripping with diamonds and rubies.” Elijah chuckled. “You know Torrie, though. First comment out of her mouth was Am I supposed to use this as a toy for the dolphins or something? Sean didn’t seem to know how to take that and she couldn’t seem to figure out when in the world she would need such an elaborate adornment.”

I made a face. Never, in my opinion. Torrie would never need any kind of adornment. She was perfect the way she was. I finished my scotch, poured myself another.

“They seem to handle the long distance relationship pretty well.”

I rolled my eyes. “Jesus, mate. Are we gonna talk about Sean and Torrie all fucking night?”

“No.” Elijah put his cigarette out in the ash tray, eyeing me again. I looked away from his gaze, took a swallow. “Just making conversation.”

“So talk about something I give a damn about.”

Elijah raised his eyebrows at that but didn’t comment, thank God. “Very well. How about the Two Towers premiere? You ready for that? Only two months away.”

“Yeah.” I sat back down on the couch. “Press junket starts soon. Think it’ll be even crazier than last year.”

“Oh, bet on it. You’re probably gonna get it worse than the rest of us. Hope you’re prepared.”

I glanced over at him, frowning. “Why do you say that?”

“Oh c’mon, Orli. Enough with the modesty. The marketers obviously didn’t realize what an impact you would make among the public when Fellowship was released. They know now. You better believe you’ll carry the majority of the trailers, promotions, toys, blah blah blah.”

Great. That was so not what I wanted. I couldn’t imagine things being crazier than they were and I hoped to God that Elijah wasn’t right. I didn’t want to be an icon. I wanted to act. I wanted to be happy. Couldn’t people understand that? Fuck.

Torrie came home late Saturday night. I was already passed out in bed, waking only when I felt the mattress tip and then I smelled coconut and Torrie was leaning over my ear, whispering, “Hey you. Thought you would greet me when I got in?”

I rolled over and smiled up at her. Her hair was loose and shadowed her face from the moonlight that streamed in through the partially covered window. Her eyes seemed to glow in the darkness. God, how long had it been since we had actually been in face to face? Two months?

“Sorry, I didn’t know when you would get in.” I reached up and tucked her hair behind her ears. There. Now I could see her better.

“Scoot over.”

I did. She kicked off her shoes and jeans and climbed into bed beside me in t-shirt and panties. I immediately rolled over to her, laying my head against her shoulder and hugging her tightly to me. That was better. Damn, she smelled good. It seemed the sea always had some sort of stake on her, like she had bottled it and wore it as perfume. My mermaid. She yawned.

“How was your flight?” I asked.

“Horrid.” She shuddered against me to demonstrate.

I smiled. She hated flying as much as Sean did. I could only imagine what their flight to England together was like. “Did you figure out what was wrong with the seals?”

“Yeah.” She yawned again. I knew I should let her get some sleep but it was nice to just lay here and talk like this again. It had been so long since we had done so. “A local shampoo company had been dumping chemicals into the bay and the fish had been eating it and conversely the seals had been eating them. Needless to say, that company is now doing everything possible to make amends and apologies and whatnot.”

“Did many die?”

“Unfortunately.” Her fingers were absently brushing through my hair, kneading my scalp. It felt incredible. Julie never did anything like that. Julie…

Fuck, I needed to stop comparing them. They weren’t the same person. I wanted each of them near me for different reasons. Julie simply wasn’t as… nurturing as Torrie. And that side of Torrie most likely stemmed from her job as well. She was used to taking care of everything around her. I hoped that Sean appreciated it, and then I hated myself for thinking about that because I couldn’t help but picture Torrie holding Sean as she was me and making him feel so wanted and loved.

Torrie sighed and I returned my attention to her. “There were these babies that we found… Their mother had already died and… we ended up saving only one of them…”

I leaned up on my elbow at that and kissed away the single tear that was making its way down her cheek. “I’m sorry, angel. I’m sure you did what you could.”

She shook her head. “Sometimes I wish humankind never existed.”

I grimaced. “I know the feeling. Get some sleep.”

I snuggled against her once more and closed me eyes. Her fingers continued their gentle ministration until sleep overtook me.

That week it seemed as if things between us were back to the way they had been when Torrie had first moved in. The only differences were those nights when Julie came to stay over or the daily phone calls that Torrie received from Sean. It seemed they weren’t going to be able to see one another again until the premiere of The Two Towers which Peter had told Sean he had to be at or else. Torrie tried to act as if it didn’t matter but I knew her better than that. She was like me. Once she got attached to someone, she didn’t like it when they were separated for long periods of time. I guess that was partly the reason we seemed to latch onto each other that week after having been apart for so long.

As I had suspected, Torrie understood a little better than Julie about how the recent character I was playing was fucking with my mind. The second night she was home I had woken up screaming and she had appeared at my side almost immediately, holding me until I calmed. She made me talk about it, tell her everything about the movie and what I had felt while filming some of the more grisly scenes and I just opened up to her as usual, cried a little, and she soothed my fears and whispered to me until I had fallen back to sleep. Sleep came easier after that and it appeared I had somehow chased away my demons. Or Torrie had. Either way, I found myself feeling better both about the movie and those parts of my psyche that seemed unable to deal with many of the films finer points.

Halloween was coming up and there was a huge costume party that Elijah had secured invitations for us to. Torrie didn’t have Sean to take her and Julie was off on a photo shoot in Mexico so we decided that we would just stag it together. Its not like tongues didn’t wag as it was when it came to us living together. So we decided to have fun with it as well, making certain that our costumes matched. Torrie had mentioned going as Sam and Frodo but I warned her that Elijah and Sean would kill us. I brought up Aragorn and Arwen and then we had looked at each other and giggled. Finally, after much teasing, we settled on King Louis XIV and Marie Antoinette. I don’t know where the idea came from but once it was there we began goading each other, such as she told me I had to wear the heels and wig and I told her that her wig had to be much higher than mine and that her boobs would have to fall out of her gown at least once that night. We laughed our asses off and it was settled. We were going to win that costume contest, dammit.

I woke up the morning of Halloween a bit later than usual. The night before Torrie had received a late call into work because one of the sea lions at the Center had become sick and I had driven her down there. We didn’t get back until after 2. Luckily, the sea lion named Bucky, came out of it all right.

Wandering down the hall, I heard Torrie’s voice from the living room, obviously on the phone. I was about to head toward the kitchen when something she said caused me to stop and I found myself hovering there in the hallway, eavesdropping the way I should not have. It was rude and wrong and I would have been much better off if I had never heard that conversation.

“I love him, you know that... No, I just don’t see that happening… He deserves better, that’s why… Oh, please! I’m nothing compared to him while he is everything. He deserves at least that much. Someone who is as enigmatic and beautiful and perfect as he is… He is, too!…” A disgusted sigh. “I knew I shouldn’t be discussing this with you… I’m just a marine biologist. Not exactly a headline-maker there… Don’t be ridiculous. That’s a fairytale, Lij… Because it is. I am trying to remain grounded here, ya know… “ A soft laugh. “He’s my savior, and he knows it… He is. My knight in shining armor… I can’t believe you are making me say these things to you. And keep your little pixy mouth shut, got it?… Because, I know where you live! And Uncle Tony will pay you a visit!… Isn’t my telling you I love him enough?”

I couldn’t listen to anymore. I stepped into the room, making as much noise as possible. Torrie whirled around to look at me, as if I had surprised her. I tried to flash her a smile but I don’t think it came out quite that way. I felt like complete shit at the moment and I didn’t know why really.

“Er… Lij, I have to go. Orli’s up… Um, yeah. We’ll see, won’t we?… Yeah, see you tonight. Six o’clock.” She hung up the phone, still watching me.

“Lij?” I asked. Obviously.

“Yeah.” She titled her head slightly. “How long were you there?”

I shrugged. “Long enough.” I sighed. “So, you’re in love with Sean, eh?”

Torrie blinked. Twice. “Umm… Yeah. Sean. I… love him.”

I nodded, my stomach queasy. I should have felt happy for her, dammit. “That isn’t true, you know.”

“What isn’t?” Her eyes widened a little and she seemed panicked.

“You’re not being good enough for him. That’s just stupid. And I know he would say the same. I wish you’d realize how wonderful you are, Torrie.”

She turned away, headed for the kitchen, as if she couldn’t look at me suddenly.

“Well, I guess we all see ourselves differently,” she replied, as she began banging pots and pans around.

I moved to the doorway and watched her as she began fixing our breakfast.

“I doubt very much that you look into the mirror each day and see one of the most beautiful men alive?” She looked at me when she asked that.

I laughed. “Hardly. I’m just… Orli. Nothing special.”

“Hmm.” Torrie went back to what she was doing, being more fidgety than her normal self. I guess she didn’t like me knowing her true feelings for Sean and that kind of hurt. I mean, that she could talk about it with Elijah but not with me.

Not that I was feeling much better at that moment. Maybe I should have seen it coming. They did spend a lot of time together and he did make her happy. I mean she laughed a lot on the phone with him when he called and there was even a framed picture of the two of them sitting on the table in the living room. I had seen the bracelet he had given her and it was gorgeous. At least I knew he would treat her right. I really wanted to feel happy for her. I really wanted her to think I was happy for her. So why did I just want to crawl back under my covers and hide there the rest of the day? Damn.

I moved into the kitchen and touched Torrie on the arm, pulling her from her concentration over the omelets. She glanced up at me and I found myself wondering if Sean would ask her to marry him and if he would know how special the little things she did like making breakfast for him every morning were. I hoped he would tell her every day that he loved her and that she was one of the most remarkable women in the world. I hoped he believed that.

“I’m happy for you, Torrie. I hope you know that.”

She smiled but for some reason it didn’t reach her eyes. Maybe she didn’t believe me. Maybe she saw something in me that made her question the truth of my words. Whatever it was, she hugged me suddenly, and I wrapped my arms around her, knowing that secretly there was nothing more I wanted than to hold her at that moment.

“Trophy… Julie makes you happy, doesn’t she?”

I wondered at the question. Torrie had never asked me anything like that before. “Yeah… Yes.”

Sometimes. At other times I don’t think she really understood me. But then, you couldn’t expect perfection out of your mate. I think I made Julie happier than she made me and it was nice to know I could do that for someone. Maybe part of my being with her was knowing that I gave her something she needed. I don’t know if it was my companionship or what but Julie did need me. And that was something.

Torrie sighed. “Then that’s what’s important.”

I figured she was right. All our lives, from the day we are born, humans strive for the ultimate happiness. Be it in our careers or our spiritual being or financial security or love, it is complete happiness that we all seek. Could you get that from someone else? Or could you only find it on your own? I knew that when I was with my friends I was happy. I knew that when I was working on a film I was happy. And I knew that right there at that moment, with Torrie in my arms, no matter how much it hurt knowing that I would soon lose her completely to Sean, I was happy. Because of coconut and the sea and the Cartoon Network and vegetable soup and the omelets that were burning beside us. Torrie made me happy.

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