NEW HAVEN - It was announced this morning my the New Haven Ghetto 
Thugs that the week 8 New York Mets Underachiever of the Week Award 
went to running back Mike Alstott for the second time this season.  
Alstott apparently forgot to change his clock on Sunday, got 
confused, and scored a measly 1 point for the second week in a row.  
The award as presented by new Mets manager Art Howe who said, "Howe 
in the hell did this team ever win a game!"  Howe wasn't the only 
one who was stunned that the Ghetto Thugs won.  Benched wide 
receiver Darrell Jackson went into shock and suffered seizures after 
he learned of the win.

The award ceremony took place outside the New Haven County 
Courthouse, where G-Thugs players were being arraigned on charges 
steaming from riots that broke out throughout the city following 
the team's 49-point victory over Da Beers.
New Haven Mayor John DeStefano later petitioned the court to drop 
the charges as he claimed the burned-out cars and broken windows 
scattered throughout the city was actually an improvement.
This rare show of support of the team by the mayor surprised Coach 
Stanley who said, "We lose and rumors surface of a team move, but we 
win a game and all of a sudden we can start all the riots we want?  
If the mayor really wanted to support the team he'd leave Az-Zahir 
in jail and build us a new stadium."

The Ghetto Thugs hope to riot again next week following what should 
be a sloberknocker of an offensive battle, as the 2-6 Thugs take on 
the 1-7 Diablos Con Charcoal.