Ficlet: Banned Substances

Disclaimer: They’re not mine, I don’t own ‘em, just please let me use your characters for a little while and I promise to return them as well as they began this ficlet. Thanks in advance.

Time: After Meltdown, Talyn and Moya meet up at B’ryr, a commerce planet to get provisions.

Many thanks to Runnik for Beta reading this piece.

“Talyn, we don’t need more provisions. Besides, B’ryr is off limits.” Crais was trying to convince Talyn not to go to B’ryr”

“Bleepity-blep beepbeepbeep blip, beep! “Talyn insisted.

“Crais, what do you mean, off limits?” John asked Crais while he chewed on Aeryn’s ear.

“Ow! That was right in my ear John! Yeah Crais, what do you mean?” Aeryn pulled away from John.

“Now don’t get your stealers in a cluster. We’re going there anyway, Moya’s there already!” Crais stomped out of command. *Keener than a snake’s incisor is the wrath of an unthankful youngster, after all that I do for him!* Crais thought.

“Stealers in a cluster?” John echoed. “Hey Crais, what are stealers in a cluster?”

“It’s something you always say when one of us is getting angry.” Crais Crais called back over his shoulder as he left command.

“Oh, knickers in a bunch, I said knickers in a bunch. Frelling microbes.” John muttered.

_________________________________

“D’Argo My man! I’ve missed you” John Black held up his hand to high five D’Argo, he forgot he never showed D’Argo the high five.

John Green grabbed John Black’s wrist. “He doesn’t know about the high five, but I do. Bro, I’m gonna clock you! You’re getting it on, aren’t you?” John Green hissed the last.

D’Argo and Crais each grabbed a John and held them back before either could do any damage, “What is soaring five? And how do you chronometer someone?” D’Argo asked.

“Never mind” John Green said, “You can let me go, I won’t do anything. Now what is this banned substance you mentioned?”

“It’s called Luscious Solidified Dranitite,” Crais said. “I think it was banned because it made Peace Keepers happy and docile, but I don’t have much data on it.”

“I’m going to find out what it is. I see an LSD stand a couple of metra’s away.” Jool headed in the direction of the stand, the others followed in her wake.

_________________________________

“What do you do with this?” Jool asked the server, pointing to a bowl filled with the substance.

“Oh my god! It’s ICE CREAM! How much?” Both John’s asked.

_________________________________

“Pip, stop complaining about a little Ice Cream. May I remind you about the time you brought three containers of crackers on board, and no other food!” John Green was busy ditching other less valuable perishables in order to store the Ice Cream.

“But everything else will spoil. The crackers didn’t need to be frozen.” Chiana said.

“Don’t fret. We’ll take care of everything, and then everyone is in for a treat. Now go away.” John Black said.

_________________________________

John Green and John Black prepared a feast for the Moya and Talyn crew that night. They had too. They rationalized that if they didn’t cook the food, it would have freezer burn in one or two weekens anyway. No one believed them, but the food was really delicious, and for once Rygel was happy. At the end of the meal, John Green and John Black excused themselves and brought out the desert. It was a scoop of LSD covered in a syrupy brown liquid called Gevalt, an alcoholic drink of B’ryr. A hush came over the table as everyone ate the dessert; the only sounds were spoons clinking on dishes and moans of pleasure from everyone eating.

Aeryn was suddenly alarmed when she saw tears in both John Green’s and John Black’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing” John Black said, “Gevalt has a slightly chocolate taste to it. I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. Ice Cream and chocolate, what else could I want?”

“What do you call this dessert?” D’Argo asked, for once he too was calm.

John Green leaned over and whispered something to John Black. John Black laughed and said, “Why not?”

“Friends, it really doesn’t have a name, to us it is a dish of ice cream, but in honor of the topping, we will call it ‘Oy Gevalt.’ ” John Green finished for John Black.

_________________________________

Oy Gevalt:

In a bowl, place One large scoop of LSD (Luscious Solidified Dranitite )

Pour Three tablespoons of Gevalt Liquour over the LSD

Let stand in the refrigerator for 600 microts before serving (to allow the LSD to soften a bit).

Serve cold and eat slowly.