She thought back to the past four days. Never had she experienced so much in such a short time. Finally she was coming to grips with all the deep dark fantasies she had suppressed for so many years and the freedom of it was amazing. She had always thought she trusted her husband, but yesterday when she was bound in the chains, she learned a whole new meaning to the term.

The light flared on with no warning as it had every morning. Maddie squeezed her eyes shut, waiting till they became accustomed to the harsh brightness. She knew Stephanie would be in shortly to release her and help her prepare for the day. She wondered what new delights and torments were in store.

After their usual early morning exercises and a light breakfast, the women were told to gather in the common room. The bright fall sunshine flooded the room through the large windows overlooking the riding ring, dispelling the chill that seemed to cling to the stone walls of the carriage house.

Elaine was already sitting on the couch with a mug of tea cradled to her generous breasts. Madelyn thought she looked like the very image of the mother goddess in her long green dress. They exchanged smiles as Maddie went to pour herself a mug of tea before cuddling into a big comfy chair.

A few minutes later, the slight brunette Susan floated in. Her face was the most serene Maddie had ever seen, almost surreal. Her blue eyes distant and unfocussed. She poured her tea absently and a small cloud passed over her countenance as she looked around the room. There were plenty of chairs and the couch for her to choose from, but she looked confused. Madelyn was just about to get up and help her when Susan smiled and crossed over to a patch of sunlight and dropped down to the floor.

“Good morning Ladies.” Claire was full of energy this morning as she entered the common room followed closely by a couple of kitchen girls bearing trays of fruit and pastries.

“It’s a glorious day today, isn’t it?” Claire didn’t wait for the murmured responses from her charges, but pulled a stool into the centre of the informal circle they had formed. With only the three women left on the retreat, their sessions had become more like conversations between friends.

“We are now about half way through your week here at the manor. So I thought this would be a good time to check in with you and see how you are integrating your experiences. Elaine would you like to go first?”

Elaine sighed and took a sip of her tea. “I have to tell you Claire, yesterday was really hard. I felt like a complete tramp walking across the stable yard in those chains and that ridiculous outfit. I would have felt more comfortable naked!”

She paused for a while as if deciding what next to say.

“My breasts are so big and floppy and I know I need to loose some weight. I don’t like me looking at me, let alone someone else doing it. I almost quit and walked out. But I wouldn’t do that to Justin. And you know what? It was worth it. Justin looked at me as if he had never seen me before. When he got me into the little private room, he took the lunch tray from me and buried his face in my breasts!” Elaine burst out in laughter and the other women smiled. “I felt like a goddess. Then when he got to the ‘business end’ of the lesson, it changed again. I was no longer his goddess, but his whore. It was magnificent. We spent the rest of the day just talking. Well, ok, not just talking, but it was wonderful.”

“You bring up an interesting point Elaine,” Claire interrupted. “Is there a dichotomy between goddess and whore? Often men are accused of wanting women to be the duchess in the drawing room and wanton in the bedroom. Are we to be saints? Or wild sexual creatures ready to drop everything at a moment’s notice and jump in the sack? For years, centuries even, women have had a hard time with this. Men would choose one sort of woman to marry, to raise their children and run their home, but it was expected they would keep a mistress on the side for sex. But for those women who can do both, well, you can imagine the power. So the question is, can you do it? Maddie what do you think?”

Madelyn had been listening intently. “The feminist in me would say it’s not fair to have such contradictory expectations of women. We should be accepted for who we are. But that seems a bit sterile. Personally, I like feeling like a duchess some times and a whore at other times. It’d be awfully boring to be good all the time, but you can’t be bad all the time either or society would fall apart. So yes, I think we should be able to do both.”

Claire smiled as she got up and crossed to the blackboard on the wall. “Good answer. I want you to recognise what you have just done here. You have made the assumption that it’s acceptable to change how you act and portray yourself in order to be desirable to your husband. Not only that, you have begun to acquire the tools to do it.”

“Wait a minute.” Elaine broke in. “There’s something that’s been bothering me for a few days about this submissive stuff. In my first marriage…” Elaine stopped for a minute searching for words. “Oh, hell. In my first marriage I was abused.” The words tumbled out of her in a torrent. Susan got up and was about to offer a hug when Elaine waved her off. “I don’t know why it’s so fucking hard to talk about.” She wiped a tear from her face. “But I almost feel embarrassed I could have been stupid enough to get into such a situation, and even worse that I let it go on for so long. But I swore to myself I would never let it happen again. He would want me to act just so and he kept me on eggshells all the time. He called me all the foul names in the book and beat the shit out of me for almost anything. So what we have been doing here is interesting but I don’t know if I can do it for real.”

Claire looked at the big woman gently. “Only you will be able to know if this is something you wish to take into your life after the retreat. All we are doing here is allowing you a safe place to explore a different way of looking at your possibilities. You have accomplished an amazing amount. Think of this Elaine, you walked into a room full of people dressed in almost nothing, worse than nothing, in chains. And you pulled it off beautifully. Your husband was bursting with pride and with love.

“But you bring out an important topic and one I was planning on touching on today in any case. There is an ocean of difference between the bully and the dominant. The dominant has ultimate self-control and self-confidence. He does not ‘need’ to dominate and control in order to make himself feel bigger or stronger. He already is bigger and stronger and needs no one to validate that for him. He will dominate and control because it’s in his nature to do so, but only after you give him permission. The bully could never let you walk away or say no. The bully feeds off of your vulnerability and fear. The dominant will take you into your fears and keep you safe while he helps you conquer them. Then he will glory in your successes with you, just like Justin did yesterday.”

Claire waited a moment to let that sink in. Elaine seemed to calm a bit.

“But there is also a huge difference between the submissive and the victim. The submissive always has the right to say no and walk away. But as you have experienced, the victim does not have that choice. It was only when you decided that you would no longer be a victim did you have the strength to get out. Am I correct?”

“Oh yes! One day he came home terribly drunk. I locked him out!” Elaine smiled a shy smile. “Well, not on purpose. It was in the middle of January and terribly cold. He had gone out to the bar and the bar tender took his keys so when the taxi driver dropped him off he only had his loose house key and that fell in the snow bank. Oh God, I’ve never told anyone this. He started shouting and railing and I knew if I let him in, he would take all his anger out on me. I had ended up in the hospital the last time, and I was not about to let that happen again. We lived way out in the country so he couldn’t get to any neighbours and no one else could hear him scream. When he finally passed out in the snow I called for an ambulance because no matter what he was still my husband.”

Elaine stopped for a moment and put her empty teacup on the floor. Her hands were shaking as she straightened up.

“By the time he got to the hospital he was dead. I didn’t feel anything but relief. It actually turned out he had taken a cocktail of drugs on top of the booze, so the official cause of death was overdose, not freezing to death.”

Susan’s voice was almost a whisper, “Why didn’t you call the police?”

“Because, my dear, the chief of police in that little town was my brother in law and a worse bastard than my husband. I was very much alone. So yes, Claire, you are absolutely right. When I decided I wouldn’t be a victim again, I had the strength to change things. And I will never, never get myself into that position again!”

“Nor should you. I would like to congratulate you on your courage and on your choice of a new husband. But, if I may ask, why did you choose Justin? A martial arts master is a dangerous man. He could do a lot of damage with very little effort.”

Elaine took a deep breath and relaxed. “After my first marriage, I started studying karate so I could defend myself. Justin was my teacher. He is actually a very calm man. I have never seen him lose his temper; probably all that meditation and exercise. And, God help me, I have always been a sucker for big strong men. Guess I’m just not built to be alone!”