NEW HAVEN - The sports world was shocked to hear this morning that 
the week 9 New Haven Ghetto Thugs New York Mets Underachiever of the 
Week Award went to wide receiver Tim Brown.  This marks the first 
time ever that the award has been given to a franchise player.  
Brown contributed 1 point with his 10 yards in the Ghetto Thugs loss.  
Mets shortstop Rey Ordonez presented the award and was heard to say, 
"Este equipo es muy malo."  Brown's performance leaves a four-way tie 
of underachievement between Darrell Jackson, Corey Bradford, Quincy 
Morgan and Mike Alstott, who have all won the award twice.

At a press conference this morning Coach Stanley said, "I know this 
team sucks.  I can't make any excuses.  This is just a bad season.  
This week just killed me, though.  It just blows my mind that we put 
up enough points to beat Virginia, Compton, North Adams and Da Beers, 
but we still get smoked by the only team that's worse than us.  This 
*expletive* team just can't catch a break.  Now we have Virginia next 
week, who put up 118 points this week.  You know that means that 
they'll put up twice that next week.  And the way our season's been 
going, I bet they do, and we put up 235."

In related news, the Ghetto Thug's parent company, Yelnats, Inc. 
unveiled a website last week, which can be found at:
http://www.geocities.com/ffej/kfs
Along with information on the Ghetto Thugs, the site also features 
Yelnats, Inc. teams the Stoddard 'Squatch and Surry Bridge Jumpers.  
As rumors continue to circulate about a team move, it has been 
speculated that Yelnats CEO Jeff Stanley is using the site to market 
his teams to different cities as well as to generate revenue from 
apparel sales, as game attendance figures have dropped significantly.