Forevermore
by Empath no Tenshi
Author's Note: ** those that have this mark are the lyrics of the song
(the song's title is "Forevermore")
It's been a few weeks now, since we came back from our case in Kyoto.
. . Hehe (hollow laugh) you know, the one that drove me insane, and nearly
brought me to my doom. However, just when I've made up my mind that I'll
burn myself to death (with Touda's flames). . . he came. My vision was
filled with nothing but darkness, when a bright light shone within me as I
heard his voice. I told him to go away, but he didn't. Instead, he flung
his arms around me, and he let go of words I never thought I ever deserved
to hear. . . no, especially not from him.
"I need you!"
Those were just what I needed to hear to make me realize. . . I have a
reason for living. Yare yare, it's getting dark now. I'd better tell him to
come in.
I walk out from the infirmary to the grounds. He likes going out at
night, especially when a night wind is coming. One of the most adorable
things about him, is that he loves to sit in silence and listen. . . or to
give himself a break from all the "other" noises he alone hears, through
his empathy- other people's thoughts and emotions. Oh look! There he is.
Beautiful as ever. . . he's sitting down, leaning on a sakura tree, and
staring at the sky. The bright silver moon seems to be concentrated on him,
like a spotlight to the main character on a stage play. It really gives him
such an ethereal glow. And his eyes. . . there is just no word worthy
enough to describe its majesty.
He looks at me to acknowledge my presence, then looks up at the sky
again. I sit beside him, and stare at. . . him. He's more stunning than the
stars. He looks at me again and raises his eyebrows in curiosity. I love
that expression, it brings out his childlike innocence.
"You want something?" he asks me with his ever so soft voice
--'You'-- was what nearly slipped out of my tongue. "Nothing, just checking
on you." was what I said instead.
As a cold wind blew, he hugged himself and shivered. He's just wearing
a yukata after all. A deep blue one, a perfect compliment to his emerald
eyes. I took off my black trench coat, and wrapped it around him. Deciding
to be a little bolder, I pulled him into a hug. I really expected him to
pull back, surprisingly, he didn't. He tensed and stiffened at first, but
very, very slowly, he began to relax.
** There are times, when I just want to look at your face
With the stars in the night
There are times, when I just want to feel your embrace
On a cold night
I just can't believe that you are mine now**
"Do you feel better now?" he asked me nonchalantly. But then, concern
can be clearly sensed in his tone, despite how much he tries to hide it.
He's really so cute. I could imagine just how, if he'd only be open with
his emotions, gods he would've been the sweetest person there is. Or should
I say, the OBVIOUSLY sweetest. He still is (the sweetest creature), if you
just try to look through the real him, past his cold eyes and stoic
attitude of a mask..
"Ah. I feel a lot better now, especially because the one taking care
of me is VERY good." I say to him with a wink. He blushed. How he makes me
love him with everything he does. . . every little reaction, gesture, his
voice, eyes, hair, figure, innocence, my oh my, even the world as a paper
wouldn't be enough for me to list down everything I love about him.
"Baka" he replies simply. "I'll be charging you for that."
"Eh!?" I exclaim in surprise. NO way! He can't be serious. I mean I'm
sick, and isn't it his responsibility to take good care of me as his
partner? For free? He did recover a bit sooner that I did, although. . . I
know he still hasn't recovered completely. It's obvious, I know, but he
tries to hide it. So I'll just pretend that I don't know. Besides, it's
really touching, how he worries about me a lot.
"I'm just kidding! Mataku. . ." he admits, with mock annoyance. Whew!
What a relief.
He continues to stare at the starlit sky. I gaze again at his
beautiful features, when memories come back to me.
>>> "Hisoka, enough already. I'm tired. . . Nobody wants my existence in
this world anymore."
He flung his arms around me, and, despite how hard it would've been for him
to admit it, he said it.
"Then live just for me!" he said, and I felt tears flowing down his cheeks.
"Hisoka. . .?"
"I decided long ago. . . that the only place where I belong, is right here.
. . in these arms of yours. If you want to go to hell. . . then take me
with you! I just. . . I just. . . I don't want to be alone anymore." <<<
Right then I knew. . . that he has given me a very special part of him.
** You were just a dream that I once knew
I never thought I would be right for you
I just can't compare you with anything in this world
You're all I need to be with forevermore**
It's amazing really. I've watched him grow, and helped him heal
slowly. I've worked so hard to melt his frozen heart and tear down his
barrier little by little. At first, I thought I'd be satisfied with just
keeping him in my arms whenever he needs to cry, or hold him in his sleep
whenever he has nightmares, and wake him up whenever it tends to be too
much for him.
But, as time went on, as I spent more time with him and got to know
him better, and as I learned more about the real Hisoka, I realized that I
just can't resist him. My feelings grew deeper especially after what
happened that night, when he admitted that he has opened his heart to me.
When he said he needed me, I had no second thoughts. I'd live for him,
beside him, with him, forever. Everything. . . for his sake.
** All those years, I've longed to hold you in my arms
I've been dreaming of you
Every night, I've been watching all the stars that fall down
Wishing you would be mine
I just can't believe that you are mine now**
"Ne, Tsuzuki. . . I want to ask you something. . ." he says, without
looking at me. I can feel he's a bit nervous.
"Hm? What is it?" I ask him with all gentleness, so that I won't
frighten him.
"I know Tatsumi-san apologized to you already, but I. . . tell me, did
I. . . was it selfish of me? To bring you back even if. . . even if you
wanted to go?" he asked cautiously, his eyes filled with uncertainty and .
. . guilt???
"Hisoka. . . I thank you for what you did. I really do, from the
bottom of my heart." I tell him, and his expression softens. I think he's
been wanting to ask me this for quite some time now. He was just hesitant,
and was probably afraid of my answer. But he has to know, so I tell him--
"Hisoka. . . What you did, has moved me so much. You risked your life,
totally ignored the danger that Touda's flames could've killed you. You
believed in me, even if I totally lost hope in myself. And most of all. . .
you gave me a new life. . . a new reason to live." I said to him, reaching
out and touching his pale, soft cheek. (Which is now blushing again.
Sometimes I wonder how he can blush so easily. Perhaps it's because he's
not so used to affection from people around him)
That thought saddened me. I was reminded of how his parents used to
treat him. And as if that wasn't enough, Muraki had to come in his life
and. . .
I clutch my hands at the mere thought of what he has done to him. This
precious, gentle soul. . . so pure yet deeply wounded. I grit my teeth in
raging anger, when suddenly I hear his soft yet audible moan. I looked at
him and saw him clutching his head.
"Damn! Sorry, I'm so sorry, Hisoka." How stupid of me. I should've
remembered that it would be too much for him. It happens all the time
whenever I can't control my emotions, so I stroke his hair to relax him.
"Tsuzuki. . . what's bothering you?" He asked me, still panting a
little.
"No-- nothing." I replied to him, stammering. Which was a more-than-
obvious lie, of course. And he knew it.
He looks at me suspiciously, and his eyes. . . I don't know, it must
be magic. . . but one look and they make me melt. But he turns away. He's
not a very pushy type. So he just stops questioning if he feels I wouldn't
tell him something. He understands because, he himself is like that.
But then I know it hurts him. Watari told me once that "bon" (as he is
so fond of calling him) feels I don't trust him when I'm not telling him
something. So I tell him gently.
"Hisoka, I trust you, more than anyone else I've ever known. You saw a
part of me that I thought others would despise me for. . . but you didn't
turn your back on me. You saw it, accepted it, and I more than appreciate
that." I stroke his hair again.
His action took me by surprise. He leaned on me and whispered a 'thank
you'. And I hug him back.
** You were just a dream that I once knew
I never thought I would be right for you
I just can't compare you with anything in this world
You're all I need to be with forevermore**
"Hisoka. . ."
"Ah. . .?" he looks up to me. I gaze into his emerald eyes before
speaking.
"You look so beautiful tonight. Much more beautiful than you've always
been." I said to him, caressing his cheek at the same time. He looks up at
me, startled. Sure, he gets that a lot, form me and our other co-workers,
but I guess what surprised him was how I never really told him this so
passionately before.
Maybe surprised was a bit of an understatement. He sensed my burning
desire towards him, and he begins to tremble. I think I went a bit too far,
I've let down my shields and let him feel what I felt for him, and it
frightened him.
"Hisoka? What's wrong? Did I scare you?" I ask worriedly
He snuggles his head and buries it into my chest. Then, after a few
moments, he shook his head. He looks up at me and meets my eyes.
"I never felt this from anyone before. . . so I guess it, kind of,
took me by surprise. But then I felt it. . . everything you say. . .
everything you do. . . you're sincere. I'm sure, you never lie to me." He
said honestly.
Finally. I knew that he always knew about how much I cared for him,
but he never admitted it. He never wanted to accept it before. He even
wanted to push me away at first. But then, he was only scared. . . he's
been wounded too much already, and was never given a chance to heal with
everything that this cruel fate threw at him. But I'm glad, or should I say
overwhelmed with happiness, that he has finally admitted that I've been
able to help him heal. . . or at least ease his pain. It's more than I've
ever hoped for.
**Time and again, there're these changes that we cannot end
As sure as time keeps going on and on
My love for you will be forevermore**
We sat there in silence, him resting as he leans on me, and I not
tearing my gaze from him. We've both totally forgotten about the stars.
"Tsuzuki. . ." he says, merely in a whisper
"Ah. . .?" I continue to stroke his hair.
"Please. . . don't leave me alone. . ." he speaks, his voice softening
even more. I can see his eyes begin to shudder, as if holding back tears
that are eager to flow down his delicate cheeks.
"I never will. . . I promised, didn't I. . . and that promise still
holds true. . . I'll live. . . just for you. . ." I said reassuringly, and
planted a soft kiss on his forehead.
"Arigatou. . ." he whispered again, before drifting into a deep sleep.
He's very tired, apparently from taking care of me for the past few weeks.
And he's still obviously stressed out by everything that has happened.
Ever so gently, making sure I don't wake him up, I lifted him up. He's
so light that I'm sure even a man with multiple injuries would be able to
carry him. We walk back to the infirmary, and I lay him on the bed. I cover
him with the blankets, and plant another kiss on his forehead while
whispering
'Sleep well, my precious angel. . .'
Sleepiness came up to me too. I'm not sure when exactly, but the last
thing I remember was, I was sitting beside Hisoka. Uh-oh. . . someone's
going to be screaming at me again tomorrow. Calling me a pervert, or ten
kinds of baka at the least. . . ^_^!
**As endless as forever, our love will stay together
you're all I need to be with forevermore.**
-owari-