Set Me Free
by Empath no Tenshi
Chapter 7
After waking up from his disquieting nightmare, Hisoka decided to go to the
kitchen for a glass of water to calm himself. He felt better as he gulped
the cool liquid down. As he was about to go back, he considered that he
just might have another nightmare, so he thought it best to bring another
glass of water with him. He was on his way back to his room when he heard
hushed overwrought voices coming from the dining room. He could vaguely
feel some sort of apprehension inside. Worried, he decided to check if
something was wrong. As he came closer, he heard the voices more clearly,
and recognized them as his father's and. . . Tsuzuki's? He wondered what
Tsuzuki was still doing here at this late hour, and a sudden pang of
unsettlement seized him. He could now distinctly sense some amount of panic
and anxiety. Hisoka suddenly felt that he was involved in this. He crept
outside the door to listen in and heard Tsuzuki's urgent voice:
"I. . . I don't know how you found out. But please let me explain, I don't
mean any harm to Hisoka now, and I. . ."
--' Harm? To me. . .? What. . .?'--
Hisoka could feel extreme guilt coming from Tsuzuki. As if he just got
caught telling a fatal lie. At this, he felt uneasiness wash over his body.
. . and a sudden tingling of fear. He slowly backed away from the door, his
eyes slit suspiciously. . .
--'Tsuzuki. . . Tou-sama. . . what is this. . .?'--
His breath caught in his throat when he heard his father's calm
declaration:
"I know, because. . . I was the one who hired you to kill him."
Hisoka stood frozen. He could feel his heart constrict. His right hand
unconsciously rose up and clutched his chest in pain. His left hand started
to lose its grip on the glass of water. . .
--'Kill me. . .?'--
But even as questions ran wild in his head, he knew. The answers came to
him, as clear as the guilt and dread he now sensed in both his father and
Tsuzuki. A dawn of understanding flashed across his numbed emotions:
--'My own father wants me dead.
And Tsuzuki is here to kill me.'--
Hisoka shook his head slowly, trying to deny the terrible revelation that
formed in his head. His father. He never thought even that he could go this
far, this. . . this. . . low. And worst of all.worse than any nightmare he
could ever have.
--'Tsuzuki. . . .?'--
Then suddenly, the telepath's words rang in his ears.
~. . . He's an assassin -- a murderer. It can only be two things, boy. It's
either you're his associate, or you're totally ignorant of what he's doing.
Oh wait, you poor thing, he might be feigning kindness to you because, who
knows, you may well be his next target. . . ~
Hisoka was shaking from head to toe by this time. "Baka," he whispered
harshly to himself. "Baka, baka, baka, baka. . ." he chided, over and over
again. He wanted to laugh at himself for being such an idiot.
For trusting someone again.
For loving someone again.
And still loving him despite this betrayal.
He felt tears beginning to flow from his beautiful hurt eyes, then down to
his pallid cheeks gone even more ashen. His body felt weak. His mind felt
weak. And his heart felt tired, too wounded to register the pain. He didn't
even notice that the glass of water had already slipped from his delicate
hand and had shattered on the cold hard floor.
"Tsuzuki. . ." Hisoka whispered, his breathing labored, his tears now
uncontrollable sobs.
He ran out of their house, out on the streets. He ran and ran and ran.there
was no destination, no direction. There was nothing. He didn't care where
he was going. He just wanted to get away from it all. He didn't want to
believe it. His mind kept telling him that Tsuzuki was a traitor. But a
voice inside his wounded heart told him that he still wanted to trust him.
That he'd be lost without his warmth.
And that he was everything to him.
--'I still want to be by his side forever. . .'--.
At that, he slowed down momentarily to chuckle hollowly at himself. He
looked up at the night sky, smirking ruefully at his naivet�. He knows
better than to believe that. Everything he shared with Tsuzuki. . . it was
all a lie. Nothing but a dream he desperately wished was true. The bitter
reality had sunk in, taunting his foolishness. Who was he to be loved
anyway?
His mad sprint had now slowed to an aimless saunter. Sad memories came back
to haunt him as he remembered how his parents never cared for him. They
didn't even consider that he, like every young child, could yearn for care
and affection. For acceptance. They didn't even consider that he trusted
them. Loved them. He was rejected, even locked up in a cell for being who.
. . what. . . he was. From then on he told himself that he would never open
his heart to anyone again, because that would only mean pain. Pain. Nothing
but pain.
And now his father, his very own flesh and blood, wants him dead. Really,
what else was new? All these years his parents. . . all his relatives, in
fact. . . made it clear that Hisoka wasn't worth a thing to them -- let
alone be someone they loved. They all laughed at him, despised him from the
very depths of their cruel souls. And although they feared him, they never
showed it. They masked this with their hatred, their loathing, their
derision.
To them, Hisoka wasn't even worth their fear.
He vaguely remembered how they blamed him for his mother's death. His
mother was once very caring and gentle to him, like every mother would be
to her child. He loved her so much. He still did, even when she became just
like everyone in his family. Even until now, he still loved her, even if
only because, once upon a time, she showed him what it felt like to be
loved. He couldn't understand how they could blame him for her death. Even
if his memories of whatever happened three years ago haven't fully
returned, deep in his heart he firmly believed that he could never do such
a thing.
Hisoka kicked angrily at the ground. His life seemed to be damned to be
nothing but a continuum of betrayal. And now. . .
--'Tsuzuki. . .'--.
Hisoka gulped down the painful lump in his throat. Tsuzuki stubbornly urged
him out of his forlorn loath-filled shell. Tsuzuki worked hard to gain his
trust. Despite a lot of hesitation and vain attempts at resistance, Hisoka
still gave in. For once, he thought he ought to give it a shot, even if it
was too risky. Still, Tsuzuki promised that he wouldn't hurt him, so he let
himself believe . . .
Only to be betrayed once again.
Hisoka shook his head ruefully, his mind grasping at this reality fate spat
in his face over and over again in his miserable existence:
You can only be betrayed by those you trust and love.
You can only be betrayed if you trust.
If you love.
He kept on walking aimlessly, eyes cast down, lost in his thoughts, until
he accidentally bumped into someone. He muttered a blank apology as he
looked up at the person.
Then his eyes widened in inexplicable terror upon seeing who it was.
"So it's you again, kireii no bouya."
~)-0-(~
Tsuzuki wasn't given a chance to explain. He was about to explicate that he
will be discontinuing his given mission, when Nagare confessed his hand in
the operation. A moment of shocked silence passed, whereas they heard a
sound of breaking glass from outside. Tsuzuki abruptly stood up, alarmed.
He didn't know how.but deep down, he was sure it was him. . .
--'Hisoka. . . !'--
This fear was confirmed when one of the maids entered the room and urgently
reported that the young master had run away. With no second thoughts,
Tsuzuki sprinted out of the estate and out into the dark yawning streets.
He ran as fast as he could, hoping to catch up with Hisoka, but the latter
was nowhere to be found. Tsuzuki was frantic, but tried to restrain himself
from panicking. He could only find Hisoka if he thought straight. He kept
on running, not daring to miss a single spot or corner. He had to find
Hisoka.
He had to explain.
Inside, his guilt was eating him up. There was absolutely nothing he could
do to correct this. It was a stupid mistake; another one of the many he had
done in his entire life. He always meant what he promised, but fate always
had its way of making it turn out as if he was nothing but a rash promising
idiot - a liar. But this time, the turn of circumstances had gone too far.
Tsuzuki really did mean his promise with every bit of his soul. He really
did want to protect Hisoka, to keep him safe from harm, and to be by his
side for as long as he lives.
"Baka, baka, baka, baka, baka!!!" he spat out violently at himself, each
syllable keeping up rhythmically with the heavy footfalls of his running.
--'Why didn't I just tell Hisoka the truth?'--
--'Why does it always have to turn out that I betray people without meaning
to? '--
Tsuzuki bit his lip sharply, angry with himself. To Hisoka, he was now a
traitor, a liar. . .
And worst of all: a murderer.
--'Demo na. . . I wasn't going through with the plan. . .'--
--'I wasn't going to kill him. . .'--
--'I love him too much to do such a thing. . . '--
"Hisoka. . . gomen ne. . .." Tsuzuki whispered desperately as he ran and
searched frantically, vainly hoping that somehow, Hisoka could hear him. He
tried his best to blink back his tears but failed miserably. He couldn't
bear thinking that Hisoka had pushed him away for good.
Now Tsuzuki realized how much Hisoka had changed his life; how much the boy
meant to him. The times they spent together, and those little moments when
the real Hisoka would show: he felt that he wanted it to remain that way
forever.
Now Tsuzuki was certain that he never wanted to lose Hisoka. He could not
imagine a life without Hisoka by his side.
--'But even if I can get him back. . .'--
"How the hell am I supposed to gain his trust back after this??" Tsuzuki
muttered in agitation. "Chikuso!!" he hissed to the bright silver moon,
gritting his teeth in anger. He continued to search desperately for his
newfound, but soon lost, love.
~)-0-(~
Hijiri had just arrived from his violin concert that was held in Nagasaki.
He felt so tired. He barely had any sleep during the road trip back. For
some reason, he felt a funny tingling feeling at the back of his neck.
Every now and then he'd break out into goose bumps. What was happening? Why
was he suddenly feeling nervous for no apparent reason? He looked
apprehensively at his surroundings, as if expecting something to come out
and attack him. Upon seeing that everything seemed fine, he tried to shrug
the uneasiness off. He massaged his tense neck as he proceeded to go up his
bedroom.
--'What I really feel like doing right now is getting some shuteye'-- he
thought ruefully. ---'Especially since it's a cool night.'-- He yawned.
He toyed with the idea of sleeping for the whole week and doing nothing
else.
--'That would be good'-- Hijiri reflected, smiling to himself.
Then it suddenly hit him that he still had classes and finals would be only
three weeks from now. He groaned inwardly. The thought brought a childish
pout to his lips. He knew that final exams were never a good thing to be
lazy about. It would have been nice if he were a bookworm like his best
friend. But if books and martial arts ate all of Hisoka's time, for Hijiri
it would be musical scores and concerts. He sighed. But thinking of Hisoka
suddenly gave him an idea, and he completely forgot the looming threat of
the final exams:
"I'll call him up tomorrow! Then I'll spend Sunday with him and Tsuzuki!"
That idea, and the fact that he was speaking to no one in particular, made
a grin appear on Hijiri's tired face.
He carefully laid the violin down on his study table and cheerfully changed
into his pajamas. But while putting the shirt on, he bumped into the
violin's handle accidentally, making it move slightly to the right. It
collided with another object on the desk that fell and went crashing to the
floor. He turned his head to look at what it was, and then gasped upon
realizing that it was the framed picture of him and Hisoka. He knelt down
to pick the pieces up, feeling a bit troubled. It wasn't the broken frame
that so upset him, but the fact that elders used to say that this kind of
phenomenon is a bad omen. Suddenly, he felt nervous again, and the funny
tingling sensation came back. Then slowly, his discomfort escalated into
shock and extreme terror as he remembered the last time this sort of thing
happened to him.
He also accidentally broke their family picture that night.
Right before his parents died.
"Hisoka!" Hijiri exclaimed in trepidation, as his breathing became ragged
with fright. He instinctively reached for the phone, urgently set on
calling his best friend up when suddenly, the doorbell rang.
He dashed down the stairs to open it, half hoping it was Hisoka, safe and
unharmed. But he cocked his head questioningly when he saw that it was
Tsuzuki, looking so. . . lost. Hijiri asked him to come in, but Tsuzuki
simply shook his head and stood there.
"Did. . . did Hisoka happen to drop by here?" Tsuzuki stammered, a
desperate note in his voice.
"Eh?"
This place was on the top of Tsuzuki's mental list as to where Hisoka
might've gone. But judging from the confused look on Hijiri's face, that
small light of hope flickered out.
"Tsuzuki-san, what would Hisoka be doing here at this time of the night?"
Hijiri asked slowly, pretending as best as he could not to look worried.
"In fact, what brings you here at this late hour?" he added, faking a smile
despite the pounding of his heart. He couldn't bring himself to admit that
something must've happened to his best friend. He tried his best to deny
the reality, that at this very moment. . .
Hisoka's life might actually be in danger.
"Anou. . ." Tsuzuki gulped hard, his breathing rapid. His tear-filled eyes
darted around uneasily, glancing back whichever way at the dark streets.
His right hand snaked up to clutch at his hair in defeated frustration.
This did absolutely nothing to placate Hijiri's rising panic. He tried to
keep calm. There was no use being in near-hysteria at the moment.
Especially when even someone as strong as Tsuzuki was acting this strange
and. . . and. . . helpless.
"Sensei. . . daijoubou desu ka? What happened? Is there something that
happened to Hisoka? Is there. . . " he paused to take a shuddering calming
breath and continued. "Is there something wrong?"
At this, Tsuzuki fell on his knees and totally broke down. His tears freely
fell and he sobbed uncontrollably as he jabbered incomprehensively about
the situation at hand:
"I. . . I. . . hurt him. . . I. . . kept the truth. . . I've betrayed him.
. . and now he's gone for good. . ."
***
Hijiri shook his head, confused. He knelt down and placed his hands on
Tsuzuki's shoulders, forcing his sensei to look at him.
"Tsuzuki-san, I don't understand. What could you possibly have done to
betray Hisoka? I just can't imagine. . ." Hijiri rattled on, his eyes
questioning, bewildered. A confused and obviously forced smile was on his
lips.
Tsuzuki bit his lip as he looked up at Hijiri. His heart contracted
painfully as he realized how much he looked like Hisoka. He decided then
and there that he was not going to betray another person close to him. He
drew a long shaky breath and for once, revealed the complete utter truth:
"Hijiri. . . I. . . I. . . was sent to kill Hisoka. . . it was all a cover-
up. . . I was sent to kill him. . . I never told anyone. . . and now. . .
and now. . ." Tsuzuki gulped. He couldn't bring himself to continue. Now he
knew why he kept the truth. It was too painful. It resounded harshly in his
ears. His heart can't bear facing up to reality.
Hijiri let out a short uneasy laugh.
--'Sou ka. . . . this is a joke. . . all a joke, of course. . . '-- But
even as he repeated this to himself, he felt that this was not so. . .
Tsuzuki could not fake such distress. . .
Tsuzuki was now shaking his head absent-mindedly, head bent, staring into
space, as if Hijiri wasn't there. As if he was confessing to himself. "I've
betrayed him. . . kept the truth away all this time. . . but. . . Hijiri. .
. Hijiri. . . I never meant to hurt him. . . I will never ever hurt him. .
." Tsuzuki grasped Hijiri's sleeve desperately, as if asking for
reassurance, for someone to believe in these words. . .
But at this point Hijiri was staring at him disbelievingly. He wrenched his
arm away in disgust from Tsuzuki's clutch. He stood up abruptly and glared
down at his sensei, shaking his head slowly, the beginnings of a snarl on
his angelic face, his breath in short furious gasps.
"Kisama. . ." Hijiri started, angry tears forming in his eyes.
"Hijiri. . ." Tsuzuki pleaded.
But Hijiri had now snapped.
"KISAMA!!!" Hijiri shrieked. "YOU BASTARD!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM?!
HOW COULD YOU BETRAY HIM LIKE THIS?!!"
He glared down at Tsuzuki and felt the burning urge to hurt him. . . hurt
him as much as he must have hurt Hisoka. Hijiri let out a low animalistic
growl and kicked Tsuzuki, and as the older man doubled over from the impact
and the shock, Hijiri bent forward and punched him. Over and over and over.
. .
Hijiri's tears fell as his knuckles collided with Tsuzuki's face and body --
everywhere he can pound his fists on. "NAZE YO?!! NAZE??!!" he sobbed and
screamed, again and again as he hit Tsuzuki. He just couldn't understand
it. This was all too unreal. . .
Even if Hisoka and Tsuzuki failed to realize it, it was very obvious to
Hijiri that they were falling for each other. He knew that Hisoka, who knew
very well the pain and the risk involved in loving, was scared of this. But
Hijiri, thinking that it would be best for his best friend, decided to
support them and encouraged them toward each other. He considered it
carefully. He trusted Tsuzuki too. He decided to let go of his doubts and
proceeded with his seemingly perfect plan. And now, just when he thought he
found the person who could finally make his best friend happy, THIS had to
happen. Hijiri felt his body become tired and feeble. His blows began to
grow weaker.
"Naze. . . naze. . . .naze. . . ?" Hijiri began to sob powerlessly as he
let his hands drop to his sides. This whole mess is my fault. . . my own
goddamned fault. . ..
He didn't even look at Tsuzuki as, with both hands, he idly grabbed him by
his collar and shook him hard. Tsuzuki didn't have enough willpower to
fight back. Hijiri had every right to be angry. He deserved whatever pain
the boy could lash out his way.
"I gave his heart to you. . ." Hijiri hissed spitefully, resentfully into
Tsuzuki's face. "I loved him more than anyone in my life. . . you. . . you.
. . worthless. . . two-faced. . . traitor. . ." his voice trailed off as he
slumped back, worn-out and defeated. He finally loosened his hold on
Tsuzuki as he pushed him away hatefully.
Tsuzuki couldn't find the words to answer to that. Even more so he couldn't
find the heart to face Hijiri, who made sure that he could be together with
Hisoka, only to realize that what he did was all a mistake. He too slumped
back, beaten and crushed.
Then he felt the sudden pang in his chest, at exactly the spot where the
silver cross with Hisoka's engraved name hung. Tsuzuki's head snapped right
up. Something told him that he had to find Hisoka immediately. It was the
same disquieting feeling he had the night of the concert when Hisoka
collapsed.
"Hisoka," he called out into the air anxiously. His senses were
instantaneously alert.
Hijiri likewise looked up. "Nani yo. . .?" he asked, his eyes narrowed
warily at Tsuzuki.
But Tsuzuki felt he had no time to lose. He hurriedly stood up and ran as
fast as he could to where Hisoka was calling him.
To where his heart was leading to Hisoka's.
~)-0-(~
"You. . ."
Hisoka clutched his suddenly throbbing head at the sight of this malevolent
stranger whose eerie familiarity he couldn't place. He felt extremely
frightened of this man, although he himself, didn't know why. Hisoka knew
they've met before. But when? Where?
--'And why am I so afraid of him?'--
The man moved closer, but Hisoka backed away instinctively. He really
couldn't understand. Why? Why did he suddenly feel so cold? He was sure it
was not because of the cool night air. Iie. The cold that he felt came from
inside - a chill that made his blood freeze. He felt terrified, for some
reason. He wanted to deny this, to shake the feeling off as some paranoid
silliness, but he couldn't stop feeling that the stranger meant him
imminent harm. He kept on backing up until he hit something behind him. He
looked back momentarily. A sakura tree. It was only then that he realized
that he was at the park.
--'And this tree. . .'--
This was where he slept that day when he first met Tsuzuki.
--'Tsuzuki . . . '--
--'Why am I suddenly thinking of you now? '--
--'Why is my heart calling out your name, even after what you did?'--
Hisoka gulped hard. No. He couldn't rely on Tsuzuki anymore. Couldn't rely
on anyone anymore. He was alone, as he was always meant to be. He winced in
painful resignation at that, and blinked back the fresh round of tears that
sprung to his eyes.
Hisoka shook his head, clearing his thoughts.
--'What am I doing? I should be protecting myself from this
stranger.instead of wallowing in self-pity. . . '--
The man came nearer, and the smaller the distance between them became, the
worse Hisoka's apprehension got. He could feel himself start trembling with
that inexplicable fear. Just then the moonlight shone through the sakura
petals, and revealed the silver hair, the silver eyes, and the all-white
clothing of the seemingly heavenly figure before him.
Then Hisoka's eyes widened with pure terror as the sudden recognition hit
him.
Silver hair. . .
Silver eyes. . .
All-white clothing drenched with blood. . .
Mother's blood. . .
Images came and flashed in his mind as he recalled his nightmares, which
became more vivid with every step closer the stranger took.
"S . . .STAY BACK!! Don't come near me!!" Hisoka tried to muster his
killing glare to no avail. Inside, he was falling apart, and he knew that
it manifested clearly on his face.
He felt helpless. He felt weak.
He was caught and there was no escape.
--'Tsuzuki. . .'-- he thought, closing his eyes, trying to block out what
was happening. . .
"How have you been? My doll." Muraki reached out and mockingly caressed
Hisoka's ivory cheek. Muraki stopped as he felt the tears on his malevolent
fingers.
"What's this? You've been crying?"
His hand moved down to the boy's jaw, and with the use of his thumb and
index finger, he tilted Hisoka's chin up and forced the boy to meet his
silver gaze. Hisoka abruptly looked away. Muraki slowly slid his hand down
Hisoka's neck, to his shoulders, and down to his arms. His malicious eyes
glinted as they followed the path his fingers took. Finally, he stopped his
languid stroke and held Hisoka's hand. He took it up to his lips and gently
kissed it.
"Don't worry. I won't allow anyone to make you cry anymore. . . and you
know why?" He chuckled as he said this, and Hisoka felt panic seize his
heart.
The man leaned forward, binging his lips nearer to Hisoka's ear. "Because
I'm the only one who should have the privilege to do that."
An evil glint shone in the stranger's eyes as he flayed Hisoka with his
wicked gaze. His tongue darted out to lick the side of the boy's face.
Hisoka silently gasped. Muraki took it as an opportunity to claim Hisoka's
lips, kissing it roughly, biting until it bled, and forcefully pushing his
tongue in.
Then he pulled out a silver dagger. Its hilt was encrusted with a small
ruby, which soon matched the color of blood dripping down the blade.
Hisoka felt pain. . .so much that he could no longer breathe. His lips were
still locked with the other man's, though now they were already bruised and
swollen. His head was practically exploding with the sensations of sick
perverted lust that came from his tormentor. His skin burned with the curse
scars, only much, much worse than before. His head dizzy from all the pain
-- he vaguely felt a dagger point snake its way lazily all over his face
and body, etching wounds and scars as deep as those in his heart. He would
have gagged if he could, but the man's mouth was still on his, relishing
the taste of blood that now dripped from his lips. He wanted to shout, to
scream for help. But.but hadn't he already learned the hard way that this
world is a place full of betrayal? It would probably be useless to even
hope for someone to come and save him.
With that he tried to block out the pain, to deny the situation as reality.
-'This is nothing but another nightmare. . .'-- he weakly told himself,
choking back sobs, shaking as he cried, tears and blood mingling on his
face. . .
--'Tsuzuki. . .'--
Hisoka's vision then started getting blurry; both from the tears and the
exhaustion. He heard a distant yet familiar voice calling his name, and as
his eyes rolled back, he distinctly made out the blood-red moon in the sky,
before everything slowly faded out and went to black.
~)-0-(~
At the Kurosaki estate, Nagare was restlessly pacing back and forth. His
son heard the conversation, and "hurt" would be the least he would be
feeling right now. Hisoka now knew the truth that his very own father
wanted to have him assassinated. But will he ever understand why? Nagare
pondered desperately. And now that his son is gone, will he ever have the
chance to explain? He had always taken great lengths to hide how much he
cared for Hisoka. How much he truly loved him -- despite the fact that he
knew this pretense hurt Hisoka deeply.
--'I've hurt him so much. . . do I even have the right to be concerned?'--
He sighed in defeat and frustration as he looked out the window.
Then froze as the full impact of what he was seeing hit him.
The moon . . . it was red as blood.
It looked just like it did three years ago . . . when his wife died.
And his son too, was on the verge of death.
Chapter 8