options

"What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?"

"If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?"

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."

"The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers."

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."

"A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled."

"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate others."

"No one ever won a war by dying for their country, they win by making the other poor dumb bastards die for theirs."

"It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself."

"I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work."

"To win a hundred victories in a hundred battles is not the highest excellence; the highest excellence is to subdue the enemy's army without fighting at all."

"Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere in life."

"Some say there is a fine line between insanity and genius and this line has a color, this color is gray. Gray is my favorite color."

"Perseverance is my only option, anything else is simply accepting failure."

"There are three types of people in this world: Those that make things happen; Those that watch things happen; And those that wonder what happened."

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph."

"If it bleeds, we can kill it."

"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company."

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

"I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity."

"What we do in life echos in eternity."

"Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them."

"Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power."

"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity."

"The best way to keep one's word is not to give it."

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex ... it takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

"Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."

"Show me a thoroughly satisfied man, and I will show you a failure."

"The time for honoring yourself will soon come to an end."

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not Guilty.'"

"Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a crap."

"Temptation rarely comes in working hours. It is in their leisure time that men are made or marred."

"I see your swartz is as big as mine!"

"Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb."

"He that respects himself is safe from others. He wears a coat of mail that none can pierce."

"War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory."

"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing."

"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."

"Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so."

"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment."

"Do not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy."

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."

"It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value."

"There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness."

"An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows."

"Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict."

"In the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not Guilty.'"

"It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled sea of thought."

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

"Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some."

"Nothing contributes so much to tranquilizing the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye."

"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool."

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."

"The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee."

"A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel."

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

"Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability."

"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."

"A diplomat...is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow."

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."

"I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy."

"The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened."

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them."

"I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way."

"College isn't the place to go for ideas."

"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

"A witty saying proves nothing."

"It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power."

"It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. "

"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."

"I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. "

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."

"If you cannot convince them, confuse them."

"Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked."

"Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.."