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| Beer's To YOU! Have a beer and send the truck to all of your friends! |^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| ||____ | B u d w e i s e r | ||'|"\,__ |_..._...______===|=||_|__|...,] "(@)'(@)"""*|(@)(@)*****(@)*I 25 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK... 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing. 16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar. 17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas. 18. Everyone agrees they work better after they've had a couple of drinks. 19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break. 20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked. -SCARY!!!! 21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union. 22. The janitor's closet will finally have a use. 23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up. 24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross." 25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common, not just restricted to the higher ups. |
| BEER TROUBLESHOOTING SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on the table. SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, and mind unusually clear. FAULT: You have been in a fight. SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer is too weak. SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. FAULT: Beer is just right. |
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