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Chapter 8
I go to Duncan and lie down next to him.
"What was all that whispering and kissing and hugging about?" he asks me.
"Are you jealous?" I grin.
"No, I just want to know what that was all about," he grins back.
I quietly tell him everything Ant and Simon said. He totally agrees with them.
"Do you also think that Lee likes me?" I ask him.
"Yeah. That's why he keeps on teasing you and us," he nods.
"I thought he did that to all the girls," I say surprised.
"To other girls he does it in a different way. I can't explain the difference, but it definitely �s different," he says convinced.
"That's cool, because I like him too," I say.
Dunk smiles at me and gives me a long kiss. I lie on my back, Dunk's holding my hand, he has gone back to reading the book. I try to relax and close my eyes. I keep on thinking about the hard words that I said to Lee.
Ouch, I'm having a little cramp again.
"What is it?" Dunk asks.
"Huh?" I look at him questioning.
"You squeezed my hand," he says.
"Oh. I just had a little cramp," I shrug my shoulders. "They come back when I'm not busy."
"Is there anything I can do about it? A massage, anything?" he asks sweet.
"A massage won't do any good. Or maybe a massage of my lower back will help," I answer.
"Than turn around," he says.
"I can't lie on my belly."
"Than sit up, I'll massage you very gently," he smiles. I sit up and he sits down behind me. His gentle massage d�es feel very good.
I see that Lee is secretly watching us. When he sees that I'm openly watching him, he stands up and dives into the water. I give a deep sigh.
"Go on, follow him, apologize to him. I know you won't relax until you've done that," Dunk whispers in my ear.
"I think you're starting to know me very well," I smile and give him a kiss.
I stand up and dive into the water. Lee swims away from me.
"Lee, please wait. I want to apologize," I say to him. He waits until I've reached him.
"Come on," I say and swim towards the island, until we can reach the bottom. "I'm really sorry that I said all those nasty things to you. I didn't want to say all that and make you angry, but I was in a bad mood. I'm really sorry," I apologize to him.
"It's okay. You were right about all you said," he says with a sad face.
"You think I was right? Than why did you get angry at me?" I say surprised.
"I wasn't angry at you, I was angry at myself," he answers.
"Than why did you avoid me?" I ask.
"I was sad. I thought you really think that I'm just a nasty guy," he says shy.
"I really don't think you're nasty. I really like you. I said all that because I was angry," I confess.
"I really like you too. And it's not your fault that you were angry, I made you angry. And most important, you were right in everything you said. I realized that later," he says with his head bend low.
"Come here," I smile and give him a big hug.
"Please don't tell this to anybody else," he whispers.
"Of course not. I would never do anything that would hurt or embarrass you," I say and give him a kiss on his cheek. He gives me a hug back.
"Did you really think I didn't like you? Of course I like you, you're a good guy," I whisper in his ear. He's still hugging me. I hear that he starts to cry softly.
"Shhht. It's okay," I whisper.
"No, it's not okay. I'm totally fucked up," he cries.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"I treat all the girls very bad. I annoy everybody. I can't treat my friends normally anymore, except for them," he points at the boat. "I never like a girl, because they don't like me when they get to know me, because I nag and command them all the time," he cries.
"Hey, that's not all your fault," I say and lift up his head so he looks me in the eyes. "First of all, I want you to remember this: I like you. You don't nag me all the time. And you like me, even though I know you for only a short time now. So inside you're a very good guy, otherwise I wouldn't have liked you. Maybe outside you seem a nasty guy to some people. But I think I know how that happened. When you became famous, lots of people wanted to be your friend. So why would you do any effort to keep your friends? You had enough new friends. And why would you do any effort to get the girl you want? There were enough girls who wanted to be your girlfriend. And why would you do any effort to treat them right? They would put up with most of your bad habits anyway. And if they didn't, you could get another girlfriend the same day. Everybody who wanted to be your friend, without asking from you to be their friend, is as guilty as you are. You only played a small role in becoming who you are now. You've been lived by many other people for a long time." I say it all without letting go of his face, so he keeps looking me in the eyes.
"But why am I so fucked up now, and Ant, Simon and Dunk not?" he asks.
"Why? Why did Dunk notice me in the crowd? Why did Ant fall in love with Lucy? Why do you like me? Why do I like you? Because we are all different. I can't tell why fame asked so much of you, and it didn't ask much of Ant or any of the others. All I can say about it, is that everybody is different, and everybody responds different to the same situations," I shrug my shoulders.
"I think you're right. Why are you so sweet and clever?" he asks with tears in his eyes.
"I'm not. I'm just a normal girl," I shake my head.
"Than what kind of girls do I meet? None of them is like you," he asks.
"I can only guess why that is. I th�nk, that's because you're famous. All the girls who come to you, they just want to date you because you're in Blue. They don't come to you with the intention of having a relationship with you. They just want to share in your fame, they want to feel important. But that's just what � think," I tell him.
"So it's just a vicious circle. I'll never get out of it," he calls out desperate.
I shake my head and give him a hug. He starts to cry again, he seems quite desperate. Suddenly I know the perfect answer to him.
"Lee," I say softly to him. He looks at me, with tears all over his face. I smile at him and wipe his tears away with my hands.
"It w�s a vicious circle. You already started to break it by being a friend to me. And today you broke it even further by showing me the real you," I smile at him. He's thinking about that.
"So� So now I have to be a friend to other people. And they'll be friends with me for who I am, not for my fame or whatever."
"Exactly. Find people who can look behind that pretty face of you," I nod smiling.
"But how do I do that?"
"That's up to you. But I can tell you it's hard to change your behavior. But I can give you one piece of advice: when you're in a bad mood, take it out on people who know you really well," I say. He looks at me surprised.
"When you had a bad mood, you took it out on the girls. And than they left you."
Lee nods.
"Okay, the guys won't like this, but you should take it out on them when you're in a bad mood," I say. I think he doesn't understand it yet. "When Dunk's in a bad mood, he takes it out on you, doesn't he?" I ask. He gives me a doubtful nod.
"Because he knows that you can take it from him. You know that he's still your best friend, he's just in a bad mood at that moment," I explain.
I see from his face that he suddenly understands everything. "You are s� right!" he calls out. He gives me a big kiss on my cheek.
"Oh, maybe it's smart if you don't take out your bad mood on them if you have to work with them all day. Than take it out on me, like you did today," I laugh.
"Yeah, and than end up in a big fight," he grins.
"Fighting is okay, as long as you can apologize to eachother afterwards," I laugh.
"You're brilliant!" he calls out and gives me a kiss on my mouth. I raise my eyebrows, but he's so happy that he doesn't even notice it.
He swims away towards the boat.
