NEW HAVEN - It was announced this morning by the New Haven Ghetto 
Thugs that the week 3 New York Mets Underachiever of the Week award 
went to wide receiver Corey Bradford for the second week in a row. 
Bradford managed to score 0 points for the team this week, yet still 
earned a star for "points that come from categories not normally 
associated with this player's position," like sucking a lot of... 
The award was presented on the Pearl Harbor Memorial Bridge by Mets 
pothead Grant Roberts, who said, "I need some sour cream and onion 
chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get 
me some Haagen-Das ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, 
gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham 
crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows 
and little chocolate bars and we can make smores, man. Also, celery, 
grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. 
We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole 
lotta water, and Funyons." 
"Water?" Thugs owner Jeff Stanley responded, "Sounds like a good 
idea." Stanley then proceeded to throw Bradford several hundred feet 
off the bridge into the Quinnipiac River. Only half of Bradford's 
body actually reached the river, however, as the other half hit an 
oil tanker passing below, forcing the Thugs to cut (ewwww) Bradford 
in favor of wide receiver Quincy Morgan. When asked about his feelings 
on joining the 1-2 ghetto Thugs, Morgan responded, "You ever see the 
back of a $20 bill......on weed?" 
Morgan was able to escape from the bridge before Stanley could throw 
him off as well.