NEW HAVEN - It was announced this morning by the New Haven Ghetto 
Thugs that the week 4 New York Mets Underachiever of the Week Award 
went to wide receiver Quincy Morgan. The award was presented by 
former Met Keith Hernandez who said, "I'm Keith Hernandez."
Morgan contributed 0 points with his 0 receptions for 0 yards and 
0 touchdowns on Sunday. "At least he had 0 fumbles" Ghetto Thugs 
wide receiver coach Poppie Sandu said during Tuesday morning's 
ceremony in front of the Subway next to Yale-New Haven Hospital. 
Thugs coach Jeff Stanley chose the ceremony location in order to 
treat running back Lamar Smith to a foot long sweet onion chicken 
teriyaki Subway Select in recognition for his unexpected, yet 
consistent double-digit performances. 
Stanley also treated Morgan to a foot long laceration across his 
head, which was eventually stitched up by a team of Yale-New Haven 
doctors. Morgan had replaced former G-Thug Corey Bradford, who 
scored 21 points for no one this week, and would have brought the 
Ghetto Thugs the victory this week had he not been thrown off the 
Q-bridge during last week's ceremony. 
When asked to comment about the loss, Coach Jeff responded, "We lost 
to a good team this week, but it was a matchup we should have won. 
Sure, we set a team season record for points, but unfortunately we 
have Compton next week. I'm sick of these east coast - west coast 
battles. My Kevlar vest is all full of holes and I'm running out of 
hollow points. I'm also sick of freakin' bye weeks that force me to 
bench my franchise players and play punk-ass piles of crap who 
couldn't play for Nebraska* if they had the chance. It's about time 
this team stops getting tired and injured, sucks it up and starts 
freakin' winning!" ...It was then brought to Jeff's attention that 
wide receiver Derrick Mason will miss the next several weeks with a 
separated shoulder and both wide receiver Darrell Jackson and 
defensive leader Isaiah Krzyzewski would be playing golf together 
this Sunday. 

*Nebraska dropped out of the top 25 for the first time since 1981 
this week {Nelson in the background, "Ha Ha"}