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| Interviewing Matthew |
| Jobie Wan: oh ok here we go these are the interview questions Matthew: oh alright JW: you�re full name? M: Matthew James Pimm JW: your grade rank or job title? M: Assistant News manager JW: and your date of birth? M: 8th of November 1970 JW: and the country of birth? M: UK JW: any criminal convictions? M: nope JW: have you ever been involved in espionage? M: no JW: terrorism? M: no JW: sabotage? M: no JW: actions intended to undermine or overthrow parliamentary democracy? <at this point Jobie starts laughing hysterically to himself> M: ahhh no JW: have you got a broken nose and how did you break it? M: I haven�t got a broken nose JW: so then you didn�t break it? M: no JW: did you really attack Johnny Cigarettes at the European cup grand final? M: no JW: what was all that stuff about your pink house in the papers? M: it wasn�t me guvnor JW: do you feel sorry for posh and becks? M: absolutely not JW: is your life anything like theirs? M: I hope not JW: what do you think of new labor? M: absolutely shit JW: what after-shave do you wear? M: I don�t <said in a very manly voice> JW: Ohh! Do you get hassled from your mum for staying up late and what is the latest you have stayed up? M: no I don�t stopped all night Jobie Wan woos excitedly M: didn�t go to bed at all JW: do you bunk off school? M: I�ve never bunked off school Jobie makes disappointed sounds JW: would you get back with Nick Mcabe if he asked? M: I don�t know who is he JW: Sure! Ahh do you still do you still DO YOU STILL like lasagna after I delivered it all all to your house all those times! <Jobie always has trouble with that one> M: I don�t have lasagna delivered to my house ever JW: right, got any dieting tips? M: eat what you want and exercise regularly JW: what animal would you be if you could be any? M: Ohh I would be a, <Long Pause> M: oh I�d be a, GOD! JW: you�d be God? That�s handy M: I�d be a� <Long pause again> JW: I�ll just pause it now so he can think about it <Jobie un-pauses tape> JW: two hours later <Jobie un-pauses tape> JW: four hours later <Jobie un-pauses tape> JW: just before I get my first pension cheque <Jobie un-pauses tape> <Much laughter> M: I�d be a dog JW: wow we waited for that, What do you think of the new Oasis album, AND DON�T LIE MATTHEW! M: to be honest I haven�t heard it but ahh JW: sure M: but the singles I have heard from it are absolutely awful, they are crap, they are the worst band ever JW: he loves �em, were you and Nick McCabe ever lovers? M: I don�t know who he is JW: Sure, who is your all time hero M: ohh, umm (I dunno Matthew says something here, probably Noel Gallagher) JW: what is the worst trouble you have been in? M: I shot an air pistol in a quarry JW: and you got in trouble for this did you? M: yeah JW: what can you cook? M: I can cook quite a lot of stuff, Christmas cake, I can cook ehhh any Chinese Japanese meal you want. I can cook. JW: do you rock hard? M: rock hard party hard Jobie starts laughing, JW: wanky wanky, what song describes you best? M: hmmm JW: my arse is getting sore in this chair M: acetone by Kenickie JW: what is your greatest talent? M: my greatest talent is, <huge pause> my creative mind Jobie starts laughing madly again JW: what is your most treasured possession? Your creative mind perhaps? M: it would have to be, oh mum and dad JW: oh so sweet, what would you do if you were invisible for the day? M: Ohh, I would go <huge pause> I would go to a mirror and see if I could see myself JW: thank you Matthew, any last comments? M: ermm Yes. |
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