Your Mama's So Fat....

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"!
her belly button's got an echo!
when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide!
she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly, they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out on the runway!
she eats pumpkin pies like Skittles!
she makes Free Willy look like a Tic-Tac!
she shops for clothes in the local tent shop!
she uses a kiddie slide for a shoe horn!
she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world!
she went on a seafood diet... Whenever she saw food she ate it!
she went on a light diet... As soon as it's light she starts eating!
she went to Sizzler and got a group discount!
she's 36-24-36... but that's in feet!
when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up!
when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall!
she shows up on radar!
she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H D!
she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone!
she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!
the highway patrol made her wear a "Caution! Wide Turn" sign!
she rollerskates on busses!
she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back!
that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step!
she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide!
she uses a jungle gym for a walker!
instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load!
she can't reach her back pocket!
she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation!
she can't lose weight, only find it!
she gets her toenails painted at Earl Schieb's!
she has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas' English Muffin!
she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck!
she sat on a rowing machine and it sank!
she stepped on a talking scale and it told her "Sorry, we don't do livestock."!
she uses a pillow case as a sock!
she uses diet soap!
the body snatchers called home for backup!
she's taller lying down!
they had to install speed bumps at the all-u-can-eat buffet!
they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics!
they have to run a relay race to get her belt through her belt loops!
we got her in the drive-in free by dressing her as a Chevy!
when she backs up she beeps!
when she comes down the stairs she measures on the Richter scale!
when she volunteered to clean cages at the zoo, people walked by and said "Look at the elephant"!
when she fell down the stairs, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again!
when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains"!
when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas!
they had to baptize her at Sea World!
when she dances, she makes the band skip!
the last time she saw 90210 she was on a scale!
they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping!
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her!
she wears a VCR for a beeper!
the only thing she can fit into at the clothing store is the dressing rooms!
she jumped in the ocean and the whales started singing "We are family!"!
that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way!
she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
she's moving the Earth out of its orbit!
she's half Native, half Irish, and half American!
the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door!
the telephone company gave her two area codes!
she wears a hula-hoop for a belly-button ring!
she has to buy two airline tickets!
she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole!
she needs a road map to find her ass!
she had to roll over 4 times just to get an even tan!
she eats biscuits like tic tacs!
she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Seattle, NY!
they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through!
when she works at the movie theater, she works as the screen!
she bungee jumped and went straight to hell!
she has her own area code!
she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets!
she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out!
she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number!
she uses blanket as a washcloth!
when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet!
she's got her own zip code!
when she sits in a chair, the rolls on her legs, cover her feet like a blanket!
she wears an asteroid belt!
when she bends over we go into daylight savings time!
she plays pool with the planets!
people jog around her for exercise!
she sat on a dollar and made change!
she smells like bacon at 90 degrees!
when she goes to the circus she takes up all the rings!
when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out!
when she gets out of the car, she leaves stretch marks!
she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth!
when she was born, she didn't get a birth certificate, she got blue prints!
she has to get out of the car to change gears!
she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub!
waiters bring her the dessert menu first!
I need double vision to see her!
her favorite food is fifths!
her shadow weighs 42 pounds!

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Your mama's so fat... Your mama's so stupid... Your mama's so ugly...
Your mama's so old... Your mama's so poor... Your mama's so skinny...
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