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Email Rebecca about Smokey
Smokey's SCC
of the tongue
This story is for Smokey Smokey was my boyfriend's cat of 13 years, I came to meet and fall in love with her a little over 3 years ago. I've always been a cat lover, and have 2 of my own. When I moved in with him a year and a half ago, she truly became my baby as well, loved her as much as my own cats. She was MINE. She was older, the only cat allowed to sleep with us. Such a special cat, like no other, she had crazy funny little habits, like sticking her paw out at you for food, putting her paw in the water dish and drinking it from there, and liking strange foods such as iced tea, broccoli, and especially, potato chips. She was wonderful. I don't have great memory for the dates, so forgive me. But memorial day wkend 2004 she was scheduled to have a tooth extracted, she had been drooling and only licking her food, and had tooth problems in the past. She had her tooth extracted, and came home to us, seemingly ok, for at least a day. One or two days later, she started really drooling, and when she tried to eat, she'd paw at her mouth as if in pain. Because it was a weekend, we brought her to the emergency vet because she hadn't eaten or drank anything for well over 24 hours. The vet looked into her mouth and saw that her tongue was swollen, thought it was probably from the surgery, and gave her a steroid shot. This helped a tiny bit, she was able to eat soft food and drink water. She was also given sub cutaneous fluids. Once her regular vet was open again, she instructed us to stop the antibiotics for fear of an allergic reaction. This did not help. She then prescribed 2 more different antibiotics as well as steroid pills for the next few weeks. The steroids helped just enough for her to eat mushed up food, but really no improvement. She could not groom herself because of her swollen tongue, and became very matted and dirty. We cleaned her as best as possible. A Friday in June came another follow up appt., and still no improvement. The vet wanted to keep her for the wkend, do syringe feedings and then come that Monday do exploratory surgery of her mouth, looking for a mass. It was at that time I found this site, and I just knew this would be the diagnosis. I was a nervous wreck the whole wkend. When Smokey came home she had had 2 steroid shots and was in great spirits, although the vet had found a small mass under her tongue, and suspected the worst. SCC. She did a biopsy, and suggested syringe feeding until we found out for sure, which wouldn't be for another week. We assumed the worst. Smokey was able to lap up baby food mixed with water for a few days, then got progressively worse. I asked the vet if she could continue to have steroid shots every couple days just till we found out for sure, to help her eat on her own. She hated the syringe feeding, and occasionally it would make her tongue bleed. Feedings were the hardest. One day she'd love the baby food and lap it up, other days it was just juice from a tuna can. You really have to just keep trying different things. Sometimes I had 3 or 4 bowls out at once. Something funny that I noticed was that one of my other cats, Sam, who normally hated Smokey, showed total respect for her. Didn't chase, didn't paw at, just let her alone. I even saw them touch noses twice. He must have sensed that she was sick. Friday finally came, and we got the call. SCC. We knew what we wanted to do. She was in such pain, and wasn't happy. She couldn't groom, hated eating, had to keep going in for steroid shots, what kind of life was that? She lived to the ripe age of 13, and we couldn't let this get worse and worse till it killed her. We had the euthanasia scheduled for Tuesday evening, June 22nd. Saturday morning we brought her in for her last steroid shot. I paid for the euth and the cremation then, knowing that I wouldn't want to do it Tuesday. I then proceeded to cry non stop for the rest of her days. She wasn't an outdoor cat, but we let her wander around the yard which she seemed to love, purring and even pouncing a bug! I think that made it harder, she SEEMED so normal, but one look at her swollen mouth and dirty face reminded us of how unhappy she truly was. Tuesday I forced myself to go to work, as did my boyfriend, although I did nothing. When I got home I seemed to be in somewhat of a denial. Brought Smokey out for one last time, tried to feed her, but did not cry. It wasn't' till that last moment when we put her in her carrier that the tears came. I was so happy her normal vet could be the one doing this, she was there through everything. I was shocked at how peaceful the process of euthanasia was, and the vet cried along with us. The worst part was walking out leaving her there on the table. God, it was hard. It still is. I expected to be upset the next few days especially, but I didn't expect the horrid guilt and regret I felt afterwards. I felt as if I'd killed her. I wanted to take it back but couldn't. As the days go on I remember that I did the right thing. But it's still so much harder then I expected. Tomorrow will be a week, and I still cry when I see or think of certain things. I think I will for a long time. I just hope there's someone taking care of her. I miss her so much, but I'm glad I could be there when her pain was taken away. It's not easy, but please don't let them live with pain just so they'll stay with you. Let them go with dignity.
