On Friday evenings, Steve usually drove to Bonner Springs, Ks., to attend the meeting there. He invited me to go with him this Friday. Already, things seemed to be changing. I'd visited him at the shop that afternoon and he wasn't alone in there as usual. He was training someone to take over while he was in the hospital. His boss was also getting married while Steve would be in the hospital, in fact, he was supposed to be the best man at the wedding. Of course, he wouldn't be able to now, they weren't going to postpone the wedding (they might as well have cancelled it-their divorce notice appeared in the paper the same day Steve & my license was published). His fianc� stopped by to offer her concerns and regrets, and also showed Steve her wedding dress. A couple of other friends of Steve also showed up that afternoon to visit him. I have to admit, I felt some pangs of jealousy; after all, it was usually just the two of us, spending a quiet afternoon, talking and sharing. Of course, I got over it.
The time came to ride out to Bonner with Steve. It had started snowing (in early November?), but the roads weren't bad. We'd met at the same place we met before when he had our previous dates and I left my car parked there. I wasn't overly impressed with the meeting, or group, although there were a lot of nice people there. After the meeting, we drove to a restaurant back in town to get something to eat. We didn't go to the usual place, Steve wanted to go somewhere different. After eating, we drove back to my car. It was covered with snow and ice, Steve told me to let it warm up and wait in the truck. That's when Steve decided to kiss me. The kiss scared me. I couldn't believe what I was feeling and I hadn't come to terms with the age difference. I don't think a kiss had ever set me on fire like that before and it was all I could do to keep from bolting out of the truck and driving home as quickly as I could. And, he kissed me again. I didn't worry about him trying to take things any further at that point, we had talked a lot about rushing into the physical part of the relationship and the problems that develop as a result of that. It was a good thing, because I had to work in the morning and couldn't have tolerated staying up all night and working the next day.
By then, my car was warmed up (besides the windows being fogged in the truck), so we said our goodnights and I left. I was really running scared at that point. I don't think I slept well that night. I made it through work the next day, but not without thinking of the kiss, a lot. It was distracting, but it felt good to remember it. After work, I went directly home and went to bed after my shower. I was in a lot of fear, but I was more afraid of me than I was of Steve. I wanted him to back off a little, but I was afraid he'd back off too much. I was also trying to come down with a cold, which didn't help.
I finally talked to Steve on Sunday, I needed to get directions to where he lived if I was going to take him to the hospital. We talked briefly, but he knew I was at work, so he cut it short.
