by Empath no Tenshi
“Secret” of My Heart
Author's Note: Um, I was told that there is a song with this title. . . This has nothing to do with it though. ^_^! >
The alarm clock made loud beeping sounds and the glowing red numbers show that it’s already 7:45 in the morning. Fingers reached out and pressed the button to silence the noisy thing, as the person who had just woken up mumbled something.
“Just five more minutes.” And he dozed off again.
It was only after thirty more minutes before he sat up and looked around him groggily. (And mind you, with that sleepy look on his face, he looks really. . . stupid ^_^!) He snapped into full consciousness upon seeing the time on his alarm clock. He was, at least, one hour and fifteen minutes late for work.
“Eh!!!!!? So-- so-- sonna!!! I’m gonna be in VERY big trouble!”
Apparently, he just remembered that LATE + TATSUMI + HISOKA equals. . . NOT GOOD. So he scrambled out of bed and dashed into his shower. He hastily combed his brunette locks and put on his usual black coat. After rushing his morning rituals, he got ready to get out of his messy bedroom and eat breakfast before he left. But, when he nervously looked again at his bedside table to check the time, his face broke into a contented smile as amethyst eyes fell on a heart-shaped glass (1) right beside his alarm clock. Even if Tatsumi scolded him today, even if Konoe screamed at him again, or even if his partner meets his ‘good-morning-with-a-smile’ greeting with a scowl. . . he was sure that absolutely nothing could ruin his day.
~)-0-(~
Tsuzuki walked blissfully towards EnMaCho. Of course, the very first thing that met him was Tatsumi’s wrath. However, he faced the secretary’s scolding with a cheerful smile, which Tatsumi misinterpreted as:
‘Really, nothing seems to really sink into this guy.’
He just gave up and sighed warily, then walked back inside the office. Tsuzuki, on the other hand, continued to smile brightly, oblivious to everything around him.
~)-0-(~
Tsuzuki walked into the office that he and Hisoka shared, and upon seeing his younger partner, his face broke into an even brighter smile.
“Ohayou! Hisoka.” he greeted cheerfully, then bounced over to his desk.
“Ohayou.” Hisoka merely muttered, without even so much as a glance, and continued with his paperwork.
Tsuzuki was just about to start on his, but when his eyes diverted to his partner’s desk, he got lost in his own world again, where there was only him and the person he stared at. That soft, light blonde hair. . . that fair complexion. . . and the very first thing that attracted him- those beautiful and expressive eyes that used to be so cold, but now, have warmth in them. How he'd imagined this cute boy to, even just once, grace his features with a smile.
‘Kirei. . . Hontou ni kirei. . .’ (Beautiful. . . he’s really so beautiful. . .)
His partner’s pen was steadily moving, but it suddenly came to a halt. Then he noticed a shade of rosy pink that tinged his soft porcelain cheeks.
“Kawai~!!! *heart* You’re really very cute when you’re blushing!” Tsuzuki exclaimed childishly.
“U-- urusei!!! Why don’t you start working! You’re already LATE for crying out loud!” Hisoka retorted, but his blush obviously deepened.
~)-0-(~
The shinigami pair went out to the cafeteria to eat some snacks, but just as Tsuzuki was about to dig into his pile of donuts, Watari bounded over to their table.
“Oya! Tsuzuki! Bon!” Watari greeted cheerfully.
“Watari! What brings you here?” Tsuzuki replied gladly.
“Here.” Watari handed a ticket to each of the two.
“Nani yo kore?” (What’s this?) Hisoka asked, with that adorable curious expression again.
“Those are tickets for the traveling amusement park. I was planning to go there myself, but, I’m really busy at the lab right now, so I figured, I’ll just give it to you two. Today’s the last day, and since you two are free, you might as well go.” Watari explained.
“Wa--------i! *heart* Amusement Park!!!! *heart* Sankyuu! Watari!” Tsuzuki exclaimed happily.
“Well, I gotta go. ‘Hope you two have a great time!”
And he walked out the cafeteria.
‘Matte, if he was planning to go. . . Why two tickets???’ Tsuzuki wondered.
He abruptly stood up and followed after Watari, leaving a clueless Hisoka behind at the cafeteria.
“Watari! Matte. . . how come you have two tickets?” Tsuzuki asked the blond scientist.
“Yare yare. . . I guess you saw through me again, Tsuzuki-san. You should take bon out sometimes. He’s still very young you know, and things like this are good for him. I think you two ought to spend some time together, to relax for a bit.*wink*”
“Sankyuu, Watari.” Tsuzuki smiled gratefully.
~)-0-(~
They lined up at the entrance of the traveling carnival. Since it was the last day, every female guest was given a treat. Hisoka was given a stuffed clown upon entering. Obviously, he was apparently mistaken for a girl. Who wouldn’t? Apart from the fact that he was with a very handsome brunette, his cheeks were also tinged with a pinkish glow due to the cold weather. The shade deepened as he gently pushed back the doll being given to him.
“I’m. . . not a girl.” He shyly muttered.
“Eh!? Oh s-- sorry.” The guy at the gate muttered, but handed it to Hisoka anyway. “But it’s okay, you can keep it, because you’re cute.” The guy added with a playful wink.
“B-- b-- baka!”
Tsuzuki just chuckled at that. It’s true, nobody would pass by Hisoka without noticing his cuteness. He was just too adorable to ignore. And for someone like Tsuzuki who knows him very well, Hisoka was way beyond that. He was beautiful, yet delicate. . . much like his heart that’s fragile as glass.
~)-0-(~
They took a little stroll along the place. They played at the shooting gallery, where they stayed for almost an hour, because Tsuzuki wouldn’t give up until he got a hit. Hisoka was then forced to teach him.
“You have to concentrate at the center of the target and wait for it to look bigger, when it is big enough for you, then that’s the time you aim.”
He tried a few times more and still missed. Hisoka sighed exasperatedly and stepped behind Tsuzuki to hold his arms into the right position, to make sure he’s doing it correctly. He had to tiptoe and see if Tsuzuki was doing as he was told. When he felt that Tsuzuki was ready, he gave the instructions to him.
“Okay, relax. . . steady. . . and now. . . shoot!”
Then Tsuzuki pulled the trigger. He hit the dead center of the target.
“Yatta!!!!!” Tsuzuki exclaimed excitedly.
He got his prize. It was a big bag of sweets good enough to last for a whole week, which, in Tsuzuki’s case, would only last for a few hours. ^_^!
Then again, more than his prize, what made Tsuzuki happier was the feel of Hisoka’s arms on his, and the fact that a few moments ago they were so close physically, that he could even feel his younger partner’s heartbeat.
~)-0-(~
After the shooting gallery, they tried out some of the rides. They got into the merry-go-round, the mini train that traveled the entire perimeter of the park. At the mirror room, Hisoka had to look for Tsuzuki who got lost. He took the whimpering little puppy by the hand and led him out. He bought a cotton candy to cheer him up.
“Sankyuu! Hisoka.” and he glomped the youth.
“You’ll never change.” Hisoka sighed.
But inside, he mused that he’d rather have this Tsuzuki who he’s comfortable with, than that one in Kyoto who totally lost his will to live.
~)-0-(~
They got into some more rides, and Tsuzuki liked the bumper cars most. He didn’t want to stop until Hisoka’s eyes went swirling around. They rested for a bit, and after that went to line up for the main attraction.
“Oh no Tsuzuki, I am NOT going to ride that.”
“But Hisoka~! It’s fun~!!”
Tsuzuki was practically pulling Hisoka, persuading him to ride the most dreaded one of all- the roller coaster.
“Hanase! Tsuzuki!” (Tsuzuki! Let go!)
But Hisoka’s struggle was in vain.
“Demo~! Look! It’s exciting, isn’t it? You have to experience it at least once in your life and--" Tsuzuki desperately tried to sway him, but Hisoka cut in.
“And what!? Risk getting thrown off!? NO WAY!”
Hisoka frantically tried to free his arm from Tsuzuki’s strong grasp.
“But. . . but. . . but. . .” Tsuzuki looked around to find any excuse to make his partner ride with him. “LOOK! There’s a very long line behind us already. You can’t turn back now. There’s no way out.”
Hisoka paused and thought about it for a while. True enough, when he looked back, there were already too many people behind them to pass through. Trapped in his dreadful fate, Hisoka resignedly sighed.
“ ‘Taku! If you hadn’t dragged me in the first place--"
But their argument was cut short as they felt movement from behind which only meant one thing- the gate was opened and the new batch of riders were moving in to get into their respective carts. . . which, by the way, included our beloved couple.
Hisoka reluctantly got into the cart with his partner. He made sure that the belt tightly secured his small waist and the safety handle over his shoulders had nothing wrong with it. Tsuzuki noticed his partner was more than just a little bit nervous, so he held the latter’s smaller hand. His action was met with a very deadly glare from beautiful emerald eyes.
“If I die a second time. . . I’ll make sure you die with me.” Hisoka hissed threateningly.
Tsuzuki flinched at the death threat, but all the same kept his hand on Hisoka’s, which was good, because the moment the carts started to gather speed, Hisoka held on to his partner’s hand tightly.
The carts teasingly slowed down as it went upwards, and as soon as it reached it’s peak some of the riders began to scream. The volume of the voices increased as it went downwards with the speed of a bullet.
Hisoka kept his eyes shut the entire time, as the roller coaster went up, down, up, down, and way upside down. The speed also changed from fast, slow, fast, fairly slow, then very fast. By the time the carts really slowed down and went to a full stop, the passengers all had very satisfied looks on their faces.
Tsuzuki beamed widely when they got down.
“That was fun, wasn’t it?”
The next second, there was a very large lump on his head.
“Hidoi~!” Tsuzuki whined.
“FUN!? THAT scared the HELL out of me!!!” Hisoka exclaimed furiously with a fist tightly clenched.
“Oh I can see that.” Tsuzuki said naughtily with a seductive wink.
Hisoka suddenly realized that they were still holding hands even up until now. He blushed again in that very cute way of his.
“BAKA!!!”
He removed his hand from Tsuzuki’s, but held it again before it was even barely inches apart from the other.
“Tsu-- Tsuzuki. I. . .”
“Hisoka?”
“Why are there. . . so many stars. . . flying over my head?”
Hisoka’s head wobbled a bit, before he limply fell into Tsuzuki’s arms.
“Hisoka!”
~)-0-(~
Tsuzuki sat him on a nearby bench to let him rest and looked for a cold drink. He spotted a vending machine beside a weird-looking booth. As he slipped some coins and got a can of chilled milk tea, the person inside the booth spoke to him.
“Would you like your fortune to be told? I have never been wrong in any of my readings before. Would you dare to try my skills?” she said with a mystifying voice.
“Eh? A fortuneteller, are you?” Tsuzuki answered with a genki grin.
“Indeed, and I can tell you everything you wish to know.” She offered.
‘Tee-hee. I wish I could tell her that my partner himself is a fortuneteller’ Tsuzuki thought jokingly. He remembered that once, on a case in Okinawa, he used his empathic ability to do fortune telling, in order to help restore Miyagi’s inn. . . and indeed, he did a very good job. He wasn’t a fraud, for one thing.
“No thanks. I better go. My partner is waiting for me.” Tsuzuki merely flashed her another one of his perfectly masked smiles.
“Matte. I can see that you have such sad eyes. Tell me, would you like to know what can make you truly happy?”
That question caught Tsuzuki’s attention. He was startled by what she said, so he decided he might as well find out. He approached the booth and sat down across from the fortuneteller. He kept his amethyst eyes staring straight into those deep sapphire orbs as they faced each other.
“Can. . . can you tell me? If I’ll ever be happy. . .? If. . . if I even deserve to be happy. . .?” Tsuzuki asked with a sad smile.
“First, let me tell you that ALL people deserve to be happy. That’s the very essence of life you see. We were given this life so that we can live it to the fullest, and to be able to cherish those around us. So, naturally, yes, you deserve to be happy, and I am confident that you WILL be. Now the problem is. . . how?” she mischievously gave emphasis on the last part.
Tsuzuki listened closely to every word she said. The girl closed her eyes and handed her deck of tarot cards to Tsuzuki.
“Now, shuffle them and pick three cards.”
Tsuzuki did as he was told. The fortuneteller flipped the three cards to reveal the long-awaited answer to the question that has been haunting Tsuzuki all his life.
‘What is it. . .? What could possibly ever give me the happiness that I’ve been longing for. . .?’
The fortuneteller broke into a contented smile as she looked at the cards.
“You need not look any further. . . The happiness that you have been seeking, you’ve found it already. All you need to do is look inside of you. Look closer, into the secret of your heart.”
‘Secret. . . of my heart. . .?’
“Right then. That’ll be 1000 yen! Oji-san” The mysterious note in the fortuneteller’s voice disappeared and was replaced by a cheerful one.
“O-- oji-san!?” Tsuzuki exclaimed, taken aback by the sudden address to him.
Then he noticed for the first time that the hooded fortuneteller was actually a 17-year-old girl.
“Hai! And don’t give me that face. You gave me quite a tough time. So, come on! Pay up! It’s still cheap if you ask me.” The girl said, eagerly extending her hand.
Tsuzuki paid her reluctantly with waterfalls of tears.
“Doumo!”
~)-0-(~
Tsuzuki sprinted back to the bench where he left his partner.
“Sonna! He must be very angry by now. He’ll be screaming at me again, I just know it!”
‘I SHOULD have bought those ear plugs’ He jokingly added as an afterthought.
His pace slowed down as he got nearer the bench, when he saw his partner was actually asleep. He brushed the strands of hair that fell on his face, and stared at him. He loved how he looked, like a darling little angel when he was sleeping. Hoping not to wake the young boy, he lifted him up very gently and brought him home.
Upon opening the door to Hisoka’s house, Tsuzuki noticed the plants he brought before. They were in perfect condition, which meant that Hisoka had been taking good care of them.
He brought the young boy to his bedroom, and he smiled upon seeing the teddy bear that he gave last Valentine’s (2) was actually sitting on his bed.
‘He must be cuddling it at night.’
Tsuzuki mused that Watari was right. Hisoka is still very young. Sixteen years old, but his harsh life forced him to act way beyond his years. But there were also these moments that the child in him would show: like when he’s scared, crying, and even consenting affectionate touches. He’s strong, there’s no doubt about that, but so physically frail and sometimes emotionally unstable, despite the fact that he tries to hide it by being tough and independent.
He gently laid him on the bed, removed his shoes and jacket, then covered him with the blanket. He looked around Hisoka’s room. Before, it was a bit dreary, but now he spotted a few changes. The most noticeable were the different gifts displayed, which he received from his co-workers.
‘If they saw this, they’d be happy.’ Tsuzuki thought. The way that Hisoka treasured these meant that he has accepted them now as his new family.
Then Tsuzuki’s gaze lingered at the scarf that Wakaba made for Hisoka for his last birthday. She even embroidered his name on it. He stared at Hisoka’s kanji for a very long moment. His face lit up into a smile. . . a true and unmasked smile that was very rarely ever on his face.
‘Secret. . . of my heart. . .’
He gazed at his partner lovingly, as he remembered what the fortuneteller had told him. The one that would give him true happiness was here all along. . . right beside him. Why didn’t he even realize that?
Without thinking, he lied down beside his sleeping partner and cuddled him.
“Ne, Hisoka, would you be my teddy bear? Even just for tonight?”
Either Hisoka was half asleep and to some extent heard Tsuzuki, or was just totally unconscious of what he did, the blonde youth snuggled closer to his partner, as if he heard his question.
-Owari-
Author's Notes: =^w^= That’s it! So, did you like it? For those who don’t know, the kanji for Hii-chan no namae (Hisoka’s name) means ‘secret’.
(1) -> You’ll only know what this heart-shaped glass represents if you read the fic entitled ‘The Glass Heart’ which this fic is a sequel to.
(2) -> Also for this teddy bear, again, the significance is from that story.