by Empath no Tenshi
Chapter 12
The room was filled with uneasy quietness while the silver moon hung high above the midnight sky, its rays filtering through the thin curtains draped over the open window. A gentle breeze was the only ventilation and it provided little to no comfort against the warm atmosphere. And it didn�t help either that there was a high level of tension coming from the person the young empath could feel very close to him.
He needed rest but how could he, given these conditions? And apart from the discomfort his surroundings grudgingly provided, he could also feel the burning pain his body still suffered from. He knew that his wounds have not healed completely. That�s if they were healing at all.
He pried open one eye, then the other, but felt it useless to do so because his sight seemed to be covered by a thick fog. He tried to blink it away but nothing happened. Until finally, he felt a thumb brush away what was blocking his sight. A warm liquid fell out of the corner of his eye.
Tears.
He had no idea he had been crying. He didn�t even know he was still alive. The last thing he remembered was being inside that dark tunnel with his mother. Then there was a voice. And before he knew it, he already blacked out.
So now why was he still here? He didn�t even want to be here anymore. He wanted to be with his mother. He wanted to die.
Looking up at the person who leaned over him, Hisoka then remembered. It was him. He heard his voice and felt his presence before he was again separated from his mother. He took him away from that dark and quiet place where he could�ve been enjoying the tranquility of eternal rest by now. He took him away from his mother� his only solace.
And now he�s back here, in this world that taught him nothing but pain and betrayal.
It�s this man�s fault.
It�s all his fault.
Tsuzuki� the very person who once promised him that he would never be betrayed, but ironically was also the one who broke that promise. He told him that he would never be alone anymore, but gave him nothing but false hope.
He looked up and met Tsuzuki�s gaze, eyes devoid of any emotion. �How could you�?� Hisoka finally spoke. His voice was so soft and weak but for Tsuzuki, the impact was stronger than a rough punch on the face.
�Hisoka, give me a chance to-"
But before he could speak further, Hisoka�s sneer silenced him.
�Chance? I already did, didn�t I? But� what did you do? Hm?� Hisoka voiced out between ragged breaths, exhaustion audible in his voice.
Tsuzuki�s eyes shuddered with mixed feelings of guilt and regret. But he tried to compose himself and looked Hisoka straight in the eye.
�Could you just� just listen to me first? Please�?� He started, not daring to break their eye contact even though Hisoka�s cold glare made his chest constrict. �Hisoka, I was just as much of a victim of circumstances as you are. Believe me, I never wanted to kill you.� He desperately tried to explain, forgetting to breathe. When he got out of breath he paused and took in air then continued. �Okay, so I accepted the job, but the from the first moment I saw you, I knew� I could never do it.�
He hesitantly moved to touch Hisoka�s hand, but thought better of it. He clenched his fists above his lap. �I want to make you happy� not to hurt you.� Tsuzuki admitted.
Hisoka merely continued to look at him impassively. �If you wanted me to be happy, why didn�t you let me die?�
�Death� is but an escape. There are other ways that you can find your happiness, Hisoka.�
This time, Tsuzuki did not hesitate. He moved his hand, not to touch Hisoka�s, but to caress his cheek instead. �Please give me another chance to show you how I feel� how I always felt�
However, the moment their skin touched, Hisoka looked away.
�Stop it, Tsuzuki. I�m tired of your promises� of your lies. Don�t tell me you felt something for me if you never did in the first place. I already told you before. I once closed my heart, and I won�t think twice about doing it again.�
Every word stabbed through Tsuzuki�s chest, for he felt so guilty as though he was the one who had done this to Hisoka. But somehow, that seemed right. It was his carelessness that led everything to this.
�I� I�ve had enough already.� Hisoka finished with a tired sigh.
Tsuzuki continued to look at him sadly, but it wasn�t because of pity. He just felt that it would be too much of a waste if someone like Hisoka would already lock his heart.
Someone so young�
Someone so beautiful�
It was just not right.
�You really don�t believe me then�?� So he took Hisoka�s hand and placed them right above his heart.
�You once said that emotions could never lie. So here� feel me. See for yourself if my heart doesn�t feel what I keep telling you it always did.�
Hisoka�s first reaction was to flinch, afraid that Tsuzuki�s emotions would hurt him just like how others� did all the time.
But it didn�t happen.
He wasn�t hurt. He wasn�t overwhelmed by a sudden intrusion as what he expected to feel. Instead, Tsuzuki�s emotions came through so smoothly he almost didn�t feel them at all. It felt so warm. Not that kind of warmth that burned, but more like the comfort of a fireplace after being left outside for hours on the coldest of winter nights.
He felt his psyche slowly being filled by Tsuzuki�s then he found it.
There.
There it was. The familiar feeling he felt coming from Tsuzuki when he fell asleep in his lap right after they had first met. Then he felt it stronger during the fire. And as time went by, as they spent more time with each other, it became deeper.
But it wasn�t only growing within Tsuzuki.
At first, Hisoka thought that he only felt the same because Tsuzuki�s feelings were so strong and that he was probably just captivated by them. It was his first time to experience that sensation anyway, so it could�ve been nothing more than just curiosity and fascination. His empathy merely absorbed what Tsuzuki felt, and that was all.
However, he realized later on that it was exactly how he felt too. At moments when he was all alone in his room- when he woke up in the morning and before he slept at night- he always pictured in his mind that cheerful smile.
Hisoka�s eyes softened and finally really looked into Tsuzuki�s. He clutched Tsuzuki�s hand as if too afraid to let go.
�I� I thought��
Whatever Hisoka wanted to say didn�t need words and was clearly understood. Tsuzuki carefully wrapped an arm around his shoulder, then the other under his knees, and lifted him up. He sat down and cradled him in his lap as the younger one silently cried. He poured out everything with his tears. All the emotions that welled up in him were so confusing that he didn�t know anymore what he felt nor should feel. He just wanted to let them all out.
Minutes passed and not a single word was exchanged between them. The only sounds that disrupted the complete silence in the room were Hisoka�s soft sobs.
�Tsuzuki��
�Hm?�
�Never leave me� please�?�
Hisoka�s voice was soft with tiredness, but Tsuzuki heard the note of desperation it held.
�Never.�
And he held him tighter, but was careful enough to avoid Hisoka�s injuries.
�Even if you push me away.�
He felt Hisoka�s body go limp. He looked down and saw that the boy had fallen into another exhausted, yet peaceful sleep. He laid him down on the bed and pulled the blanket over the sleeping figure, careful enough not to wake him. Then he sat on the chair beside the bed, as he did earlier when he was apprehensively waiting for Hisoka to open his eyes.
When Hisoka was still in a comma, he remembered Watari asking him why he didn�t kill the youth. For someone to actually beg for his death, Watari could tell that �bon� had been through so much. In fact, too much.
But Tsuzuki answered straight away that he didn�t want that. He wished something different for Hisoka. He wouldn�t let go of him� not that way.
Yes� he would never let go� he promised as he held Hisoka�s hand.
Then he, too, fell asleep. A peaceful sleep that he never had ever since Hisoka was taken away.
~)-0-(~
Hisoka woke up to the bright rays of morning sunlight. When he opened his eyes, Tsuzuki was looking down at him and his eyes gleamed with unrivaled affection. Tsuzuki brushed the loose strands that covered Hisoka�s eyes and tucked them behind his ear.
�Did you have a good sleep?� He asked in a gentle whisper.
Hisoka nodded.
Tsuzuki took one of Hisoka�s hands and brushed his thumb over it affectionately.
�There�s someone who wants to see you.�
Before the young boy could ask, Tsuzuki rose from his seat and walked towards the door.
�He�s awake. You can come in now.� Tsuzuki called with a faint smile.
Hisoka barely had the chance to look at who it was, when the figure that just entered suddenly dashed towards him and flung his arms around him. But he didn�t have to stare to recognize who he was. The familiar emotions that engulfed him the moment they touched was enough for him to know who this person was even with eyes closed.
�You�re not fair� I hate you�� the identical boy whispered, but hugged him tighter affectionately.
Hisoka returned the embrace but couldn�t find the right words to say. How could he possibly explain to his best friend that he forgot� yes, there was no excuse� he positively forgot about him. All his life he had suffered betrayal from everyone around him, but there was also Hijiri, who never left his side. He was always there, ready to lend a shoulder to cry on and replace his tears with a smile. He wasn�t just a friend, but more than what he hoped a real brother would be. A brother whose bond with him ran deeper than blood.
�I hate you�� He sobbed, clutching Hisoka�s shirt. Then he loosened his hold and lay his hand on Hisoka�s shoulder. �What were you thinking? Why did you run off just like that? Why didn�t you come to see me?� Hijiri suddenly realized that he had been talking nonstop. �Sorry� I rant too much� How are you feeling?�
Hisoka avoided Hijiri�s eyes. He didn�t have the courage to face him.
�Hisoka?� Hijiri looked at Hisoka inquisitively, then he noticed that tears began to well up in his eyes.
�Hijiri, I�� He wanted to say sorry but asked himself if that would even be enough.
But before he could even start to explain, Hijiri simply smiled at him and embraced him again.
�Don�t cry� I understand� There must�ve been a reason�� That was Hijiri, always the understanding one. �But next time� please� please come to me when you need someone. You know I�m ready to listen� to help. Always. Okay?�
Hisoka could only nod. He was sobbing too much to speak.
~)-0-(~
The rest of the day quietly passed. Hisoka spent most of the time sleeping and while he did, Tsuzuki and Hijiri had the chance to talk as well. Tsuzuki apologized to Hijiri but the latter dismissed it, saying it was also not right that he just burst out on his teacher like that. However, Hijiri warned Tsuzuki never to hurt Hisoka like that again or else he�ll never forgive him.
Later that afternoon, the weather was so nice and the sunset was lovely that Hisoka insisted on going out. Besides, being stuck in bed reminded him of when he was still held captive by Muraki. After a few minutes of arguing Tsuzuki was forced to agree. But he only consented under one condition, that he won�t let Hisoka walk yet because his wounds haven�t completely recovered. He�d be more than willing to carry him around instead. So, Hisoka had no choice but to agree, and though he did very reluctantly, Hijiri inwardly smiled upon seeing the two looking absolutely sweet together.
They all sat there together in silence. Hijiri left as their surroundings became darker to get a change of clothes for Hisoka but promised he�ll be back later in the evening. Besides, he wanted to take a shower too. But what he didn�t say was that he also wanted to give the two more privacy.
Without any need for words to be said, Tsuzuki simply kept Hisoka close to him as they watched the stars one by one begin to appear. Hisoka felt sleepiness slowly taking over him, so he shifted to a more comfortable position, leaning his head on Tsuzuki�s shoulder.
�Tired�? Do you want to go back now inside now?� Tsuzuki softly asked, a gentle smile lingering on his face.
Hisoka nodded and huddled closer.
The simple gesture almost made Tsuzuki melt that it took a few moments for him to realize Hisoka suddenly stiffened. �Hisoka? What�s wrong?�
�hurts� It hurts�� Hisoka�s hand slowly rose up and hugged his shivering form.
Then for the first time, Tsuzuki saw his curse marks flare into life before a deep voice spoke near him.
�I believe you have something that belongs to me.�
~)-0-(~
Chapter 13