The Very Secret Diary of Seifer Almasy (by Erica)
Day 1:
Totally kick ass. But that's certainly no surprise. Go me.
However, am not yet a SeeD
Day 2:
Got totally cocked at "go me" party held by Fujin and Rajin and woke up with splitting headache and large scar across my face. Noticed that silent type named Squall has a similar scar, figured he must have challenged my manhood and I appropriately laid the smackdown.
Am finding scar very sexy.
I meant mine! Well...maybe Squall's is sexy too. 
Side note: Leggy blonde instructor was babying Squall and his "wittle bitty scar". Honestly, does a guy have to lose a fight to get any chicks around here?
Ehh...I still have that cute brunette with nice highlights from last summer....Maybe will give her a call.
Still not a SeeD
Day 3:
Have decided to take SeeD field exam again, even though I am obviously too good for such a low-grade test. Blonde Chicken-wuss named Zell with really freaky tattoo is under my command. Has been ogling my totally sexy scar all morning. Will put him on "The List" and kick his ass later.
Puberty-boy Squall is in my squad as well. Actually, Squall handles orders pretty well...and has that beautiful hair...I mean...nevermind.
Went on hormonal rampage during exam. V. fun. Was interrupted by some hyperactive mosquito that claimed to be a messenger from Squad A, however.
Proceeded with hormonal rampage. V. fun. 
Day 3, later:
Was trying to use manly charm to impress Leggy Instructor. Was interrupted by her PMS-ing friend who insulted my honor. Bitch.
Overweight Headmaster Cid proceeded to insult my honor by criticizing my total ass-kicking ability.
I bet he's jealous of my super-hot scar.
Still not a Seed.
Day 4:
Goddamn parties. Was not invited as am not a puberty-boy, chicken wuss, or hyperactive mosquito. Leggy blonde still hanging all over Squall. Don't understand why. His scar is so not a sexy as mine. Even cute brunette from last summer dancing with him. Hate Squall. Regret that I ever respected him. 
No one understands the real me: my sensitivity, my romantic dream!
::cough::cough::
Went to training center with Fujin and Rajin and annihilated every monster in sight to reaffirm ass-kicking ability. Then spent hour admiring self in the mirror. Feel reassured.
Still not a SeeD.
Day 5:
WHAT?!? Puberty-boy, chicken-wuss, and hyperactive mosquito were sent to help Rinoa?!?
Day 5, later:
Went psycho on entire SeeD force, ass-kicking ability in full-gear. Was so hot, was even turning self on (A/N: sorry...but such a Seifer comment). Think Blonde Instructor took notice, as she ran after me when I took of to Timber to find SeeD totally lacking the ass-kicking ability to help the little cute brunette. Like Instructor. Good fashion sense. Kick-ass boots.
Have learned her name is Quistis. Never noticed before as was always staring at her chest.
Still not a SeeD, but am damn hot as a rebel.
Day 8: 
Arrived in Timber. Went to go kick President Deling's ass for trying to kill cute brunette, and ended up on TV, with totally hot stylish instructor with me.
Showed off manly charm by capturing fat president and flexing muscles on camera. Looked sexy as always. Everyone else though so too, have heard ratings for the broadcast were incredible, almost the whole world was watching. No surprise though. Go me.
Quistis totally wants me.
Squall wishes he could have my skill.
Zell screwed up, big-time. Completely embarrassed himself.
Hyperactive mosquito finally shut up for two seconds.
Am content. Life rocks, who cares about SeeD?
Day 8, later:
Pretty, petty sorceress. Pretty, pretty liquid wall....
Day 10:
Got a new job with sorceress. She so wants me. Find her totally hot as well, but am a little scared by this. Apparently, she raised me, and is therefore a mother-type figure. Will shake it off I'm sure.
Have lost interest in Quistis temporarily. Conflict may arise in that my new goal is to kill her as well as every other SeeD on the planet.
Heh heh. Go me.
Day 13:
Lookin' good in the front of the sorceress' float in the parade! No surprise though. Am so hot.
Day 13, later:
Damnit! Those whiny little SeeDs showed up. Tall dark handsome SeeD with rather attractive cowboy hat is with them. Is not as hot as me, do not understand why cute brunette and leggy instructor seem to be drooling over him. Is ok though...Selfie will kill them if they try anything.
Am quite angry that they rained on my parade...erm...Sorceress Edea's parade. Oh what the hell, we all know why the people showed up. Ladies want me and guys want to be me. :sigh:: It's a burden, I know. 
Will have to kick their sorry little asses.
Finding that I still have a strange desire to be a Seed.
Day 13, much later:
Plan to lay smackdown went horribly awry. Did not realize that fighting three fully trained SeeDs would be quite so difficult. Ass has been kicked considerably. Luckily, Sorceress Edea helped me out, and threw giant ice javelins at Squall. Laughed.
Am beginning to think something is wrong with me. Nah, just my imagination.
Time to torment Squall in prison. Muah hah hah.
Maybe I am a little more evil.
Will think later, if am not too busy admiring self and kicking Squall's ass.

Still not a SeeD, Goddamnit!
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