Chain Lightning Studios Presents Together We Stand Book Two Divided We Fall By T. L. Webb Stop! I wanna go home Take off this uniform And leave the show Stop Pink Floyd, The Wall []===========================[] Book Two part Five []===========================[] "What a mess," Fuyutski muttered as he surveyed the damage in the Cage. The restraints that normally held Evangelion Unit One were mangled and crushed so far beyond repair that it would take days just to get the tracks cleared. Across the room there were several caved in dents in the wall. Each of them was larger than an automobile. All around him technicians and repair crews were busy trying to clean up what they could of the scattered debris. The noise levels were so high that he didn't hear Gendou Ikari approach. "I could not have phrased it better myself," Gendou said, and for a moment, Kozo wondered how his old student had heard him-- then decided it was probably better not to ask. "You do realize," Kozo said wryly, "that this is all your fault, don’t you?" "And how did you reach that conclusion, praytell?" "Do you really want me to run off the _entire_ list?" "Why not? We don’t have anything more amusing to do until the meeting." "Oh yes," Fuyutski said with a smile, "yet another tedious Seele bitch session. As if we didn't have enough problems." "Harsh words professor." "Perhaps nearly being crushed to death by our own weapon has put me on edge." "Fair enough," Gendou said as they made their way to the lift, "Now, you were speaking of blame?" "Ah yes, my point was that you haven't exactly gone out of your way to make Pilot Ikari feel welcome." "The requirements of my job do not allow for such trivialities." "And yet you had time to raise Rei..." "Pilot Ayanami is a special case. You know all too well that had we not taken those steps she might have grown beyond our control long ago." "Of course-- and I am well aware of all the facts surrounding it-- but let me ask you something old friend, would you say Shinji was under our control?" Gendou was silent for a moment. "You see my point then?" Kozo pressed. "What would you have me do? Coddle the boy?" "Of course not. It’s far too late for that anyway. I would, however, prefer you to be aware of why this has happened before your meeting with him." "I know very well why this happened." "Oh?" "It does not take a psychologist to recognize a spoiled child throwing a temper tantrum." "I see..." "You disagree?" "Gendou, had this happened months ago I would agree with you, but I'm not sure you truly understand what just happened. Shinji didn't just plow into this complex in a berserker rage, he sat in Unit one for seven hours while they loaded it and brought him back here. He waited until he was _inside_ the cage to make his move." "Which proves what exactly?" "That he planed this. He calculated the power levels of the Eva and waited until he was close enough that he could attack us... To attack _you_, without fear of running out of energy. This wasn't a tantrum Gendou, this was a premeditated assault." Gendou scowled as he took that in, "I need to give this some thought Professor, I’ll see you at the meeting." "Very well," Kozo said as Gendou stepped off the lift. As the doors closed he sighed and looked up at the lights on the ceiling, 'I’m trying to look after them as best I can,' he thought, 'but sometimes... sometimes it is very hard, Yui...' []====[] []====[] Every second of it was forever burned into his memory. He remembered the feral release he felt as Unit One stepped out of the shattered restraints and made its way to the far wall. Shinji had studied the layout of Central Dogma in detail after getting lost with the other pilots a couple of months back, and he'd known that the command and control center was just on the other side of that wall. He clearly remembered rearing back and throwing the first punch. The way the wall gave way a little, leaving a dent the size of the Eva’s fist. In hindsight, he was reminded of his test With Unit Zero. Just as he'd thrown his third punch something happened. The plug had grown dim and he'd felt like he was being crushed. Concentrating on that moment, he knew now that the confusion he'd felt was because his vision had blurred and his lungs her being taxed to their limit. It had been the LCL, of course. The pressure had risen faster than he could adjust to. Somehow they had found a circuit he hadn't managed to block. That had been two or three days ago. He wasn't sure exactly how many; the isolation cell made it hard to keep track of time. In fact he wasn't sure what day it was. At the moment, however, he didn't really care. He was about to lose everything he had found in Tokyo Three. There was no way they would keep him around after what he had done. If he'd been offered a chance to go back and do it again, he would have done the same. His father had not only betrayed any trust they might have had-- he had spit upon it. Nerv was far to well informed for its Commander not to know that it had been his son’s girlfriend inside of Unit Three. Had they really believed that he would have let such a thing slide? That he would have done nothing? What frightened Shinji more than that was the gnawing suspicion that he was somehow playing right into his father’s hands. He looked at the marquee on the wall of the isolation cell. It was the only decoration in the entire room. God’s in his heaven, all is right in the world. What did that mean anyway? Why was it below every Nerv insignia in the complex? Whatever it’s meaning, Shinji had always found the words to be depressing. It was almost as if Nerv was trying to tell him that he was- and would always be- on his own. For the thousandth time since he’d woken up, his thoughts drifted to Hikari. 'Why didn't you want them to tell me?' he wondered, 'what was it you were going to say that last day of school? Were you going to tell me never to speak to you again? Were you going to forgive me? Neither? Both?' So many questions that he couldn’t answer... that he may never have the chance to answer... he wondered if they would put him in jail or just send him away. []====[] []====[] 'So... what do you think'll happen?" Asuka asked Misato as she picked the girl up from the medical center. "Who do you mean?" Misato asked as they rode up the escalator, "are you talking about Shinji, or Hikari?" "Both I guess... is she even going to make it? They wouldn’t tell me anything." "Hikari's in a coma, Asuka. Apparently the neural connections were still in place when the dummy plug started, and... Well, you saw the tape. She felt every hit, and by the time they removed the plug, the LCL she was breathing had gotten pretty stale. It’s hard to say right now... as far as Shinji goes, that's up to Commander Ikari." "Did he really trash the main Cage?" "I haven't seen it myself, but from what I heard he tore it up pretty good. They just got the secondary restraints running and are preparing to move Unit One to the third Cage in a few days." "I didn't think he had it in him..." Asuka whispered to herself. Unfortunately for her, she misjudged Misato's hearing and the statement brought an immediate grin to her guardian's mouth. "My, my, Asuka! Is that actually a note of admiration in your voice?" "No it is _not_, I’m just... surprised that he grew a pair is all." "Shinji has always been braver than he thought he was, I don't know why you always ride him about it." "Because he acts like a sniveling little _coward_ all the time!" Asuka shouted, surprising Misato by erupting in anger, "its always 'yes ma'am,' 'no ma'am,' 'I'm sorry ma'am,' 'could you walk on me some more ma'am?' it-- it pisses me off! I just _can't_ respect someone with no sense of their own worth." Misato listened to the rant and nodded politely at the appropriate moments. When Asuka finally quieted down, she shook her head and sighed before speaking. "Asuka," she said in a tired voice, "have you ever stopped to think that maybe he doesn't know his own worth because people keep making him think he has none? I know you haven't done much to boost his self confidence." "What are you talking about? I’ve done plenty, I mean I even kissed the little fungus!" "First off," Misato said, her annoyance at the girls egotistic attitude finally getting the better of her, "he's a year older than you, so I wouldn't be calling him 'little' if I were you. Second, I've been meaning to ask you about that kiss. Did you even apologized to Hikari about it?" "I... I kinda didn't have a chance." "I'll accept that for now because of how insane things have been, but when she does wake up I'd put that at the _top_ of your priorities list were I you." Asuka didn't say anything else for the rest of the trip, and Misato hoped it was because she felt guilty. Asuka had a tendency to push painful things to the back of her mind, and slam the lock on them- it was something that had only been hinted at in her psych report. Unfortunately the report was much less conclusive that Misato would have liked, and using the information to predict Asuka’s behavior was almost impossible. Misato had about decided that most psychiatrist were morons-- if the kids were really as bad off as they said then they shouldn't be allowed outside a rubber room, much less behind the controls of a two hundred foot tall war machine. It wasn't that the reports were worthless, it was just that despite the doctor’s assurances-- they were nowhere close to telling the full story. Most of the reports had tried to whittle the children’s whole personalities down to a stereotype. Shinji was this type, Asuka was another... and while they seemed to be at least on the right track, there was much more going on in the kids' heads than the papers tried to give credit for. She took another glance at Asuka, who was looking out the train’s window. The girl had problems-- anyone could tell that, but Misato refused to believe that her situation was as hopeless as some wanted to make out. With any luck, if she could hold on a little longer, they would all make it through this. []====[] []====[] The door opened and Shinji squinted at the light. He wondered idly what kind of sadistic jerk had decided to keep it so dark in the isolation wards. As his vision cleared he heard someone thank the guard and he realized that he had a visitor. Once the door shut and his eyes readjusted, he was a little surprised to find Maya Ibuki standing in front of him. He was even more surprised to see that she wasn't wearing her Nerv uniform. "Miss Ibuki?" he said tentatively-- wondering what she wanted. "Hello Shinji, and I think Maya will be fine... more appropriate actually." "What do you mean?" "It's kind of a long story..." "I don’t think I'm going anywhere," he said with an ironic smirk, had he been paying more attention he would have caught the small gasp she let out. He’d looked a little like the Commander when he’d done that. "W-well, first off... I suppose I should mention that after I leave here I'm turning in my ID and leaving Nerv." Shinji suddenly looked at her in shock, and total bewilderment. "I don't understand, why did you come here?" "I wanted to apologize to you Shinji." "Apologize? You? To me? For what?" "Shinji... I was one of the designers of the Dummy Plug-- the Auto Pilot that destroyed Unit Three." Shinji’s eyes watered up as he remembered the helplessness he felt as Unit One moved against his will. He refelt the overwhelming dread as he ran across the medical camp to the entry plug, and he felt the cold rage as he’d planed out his attack on Central Dogma. "I don't know how to even ask you to forgive what happened Shinji," she told him sadly, "I know how pathetic it is to ask that of you... but I swear I didn't know that it would be like that." Shinji looked down at the floor, his thoughts in a whirl. "We didn't mean for the dummy system to behave like that Shinji, it wasn't even ready... but with the situation like it was we didn't have a choice. That doesn't justify any of it, we should have tried harder to save Miss Horaki... but in the end the Angel had to be destroyed. It hurts to say it, but it’s true. That kind of choice is the hardest in the world to make Shinji... we’re fighting for all for mankind, and I still believe in the work that goes on here.... But I can't be a part of it and still live with myself any longer." " . . . " "I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgive any of us for having a hand in what went on out there... I just needed to let you know how sorry I am for my part in what happened. Goodbye Shinji... and take care of Hikari when the two of you make up." She turned and the door opened for her. As she stepped out, she heard a voice from within. "Maya?" She stopped and turned back to where he sat. he was looking up to her with a slightly bewildered, but strangely calm smile "I forgive you," he said. []====[] []====[] "So is it true?" Ritsuko asked as Maya packed up the last of her personal effects from her office. "Is what true?" Maya asked. "Is confession really good for the soul?" "You don't have to be sarcastic about this," Maya said softly. "Perhaps, but the sarcasm is keeping me from screaming at you Maya. What you’re doing is totally insane!" "I told you why I'm leaving Sempai..." "And I think you’re full of it. Guilt? With the stakes we’re fighting for a little guilt shouldn't be enough hold you back. So why don’t you tell me why you’re really leaving?" "I never could lie to you could I?" Maya said as she closed her briefcase, "but I can't tell you why Sempai, you’d just say I was being a foolish romantic." "Don’t tell me it’s because of that _girl_?" "It's more than that, but that is a large part of it." "Okay, let me get this straight," Ritsuko said as she removed her glasses, and pinched the front of her brow, "You're leaving the greatest scientific undertaking in the history of the human race, allowing your movements and future employment to be restricted, destroying your career, _and_ your life.... Because you were partially responsible for creating a computer system that almost killed a little girl by accident?" "No, I'm leaving because I refuse to work for people who do things like that and _don't_ _care_ after they've done it." Maya said hotly, "Commander Ikari doesn't even care about his own son! How do you expect me to keep working here and watching him ruin life after life without even a blink? He almost killed the girl his son loves and didn't even say a word to the boy! Don't tell me he isn't heartless because if that isn't a perfect definition then I don’t know what is!" Maya sighed and wiped the tears from her face before continuing, "Do you know how many people died when that A17 was ordered during the eighth Angel incident? Well I do! I had to write the Magi’s report on it, and it’s over a hundred dead of starvation because they couldn't get food for six weeks! He doesn't care about the very people he’s supposed to be protecting!" Maya wiped away the fresh tears tried to reign in the sobs that were threatening to start. Ritsuko looked at her from the desk she was leaning against and sighed. There was little she could do to argue against what Maya had just said-- almost all of it was true "I'm just not as strong as you are Sempai, I can't watch all this happen, and-- and still keep working away like it isn't tearing me apart inside... I’m sorry." Ritsuko frowned and looked away for a moment, but then she surprised Maya. "No... You don't have to apologize for this," Ritsuko said as her face softened, "I shouldn't be so hard on you... I know what this job can do to a person, and I ought to be applauding you for getting out while your soul is still intact." "I--I..." Maya said as the tears began to flow freely. Ritsuko walked up and gave the younger woman a comforting hug. 'I wish it wasn't too late for me,' Ritsuko thought as Maya said goodbye and walked out of the office, and Nerv, 'but I’m in far too deep to leave this alive...' "Godspeed Maya," she whispered to the empty room. []====[] []====[] The office of Gendou Ikari was almost exactly as Shinji had pictured it. Cold, intimidating, and larger than necessary. The only feature that caught him off guard was the etching on the ceiling, but he refused to be distracted. What he was about to do frightened him enough without worrying about his fathers taste in art. "Disobeying direct orders, blatant insubordination, using an Eva for personal vendettas, childish intimidation, criminal assault-- these are all serious charges. Do you have anything to say?" "The leg irons were a bit much." "I see... anything relevant? " "Actually, I do-- I quit." "Do you now?" "Yes. If you ever put me in that thing again, I will continue to come after you until one of us is dead. You can either let me go, or put me back in the cell. I don’t care which." "You would abandon Pilot Horaki? Do you no longer feel for her?" Shinji’s scowl darkened further at the word Pilot, "Funny hearing you say that-- seeing as how a day or so ago you ordered me to kill her. No, I do care, '_father_'. I want to see her, and I want to take her as far away from this place as I can." "Where would you go if you left?" "If Misato will let me, I’ll stay with her until Hikari wakes up. After that... I don’t know, perhaps I’ll return to Uncle’s home." "I see... I assume we will never meet again then," it was not a question. "If I have my way, no." "then you are dismissed, you disapoint me Shinji." With that, Shinji Ikari turned his back on his father and walked out of the office. as he reached the doors, Shinji turned back and faced the room. for several seconds the two stared down the long empty space at one another wordlessly. finaly, as the doors began to swing closed, shinji mouthed two short Monosyllabic words in German. The doors slammed closed with a hollow ring of finality. Gendou sat in the darkened room for a long time trying to decide who had won that little encounter. He would never be quite sure. []====[] []====[] "Excuse me? Pilot Ikari?" Shinji turned and found a man he only knew in passing standing at the door. He had been going over the paperwork for his soon-to-be- retirement from Nerv in a small room off to the side of the locker room. He nodded and stood as the man stepped in. "I don’t think we’ve ever been properly introduced, I’m Kozo Fuyutski." "I know who you are Mr. Fuyutski, you’re my father's second in command." "That's right, but to get to my point I wanted to thank you for you’re courage up to now and to let you know how sorry I am to see you leave." "... I..." Shinji looked up at the man again and his resolution to anger faltered momentarily, "thank you..." "I know how hard it is to deal with your father-- I’ve worked with the man for most of this century, and have known him longer... I guess what I’m doing here is saying to you that which he is unable to say." "Sir.. It doesn't matter anymore, he doesn't want me here... he made that clear the day I arrived. I was brought in because he needed me, or as he put it, 'because he had a use for me'. Father is dead to me now Mr. Fuyutski, he has been from the moment he activated that autopilot." "I won't argue that he is a bastard and a bit of what the Americans call a 'son of a bitch', but he does care about you Shinji, he is merely unable to show that side any longer." "I think that’s why Maya left," Shinji said, his eyes looking off to some point far away, "she said that she couldn't take the choices that Nerv is forced to make... I have to agree with her, and I even think I’m starting to understand it, but that doesn't make any of it right." "I wouldn't dream of saying otherwise, and I’ll think it's only fitting that I tell you you’re mother would be proud of that attitude." "M- my mother?" "I don't suppose you’d remember, but I worked with both her and the Commander back in the old days while you were a child." "Thank you... Mr. Fuyutski, could I ask you something?" "Depends, what is it?" "Do you think she'd approve of what I'm doing... my leaving?" "Tricky question that... it's hard to not give my own opinion in her place. I think the best answer is to tell you something she used to tell your father and I." "What’s that?" "That no mater what happens, no mater where you are, as long as you are alive it is possible to be happy." "I see... than you Mr. Fuyutski, and good luck." "Likewise." []====[] []====[] "Quitter," Asuka sneered from the doorway. She had been on his case since he’d walked in the door, and with Misato back at the site of the battle for the rest of the day, he had little choice than to put up with it for the time being. The odd thing was that she seemed to be taunting him more out of a sense of... the best he could describe it was desperation. He didn’t understand it, and she didn’t understand that he was far, far too drained emotionally for her words to hurt him. "Call me what ever you want," he replied as he began putting a change of clothes in his backpack, "I don't care." "Oh I can see that, obviously you don’t care about anything since you're running away from your responsibilities." "Asuka, I don't want to be here, you don't want me to be here, father doesn't want me to be here, and with the dummy plug, no one needs me to be here... explain how what I'm doing matters before you insult me again." "We're fighting for the fate of the entire damn human race, how can you say you running away from that doesn't matter?" Asuka screamed at him-- it was almost as if she refused to accept the fact that his leaving was not only possible, but now inevitable. "You haven't seen them do the things I have Asuka. They lie. They lie to you, they lie to me, they lie to Misato, and in case you haven't noticed they lie to the rest of the world. They manipulate us left and right, and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of dancing like a puppet while my father pulls the strings. You can stay and be his little doll if you want to, but I refuse. I’m leaving" "Du gottverdammter kleiner Scheisshaufen! Wie wagst du es mich so zu nennen! " she screamed at him as she slammed the door shut so hard it fell from its tracks and hung at an odd angle. He could hear her cursing German all the way to the front door, but finally when that slammed he was alone. Or at least he was until the phone rang a bit later. "Hello?" "Shinji! It's Kensuke." "Don't say anything," Shinji said quickly, before Kensuke could trip the security net that was no doubt listening in at that moment, "I need to talk to you, are you at home?" "Yeah..." Kensuke said, totally confused at this point. "Call Touji, I'll meet you both there." "Um... okay, what's this about?" "I'll explain it later," Shinji said-- wishing he could say more over the phone, "see you in a few." He made a quick note for Misato and hurried out the door. []====[] []====[] He had found it hard not to let Kensuke's room distract him as he told his friends what had happened in the last few days. The room was a military otaku’s idea of heaven. Lining the walls were posters of tanks, jets, troops in action, and a few blown up shots of the Eva's. Diagrams and maps lined the few parts that weren't covered with posters. Stacked all around the Computer were notes and sketches, and printouts concerning all sorts of things that would probably get Kensuke arrested if found. In the middle of the basement room was the most impressive item-- a scale model of Tokyo Three with colored string and rough models of the Angels and Evas. The strings tracked the paths the battles had taken, and little flags marked specific events. He tried to ignore all this however; he had something important to tell his friends. "And after I left they made me sign a bunch of papers so I cant tell any of the media at risk of death. They won't get around to filing them until later tomorrow, so I don’t think any of us will get in trouble for talking about it right now... not that I really care what happens, but I thought you'd feel better knowing that." Touji was looking at him with a look that was at the same time sympathetic and furious. Kensuke was close to going into shock. "So where will you stay?" Kensuke wanted to know. "Misato agreed to look after me for now. She's still my legal guardian, and it would take a lot of time to cut through the red tape if she doesn't go along, so Nerv just kind of decided to ignore it." "When can we see Hikari?" "I don't know Kensuke, Misato is going to talk them into letting me visit sometime tomorrow... I'll talk to the doctor then and see what I can work out. If that doesn't work I’d try asking her father." "Oh yeah, he works for the medical branch doesn't he?" "So that's it then?" Touji asked, his voice conveying an anger that didn't quite seem to be focused on Shinji, but was at the same time. "Yes, that's it..." Shinji said, meeting Touji's eyes and not blinking. The two's gazes locked and as Kensuke watched on nervously as tension seemed to build tangibly in the space between them, "sorry I can't say that none of this was my fault." Touji said nothing, but stood from where he was leaning against the wall and took a step towards Shinji-- his hand curling into a fist. "Go ahead Touji," Shinji said as he watched the fist form, "I've had it coming for weeks now, do it." Touji took another step forward but did not swing. "Go on," Shinji said more forcefully, "It's my fault she's almost dead! I lied to her, because I did that she felt she had to tell me herself she was a pilot _after_ the test. I might have been able to do something if I’d known-- so it’s my fault. Its _all_ my fault! Now do it. Hit me!" Touji drew back to let fly, and while Kensuke started protesting, Shinji closed his eyes. Time passed and after a few moments of silence, Shinji reopened his eyes. Touji was still in front of him, but he was no longer prepared to throw the punch. Instead there were tears threatening to flow from the corners of his eyes. "I ain't going to hit you Shinji," he said, "so stop trying to piss me off." "I-- I couldn’t protect her...' Shinji trailed off as tears began to build in his own eyes, "it’s my fault, I deserve it." "You didn't deserve it the first time and you don’t deserve it this time," Touji said sadly, "one of these days you gotta stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong-- none of us do." "What time are you going to see Hikari?" Kensuke asked. "Pretty early, just after they open the doors to visitors in the regular wards." "Could you do us a favor?" Touji asked after a glance at Kensuke. "Anything." "They say coma patients can hear you when you talk right?" "I guess so." "Tell her that we miss her at school and give her our love, okay?" "Absolutely." "And if you tell anyone else I said that I _will_ hit you," Touji added with a smile. []====[] []====[] Early the next day, Misato finally arranged for him to visit Hikari's hospital room. She looked physically unharmed, and the doctors assured him that she was in good health considering what had happened. The problem was that the artificial pain had sent her system into shock, and she had lapsed into a coma. Even under the best conditions it was almost impossible to predict when or if a patent would recover from the slumber. With the circumstances surrounding her, however, the doctors refused to even hazard a guess. She might wake up in seconds, days or weeks, it was a big fat question mark. "Hello Hikari," he said as he pulled a chair up next to the bed, "I'm sorry I couldn’t come sooner, but the doctors wouldn’t let me." The soft beeping of the machines around her was the only sound in the room. "I quit Nerv... I couldn’t stay after what happened, and apparently I wasn't alone. Its kind of weird running away like this. Last time I was so ashamed... but this is different somehow. The only way I can describe it is... have you ever heard the phrase 'damned if you do, damned if you don’t'? It means that either way you chose it's the wrong choice. I could have stayed, and I’d still have been fighting for everyone, but then my father would be in control of me again.... So I chose to leave. He’s still in control, but at least I can make choices without his hand manipulating me at every turn. I don't know... maybe I’m just lying to myself... I can't lie to anyone else with a straight face but I’ve always been good at that." He looked at her peaceful face and couldn’t stop the tears. "I never should have lied to you Hikari, and I never should have kissed Asuka... I can keep trying to tell myself that what happened that night in the park was an accident, but I can't lie even to myself forever... I wanted to kiss her, and I should have fought harder not to. I’m sorry." "I don’t know if you were going to forgive me or tell me never to speak to you again... and I’m as afraid of finding out as I am eager. I care a great deal about you Hikari, and if you ever forgive me, I’m still here for you." "I miss you." He stayed most of the day, and fell asleep in the chair. He was so exhausted that the emergency siren didn't even wake him. []==================================[] To Be Continued... []==================================[] Author’s Incoherent Babbling This was a shorter one than I expected, but as I’ve said before; it's the story that decides this stuff not me. In the second draft I might increase it a good deal, one never knows what clever things prereaders will come up with. As for the use of German in this chapter-- Shinji's I won't reveal or translate other than to say it came from Scritch's multilingual swear list [http://www.jps.net/scritch/swear.html ]. Lets just say it's bad, and to be honest it shouldn't be too hard to figure out. I figure that after so much time with Der Redhead he HAS to have picked up on a few choice phrases. As for Asuka's, heres a rough translation of "Du gottverdammter arroganter kleiner Scheißer! Wie kannst dues wagen, mich so zu nennen!"? as was provided by Philipp Rustemeier---- "you god damn arrogant little shit! How dare you call me that!" I want to thank all of you who've been so supportive of this fic! Its cuz of y'all I've been able to get this chapter out ahead of schedule. I'm going to do my best to continue to get these out every couple of weeks- - if possible. Even if I do fall behind that projection, I still intend to get a chapter finished each month. Actually, some of the later chapters may take that long simply because of the complexity's involved in the rewrites. But rest assured that I refuse to give this baby up. I have three backups of it here and there, so even if my computer gets wiped, I'll have the prereaders drafts to work with. I wonder sometimes, how do other fanfic authors feel when they give up a story? There are several fics out there that are just dangling with open endings. Variations on a theme, the Off series, and others. The fan reaction aside, I personally can't imagine leaving a story incomplete like that. Maybe that’s because I write mostly for myself? I dunno. Just a random thought... Hotwire Chain Lightning Studios http://www.chainlightningstudios.com