by Marron Yuuki
Tsuzuki sat in his bed in the hospital ward staring into space thinking about everything that had happened the past year, seemingly not noticing the other people sitting in the room with him.
�I need to go talk with Tatsumi Bon, do you think you�ll be ok here alone?�
There was no response but Watari really didn�t expect one as he left the room. Hisoka hadn�t said a word since he and Tsuzuki had been rescued by Tatsumi a week ago and he hadn�t left Tsuzuki�s side since he had awoken.
Everyone was worried about them both but as long they both wouldn�t respond no one could do anything.
Why would you even want to do something like that Tsuzuki� I just don�t understand.
Why won�t you let anyone help you. I want to help you. You can trust me. I love you! � If only I could tell you� but if I did you might reject me� I�m afraid. I�ve always been rejected and hated� but somehow this is different.
If I�m rejected by you I don�t think I could live through it�
But if I never tell you�
Still lost in thought, Hisoka laid his head down on the bed next to Tsuzuki and fell asleep for the first time in days. Tsuzuki sighed at this. He had been staring into space afraid to look Hisoka in the eyes. It was clear to him that Hisoka meant more to him than he first wanted to admit but how to tell him?
He had thought no one cared about him - that he was better off dead, a monster like himself� but Hisoka had told him otherwise. Hisoka said he needed him. Hisoka ran through Touda�s flames to rescue him. Hisoka told him many times over �Yes, you�re human Tsuzuki�. Surely Hisoka must feel something for him� but what exactly? Friendship? Partnership? Or maybe even love?
But should I tell him? If he doesn�t feel that strongly for me then he might hate me or feel uncomfortable around me� and after all he�s done for me that�s the last thing I want to happen�But if I don�t say anything I will never know� and I won�t be able to hide it from him much longer as he is an empath�I�ll tell him when he wakes up�
~*And I�d give up forever to touch you
cuz i know that you feel me somehow
you're the closest to heaven that I�ll ever be
and i don't want to go home right now*~
When Hisoka woke up he looked up to find two amethyst orbs looking at him.
�Tsuzuki! You�re awake!�
�Hai��
Even if he�s awake he still doesn�t look too good� I�ll try to cheer him up some� Yes, and then I�ll tell him.
�Say Tsuzuki? Do you feel well enough to go out for a while. Watari said your healthy enough� Want to go out to eat with me?�
�Waiii! Ok! Can I have dessert too???�
Smiling to himself at the reaction Hisoka answered:
�Of course, anything you want.�
And so Hisoka helped Tsuzuki out of bed, blushing when he saw Tsuzuki�s state of clothing (a hospital gown) but helping him dress anyway, keeping his eyes on the ground. When he was dressed they left a note since Watari still hadn�t come back from Tatsumi�s office.
And since they didn�t want to attract attention to themselves they teleported to earth from there.
After arriving Hisoka let Tsuzuki choose the restaurant and so they headed to a Chinese restaurant near by.
At the entrance Hisoka sat down, letting Tsuzuki talk to the waiter since it was obviously crowded and they would have to wait a few minutes before getting a table. Turning his head, Hisoka watched his partner.
I never really noticed before but Tsuzuki is very a No! I will not have these thoughts about him�yet� I still have to tell him how I feel, and even then� but he does look good tonight� I hope he�s still smiling afterwards like he is now�
Hisoka didn�t notice that Tsuzuki had come back and was now poking him in the chest.
�Hisoka! Hiso~ka! Are you ok?�
�Wha? Oh, yeah, I�m fine� sorry, I was thinking.�
�Well, they have a table ready for us now.�
�Ok, I�m coming��
Standing up, Hisoka followed the waiter with Tsuzuki next to him to their table. After getting the menus the waiter let them order their drinks before leaving so they could decide what they wanted to eat.
~~~~~~~~
When they finished and paid the bill Hisoka and Tsuzuki headed out the door and Hisoka suggested they go back to his house and watch a movie or something. Tsuzuki of course, happily agreed and so they teleported back to Hisoka�s house.
�Sorry, I haven�t had time to clean up since we got back��
�That�s ok! You should see my house! Hehehe��
�hehe��
For a moment Tsuzuki just stared before he said stunned:
�You laughed��
�Um�� blushing, Hisoka turned away to look through the cabinet with movies in it so it seemed.
Tsuzuki took the moment to take in his surroundings. Hisoka�s house was pretty clean, no matter what he said. The living room was lined with book shelves which were all full to the brink with books: from mangas to poetry. History to Science fiction.
In the center of the room was a TV with a small cabinet under it, which Hisoka was still looking through. In front of the TV was a small coffee table and a couch. Tsuzuki was still looking around when Hisoka stood up and told him that he had a movie they could watch before turning the TV on and pushing the tape in.
�Come and sit down.�
�Wha? Oh, yeah, ok.�
Tsuzuki walked over to the couch before sitting down on the opposite end of couch, thinking that Hisoka�s empathy would bother him if he sat any closer. Hisoka of course, had other thoughts and scooted over to lean his head on Tsuzuki�s shoulder just as the movie began.
Oh! Hisoka� won�t his empathy bother him?
�No it won�t. You have shields so high I can barely feel your thoughts.�
Surprised he had �heard�, Tsuzuki just answered with a small �oh� before turning his head to watch the TV.
It was a horror movie and Tsuzuki didn�t really have much interest in it but since Hisoka had picked it, he paid attention anyway. It felt nice to be this close to him, to embrace him� a warm body next to his. I wish it could always be like this. They both thought at the same moment.
~*And all I can taste is this moment
and all I can breathe is your life
cuz sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight*~
Before they both knew it, the movie was over. Hisoka was lost in thought, not really paying attention and so he was startled when Tsuzuki shook him.
�Hisoka?�
�Oh��
Hisoka found himself staring into violet - so strikingly beautiful that it took his breath away. He found himself leaning forward to press his lips against the older shinigami�s
Before gasping and pulling away, running into the kitchen.
What on earth possessed me to do that?! Gods� now he�ll hate me! Why did I do that� I should have waited until I told him and maybe he would understand� I was acting just like Muraki! Damn it!
Tsuzuki watched stunned as his partner ran out of the room.
He kissed me? Does that mean�? Wait a minute! Was that the door slamming shut?!
Sure enough, when he stood up to see, the kitchen was empty and Hisoka�s jean jacket was gone from its spot on the coat hanger.
Damn it! I should have gone after him when he left! I better go find him� I need to tell him�
~*And I don't want the world to see me
cuz I don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am*~
Why did I run out like that? He probably thinks I�m really stupid� or maybe he�s relieved� baka! I shouldn�t have done that� but he looked so beautiful and I just wanted to kiss him so bad� I love him so much� I should go back and tell him. Tsuzuki is a nice person. Even if he doesn�t share the same feelings I�m sure he�ll understand.
Sitting down on a bench Hisoka stared into space for a while. Oblivious to the fact that Tsuzuki was approaching him.
I�m gonna go back now� no use sitting here�
~*And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything feels like the movies
yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive*~
But Hisoka didn�t have to go back because as soon as he stood up arms embraced him from behind. He tensed but relaxed as soon as he recognized Tsuzuki�s conscience.
�Tsuzuki�� He turned around to explain but was silenced with a finger on his lips.
�Shhh� Hisoka. I�ve wanted to tell you this all day but I never got up the courage. I�m not mad at you. Actually� I love you��
The younger Shinigami�s eyed widened in shock at those words but closed when he felt Tsuzuki�s lips press against his own for a second time that night. This time though, it wasn�t a surprise and it lasted longer than a few seconds�When they broke apart, they just stood staring at one another for a while. Then Hisoka spoke.
�I� I love you, too, Tsuzuki��
Smiling, Tsuzuki just said �I know.� before wrapping his arm around Hisoka�s shoulder and walking him back to his apartment. When they got to the door, Tsuzuki leaned down and kissed him again, a light brushing of the lips, before saying goodnight.
�I better go now Hisoka. Sleep well and I�ll see you at work tomorrow, ok?�
�Ok. Goodnight Tsuzuki. I love you��
�I love you too� Ja ne!�
Hisoka opened the door and walked in, going to the bedroom and collapsing on his bed without even undressing. Smiling to himself he just stared at the ceiling thinking.
I really was an idiot� but everything turned out in the end� I can�t believe my luck� I had such a good time. I think this is the first time I�ve felt truly happy in a long time�
And with that he drifted off to sleep, this time without dreams of Muraki, Sakura petals or flames engulfing him�
~*And I don't want the world to see me
cuz I don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am*~
~*i just want you to know who i am*~