Monday February 9, 1998 Part 1 15 Messages ====================================== From: Newtanator@aol.com Date sent: Mon, 9 Feb 1998 07:12:42 EST To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Subject: Re: Barb Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net Linda, Noticed it was a mistake and deleted immed. barb -------------------------------------- Date sent: Mon, 9 Feb 1998 07:55:44 -0500 (EST) From: Kat To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Subject: Re: Michele and Benny/Russian Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net Linda, Try asking your vet to prescribe Valium for Russian - it gives cats the "munchies" and really does stimulate the appetite. Good luck! Kat -------------------------------------- Date sent: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 08:38:36 -0500 To: felvtalk@MailingList.net From: "Michele R. Smeal" Subject: Benny is in heaven Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net February 7th, 1998 was the worst day of my life. I had to make a decision all on my own whether or not to have Benny put to sleep. The vet who was in Saturday was not Benny's vet (a woman) but did here best at trying to help. Jason, a technician who has been helping Benny for the past couple weeks and everyone else there thought the best thing was to end his pain ( not that he cried in pain) but they said the last transfusion didn't take too well, he was getting anemic again. It was the hardest decision of my life. I really wanted Dr. Rider to talk with me, so they got him on the phone and he said he knows how hard it is but he said we have to think about Benny and what's he's een through and he said they could give him meds to feel ok for a day r two but he knew the disease was taking over and I really wished my husband would have been there, but he decided not to be. He was there to help the last week but I really needed his support and he chose not to be around and is not around now to help me deal with the grief. I have never felt so bad in my life. I keep thinking I should have done more, I should have taken him home one more day. I feel they were all against me in wanting to take him home. This is so hard for me to even write this. I was with him until we left the clinic. Jason, the technician held my hand tight and siad I was doing the best thing for him. He didn't deserve to suffer and I know that. They said no one has ever done as much as I have for an animal, which I thought was hard to believe. Benny was my life. I ould have done much more if I could. I know the IV in his little leg wasn't comfortable, but I wanted him to live. I cried so hard and I still haven't eaten since yesterday am, I took too many anihistamines due to depression. My husband isn't there and just doesn't care to deal with this even though he loves Benny, too. I have bags under my eyes due to lack of sleep. Jim: Please take me off the Mailing List. It's too emotional for me. Now I know how you felt to lose Vyvvyan. Michele Michele R. Smeal mrb2@psu.edu 107 Ritenour Bldg. University Health Services Pennsylvania State University University Park, PA 16802 (814) 865-6557 Have you hugged your pet today?????!!!!!! Love an animal today....they depend on you.... unconditional love guaranteed.............. -------------------------------------- Date sent: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 09:00:24 -0500 To: felvtalk@MailingList.net From: "Michele R. Smeal" Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net Thank you all for everything and your support. Barb, thanks for your nice message. The only way my pain will go away is to wake up out of this nightmare and have my baby back. It's not fair. If anyone wants to mail me direct---I am at mrb2@psu.edu. Thanks. Michele Michele R. Smeal mrb2@psu.edu 107 Ritenour Bldg. University Health Services Pennsylvania State University University Park, PA 16802 (814) 865-6557 Have you hugged your pet today?????!!!!!! Love an animal today....they depend on you.... unconditional love guaranteed.............. -------------------------------------- Date sent: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 09:05:59 -0500 From: albobo To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Subject: Re: Benny is in heaven Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net Michele, Please don't leave the list! We are here to help you and you need friends and people who know what you are going through! When we didn't hear from you all weekend we were all afraid that Benny had lost his battle to stay with you. It's normal to blame yourself, but we know how much you loved him and how much you did for him. No one could have done more. And he, too knew that you were doing all you could to help him. ` I know this is so hard, I've been through it too, but don't go it alone. Talk to us, because we understand. Down the line you will remember the wonderful things he did for you and the love he brought you! Please take care of yourself. We are sending you lots of hugs from here. > Kathy G and the 3 Furries in Daytona Beach =^.^= - Rusty =^.^= - Smokey =^.^= - Money See us at: http://cgi.gambitsys.com/homey/webdoc5.htm The Cat: Mother Nature's Masterpiece! -------------------------------------- Date sent: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 09:14:38 -0500 From: albobo To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Subject: Re: Search capabilitites for the archives! Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net > > Jim, > > > I hope folks with different types of browsers (Netscape, MS-Internet > Explorer, AOL, Mosaic, etc.) will let me know how it works for them. I have Netscape and the new archive pages loaded beautifully and very quickly. Another great job by our fearless leader!!!! :-) Kathy G and the 3 Furries in Daytona Beach =^.^= - Rusty =^.^= - Smokey =^.^= - Money See us at: http://cgi.gambitsys.com/homey/webdoc5.htm The Cat: Mother Nature's Masterpiece! -------------------------------------- Date sent: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 09:22:02 -0500 To: felvtalk@MailingList.net From: olivia gostanian Subject: Re: Benny is in heaven Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net Michele: I wanted to reach you before you leave the list to say that all of us on it share your grief and your loss of Benny in your life. I hope once you absorb the initial shock of Benny being physically gone that you will not continue to torment yourself with second thoughts about it being the right thing to have done. I truly feel that from all of your postings that you did the absolute best you could do for Benny and that you only acted out of kindness and love to try and protect his health and quality of life for as long as you could. Your helping Benny over the Rainbow Bridge was simply a continuance of the deep love and concern you've felt for him throughout, and it was a beautiful act of mercy that took real courage on your part. Please don't give up on yourself even temporarily because of your despair. I am concerned about your not eating, taking medication on an empty stomach and not having the immediate support of your partner. Again I want to stress that this list is here for you; we have prayed with and for you & Benny, and feel your loss deeply. If you decide that this list is too much for you right now (and I understand that completely), please do get some ACTIVE support somewhere and try not to withdraw into your despair. There are many good pet loss support groups and there should be one in your area; it really does help to talk out your grief with others who are going through the same thing. If there is not an active pet loss support group, please consider grief counseling with a good therapist. Only by not keeping things bottled up will you be able to begin healing. I know that Benny would want that; he'd want to know that you're willing to fight for your own health and happiness as valiantly as you fought for his. With much love and sincere hope that you will let us give you support through this difficult time, Olivia -------------------------------------- Date sent: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 09:29:45 -0500 To: felvtalk@MailingList.net From: "Michele R. Smeal" Subject: Re: Benny is in heaven Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net Thanks for your kind words. I have a lump in my throat and a terrible guilty feeling in my whole body that I did this. I had to be the one to decide, but I really wish I would have taken him home ONE MORE DAY. I hate myself, but I didn't want him to just sit there and know he wasn't feeling well. I now feel like everyone was against him going home. I kissed him so much and rubbed him and tears just rolled out of my eyes like a faucet. He is so beautiful and there will never be another Benny. Why didn't I take him home once more? Why didn't my former vet tell me how serious feline leukemia shots WERE?????!!!! MY BENNY WOULD STILL BE HERE!!!!! I can't help to blame my stupid self, It hurts so bad. I want to forget and have Benny here now. To Barb: thanks so much for the letter over the weekend. NO, I don't have a computer at home, just at work now. Michele -------------------------------------- Date sent: Mon, 9 Feb 1998 09:52:24 -0500 (EST) From: Kat To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Copies to: mrb2@psu.edu Subject: Re: your mail Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net Michele, We support you in your time of grief. Please come back to the list when you feel you need to talk, or just to help someone else to go through their pain. Saying good-bye is the hardest thing in the world, especially to our kitties, they gave us such unconditional love. We are here for you - we understand. Please come back when you're ready. Hugs and shared tears, Kat Mundell (New Jersey) kat@sweng.systems.gec.com -------------------------------------- Date sent: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 11:36:57 -0500 To: felvtalk@MailingList.net From: "Michele R. Smeal" Subject: Re: Benny Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net >Date: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 11:35:22 -0500 >To: bkfair@bellatlantic.net >From: "Michele R. Smeal" >Subject: Re: Benny > >Kelly and babies: > > I want you to know I do appreciate all of you. Your story is a very sad one, too and I really need all of you on the list to help me through this. I just wish I could have checked in over the weekend and especially to help me with a decision. Because now all I can think of, is I could have had him at home one more day...BUT, I know, was I being fair to him? Last Saturday--to EVERYONE'S surprise-- he perked up so much, I was prepared for the worst and he came out purring and happy. No one could believe his recovery and he even jumped out of the incubator the night before. This was after the little guy's blood transfusion then surgery right afterwards. His poor little body was worn out. Maybe that's why the 2nd blood transfusion didn't take. He even rubbed his little head against mine and I was SO happy, I held him and thanked God he was back with me. Then, he went down hill again, that terrible deep cry for help came from the bathroom (Benny wanted to sleep on a towel in the tub) and I thought it was Boots. I saw him and knew he was the one meowing in pain. I called the vet immediately and Benny stopped crying in pain & the vet thought due to surgery, etc. there "is a lot going on inside him"......the next morning was when I got there very early at leat an hr. and a half before the clinic opened. I drove him around trying to soothe him and parked in the lot at the clinic for an hr. and he finally slept. Then Friday night, I tried to get out ther to pick him up by 5 and there was a bad accident that had traffic so backed up. I got a hold of them to tell them I couldn't get out there and they said they were keeping him overnight (which didn't sound good) and the vet on duty that day said "we need to look at the big picture and I know you want him to get better, but think about what he's been through and what he's going through now" she said he was pretty dehydrated Sat. am and they put fluids in him, it all sagged to one side. A technician brought him to me in a towel. He looked tired but alert. > > >He really had a lot of sores & smelly goop in his mouth and you could see he wasn't even comfortable eating anything. But then I keep thinking: why didn't I take him home and give him the 9 Lives brand shredded food he likes. Only 2 kinds lately. WHY DIDN'T I? She said, YOU have to make the decision but this is what is best for him and we know it's hard. > >I just want to know I didn't hurt him or do this to my baby. > > >Thanks Kelly, Babies & everyone -------------------------------------- From: "Steve Lackow" To: Subject: Re: Benny is in heaven Date sent: Mon, 9 Feb 1998 10:24:56 -0800 Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net Michele, it's too bad Benny could not talk. He would have told you that you did the right thing. -- Steve -------------------------------------- From: "phaedrus" To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Date sent: Mon, 9 Feb 1998 13:31:28 +0000 Subject: (Fwd) a bounced message from Linda (catlady) Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net ------- Forwarded Message Follows ------- Date: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 08:26:00 -0800 From: "Linda [Catlady]" Organization: Whisker Sitters To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Subject: Re: Valium References: Reply-To: felvtalk@MailingList.net I would be very careful giving valium to stimulate the appetite. I have used valium to try and control spraying with cats. It severly depressed the cats I used it on. Long term it can cause liver damage. I would discuss this with your veterinarian......I realize you are just trying to get him to eat, but you don't want to cause more problems in the meantime. Just my thoughts. Good Luck Linda (catlady) -------------------------------------- From: "phaedrus" To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Date sent: Mon, 9 Feb 1998 13:31:28 +0000 Subject: (Fwd) A bounced message from Michele Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net ------- Forwarded Message Follows ------- Date: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 10:26:12-0500 To: felvtalk@MailingList.net From: "Michele R. Smeal" Subject: Re: Benny is in heaven Reply-To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Thank you so much for your kind words and yes, I do need you people on the list. After all, Timmy, my white kitty has leukemia but no sx. He looks really good. Michele -------------------------------------- From: "phaedrus" To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Date sent: Mon, 9 Feb 1998 13:31:28 +0000 Subject: (Fwd) a bounced message from Mike Keegan Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net ------- Forwarded Message Follows ------- Date: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 09:38:50 -0500 From: Mike Keegan To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Subject: Positive stray needs a home I found a loveable stray 9 month old cat that unfortunately has tested positive for feline luekeimia. I have another cat and am concerned about putting him at risk. If anyone could help me find a loving home for this little lap cat, he and I would be very greatful. Thanks, Mike -------------------------------------- From: "phaedrus" To: felvtalk@MailingList.net Date sent: Mon, 9 Feb 1998 13:45:21 +0000 Subject: (Fwd) bounced message from Carol Gentry Send reply to: felvtalk@MailingList.net ------- Forwarded Message Follows ------- Reply-To: "Carol Gentry" From: "Carol Gentry" To: Subject: Group Date: Mon, 9 Feb 1998 11:40:08 -0800 I think Michele needs a copy of the Rainbow Bridge. It will make her cry and probably more but it helped me more then I can say. Thanks, Carol from Vancouver -------------------------------------- END OF PART 1: SEE PART 2 AT: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Spa/8025/9802092.txt