| The Luca stadium sat there like a big pile of shit as it always did. Graffiti lined its walls along with shit and dead kids. But there was something different today. Lady Yuna, the slut who famously defeated sin 2 years ago was doing a show. Every pervert in Spira turned out for what promised to be the dirtiest thing in Spira�s history. Yuna stood there on the stage, and began to sing I saw you buying a pearl jam record, and I noticed that you're gay I saw you hanging around in Allston, and I noticed that you're gay I saw you riding around on your roller blades, and I noticed that you're gay I saw you getting your tongue pierced, and I noticed that you're gay I heard you spend all day on the internet, and I noticed that you're gay I saw you drinking a frappucino, and I noticed that you're gay I saw you wearing a fucking tree shirt, and I noticed that you're gay you've got a tribal tattoo, and I noticed that you're gay The crowd loved it, but there were 2 special guests who planned to crash the show. Naturally they were women. "Y R P Ready" said Rikku "No fucking Shit" replied Paine, Rikku was always a bit slow, she was supposed to say that before the song started, oh well. The two jumped onto Yuna's Stage with a crash; due to their stupid costumes they weren�t that mobile. "Give it back YOU FUCKING BITCH,� yelled Rikku as they landed "Fuck you,� said Yuna, suddenly two goons appeared from her ass and began to fight Rikku and Paine. "Think you can keep up?" asked Paine "Fuck yes" said Yuna "Wouldn't be much of a boss now would I? Dumbass" "Hey don�t you call me a Dumbass bitch" said Paine as she hit her with her sword "Oww, you fucking twat!!" The fight went on like this for some time, the goons past at the sight of their revealing costumes which women obviously wear in real life. Anyway long story short, "Cheese it" cried Yuna and ran off. "Hey" Cried Paine and ran after her, Rikku got lost on the way out, but nobody cared. Paine followed Yuna all the way to the dock where they were cornered by poor clones of the Magnus sisters. "Suck on this twat heads." the shocked onlookers turned to see none other then YUNA Crappy music ensues Yuna jumps and does a back flip but cause she�s such a crap aim managed to miss both the baddies, yes even the fat one. Bemused by this stupidity the fake Yuna ran up and drew her deadly weapon. A fan... uhh right. Anyway Yuna and Paine kicked ass. "Give it back,� cried the real Yuna "Fuck off,� said the fake Yuna "Do it or Ill sing again" shouted Yuan "AHH NO PLEASE" yelled the fake Yuna and threw it at her, it hit Yuna in the spine and she couldn�t walk for the rest of her life The now revealed le Blanc legged it away, "Ok guys in here" cried Rikku who had finally found an exit. "To late you dumb bitch" said Yuna "where the fuck were you?" "Hey, no need to call me a dumb bitch Yunie, you need me in this party" "No we fucking don�t, you follow us" replied Yuna "Yeah like flies around shit" added Paine "Yeah...Now why the fuck did you say that Paine" said Yuna with a bitter tone "Face it Yuna, you don�t fart Lavender" "You fucking bitch...." It carried on like this till the heap of shit known as the Celsius appeared. "Get on this fucking ship now you dumb bitches!! AND STOP DANCING!!" shouted Matt from the airship After stealing it from a blind al bhed child, Brother had founded the bastards, a sphere hunter group. The bastards wasn�t their original name, it just kind of stuck after everyone called them it repeatedly. Yuna hated the deck; Brother would never let her smoke on there. Rikku was eating worms in the corner while Paine was recounting the story to Brother "I want to see Yuna Dance!!" he yelled "It'll cost you,� said Yuna "No it fucking wont!" yelled brother, he ran over to Yuna and gave her a sound slapping "AH... You rat bastard fine ill dance!!" Yuna began to dance, but no one cared after a few minutes. "Guys" yelled Buddy, Buddy was some retard they had found in Machalania one day, he wasn�t an al bhed, he just dressed in stupid clothes, but its easy to get confused in this dull game. "I got a sphere on Mt. Gagazet." "Where?" said Yuna "MT GAGAZET, remember that big ass mountain you climbed 2 years ago" "Oh that shit brick" said Yuna with no enthusiasm "like fuck I�m going back" "But there�s a sphere" said buddy, "ain�t that your job" "My job is to find that cheating twat Tidus and cut his balls off,� yelled Yuna Rikku giggled at the sound of the word balls cause she�s a sad demented bitch "I have a solution,� cried Shinra, Shinra was the aforementioned blind kid brother had stolen the airship off, but labour don't come easily in Spira these days. "Its my new invention, the women beater!!" "HEHEHE" Said brother, suddenly a giant robot emerged and grabbed Yuna. It began banging her head against the floor like a drumstick "HAHAHAHA" Shinra, brother, Rikku and Paine found this so hilarious "AHH" Yuna drew her guns and shot Shinra in the face. "HAHAHA WHOS LAUGHING NOW YOU PRICK, where�s you legendary brains??" yelled Yuna, she grabbed Shinra�s carcass and proceeded to eat it. "Uhhh anyway, Mt Gagazet?" said Paine "Yeah whatever" said Yuna, her mouth was full. The Ronso didn�t really own Mt Gagazet, but cause they were so big and strong no one dared intervene. That all changed once Seymour killed a load of them. Many now lived in caravans dotted around the calm lands living off the local fiends, what a shit life. Anyway, Yuna, Rikku and Paine jumped from the Celsius, missed they�re target and broke their legs. "Aw not again!!" yelled Yuna, "I don�t need this shit." "Well, Well, Well, if it isn�t the bastards" they all turned to see le Blanc and the two random villains I forget the name of. "Need a leg up?" said Le Blanc, "Very funny" said Yuna, "why don�t you just go fuck off, we got a sphere to find here" "I know, and that sphere is mine loves" "Loves??!!" Said Yuna, "your a stinking lesbo" "Hey I�m not the one who follows two girls around wearing hot pants and bra's!!" "Hey were comfortable with our sexuality... OWWW" Le Blanc stepped on her broken leg. "YOU BITCH" "Anyway, must be going, we have a sphere to find, BOYS!!" The 3 ran off to find that sphere that Yuna so heartily desired, hmph, like shit she did. "AHH" Yuna cast Cure on her legs, "Right, you 2 wait here, I�m gonna give that cow a right good slapping." "Why cant you cast cure on us?" ask Paine "What do I look like Florence fucking Nightingale? Besides, I hate you two" Yuna jumped away with cries of "You..�" And "...off", but she didn�t have time, after pointless climbing and pressing circle all the time; Yuna reached the top, only to find Le Blanc had fallen off a cliff "Will you stop staring?� said le Blanc angrily "Ok" said Yuna, and stepped on her hand, Le Blanc fell like a dart to earth. "What was that?" Said Rikku, they were still in the same place "Sounded like a meteor hitting the earth" replied Paine "Disatoroffic" said Rikku "Shut up" "This is brother, Yuna come in" Yuna ignored him as she always did, she reached the top and was looking for the sphere, naturally it had to be in that big cave at the end of the single pathway, no one would ever think of looking there. Yuna approached when suddenly a big crab jumped her, "Wow they did make a new monster for this game,� said Yuna "COME IN" "FUCK OFF" The crab pounced and grabbed Yuna by the head, it threw her about a bit, hitting her on every surface it could find "DONT TELL ME TO FUCK OFF!" "CAN AND WILL, NOW FUCK OFF" "THATS IT IM ON MY WAY" Yuna drew her guns and shot the crab, somehow that always manages to work. She ran in and grabbed the sphere, she hated this, and spheres stank of rotten fish. She went outside as the Celsius landed "How�s brother?" she asked "Brother? Ain�t he with you?" asked buddy from the bridge "Uhh, no" "Uhh, yes, look behind you" Yuna turned; only to black out, Brother had hit her with a cricket bat. Yuna was nursing her black eyes and cuts on the Celsius, cigar in hand. Brother had to be sedated to stop him beating her to death, and Rikku was enjoying kicking him. Yuna would join in, but the bleeding had only just stopped. Paine was trying to analyse the sphere, since Shinra's unfortunate death they had no idea how to work half the ship. "Hang on.... I got it,� yelled Paine, the bastards gathered round "Oh oh oh lets see� said Rikku, "Shut up" said Yuna who promptly punched her one "It�s starting,� yelled buddy The Sphere was dark, then suddenly a huge city full of light emerged, it was beautiful, they had never seen anything like it. A big empty street appeared in front of them, and then an odd voice said, "I can�t believe that for only 10 gil she put it in her...." it trailed off, and the screen went blank "What...the.... Fuck is that,� said Yuna "Its not very interesting is it?" said Rikku, also sporting a black eye "Hmm, piece of shit" said Paine, "Give it here," Yuna grabbed the sphere and lunged it at brother�s head. He took the blow well; he only lost the hearing in one ear. "Guys, sphere alert," Yelled buddy jumping to his station "FUCK OFF" the three said at once. "We need a rest" Buddy was hurt, but at least he was in better shape then brother was, Yuna had switched to warrior and was carving him a new tattoo. "People, people" said Matt walking into the hull, "Why all this violence, this is a game aimed at masturbating 12 year olds, please, show some happiness." "FUCK OFF" the whole cast said at once "Right!!" Matt grabbed his staff and promptly beat them all to bloody pulps "NOW FUCKING MOVE TO BESAID" "I never said besaid," said buddy "YOU WANT THIS STAFF UP YOUR AL BHED ASS??" "No, no, no, its just there�s no sphere on Besaid Matt" replied buddy "Yes there is, anyway, Wakka has some important shit to tell you,� said matt "I�m not going back there, to think after I defeated sin he became my pimp,� said Yuna "HAHAHA" said Matt, "no more then you deserved, NOW MOVE" The cool Island of Besaid, its beauty still reminded Yuna of all those happy times as a child she would play on the beach and trick the stupid kids into drowning themselves, happy days. Besaid had changed a lot in the last few years, since the devonites had taken over in a coup and Devon fundamentalism had been born, the Island had become and extremist paradise. All the women had to be covered from head to toe, men had to have beards and hourly prayer to the glory of Devon was needed. Yuna entered the village, "This place still stinks of fish,� said Rikku "Hey!!" they all turned to see a familiar face, be it with a beard "Yuna where have you been, I was so worried" "You.... Worried, you fucking rat" cried Yuna as she pulled out her guns "For 2 years you used me like a whore to all your extremist Devon buddies I oughta rip your balls�� "Wait, wait wait" cried Wakka "I�ve changed, I�ve seen the error of my ways" "I couldn�t give two shits whether you�d seen the light till my guns are in you face you ginger..." "Stop wait, I�m sorry Yuna, I really am" Wakka seemed really upset, "After you left I really did change, now I�m gonna be a father, and settle down" "Yay" cried Rikku, "Lulus pregnant!!" "Uhh no" said Wakka "WHAT??" said Yuna "You, see.... uhh, one night I got kinda drunk and uhh, remember that 16 year old down in the last hut... well" "You fucking didn�t" shouted Yuna "uhh...yes" "WHAT, AFETR ALL THAT LULU DID FOR YOU, AFTER THE REVOLUTION SHE KILLED ALL THE BESAID AROCHUS CAUSE THEY TRIED TO STOP YOU� Yuna was going mad "I know, I know, shame she�s dead as well� said Wakka "WHAT!!" Yuna couldn�t believe this "Well after I left her, she just kinda got depressed, and fire magic is dangerous..." Rikku and Paine held Yuna back as she tried to throttle the cheating ginger bastard. "But really I�ve changed, no more drinking, Blitzball, nothing" "Why are you still wearing the uniform then?" asked Paine, "Uhh, the developers were too lazy to change me?" said Wakka "Oh I see, yeah we�ve had that lot,� replied Paine "You SHIT, I�LL KILL YOU" Yuna was still pretty angry, "Alright I can see your mad, so I�m just gonna leave you to rest, there�s something I want to check out anyway, With that, Wakka left. Yuna finally calmed down after a while; well, after Paine knocked her out with a frying pan. They stayed the night cause Yuna was still unconscious; Rikku went off somewhere and didn�t come back. "Ill just be 5 minutes" said Rikku as she walked out of the tent they stole off the old women in the town. It was amazing how quickly old people die. "Ok" said Paine, "Don�t be too long, I think Yuna�s still gonna go ape shit when she wakes up. "This is Brother, come in" "Paine here" replied Paine "Where is Rikku?" asked brother "Oh she just went outside for a few minutes, Yuna still unconscious, what�s up?" "Buddy has detected a new sphere somewhere on Besaid Island, don�t worry I gave him a good kicking for not finding it sooner" said Brother "Hmm, dumb prick,� said Paine "Ok the bastards are on it "FOR THE LAST TIME ITS NOT THE BASTARDS ITS...." "Over and out" Paine turned off the radio, she looked at Yuna, man she must have hit her really hard. She seemed to out for the day as well, might as well go find Rikku and look for that sphere. Paine quite liked Besaid Island, she had been there before but lied about it cause of the sick twisted pleasure she got out of lying to people. The town was quite empty, after the revolution Wakka had a load of people killed, but she supposed it was necessary. "Rikku! Rikku" damn where�s that bitch gone now" Paine shouted but no-one seemed to reply "Damn it", she left the village and headed to the beach, suddenly she noticed a small cave opening at the side, near the beech. Rikku liked small spaces, like the inside of her head; she must be in there. "Rikku!! Rikku!!" she called into the darkness, "No Rikku, but I�m here" came a voice "Wakka is that you?" she asked "Yup its me, " Paine entered the cave to find Wakka sitting on the floor, "What the fuck are you doing in here?" she asked rather callously "Sitting on my ass, what does it look like you dumb gothic bitch,� replied Wakka "How fucking dare you" she drew her sword. "Hey Hey Hey, no need for that, since your hear be a good sphere hunter and find me a sphere in here" said Wakka "A sphere? Here" said Paine "Yup, your a bastard so go find it" "HEYY!!" yelled Paine "WHAT NOW!! That�s what you are right?" said Wakka; he was getting seriously pissed off with this dumb bitch "Uhh well technically...." "THEN GO" "Fuck me, alright I�m going, damn ginger tossah could never play blitzball...." Paine trailed off as she entered the cave, Wakka turned to look down the hole he had been sitting on, who was in there? None other then Rikku. As you can imagine Wakka had a really fat ass, I mean this size of fucking Scotland size ass. What the fuck did Lulu see in that ginger twat anyway?? Anyway Rikku was in the hole "Hey you meanie, let me out,� she cried up "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" said Wakka evilly "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT!!" cried Rikku? "Ever seen Silence of the lambs Rikku?" said Wakka "No" "Oh sorry" he pulled her out of the hole, "I thought you had, it�s a good film," "Yeah but Anthony Hopkins shouldn�t have one the Oscar" said Rikku, "He�s done much better" "Like what" said Wakka "Remains of the day" "Remains of the fucking day!!" Wakka was appalled, "That is the biggest crock of shit I�ve ever scene when I was in the cinema I�" BANG Wakka fell to the floor. "Yunie!!" cried Rikku, Yuna had planted a small bomb to Wakka�s spine while they had been talking, he now had no legs. Paine came running round the corner grasping a sphere "Hey guys guess what WHOA" she saw Wakka, "What the fuck happened?" "A little payback" said Yuna, Wakka lay moaning on the floor "Now seal the cave,� said Yuna "WHAT??" the other two said together "Seal it, leave him in here," Yuna walked out and set the explosives, "You sure about this now" said Paine, "once we do that he's technically..." "Dead, and good fucking riddance" Yuna laughed as she detonated the bomb. The cave sealed, and Wakka was trapped forever, "Rest in peace, motherfucker" said Yuna as she bowed her head "Now what�s on that sphere, lets see, its starting, OH MY GOD THATS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING," Yuna threw it to the floor and shattered it, "What?? WHAT??" cried Paine, she hadn�t seen it "Wakka's parents" said Yuna in a shaky voice "Ah so that�s what he was looking for, his parents, hang on, why are you shaking?" said Paine "You didn�t see what they were doing.... It was terrible, it involved raccoons..." "Raccoons and....Oh I see," Awkward silence ensued "Let us never speak of this again,� said Paine "Agreed" said Yuna "Go?" said Paine "Yes, hey where�s Rikku??" asked Yuna "She�s here... no she isn�t, umm..." they both looked at the sealed cave "Oh SHIT" said Paine "We didn�t, did we? I was sure she was already outside when we blew," "I didn�t see her, I assumed she was out already" "Oh well no fucking big loss, lets go" Yuna began to walk away "But we can�t just leave her" "Yes we can, no leave or you�ll be in the next cave I see with enough explosives up your ass the destroy a temple... Hang on, I got an idea..." The Fiasco on Besaid now meant that the bastards could never go back there ever again, "Wow, I never knew Besaid architect was so shoddy, " said Paine as the walked onto the deck "Hey, why do you think every fucker lives in those shit tents?" asked Yuna "I guessed sin had destroyed them all,� replied Rikku "Well, that�s what... HEY!" Yuna was stunned "What the fuck are you doing here Rikku, we sealed you in that cave" "Yeah but when did this game ever have a decent plot?" said Rikku "Well...good point" said Yuna The three walked up to brother who was holding something odd in one hand "So you smashed the sphere?" he said with a dark twist in his tone "Well, yesss but..." SMACK All three were hit in the face with a sock full of billiard balls. "THATS FOR WASTEING A VALUBLE SPHERE" yelled brother "SHINRA, WHERE NOW?" "We can always go to Zanakand and find that sphere we originally located,� said Shinra "Wait a fucking minute,� said a bemused Matt, "Didn�t Yuna kills you before" "Just accept it matt, this story is shit.� said Shinra "Yeah we all knew that but at least the original made sense,� said Matt "Did it?" Added Yuna, nursing a sore jawbone, "Then why the fuck am I hanging around with you shits when I�m supposed to be looking for Tidus then? "Well, ummm, " Matt didn�t have answer "Yes so shut up and keep writing Matt, we got a parody to finish, so Zanakand anyone?" "Its changed a lot in the last 2 years, its become a real popular spot for the tourists" said buddy from his seat "What did you say?" said Yuna "Its been changed a lot recently" "The sacred holy ground of Zanakand!! RIGHT!" Yuna stormed off into the lower decks "So Zanakand then?" said Paine "YEAH" cried Rikku "Lets do it!" "Why the fuck to you have to be so fucking perky, and put some clothes on you dumb ass bitch" said Matt from the deck. Yuna rummaged around in the lower decks, she knew it was here someone, it had to be done, no one violated her holy ground, not tourists and not Jecht, but that�s another story "Mish Yoona, what are youze dooing" the hypello who worked upon the ship had spotted her. "AH HA!" cried Yuna "Found it" "Founds what?" said the confused Hypello "Ah, and the perfect test subject" she switched the device on "Mish yoona I�m AHHHHHH" it never knew what hit him Rikku and Paine slowly walked off the ship into the ancient Zanakand ruins, it was full of people. Hundreds had gathered and were enjoying the new attractions "Ok now this is too far,� said Paine. "What??!!" said Rikku getting excited at the sight of a rollercoster "Well they didn�t have to destroy the dome and the chamber of the fayth and build a gifts store now did they?" Paine was right; Zanakand was totally different now, hardly recognisable, "Lets go on some rides, LOOK 10gill for the dodgems LETS GO," Rikku grabbed Paine�s hand and they both ran into the main park. Yuna left the ship shortly after they did brandishing her new weapon. God how she loved machina "Hey lady Yuna!!" cried a small voice, "Remember me!!?" "Your Passe right?" said Yuna "Yeah" "THEN BURN FOR IT" she screamed as she cranked up he flamethrower to full power, Passe was incinerated within seconds "YOU WANNA VIOLATE THE HOLY LAND, THEN DIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yuna proceeded to burn the whole place down, killing everyone she came into contact with, the theme park soon collapsed as the metal melted in the flames "YUNA!!" cried Rikku as she ran up to her "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??!!" "Purging the evil from this land HEHEHE,� cried out Yuna "the fire will burn and lead to the rebirth" "What the fuck are you talking about? Are you mad?� yelled Paine with a mouthful of candyfloss "STOP IT" Rikku cried out and began to slap Yuna "SNAP OUT OF IT", the two proceeded to beat up poor Yuna "AHHH" came a voice "what have you done? MY THEME PARK" it was Cid, looking very distressed "What the hell were you thinking?� said Yuna "turning this place into a theme park!!" "What, you got a problem?" said cid "FUCK YES!! NOW BURN!!" Yuna fired up the flamethrower and turned Cid to dust. "DAD!!" cried Rikku " Are you, huh? What�s this" Rikku grabbed something shiny from Cid�s ashes "Hey a sphere!!" she cried happily, "Hmm, old man was full of shit after all,� said Yuna "Well, we got the sphere, lets leave before we all choke to death?" suggested Paine "Yeah whatever, I hate it here anyway, where�s my cigars?" With that they boarded the airship again, to leave on more adventurous with no relevant meaning nor purpose. Oh well, at least square tried they�re best, give them a chance, come on they�ve made good games in the past... "Shut the fuck up Matt and finish writing the story" Yelled Yuna "No one cares about your shitty opinions" "Hey" I cried from my keyboard, "Guess who�s next to die, and it just happens I saw the passion of Christ last Saturday, so guess how your gonna go Yuna!! HAHAHA" "Damn writers, should be rounded up and shot,� said Yuna muttering to herself as the story continued "Lalalala" Yuna was singing a slow tune to herself "SHUT UP" cried brother from the deck, "I�m trying to work here, plus that shit signing done happen till chapter 2!!" "Hmph, fine" said Yuna, she was still pretty annoyed after the Zanakand incident and wasn't in a fighting mood, Rikku was sitting in the corner eyeing up the DON NOT TOUCH button while Paine was sorting out the programme that handled all the waste from the ship (Insert own joke here). Shinra was nowhere to be found, clearly the narrator had killed him off again and forgot to write the scene, but since the annoying little brat made no difference what so fucking ever to the plot line his absence was not important. Brother was reading a porn mag while Buddy was doing what he always did, analysing for fucking more spheres. Man did square actually spend time writing this?? "Guys I got an awesome sphere!!" Yelled buddy "Ohh" cried Rikku, yes she had pressed the button but since that joke was already used in family guy I thought id forget it, "What the fuck is an awesome sphere?� said Yuna as the group gathered around the monitor "Umm, well, I don�t rightly know, it just seems that its, uhh OH FUCKING SQUARE ENIX AND THEIR STUPID PLOTLINES!!" Buddy got mad and ran off into the ship screaming about badgers. "It seems there�s a lot trouble on Kilika Island, where the sphere is located" Said Shinra "Kilika, what the fucks happening there" asked Yuna "Well after New Devon was formed, another group called the poof league was also created they started to rebuild." "STOP RIGHT THERE" cried Yuna, "The poof league, as in turd burglar, homosexual men poof league?" "Uhh yeah, fudge nudgers every last one of them, they were persecuted under Devon, so Gayven Nooj formed the poof league, he�s legendary as a world class queen" said Shinra "HAHAHA, fucking shirt lifters in Kilika, so what�s the problem, gays are usually a soft and gentle people, and they have ever since they cam here from France" said Yuna, yes I know that�s another family guy joke, but I�m unoriginal, this is a fucking parody after all "They have a problem with New Devon, who still have the temple in their control. Devon has this new sphere, the so-called awesome sphere that the poof league are desperate to get their gay little hands on. A clash is inevitable." "Hahaha, this we gotta see, the priests vs. the gays HAHAHA" Yuna was loving this "So what�s new Devon�s deal anyway?" "New Devon was founded after many of the people were shocked by the rapid changes that took place after you defeated sin. They grouped together under Baralai to protect the old values that Devon stood for, while embracing some of the new machina and become far more Liberal at the...." "BORING" Yuna promptly killed Shinra again. "Anyway lets get going to Kilika Island, and bring a camera this is gonna be so fucking funny, and island of shit stabbers, HAHAHA" Kilika had been rebuilt, apparently.... It still looked like a crock of shit to Yuna. There was a big commotion at one end of the town, and the group rushed over "Well, it�s been a while,� said a voice "Remember me Yuna" "Uhh, no, who the fuck are you, some nobody trying to sponge off the high summoner?" replied Yuna "Hey fuck you I�m Dona, the other summoner" said Dona "Who?" replied a hapless Yuna "DONA, remember, Barthello�s my guardian, he had a crush on Auron??" "Sorry I�ve never seen you before in my life now fuck off we got a sphere to find" "Well, good luck anyway, the poof league are not pushovers" "Yeah bend overs more like,� said Yuna as they walked off towards the temple. The temple still was visible over the great forest. Outside the forest was a huge group of Gays. All of them in brightly coloured clothing, crazy hairdos and leather, it was a.... unique sight. Yuna, Rikku and Paine arrived just as a figure appeared at the group, "That�s Nooj, the Gayven of the poof league.,� said Paine "How the hell do you know that?" asked Rikku, "We were once in an elite Devon squad together with Baralai and Gippal, but you don�t find that out till Chapter 4 ok?" "Oh right" said Yuna, "Anyway he�s starting to speak Nooj wore a pink leather cat suit, had long pink hair, wore enough gold to blind someone, had ribbons in his hair, heavy lipstick and eyeliner, and also walked like there was asteroid up his arse. "Now then," said Nooj, the three girls were taken aback at how high and girly his voice was, he continued, "Those nasty devonites have gone and been all bad, they�re hiding a lovely sphere with pretty pictures. I say way spank their cute bottoms once and for all, and show them that us gorgeous gays mean business" Yuna was in stitches by this point; there was a high-pitched rumble of "Yes" "Lovely idea" from the very gay crowd, "Right, lets get em girls,� said Nooj as he and his fellow puffs minced off into Kilika forest "HAHAHA that�s the most funniest fucking thing I�ve seen since we secretly removed Rikku�s kidneys,� said Yuna "Wha..." said Rikku "Did you see that cat suit, oh my fucking god" added Paine, "Yes its so revealing, so...un - fucking - real" said Yuna "Girls" said Auron, "look at what you�re wearing, you�re as slutty as he is" "HAHAHAHA, oh.... so we are, thanks Auron" said Yuna "No problem" said Auron "Lets beat those gays to the sphere" Yelled Rikku "YAY, bastards break your balls" they all shouted and ran into the forest The gays were stopped at the checkpoint, "Oh you silly boots, let us though,� said random gay number 1 "No fucking way" said random Devon guard number 1 "Oh you meanie, pleease" "Fuck this" said Yuna, lets go around." The three went around a different way, something the gays seemed incapable of figuring out themselves. "What�s that noise?" said Paine "Sorry it was me,� said Rikku "Not that, listen!!" the three grouped around the bush, and heard random Devon guard number 3 saying to random Devon captain, "Sorry I forgot the password again" "You fucking useless dipshit!" the captain drew his pistol and shot him. "Anyone who cant remember the password is monkey is an idiot" "Sir permission to speak sir" said random Devon guard 2 "Yes, what is it?" said the captain "Just wanted to know why the password is a fucking stupid word like monkey sir!!" "Because everyone knows monkeys are big hairy and stupid, just like the developers of this shit game" said the captain "Ah thanks you sir,� said the guard, quite satisfied with the answer "Here that," said Rikku, "it us a bunch of old pervs who made our characters so slutty and probably naked on their computers at home" "Yeah who'd have believed it?� said Yuna "Anyway we know the password now anyway" said Paine, "Lets go steal us a sphere". They approached the guards at the steps of the temple door. "HALT" yelled the random Devon guards "What�s the password?" "How the fuck should I know?" said Yuna "You were just listening in those bushes right,� said the guard?" "Yeah, so?" "Well you must know the password then" "Sorry, I clean forgot" admitted Yuna "I�m a girl so I gotta be stupid according to this game" "Can we just fight instead?" asked Paine "Uhh, you sure, you get a nice item if you get it right" said the guard "What, you call a shitty ether a good item?" yelled Yuna "What the fuck do you want then, you cant buy those things you know" "Aw fuck it," Yuna drew her guns and shot the lot of them "Lets go" The poofs had somehow beaten them too it, and were currently engaged in a slapping fight with some big ass robot that looked suspiciously like the same one from the last game. "You got it all wrong," cried random priest 1 "This sphere is nothing, just some porn I made as a teenager" "You nasty liar" said a gay "why did you set this big robby robot on us then?" "Oh I just plain hate fudge nudgers, nothing personal" "Well in that case..." BANG Yuna shot the priests head off, "We'll be taking this from both of you" "HEEEEEY!!" said the gays in freaky unison" "Sorry guys and gays, gotta go,� yelled the three. With their triumphant victory over both groups they fled the temple, and thus we end chapter one of this Shit game. Hope your enjoying it so far anyway, cause Yuna certainly isn�t. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- << Back |
| FFX-2 Chapter 1 WARNING: This has been given an 18+ Rating, if you are younger, please click back now. |