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13 February 2000
Sunday Territorian headlines
'Tank farm to go this year'
Land, on which oil tanks are situated on adjoining the CBD, will be redeveloped into a $150m estate of townhouses and apartments. What originality.
'Floods cut off Alice, chopper rescues family'
'Central Australia is experiencing its worst flooding in a {year, decade, century}'. Roads are cut now both north and south with over 6.5" of rain since Tuesday. Most major tourist destinations have also been cut off. The correct answer is year.
'Baby dies at rugby match'
A 13 week old baby girl died at Darwin's Rugby Park at Marrara. It is not known if she was in the front row at the time.
'Takings offer to diffuse park row'
20th Century Fox have offered to donate revenue from the first showing of 'The Beach' to Thailand's national parks. Apparently this is to appease environmentalists. What utter bastards. I encourage anyone not to see the film. Let there be no takings. Please send letters of outrage to the villains.
'Carnival over for talented Seekers'
The Seekers are quitting - again. Yippee.
'Valentine's symbol from Red Planet'
No - check the date - it is not April 1. A satellite circling Mars has sent back pictures of a heart shaped plateau 255 miles across. Be warned, the heart is surrounded by a layer of dark, rough terrain. How can they be sure it isn't Adelaide.
'$26,000 bikini is a real gem'
Made of pearls, 18ct gold and silver, the bikini is believed to be the most expensive in the world. Meanwhile more children in the third world die of starvation.
'Benita SACKED'
'Why? Why? Why?. A mere phone call after 30 years and Benita Collings is on the scrapheap of stardom. Play School will never be the same'.
'Handling the 'toilet Nazis''
Natalie Amsterdam has decided that toilet money collectors are in fact toilet Nazis. This wins the bad taste award of the day. A very shitty description indeed.
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