Getting Together
Steve at the lake
We continued our "group dating" and I continued to struggle with my feelings. I didn't know what to do with them and I didn't want to admit them. I was uncomfortable and I have to admit that I had a bit of age discrimination going on in my mind. I have since learned that we really don't choose with whom we fall in love. Oh, I had chosen many to get involved with. And I had convinced myself that I was in love with whoever "he" was at the time. I usually just wanted to be in love, I wanted to have someone in my life to make me feel better. And now I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't in love. I had planned to continue ignoring my feelings, hoping they'd go away. I don't know why I thought they would, especially since I wasn't staying away from him. I continued to see him whenever I could.
During this time, I was planning a trip to El Paso for my grandmother's 100th birthday. Mom was planning a big family reunion for the event. I was driving up to a town south of Lincoln, Nebraska, to my cousin's home, then we were going to go to El Paso together. I hadn't seen my cousins in years and although we'd always gotten along well, I was still a little apprehensive about it. I didn't know if we'd be able to tolerate each other cramped in a car for two days.
Less than 2 weeks before my trip, Steve asked me if I wanted to go to a movie. We didn't call it a date, neither of us knew what to call it. Whatever it was, I found myself looking forward to it with great anticipation. We decided we'd have a light dinner first then go see the late showing of Apollo 13. The date was set for the following Saturday night. I was scheduled to work Sunday morning, but Saturday was the night daylight savings time ended.
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3:24 PM 06/29/2003