NEW HAVEN - The week 11 New Haven Ghetto Thugs New York Mets 
Underachiever of the Week Award was presented to wide receiver 
Jerry Porter this morning.  Despite putting up double-digit 
performances since joining the team in week 9, Porter elected to 
take advantage of the starting position that he earned to contribute 
nothing at all.  The award was presented on Wooster Street in the 
heart of New Haven's Little Italy by Mets third baseman John Valentin 
who said, "I'm hungry.  Isn't Pepe's around here?"

In related news, New Haven Register sports writer Joe Morelli 
shocked the KFS world late yesterday when he printed an article that 
suggested that the Ghetto Thugs were purposely loosing this season 
in order to move the team out of New Haven a la the Cleveland 
Indians in Major League. 
Coach Stanley refused to answer questions this morning about such a 
conspiracy, electing instead to join Valentin at Pepe's for lunch.

The Thugs take on the Compton Irishmen next week in a game that 
could (and should) mathematically eliminate New Haven from any 
postseason play.  League rules require a team to be eliminated from 
a particular season before officially discussing future plans, and 
accordingly, the league is looking forward to next week's loss and 
elimination, as the rumors of a G-Thugs move out of New Haven may 
finally be validated.