Falling Petals
by DrkDemon
AHH!! My first Yami no Matsuei fanfic. Go, me. It's based on the anime, though I reeaaalllyyy wanna read the manga. I believe it to be a sinful wrong to end it just after THIRTEEN episodes!! NOOOOO!! *ahem* There is hardly a plot to go along with this fic. It's just about Hisoka. Thinking. Pondering. Six months after the ending. *sniff* It really shouldn't have ended so quickly... Oh. The song is called "Winter in July", sung by Sarah Brightman.
Look around wonder why
We can live a life that's never satisfied
Lonely hearts, troubled minds
Looking for a way that we can never find
Hisoka stood by the blossoming trees, his back leaning against one of them as he felt a cool breeze blow against him. He felt a few of the fallen petals dance with the wind, some drifting slowly into his hand. Then, he remembered the snow. Why did it snow here, he did not know; he did not care. But... "It doesn�t make sense," he whispered softly to himself. "The flowers bloom, and they bloom all year long, even when it is raining white dust." He adjusted his sunglasses, sensing the sun shining down through the leaves and branches.
Finally, feeling slightly tired at just standing there Hisoka moved to sit down, his legs bent up slightly at the knees and his elbows rested upon them. Raking his fingers through his hair, he watched as the petals continued to fall to the ground. There was a story in each of them that fell, he knew, and he pondered on what their thoughts were, to live and die in a land unknown to the living. To fall softly and gently, riding the day and night winds and going wherever they were destined to be blown.
Many roads are ahead of us
With choices to be made
But life's just one of the games we play
There is no special way
Hisoka then grasped one small petal into his hand, and watched as it yearned to fly off, dancing in the day air. Finally, out of unthinking emotions, he parted his fingers. To be held down in a such a way, shouting for freedom and escape; he remembered that kind of fear, and would probably still have it burned inside of his mind for the rest of eternity. The Shinigami growled softly under his throat, the terror and panic returning as the memories came flooding back again.
But, there had never been a day that he would have forgotten once it was restored to his mind. After all, he had spent years obsessing over the fact of who it was that killed him, and now, gaining it all back, the emotions and angered feelings came rushing back as well. The snow had soaked through his jeans a long time ago, yet he sat there anyway, uncaring for the time being.
Make the best of what's given you
Everything will come in time
Why deny yourself
Don't just let life pass you by
Like winter in July
Hisoka was actually grateful for the silence. It had never mattered to him before when he was alive, for he was locked away, down in the darkest and murkiest cells. His parents shunned him, and--after the crying and the bleak times--he had learned to welcome such a coldness and cruelty. But now, when he first became exposed to so many human emotions and minds, it confused him, before he gradually got used to the difficult concentration of just staying stable.
Hearing their thoughts, feeling their sadness or happiness, touching their items; he had gotten used to it. But sometimes, the stronger the feeling, the more he feels himself gaining a sharp pain in his mind. One was supposed to keep track of only one�s mind, not trying to contain a second, or third, or an entire crowd�s. Hisoka hated that overwhelming feeling, for it confused him, and sometimes, he found himself pondering on a lot of these emotions that he never experienced when he was alive. And if he had, it was not for long.
Future dreams can never last
When you find yourself still living in the past
Keep moving on to higher ground
Looking for the way you thought could not be found
Taking the sunglasses off, Hisoka winced temporarily at the brightness of the snow, yet he quickly adjusted to the circumstances. He raked his crispy, deep--yet still pretty light--colored hair, feeling tiny drops of liquid on them.
He was cold.
Wrapping his arms around himself, Hisoka tilted his head back as he took in a shuddering breath-
Purple eyes.
Hisoka�s eyes widened at this surprising turn and road that his thoughts were moving at. He cursed silently to himself, his partner now fully inside of his head. Not literally. No, that was this blond shinigami�s profession.
Well, it was a matter of time before his mind moved into such a direction, actually. After all, he still remembered that incident about six months ago--just six months ago? It seems so much longer that that. It seemed to be years, maybe even centuries ago. But it was only months, and he could taste that sense of remorse run from his partner�s body to his own, of incapability to accept the fact that he was different.
He was human, this Hisoka was sure of. Maybe he encountered some evil spell when he was but a babe, but Tsuzuki was as human as any other living man on Earth was. But the Shinigami can still recall his associate�s actions when he was finally faced with the truth of his denial. He remembered how much Tsuzuki drank. How much he cried. Freaked. Going into an insane frenzy to rid the world of him when he thought he did not belong there.
Baka, Hisoka wanted to state in a sharp tone. But instead, when Tsuzuki asked him if he were human or not, he whispered in a soft voice, saying yes. The older man kept asking, and he kept replying with the same three letter word.
Then, there was that night, when Hisoka almost lost him; he never had such a pleading outburst before. Wait. Maybe. But he couldn�t remember. He could remember anger, annoyance, and so forth. But never one of such a begging fear, fear of losing something which he did not wish to let go of. Fear of losing something... something that he--for once--believed belong to him. And that plead caused the tears and the pain, and his begging voice for his partner to stay with him.
Just half a year ago.
Hisoka sighed tiredly. No cases yet, so he was relaxing. But, for some reason, this relaxation and these sudden thoughts were giving him a burdensome sense instead. His legs felt frostbitten, his face cold and his behind wet. But this was good enough, anyway. Staring, mesmerized at the continuingly falling petals, Hisoka pondered that if maybe...
"You think too much," a clear voice cut in, slashing into his train of thought.
His head never moving, the blonde�s eyes glanced up as his gaze was able to catch a large, black coat. "Tsuzuki," he acknowledged.
We may not know the reason why
We're born into this world/
Where a man only lives to die
His story left untold
"Isn�t your ass freezing?" the older man wondered aloud as he crouched down. He was--no surprise to Hisoka--eating, the curious feelings ebbing out easily into his head. There, in his left hand, was a bowl of udon as he held a pair of chopsticks in his right. Slurping some noodles, he smiled, then continued after he swallowed. "But seriously, Hisoka; you think toooo much. You just watch. Your brain will explode at the pressure of so many things going on inside of your head."
"It wouldn�t really matter that much to me," Hisoka muttered, finally look up through his unruly strands that hung in front of his face. "Now go away."
"Ah... You better come with, Hisoka," Tsuzuki suggested happily, tugging at his partner�s loose jacket sleeve, the chopsticks still in his grasp. But worry. Worry was there. "You are cold, and a sick partner is not a very helpful partner at all..."
"Soo desu ka?" Hisoka considered, tilting his head to one side as if thinking deeply upon those words. Finally, he pushed Tsuzuki away sharply, shouting, "Then get another partner!!"
Whimpering, the purple-eyed Shinigami turned puppy-like form when he dropped his udon onto the snow-filled ground. "My food!!!" he cried sadly. "Ooohh... my poor, poor food... May you make it to the afterlife with safe and care..."
Snorting, Hisoka rolled his eyes. "So go back in and get some more, baka," he replied, though Tsuzuki probably was not listening anyway. But when his eyes met back with his partner�s gaze, Hisoka almost leaped back in shock to see the man was right in front of his face. "H-hey!"
"You... dropped my food..." Tsuzuki murmured in a dangerously low voice, his eyes narrowed in anger. "Hiisssooookkaaaa..."
"Stop that!!" the blonde said in a loud voice, pushing him away. He sensed more emotions from the tall man, but ignored them. "My God!! It is only udon! Not like you don�t get enough to eat anyway!!"
"You dropped my food," Tsuzuki repeated. "And you are cold. So." He then got up, dusting himself off as he smiled down with a hand out, offering to help the younger boy up. "You will change, and then you will take me down to Earth to buy something for me to eat!! Yes, that is a good idea!!! I�m so smart!!"
Hisoka slapped the hand away. Yet as he did, he sneezed. "Ah... ah-choo!!" He covered his mouth, and suddenly felt a slight headache started to enter. Aw, crap... he cursed to himself silently.
Make the best of what's given you
Everything will come in time
Why deny yourself
Don't just let life pass you by
Like winter in July
"See?! Who�s the baka now?" Tsuzuki cried worriedly, bending down to place a hand on Hisoka�s forehead. Strong feelings of concern flooded the Shinigami, so he had to edged away as quickly as he could. "Come! Get up and go inside!! We might be immortal and heal easily, but you should not push yourself!! Oh... and Tatsumi was just about to tell us what our new case was going to be, too..." He changed back to the image of a crying puppy. "You better be well by tonight, Hisoka! Shinigami must travel in pairs, remember?"
Staring with beady eyes at his partner, he watched as Hisoka started to move. When the blond boy got up and started to walk, Tsuzuki smiled gleefully, any sense of sadness gone from his eyes. "Ah, Hisoka!! You will go, then?!"
He picked up the ruined food, gathering it all into the dropped bowl, ignoring how his jeans might have looked now that he stood up. Then, rubbing two fingers to his temple, Hisoka repeated, "Get another partner!!"
Tsuzuki was floored to the ground with those words. "A... Hisoka is so mean..." he whined dimly to himself.
Hisoka shook his head in annoyance. "Geez," the younger Shinigami muttered. "It�s not as if there aren�t any other partners out there. Tatsumi would gladly go along with him-"
Suddenly, he found himself pushed against a wall, the spoiled contents dropping out of his grasp as his green eyes had been forced to meet with purple ones. A strong arm pinned his shoulder against the tree, and Hisoka was strangely aware of the petals falling once more, melding in along with the snow. But the emotions rushed into his mind once more, and he could not let them disappear from his thoughts anymore. The other hand was placed by the bark next to Hisoka�s face.
It confused his mind, and Hisoka did not know if he wanted answers to this sudden and quick change of atmosphere. He could not back up anymore, so he stood there, wanting to move his gaze away from the violet eyes, yet could not.
And we may not know the reason why
We're born into this world
Where a man only lives to die
His story left untold
"You will not leave me," Tsuzuki whispered, tilting his head closer as he tore his gaze away to utter those words into the boy�s ear, all humorous expression having unexpectedly disappeared from his face.
"But..." Hisoka took in a shuddering breath.
"You said I could stay with you, and that is why I am still here, Hisoka... I asked, you promised, you nodded your head, and you gave consent."
Already, he could feel his face heat up with embarrassment. "That was almost over half a year ago. You still-"
"You promised me, Hi-chan..." Tsuzuki murmured, brushing his lips against the nape of the blonde�s throat. The sensations electrified and overwhelmed him as it took him all of his strength to just stand upright. "I said to myself that I am not letting you out of my grasp from that point on."
Hisoka closed his eyes as he backed up as much as he could away from the Shinigami�s touches. "This isn�t fair," he groaned. "You are purposely letting me see into your-"
"As you should," Tsuzuki smirked, stroking his cheek softly and slowly. "And who said that I played fair in the first place? Watari? Biiggg fat liar."
"But-!!" Hisoka started when his partner suddenly bent down and captured his mouth. Stunned, he let Tsuzuki wrap his arms around his waist, just holding him there. But even so, the purple-eyed man parted his lips, and started to explore the inner parts of his mouth.
The phrase ai-shiteru was heard so loudly in Hisoka�s mind that it almost ached. "I love you..." he suddenly heard the guy whisper. Hisoka did not even remember feeling him take his lips off. At that time, Tsuzuki took his caressing grip off of the blonde, gave a sharp turn, and then moved off to give him a chance to breath.
Make the best of what's given you
Everything will come in time
Why deny yourself
Don't just let life pass you by
It wasn�t working.
Hisoka kept trying to take in a gulp of air, but found it jagged and uneven. He did not know whether to finally take this separation from Tsuzuki�s mind as a good think or a bad one. "You... you..." Hisoka whispered, his hands clenching into fists, shaking violently.
"You idiot!!!" And before he himself knew it, Hisoka had ran forward, wrapping his arms around Tsuzuki. He clutched onto the Shinigami�s coat, shutting his eyes as he took in another quivering breath, feeling warmth coming from him.
"Hisoka...?" Tsuzuki asked, turning to face the younger man.
Looking away in slight embarrassment, Hisoka found himself muttering, "stupid blossoms. They just can�t stop blooming. They just can�t stop falling. Even when it snows."
"The snow..." Tsuzuki answered, cupping his chin in one hand to lift Hisoka�s face up so they met in gaze, "they just can�t help but let it happen."
Hisoka closed his eyes, a feeling of contentment rushing through him, welcoming Tsuzuki�s opened emotions. Then, he returned the favor of the kiss.
Like winter in July...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*